Cruddy angles abound! It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Matt Hardy V.1: First, an "ASSHOLE!" chant, and now a heel promo! He's definitely hit the big time! Yet, he still can't beat a crippled man. PFFFFFT!
Rikishi vs. Guerrero: Double Stinkface to the rudos. Eddie wins with his new "El Paso Lasso".
Torrie Prepares: NOOOOOO! It's the return of Mr. Wilson!
Backstage: Benoit! Angle! Stephie! Funaki! Rey-Rey! Nidia! Hey! Nidia speaks Spanish! What the hell just happened?! It was like a scene out of Jerry Springer! Anyway, Eddie! Chavo! More Benoit! More Angle! "Home-slice"?!
Tag Team Tournament (Part 3): Stupid rubes! Angle does NOT suck! Cena and Kidman wear ugly tights. Benoit wins via Crossface.
"Mattitude" Video: Did I mention that Matt Hardy's hit the big time? Fah.
Lesnar et Heyman et Tracey: Tracey reveals a (alleged) secret. She (allegedly) slept with Undertaker! Which is worse, Katie Fick, or this?
Billy vs. D-Von: Why is it that when I look at Ron Simmons I think of Captain Lou Albano? Anyway, Billy wins via Fameasser.
Mr. Wilson gets an Eyeful II: I hope Torrie doesn't the tape of this, either!
Lingerie Match: I don't need to tell you, Torrie wins. PFFFFFT!
Mr. Wilson et Dawn Marie: Yay! Free Magazine! And Dawn Marie's hotel card! WOO-HOO!
The Main Event: Tag Team Tournament (Part 4): Jeezum Crow, Rey-Rey is TINY! And, he's a great "Put-me-over" machine for Lesnar and Tajiri. Anyway, Edge wins via spear. Over Tajiri, mind you.
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and if it were not for all these crappy storylines, we would have only 4 matches on this show! Think about it.
Okay, I just got back and missed, oh, the first 1:56 of the show. When Taker made the save, did anyone else hear a third person talking? Something like "Oh, it's the Undertaker"? It did sound like the local ABC affiliate's weather guy (and the local ABC and UPN stations are owned by the same company... same building, too), and they were going to news after that. There was also a bit lower video quality for the last couple of minutes, as well.
Hey, was it just me or was there a lack of wrestling on this show? It seemed like every other segment was a "moments ago" or just a bunch of talking stuff.
And who the heck thought the Taker/Brocky feud needed an affair spin? Was it the same person who came up with the Lucy add-on to Jericho/Thhhor? Hmm, both "brothers of destruction" are in title matches, and BOTH have crappy storylines thrown into the build-up. Hey, I wonder if the writers are sharing notes here?
The one thing that is freaky: Torie's dad. I mean, that old-man-lust thing is, well, just icky.
Oh, and some people wore stuff. Y'know, with colors and words and stuff. Yeah.
Fashion Reporter Extraordinare
My life is like one big masturbation joke. Which explains the laughter. And, of course, the masturbation.
I'll put money on Angle/Benoit and D'Von/Farooq to both get eliminated next week, setting up Angle Vs. Benoit, Round 5 (6? 7? Does it matter?) and because Edge/Rey vs. Chavo/Eddy for the Tag Titles is a match that makes me tingly just thinking about it, and makes sense when you look at the storylines since Rey's debut.
The Mattitude "Desire" video was gold. I laughed all the way through it. That just plain ruled.
In response to drjayphd...I thought that "Oh it's the Undertaker" was Heyman warning Brock.
Is Torrie's dad being booked regularly now to make it look like Steph CAN act in comparison?
Okay, so we don't get a lot of wrestling, but I'm not complaining with what we DID get. They're spending a lot of time building up the new tag belts and I like that. They've got a lot of good names involved and they've put a lot of time into making sense of most of the pairings. And Lesnar/Taker, as much as I'm NOT looking forward to them wasting a "Hell in the Cell" on it, is also getting a good build. But the poor cruiserweight title is getting shunned again, only appearing in a cameo to support Nidia's come-on to Mysterio (although that was a good segment.) And since when does a security guard eject the TALENT on a judgement call that doesn't involve WWE management?
Scott Hall can come piss on the cruiserweight title if it means making Chavo, Rey, Tajiri, and eventually Ultimo Dragon into Smackdown main event talents.
By the way, Rey is now at three straight SD main event wins.
Tonight stopped being about who is right and who is wrong - it became about two men wanting to prove who the better man is - for YOUR entertainment. And that, my friends, is the credo of SmackDown!"
Um, what was that Spanish speaking two straight minutes with Nidia and Rey-Rey? I'm sorry, but that's retarded. I don't like not being able to understand what people are saying. It's okay for a few sentences but just plain stupid in this context...
Who pissed in your cornflakes? Oh, wait. It was me. My apologies.
So now each show has a Championship Title feud in which a previously-unknown woman suddenly pops up in the storyline, courtesy of the heel, to antagonize the face: HHH revealing (the late) Katie Vick as Kane's secret murder victim on RAW, and now Brock Lesnar revealing Tracey as Taker's secret lover on Smackdown!. Do you know what the other common factor is?
Nobody gives a damn about either of them!
Steph
I'm going twenty-four hours a day...I can't seem to stop - "Turn Up The Radio", Autograph
If I understood the storyline correctly (and God knows if I did or not) here's what happened:
-Undertaker is the #1 contender for the WWE Title currently held by Brock Lesner, who's manager is Paul Heyman
-Heyman gets it in his head that he should screw with Undertaker's mind by bothering his now pregnant wife.
-This pisses Taker off, and he goes apeshit on Lesner at the end of No Mercy to try to protect his manhood and the honour of his family.
-Brock and Heyman decide that after they couldn't beat Taker last month, they're going to go to extra mesures to put him out this time.
-Brock enlists the services of Matt Hardy to be a general ass. Matt thinks this is great: He has Mattitude after all.
-Brock takes the opportunity to break Taker's hand and give Mattitude a win.
-Brock and Heyman find out that not only is Undertaker planning on fighting Brock with his broken hand, but he's going to do it in Hell in a Cell (an event in which he's bloodied up Shawn Michaels, nearly killed Mick Foley, and hung Bossman...scratch that last one).
-Brock is fearless, but Heyman is not so sure. He's the smart one remember. He's got a great idea.
-Paul E. pulls some girl out of nowhere and says: "Say that you slept with Undertaker. On national TV. With his wife watching." (No, she didn't really sleep with Undertaker.)
-Undertaker goes into spin control. His objective now is to try to save his marriage and family (remember, the guy is always BAD, whether he did it or not). His focus is not on Brock, his match, or his broken hand.
-The next step is of course Taker being so destracted going into such a dangerous match as HIAC, against such a dangerous opponent as Brock, that Brock has no trouble beating a crafty old vetran like Undertaker. Paul E. is a genious for getting his champion such an easy win in a tough situation.
I think...
Smackdown this week was up and down. Some good wrestling, some poor angles. The only thing that really, really sticks out in my mind as being a good solid angle, was Eddie's assult on Benoit under the guise of Angle. That was cool.
Since everyone else is doing it (ok, not EVERYONE, but...)
Vikings (0-4) - Bye weeks are boring (round 2) Badgers (5-1) - Congrats to Penn State. Time to rethink our defense. Twins (1-1) - The team looked like hell. Hopefully we can steal one in Cali. Buffy 7.3 earns a 8.04 Out of 10 for being the funny, but throwing out enough plot contrivances to last us the whole damn season. Anya however = Hillarious.
Originally posted by Hogan's My DadUm, what was that Spanish speaking two straight minutes with Nidia and Rey-Rey? I'm sorry, but that's retarded. I don't like not being able to understand what people are saying. It's okay for a few sentences but just plain stupid in this context...
Very Rough translation: ------------------------- Nidia: I love your mask - how sexy! Wanna screw? Rey-Rey: No, you are a slut. Nidia: You are son of a . . . ! -------------------------
C'mon, it wasn't THAT hard to figure out, even if you don't know any Spanish. What did you think it was about?
And if it happened to be about something other than a sexual proposal, (which it wasn't), maybe there was a reason WWE didn't want you to know. This thought is purely hypothetical, though, as it *was* a sexual proposal.
It's also not "retarded," but rather, "realistic." It's been my experience that a lot of times when two people of a common native tongue talk to each other in public, a lot of them do so in their native language. Especially when the nature of the conversation is personal, as this was.
And again - it wasn't hard to figure out from the body language what the conversation was about.
"And in front of the entire world, I want to show my little boy that sometimes - just sometimes, you have to FIGHT to be a man." - Michael S. Hickenbottom, the man who does not take part in angles that conflict with his religion, swearing violent revenge on HHH in full view of his two-year-old son. 11:06 PM, EST. 08/05/02. This angle, which has gone from being a "clean" wrestling match to an all-out unsanctioned street fight for bloody revenge is apparently sponsored by the book of Joshua.
when the wrestlers are in the ring and they start yelling in each other's faces, we rarely know what they're saying, but we know what they're talking about.
When Tajiri turned on Torrie and started bitching her out in Japanese, we knew what was going on.
I followed the conversation, even though I only took Spanish in 7th and 8th grade, ten years ago. The best part was when Nidia told Rey she wanted a 6-1-9 without the 1.
I think it's great when bilingual or foreign wrestlers use a different language. It makes it seem like they're really into it (sometimes Eddie overdoes the translations back to English- notice he got a Spanish curse bleeped tonight?)
Konan once gave interview in which he said he could connect with the fans better when he used Cuban or Mexican slang in his promos, depending on what part of the country he was in. No matter what you think of him as a wrestler, you've got to give him props for recognizing that.
Line of the night goes to Angle: "Hello, Chavo, my Chicano friend."
Originally posted by Hogan's My DadUm, what was that Spanish speaking two straight minutes with Nidia and Rey-Rey? I'm sorry, but that's retarded. I don't like not being able to understand what people are saying. It's okay for a few sentences but just plain stupid in this context...
I had an aunt who thought it was downright unamerican for anybody to speak anything other than american english. (This of course was the same woman who, while on an Ugly American tour of Germany, decided that the bathroom labelled "Herren" must mean "hers".)
Oddly, about half the audience in Phoenix was perfectly comfortable with the spanish -- gosh, go figure.
I was just astonished that Nidia speaks fluent spanish. Call me a culturally-oblivious moron (if you feel the need), but it didn't ever occur to me that Nidia, particularly with her redneck character, might have hispanic background.
Originally posted by StephanieSo now each show has a Championship Title feud in which a previously-unknown woman suddenly pops up in the storyline, courtesy of the heel, to antagonize the face: HHH revealing (the late) Katie Vick as Kane's secret murder victim on RAW, and now Brock Lesnar revealing Tracey as Taker's secret lover on Smackdown!. Do you know what the other common factor is?
Nobody gives a damn about either of them!
Steph
Now I don't know about 'Taker & Tracey but the several dozen posts regarding Kane & Katie seems to indicate that people give a shit. And isn't it cute how the respective Brothers of Destruction killed/slept with someone who's name starts with the same letter as their own? (Yeah, it's Under.. bite me.)
Originally posted by Hogan's My DadUm, what was that Spanish speaking two straight minutes with Nidia and Rey-Rey? I'm sorry, but that's retarded. I don't like not being able to understand what people are saying. It's okay for a few sentences but just plain stupid in this context...
Okay, here's what I could make out of the translation....
And I swear to God they actually said this...
Nidia: You know how you do the "619"? How's about you and me take out the "1"?
Mysterio: In case you don't understand, I would rather be caught walking a dog, than sleeping with one!
(Big pop for this, which means either a lot of people in the arena speak Spanish, or it was just canned heat. Anyway...)
Nidia: What did you just call me?! (Lots of fast talking that I couldn't comprehend.)
I hope this cleared things up. And if it didn't, at least I tried my best.
Originally posted by Hogan's My DadUm, what was that Spanish speaking two straight minutes with Nidia and Rey-Rey? I'm sorry, but that's retarded. I don't like not being able to understand what people are saying. It's okay for a few sentences but just plain stupid in this context...
Nidia was seducing Rey in her nympho style. Rey answered that he would rather make love to a pile of dog shit in the street than make love to Nidia. That what I was told when I was at the World to see Molly.
"Business has just picked up" says JR. Then right on cue, Molly enters the arena! Never was JR any better in introducing someone. --Raw 7/15
Originally posted by The Great ThomasOkay, here's what I could make out of the translation....
And I swear to God they actually said this...
Nidia: You know how you do the "619"? How's about you and me take out the "1"?
Mysterio: In case you don't understand, I would rather be caught walking a dog, than sleeping with one!
(Big pop for this, which means either a lot of people in the arena speak Spanish, or it was just canned heat. Anyway...)
Nidia: What did you just call me?! (Lots of fast talking that I couldn't comprehend.)
I hope this cleared things up. And if it didn't, at least I tried my best.
She did start off with something about Rey's mask being sexy (as Faust said), to which he politely said thanks. Otherwise, your translation is about what I got, too.
There was in-deedy-do a big crowd pop at the show, there was a large hispanic demographic in attendance, & a lot of people who live in Phoenix understand at least enough spanish to get the drift of the "69" reference & him comparing her to a dog.
I actually really dig when Lilian (Get her CD in stores now) gets pissed and start yelling in spanish, it's like she gets so made she can't even translate her feelings into english (lol). But I wasn't crazy for the 2 minute conversation between Nidia and Mysterio. But Nidia reclaimed her coolness by some great interaction with Noble. Love the security guard coming in to calm them down just to get a drink accidently spilled on them resulting them both getting thrown out. How many times have that happened to them in normal in society =)
-Matt Hardy interview- I can't believe I felt this but when his music hit the thought "yes, Matt Hardy". I can't believe I'm actually digging him so much (lol). He cut a pretty damn funny promo. Taker would have none of that and beat the grease out of him but Matt duck the deathblow and ran away. yay Matt.
-Eddie v. Rikishi- I'll be honest I skipped this segment. Rikishi bores me that much, even in there with Eddie. I didn't skip it on purpose or to make a statement it was just that I saw Rikishi come in and I got bored and started flipping around and I missed the segment. I guess Eddie won which is good, Rikishi hit the stinkface which is bad.
-Benoit/Angle v. Cena/Kidman- Cena purple/pink tights, is that Phoniex Suns colours?. Cena/Kidman were pretty much after thoughts to Benoit & Angle. For a second there I thought Kidman had him after the shooting-star. Nice match... Next week Cena tights = Maple Leafs blue?
-Heyman/Brock/Chick- That babe was pretty smokin, doesn't she look like the chick Julian Barberie from Fox News and Fox NFL pregame show. Why didn't Tracy ever question why this guy has "sara" written on his throat? Wow she does't even watch wrestling (now that's a heel) well nether did Torrie and look where she is now! Did it look like they cut something out between Taker telling her "I've never seen you before" and the slap. I just wished they'd cut out this entire segment when they booked the final protect... Heyman's interaction with Steph backstage was awesome, can't wait to read CRZ's recape to see exactly what Paul said but he said Brock can't wrestle with that "broken armed, adultery, woman disser walking the halls" (I know it wasnt' that but it was something like that.)
-Billy v. D-von- Listen to their music, it's VERY heterosexual, lets cheer them. Well lets not. Dvon/Simmons interest me a little, Billy/Chuck dont'. This match was gawd awful. I mean what is this mid-card Velocity. Brutal. And it went over 5 minutes. huh that was 3 minutes to long.
-gratuitous TnA for the THIRD week- I think JR said that man really is Torrie's dad. Now that is creepy. Does he travel with Torrie and what does Billy Kidman feel about this? Who's got more on screen presence Torrie or her father?. She's not comfortable with her dad watching. Wow I guess he never watches wrestling, well it runs in the family I guess... Dawn plays the crowd well, I love her outfit. Torrie shows more skin and is less ethnic so she wins. Oh Cole, cole, Cole just when I'm starting to like you, you say "Torrie winning a bikini content AND a lingerie contest is an amazing achievement" With no note of sarcasm in his voice. Urh. Dawn leaves her key to Mr. Wilson. Did he luck out in the best cameo of real family member of a wrestler in wrestling WWE history? doing Dawn! Oh why isn't Molly v. Ivory taking up this segment?
-Mysterio/Edge v. Brock/Tajiri- Wow Edge is legit over, I mean crowd standing on their feet over! (I guess no one else cares to notice that cause he's not pushing 40) Edge/Brock seem to have some chemistry together. The little tease tonight it feels like a feud that can work. This was match of the night, but for this night it's not saying much. It was good everyone was entertaining.
-otherstuff- Angle is awesome, he made a usually boring Benoit backstage stuff into something funny with Steph. Eddie spreading rumors of Angle jumping to the olympics was a nice touch. Angle coming out and tries to be hip works with me ALL the time =). After the Gurerrero beat down on Benoit, after the left it sounded like they are planning to make it seem like Angle did it. But we saw Eddie leave the room, doesn't Benoit have TV?. They probably should have had a masked man in Angle's Olympic jacket if they truly want it to look like a set up.
Wrestlers on phones - When did Taker become the worst actor in the company, his phone call was laughable. Lesner called Sara was confusing, Are they pretending SD is live, because if it is, wouldn't she be watching Brock call her? If not then How would she know about Tracy and start yelling at the Taker on the phone, wouldn't it be better if Taker went home to explain to her before the show aired. I know I shouldn't care about stuff like this.
Well the Mattitude desire video was just too funny. That was beyond awesome... All and all this show sucked. Still no real matches build for the PPV. Bad matchs and lame overdone TnA segments. Some real funny backstage stuff and the main event was the only thing that truly saved it from total garbage. And of course Mattitude!
I usually do best line but this line is too hard to pass up... Worst line of the night Cole "Torrie winning a bikini content AND a lingerie contest in back to back weeks is an amazing achievement".
(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 11.10.02 0520) WWE new slogan "WWE: circling the drain"
Quite a bit of a drop off this week. Same so-so angles (save one) without the great matches to make it all better. The parceled out the top notch pairings of Eddie/Chavo, Angle/Benoit and Misterio/Edge over three different matches. I guess the theory was that they could get three good matches by sending the three great sets of guys into three different sections of the show, but it didn't quite work out that way. Misterio/Edge vs. Lesnar/Tajiri was the best of them, managing to fit in the Brock Lesnar Dance, a cool team attack finish on Tajiri and finally giving us the first look at Lesnar vs. Edge. I don't know if Brock was supposed to toss Misterio over the top into the ring after the match, but the way Misterio lifelessly bounced off the top on to the apron and in a way that didn't kill himself was neat all the same.
They also chose not to use the other two awesome guys in matches, with Noble getting tossed out before having a match and Matt getting beat up by UT again. This was really the Matt Hardy show, since he was the best thing by far. WWE Mattitude Desire was great, as was his interview. I wish he had his own angle or match to build up for the PPV.
The other thing I liked was the chain of evil command that they set up of for SmackDown. Benoit's a jerk, but Angle's a bigger jerk, but Chavo is a bastard in training yet Eddie is the most evil of all and Shipwreck has neither the desire nor the ability to lead. Wait, huh? But yeah, it's cool how Eddie and Chavo are now the master manipulators compared to Angle, who's a jerk but at least up front about it. This should lead to Benoit/Angle vs the Guerreros in either the final or semifinal, so that's the one good storyline on both shows that they've been building. I like it very much.
The UT sexy sex scandal would have been saved if they'd tied it together with the shocking lead angle on Raw and had the Undertaker, after Sara yelled at him, call Kane up and say "Hey bro, I heard you killed some skirt back before the Decade of Destruction started, you think you could take care of a problem for me?" and have Kane yell at him on the other end. At the very least, if they have to have this kind of dramatic drama, I want Heyman to produce Frank Gifford-like footage of UT and his mistress in a hotel room next week. Possibly with UT, while having his extramarital sex, say something like "Dead man fuckin'!" or something equally ridiculous. If you're gonna do it, at least go all the way with it. They owe us that much.
I guess Raw was allowed to have the best match of the week then, to make up for the past few weeks of SmackDown having the best three or four matches. Sucks for us. Too much Smack, not enough Down, that's what I say.
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