TONIGHT! It's the hard sell for this Sunday's PPV! But first, Jack Swagger says he has an alibi for Kane. What is it? And will it be enough to satisfy the Big Red Monster?
WWE - The World Is Watching The Champ Is Here! Man, that really doesn't have the same ring, does it?
We recap last Friday's rematch between Jack Swagger and The Big Show. We see Swagger capably take down Show and leave him laying, which would have been great if they had just left it there. Of course, Kane enters the picture and it's right back to Jack Swagger, Cowardly Heel.
Opening Credits - Let It Roll!
We immediately start with a MATCH!
KOFI KINGSTON v. "DASHING" CODY RHODES: NON-TITLE MATCH We get footage from last Tuesday's NXT, where Nexus gave Kofi a first-class beatdown. Cody's entrance now includes a giant faux-mirror by the entrance area, where he looks at himself and his reflection appears on the side, facing the crowd. That's a nice touch. The announcers mention Cody also getting beaten down by Nexus, but we don't get footage.
We start with a quick wrestling sequence that gets a mild pop. Kofi backs Rhodes to the corner, where the referee separates them without incident, before Cody goes back to the side headlock and gets a big shoulderblock. Kofi tries a leapfrog, but gets rolled up for 2. Corner whip is reversed and Kofi gets a three-punch count and a big European uppercut to knock Cody on his ass. Rhodes is able to pull Kofi into the turnbuckle to swing the momentum again. Cody nails a slingshot suplex and nails a BIG kick as Kofi hangs on the ropes. That takes us to our first ad break of the night.
We come back with Cody hitting the abdominal stretch. Kofi tries to fight out of it, but Rhodes hits the Russian legsweep and a kneedrop for 2. Both men exchange blows, but Cody applies the abdominal stretch again. Kofi tries an armdrag, but Rhodes hits HIM with one instead. Cody tries to get his bearings, but Kofi hits a headscissors from a PRONE position! Sweet move! Cody recovers first, but runs into an elbow. Kofi chops away and hits a dropkick. Spinebuster leads to mounted punches, before the ref pulls Kofi off. Cody retreats to the corner and hits a charging Kofi with a back elbow and a second-rope bulldog.
Striker: A second-rope bulldog. Imagine THAT off a 20-foot ladder!
As opposed to a top-rope bulldog off a 20-foot ladder, I suppose. Cody gets 2, as I reach for the aspirin. Kofi gets shoved to the corner, but Kofi slides out and nails an incoming Cody with a high kick. Kofi tries to go up, but Rhodes catches him. Superplex attempt is blocked and down goes Rhodes. Frog crossbody hits. Both men are down and Kane's pyro goes off! Awww, CRAP!
Kane runs into the ring. Kofi knows what's coming and tries to fight him off, but resistance is futile. Chokeslam! Rhodes charges Kane, but also gets a chokeslam. Sigh...so let's call it...
WINNER: No Contest - Probably one of the best Cody Rhodes matches I've ever seen. This one deserved an ending, dammit. Someone give these two a feud.
Kane grabs the mic and says he has breaking news, helpfully accompanied by the red lighting effect. Kane says there will be a BLUDGEONING tonight. Kane calls Jack Swagger a liar and says that he'll pay for his sins. Justice will be delivered. Pyro! Music! Bite me!
Later tonight, Christian faces Drew McIntyre and Matt Hardy takes on Dolph Ziggler.
Ad break - Money in the Bank PPV promo.
Your announcers are Todd Grisham and Matt Striker. They wonder about Rey Mysterio's condition for Sunday's PPV. We get a look at the last two weeks between Swagger and Rey Rey.
We go backstage to Rey Mysterio getting his ankle checked out. Hopefully, he remembered to lock the door this time. Rey holds the title, as Josh Matthews walks in. Rey tells him he's not feeling good and he feels a lot of pain when he stands up. Rey says he's ready to forfeit the title to Jack Swagger tonight, but he's not serious, of course. He'll be ready to take Swagger on at the PPV. Rey closes the interview by saying that karma works in mysterious ways, referencing Swagger heading up Kane's suspect list.
Elsewhere backstage, we go to Jack Swagger on a cell phone. Hey, he's watching SmackDown on TV right now! Swagger can't believe what Mysterio just said about him and says he's as delusional as Kane (as he checks around to make sure Kane's not listening). Swagger wants to know when the person on the other end will arrive, noting that there's no traffic in Kentucky because no one has anywhere to go. Swagger wants to put the Kane stuff behind him so he can go in clear-minded to the PPV. His alibi apparently will arrive in 30 minutes.
Ad break - I can't believe they're still running ads for The Last Airbender. Shame on you, America!
We are taped from Freedom Hall in Louisville, KY! We get a look at the Edge MitB package again.
DREW McINTYRE v. CHRISTIAN We begin with McIntyre clubbing away. He whips Christian into the ropes, but Christian simply slides out. McIntyre starts the chase and manages to catch Christian's leg. Christian fights back with elbows, but McIntyre hits more clubbing blows. Drew tries to throw Chrstian down on the apron, but his other end comes up and kicks McIntyre in the head. Damn you, laws of physics! Christian scales the ropes and jumps all the way outside and nails Drew with a plancha. Both guys are down, as we get a replay. Christian throws Drew back in and nails a top-rope crossbody block for 2. Christian tries to keep the offense going, but McIntyre hangs him on the ropes. McIntyre chucks Christian into the corner and clubs away. Another elbow. Hit the armbar. Christian fights back with punches and a slap to the face. McIntyre corner charge eats elbow and likes it. Second-rope Tornado DDT is blocked and McIntyre shoves Christian, sending him tumbling to the outside. That'll take us to our next ad break.
We come back with a nonchalant cover for 2. Drew hits the armbar again. Christian hammers away and gets a front facelock, but gets powered into the corner. Drew seats Christian on the top rope, but gets a knee to the jaw. Tornado DDT hits this time! It only gets 2, though. Christian hammers away, but a crossbody attempt is caught. Christian shakes out of it, though, and hits the reverse DDT for 2. Second-rope dropkick only gets 2. Christian picks up McIntyre and gets a punch and a shove to the chest. Drew charges and gets taken down with a drop toehold. Christian goes for a second-rope shoulderblock, but gets punted on the way down. That gets 2. Corner catapult hits, but Christian recovers quickly and hits a kick, but gets caught before he can springboard off the corner. Drew tries to hit a second-rope belly-to-back suplex, but Christian's hanging on to the ropes for dear life. Christian elbows McIntyre down. Second-rope sunset flip only gets 2. Clothesline gets countered with Drew's neckbreaker to the knee. That only gets 2. Future Shock is countered with a back body drop. Christian goes up and hits a second-rope flying elbow. Christian gets the crowd up for a Killswitch attempt. McIntyre knows it's coming, so he kicks him in the gut and sets up the Future Shock. Future Shock is countered to a Killswitch attempt, but McIntyre reaches the ropes. McIntyre nails a thumb to the eye and Christian flails around, apparently having made a bet with John Morrison to see who could sell a thumb to the eye more wildly. Future Shock finishes at about 11 minutes shown.
WINNER: Drew McIntyre - I think McIntyre's offense might be getting worse, but Christian was determined to get a good match out of the Scotsman and succeeded. I just hope we're not seeing a trend of guys selling a thumb to the eye like it's death. Ric Flair and Roddy Piper would be proud, I suppose.
Here's an Alberto Del Rio vignette. It's the education vignette from last week.
Ad break.
We come back with the CM Punk MitB video package.
The Straight Edge Society is already in the ring. Punk is still in a sling and has a mic in hand. Promo time! "Shhhh! We all know that I am a superior athlete that has built a reputation by winning back-to-back Money in the Bank Ladder Matches at Wrestlemania, never been before done! We also all know that I've built the foundation for a superior society, through Straight Edge. You see, while you people live in a society that has cracks in its foundation, you point your finger at me and my society in thinking that there's dissension in the ranks, that there's cracks in the foundations. Well, there's not! You can see that we are all and we all stand united and we are all stronger than ever..."
Interruption comes from Big Show and his music, walking to the ring with two ladders (one large, one small) in hand. Punk yelling into the mic "Excuse me, I was talking" and "Is this thing on? Hello?" is just awesome. Punk demands the music go off, but gets nothing.
Punk: I'm speaking! These people are listening to me!
Show: They're listening to you? I'll be honest with you, I thought you were out here trying to put everyone to sleep. I mean, I get it, your finish is the Go To Sleep, but really, you talking puts America to sleep. I mean, CM Punk and SES, with their Straight Edge is kinda like the cure for insomnia. I mean, what does SES stand for? Snoozing Every Second?
Punk: It stands for Straight Edge Society.
Show: Straight Edge Society, I get it, you're Straight Edge, you don't do anything wrong, you've got short haircuts, I mean, I do too, but...I'm here because of Money in the Bank! I'm out here to maybe entertain everyone? As enlightening, as wonderful as the Straight Edge Society is. "We don't do anything but stand here straight and talk about how great we are." Or we can talk about something exciting. The first-ever Money in the Bank Ladder Match with a real, walking, talking, fire-breathing giant. Now THAT sounds pretty exciting to me!
Punk: Ok, you know what? I agree with you, that does sound exciting. I'm a big fan of a big car crash. I can't wait to see you compete in the Money in the Bank. I want to see you climb up that ladder and do a 450 off the top of it.
Show: A 450? A 450 like Evan Bourne?
Punk: By 450, I mean, I mean your clumsy 450 pounds burbling all the way down that ladder through the ring to the center of the Earth. Come on, gang. (SES starts exiting, but Punk stays on the apron) I tell you what, no give me a demonstration. I want to hear this. Sell me on the big, bad, walking, talking, fire-breathing giant in Money in the Bank. We're gonna sit here, ringside. Entertain me. Please.
Show: You don't need to get all hurtful...
Punk: No, go ahead. Go ahead. You want to interrupt my time...
Show: Burbling? Seriously? Now we know the Money in the Bank Ladder Match is one of the most dangerous matches in the WWE. Number one, because you're gonna put me on top of a ladder and if I fall off and fall on anyone, it's kaput, they're squashed. Now let's think about it, here's our regular, industrial-strength ladder that I'm gonna climb, right? Well, to me, it kinda looks like an oversized fly swatter. I'm not very confident in this. In Money in the Bank Ladder Matches, you got pieces of ladders flying around, bodies, giant thrown bodies and ladders. Alright, well, you guys wanna see me climb up and touch the briefcase? Well, let's see how I do on this ladder?
At this point, CM Punk has commandeered a headset. "This is taking forever." Show tries to climb, but the bottom rung literally breaks under his weight. Hope he got a warranty on that thing. Punk and the SES look on amused.
Show bashfully scratches his head. "Ok, um...that's uh...that's a little embarrassing. That kinda happens every now and then. Ok, wait a minute, let me try something here. You know what, I'm 7 foot tall, right? I don't need a ladder, really, do I? Maybe I don't need a BIG ladder." Punk points out that Show's got about a 1 cm vertical leap, as Show reaches for the tiny ladder. Show thinks better of it and chucks it aside. "Uh...yeah, I guess that's not really gonna work either, is it? You know, that's the problem. When you're a giant, you're used to breaking everything. I break furniture, I break cars, I break ex-girlfriends, I break everything, I can't help it! I don't have any small dogs, because I'm afraid I'll sit on them!" At this point, Punk whispers something in Luke Gallows' ear. "But I searched the country high and low, spared no expense. And The Big Show's got a little treat for you. 'Cause I know the WWE Universe wants me to see me climb that ladder..." The production crew brings down an extra-large ladder. "...grab the most coveted prize in Money in the Bank, OOH this thing's heavy! I had this ladder built, if you can't tell. It weighs over 350 lbs. and just for safety's sake, it's got a 2,000 lb. weight limit. I don't care how many trips I make to Subway, I'm not gonna weigh 2,000 lbs." Show labors in getting the humongous ladder set up. "Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is one fine piece of American ingenuity. That's what I call a ladder!"
Punk grabs the mic again. "If show and tell is over, I'd like to tell you what I'm reminded of right now and that's King Kong sitting on top of the Empire State Building and that's what you will look like if you can actually climb a ladder and make it up there, but I want to remind you and everyone else here that King Kong fell OFF the Empire State Building, alright? I would also like to remind everyone here that if it wasn't for Kane accusing me of a crime I did not commit, subsequently injuring my arm, I would not be in a sling today. Therefore, I would be the one climbing the ladder. *I* would be the one climbing the ladder, like I have TWO times before! *I* would be the one unhooking that briefcase, like I have been two times before. I would be the one cashing in..."
At this point, Luke Gallows and THE MASKED MAN~! circle around and jump Show from behind. Gallows nails Show with the tiny ladder. The beatdown is on, as CM Punk climbs the giant ladder. Punk shouts from atop the ladder "Straight Edge means I'm better than you!" But Show's recovered and looking awfully annoyed. Gallows gets chucked over the top rope. THE MASKED MAN~! goes for a dive off the ladder, but gets caught and tossed onto Gallows. Punk's stuck atop the ladder with nowhere to go and only one arm to defend himself. Show starts climbing, as Punk tries to go down the other side. He gets caught, though, and Show RIPS THE MASK OFF!!! Show has a shit-eating grin on his face, as Punk can only cry out as we go to break. I can't believe they unmasked Punk on a throwaway segment like this, but I can't say it wasn't a fun couple of minutes.
Ad break - Elimination Chamber DVD promo
We recap what we just saw. The bald brotherhood lives.
We go backstage to Jack Swagger on a cell phone. The person on the other end has not arrived yet. The driver's lost apparently. Swagger's getting worried, because he doesn't want Kane ruining his title shot.
LAYLA & TRENT BARETTA (w/CAYLEN CROFT) v. KELLY KELLY & CHRIS MASTERS (w/TIFFANY) We get a recap of what happened last week with LayCool laying out Kelly. Michelle McCool is noticeably absent, as I sense she's on a honeymoon of some sort. Layla mocks Kelly to start, but her mockery is no match for Kelly's open-handed slap. Kelly hammers away angrily. She goes for an ANGRY handspring elbow (because I know when I'm pissed at someone, I always make sure to hit that handspring with extra gusto), but gets a pair of boots in the back. That gets 2. Backbreaker submission applied, as Rosa Mendes literally jump ropes down the aisle. Caylen Croft gets distracted as Layla wonders what the hell she's doing here. Rosa's now got BOTH Croft and Baretta distracted, as they assist Rosa with her jump roping. Layla yells at Croft and Baretta for being morons, while Chris Masters wipes them both out with clotheslines, because he's a party pooper. Kelly hits the K2 on the distracted Layla for the finish.
WINNER: Kelly Kelly & Chris Masters - Too short to be anything but harmless. Layla gives Rosa the death glare and Rosa responds by jumping rope back up the aisle.
Ad break - Money in the Bank PPV promo
The announcers give us the PPV rundown before we go to our next match.
Matt comes to the ring for his match, with mic in hand. Promo time! "I want to tell you the truth about me. And the truth about me, is that I feel just as comfortable on top of a ladder, as I do with my feet standing firmly on the ground. And come this Sunday, at Money in the Bank, when I grab that very Money in the Bank briefcase, regardless of who the World Heavyweight Champion is, I'm cashing my Money in the Bank contract in THAT VERY NIGHT! And I am leaving Money in the Bank, as Matt Hardy: The World Heavyweight Champion!" That takes us to our next break.
Ad break - Edge still shills Slim Jim. Eat it and beat it, indeed.
But before we go to the match, let's go to an Alberto Del Rio vignette, as Alberto walks up to a sculpted statue. "A esto el lo que llamo perfecion. My name is Alberto Del Rio. El valiente entre todos los valientes. Bravery is an extraordinary attribute that lies in the heart of extraordinary men. I'm such a man. Bravery is more than facing overwhelming odds, more than spitting in the eye of adversity. For me, bravery involves breaking boundaries, abolishing all cutural stereotypes, and competing with so much passion that people say 'You changed their lives forever'. They write you letters, they name their childrens after you, and in some cases, they send you gifts. Like this statue. El valiente de todos los valientes. The bravest of the brave: Alberto Del Rio!"
MATT HARDY v. DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/VICKIE GUERRERO) Mat wrestling sequence starts us off, but Matt ends that with a clothesline. Matt hits the headlock, as Dolph pushes off but eats a shoulderblock. Dolph hammers away, but Matt fights back and whips Dolph into the corner. Corner charge eats elbow. Dolph scales the second rope and avoids Matt's attempt to toss him off. Top rope double axehandle is countered with a shot in the gut. Matt clotheslines Dolph over the top rope and follows him out. Matt smashes Dolph's head on the apron, but Dolph shoves him into the railing. That takes us to another ad break.
We come back with Matt fighting out of a headlock, but Dolph throws him down by the hair. Elbowdrops ensue. Jumping elbow finishes that sequence, but only gets 2. We hit the armbar! Matt fights out of it, but gets whipped into the ropes. Matt tries a sunset flip, but Dolph dives for the ropes. Perfect snapmare hits and gets 2. Dolph chokes away on the ropes and walks over Matt's skull. Matt fights back and we get...something really ugly. Matt gets things flowing again with clotheslines and a pancake for 2. AAAAHHHH Elbow gets 2. Side Effect is blocked, but Matt counteres the Rocker Dropper with a powerbomb for 2. Matt goes up, but a top rope moonsault misses. Dolph rolls him up for 2. Dolph tries to hammer away, but a punch is countered with the Side Effect. That gets 2, as Dolph gets a finger on the ropes. Matt goes for a bodyslam, but it's countered into the Sleeper Hold! Matt guides Dolph's head into the turnbuckle, but Vickie gets on the apron to distract the ref. Matt goes for the Twist of Fate, but gets shoved towards Vickie and Matt NARROWLY stops himself from a collision. But that momentary distraction allows Dolph to finish with the Zig Zag for 3!
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler - Momentary ugliness aside, this was a pretty good match. I'm still very much a fan of Dolph Ziggler.
The announcers give us a recap of the carnage from the opening match.
That segues us to outside the arena, as a limo pulls up. Jack Swagger walks up and greets his father, who comes out of the limo with an envelope. Swagger submits his alibi next!
Jack Swagger and Mr. Swagger come out for our main event interview. Swagger plans to clear his good name tonight and has proof of his innocence. Jack then introduces his father to the crowd. Swagger submits photos on the Titantron, showing Jack working out with his father. He then shows photos of Jack catching blue ribbon fish with his father. Then Jack shows photos of him and his father at a chicken wing eating contest. This is enough to pique Kane's interest, as his pyro hits and leads him down to the ring.
Kane's got his own mic in hand. Kane calls Swagger a liar. Swagger tries to convince Kane by showing photos of him and father running a 5K. Kane responds to this by grabbing Jack by the throat. Jack's father pleads for his son's safety, as Swagger fights back by hitting Kane with the mic. Swagger goes for the anklelock and has it locked in. Rey Mysterio hobbles out for the save and breaks the anklelock with a well-placed 619. Rey hastily exits the ring and limps up the ramp. Kane's fully recovered at this point and has BOTH Swaggers by the throat! Jack manages to squeeze out and exit the ring, but Mr. Swagger isn't so lucky. He gets a chokeslam. Jack thinks of coming to his father's rescue, but thinks better of it and starts to walk away. Kane picks up Mr. Swagger and hits the Tombstone. Kane hits his pyro to end the show.
FINAL THOUGHT
Ok, question...
Why am I supposed to cheer for Kane when he's attacking an old guy that didn't provoke him?
Just asking, is all.
They sold the hell out of the SmackDown MitB match, but not much else. Still, adding the element of an EXTRA-LARGE ladder does mix things up a bit and adds a nice twist. Good show.
(edited by It's False on 17.7.10 1924) MD: You have to win, no matter what. SC: Why didn't you try that this year?
Originally posted by geemoneyAnd according to the Torch's Bruce Mitchell, Mr. Swagger was played by none other than Jimmy Golden, aka Bunkhouse Buck. Weird.
Right after I read this I went to WWE.com and looked at the photos from the show...and yeah, I can see it now...which is strange because I always kind of wondered what happened with that guy. I remember him and Col Robert Parker well from the pre-nWo WCW days.
Show's ladder was awesome, here's hoping they do some really awesome spots with it. I really hope they plan on giving the MITB matches more time than they've been getting on Wrestlemania lately. The unmasking was cool too, I like the spur of the momentness (made up word) of it.
Punk really does look exactly like Ivan Koloff. So much for title vs. mask. So much for anything vs. mask.
The TV this last week has done a great job of building up the two PPV main events, Cena & Sheamus vs. Nexus and Kane vs. Jack Swagger.
Three good matches between the MITB guys though, especially Christian vs. McIntyre. McIntyre is on a genuine roll with his blandness being kicked into high gear by Christian, Kofi, and even Hardy in four very good matches since Fatal Fourway.
The "Rosa Mendes exercises because she's so fat" deal is really mean-spirited, but the Dudebusters being psyched to J some R more than made up for the cruel undertones.
Well, the length for a single standard lesbian porn vignette is rarely more than 15 minutes (assuming no more than 2 lesbians are involved), even considering the use of toys.
Thread rated: 6.67
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