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The W - Guest Columns - SmackDown [11/28/02]
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Since: 10.12.01
From: Aurora, IL

Since last post: 469 days
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TV PG DLV entertainment Last Thursday - hey, Brock stole from Jericho! Also the F5 (2:40) open (if anything is new I'm ignoring it) fireworks

Mediocre Thanksgiving! SmackDown is not LIVE from the Carolina Center shockingly located in Columbia, SC. SmackDown! on Thanksgiving has reached Tradition levels according to Mr. Cole - of course, he said that about the gravy bowl match too and I don't see a pool set up. SAP. 

Tonight! Special Guest "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner, Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit vs Los Guarders (new official name) for the WWE Tag Team titles. This week, like for the Halloween episode, brown replaces blue as the dominant graphic color, and they play that "Turkey gets a chairshot - Wilbon approves" animation many many times. 

Speaking of turkey, here's Smackdown General Manager Stephanie (I don't get it either), who'll probably not open the show with a match, I'm thinking. You know, why does she wear shirts like that to minimize that region that she paid so much for? What's with the walk? Cole is one of your hosts - he lets us know that Tazz is at home, taking care of a family emergency. So, that makes our special guest color commentator - Ernest "the Cat" Miller. "You know somebody call my momma and tell them I'm back on TV, baby! Thanksgiving night, I can't wait to get on with this." Hmm, rock or hard place - let's take hard place: "I have a responsibility to each and every one of you to bring you the best SmackDown! possible. And I have a responsibility for the well being of all SmackDown! superstars - their families rely on me just like all of you rely on me. That's why, making this decision of whether or not to suspended Brock Lesnar has been so hard. You know, bringing Brock Lesnar to SmackDown! exclusively when he was WWE Champion was my greatest coup. And, I'm privileged to have Brock Lesnar as the corner stone of SmackDown! but last week Brock Lesnar put me in a really awkward position. Brock Lesnar defied my authority twice and I need for Brock Lesnar and every other superstar to know one thing - that I am the boss. I don't speak just to hear myself talk, and what I say goes. Therefore Brock, I mean, you didn't leave me with a whole lot of choices-" Well if Brock Lesnar is going to get suspended, I guess he wants to get suspended to his face. On the other hand, he's in no hurry to get to the ring. Stephanie actually back up as Brock gets closer to here - then realizes there's no more room left in the ring. She doesn't actually show the fear on her face, though. Grabbing Stephanie's hand to hold the microphone- Brock: "I just thought, since you're out here barking orders about my career and all, then I should be out here so you can tell me face to face exactly what you're going to do with it." "I will tell you to your face, Brock. My decision - [if Brock gets any closer, they're gonna kiss - Stephanie tries to move to the side and around, Brock sticks with here] My decision - you know Brock, I really don't like the way you're looking at me. [Stephanie is out to the apron, walking down the steps and to the floor, Brock stays on the floor, fans boo] As a matter of fact, I don't like your attitude at all, Brock. I think you need to cool off a little bit, we need to put some distance between us here, you know because, what I have to say is pretty groundbreaking. [fake police security walks out from either side of the ramp, and sets up a human barricade at the bottom of it] See, Brock, I'm also not stupid - I know you can snap at any minute and these police offices are here for your protection. Now, I don't want you to be too upset with me, because I want you all to realize that I didn't screw Brock Lesnar, because Brock Lesnar screwed Brock Lesnar! Brock, you're suspended! [Brock throws a fit in the ring] Indefinitely! Now get out of my arena!" Brock yells that she can't do that - Cole can't believe she did that. I guess that's a heel turn? It's tough to tell with her.

Moments Ago, Indefinite Suspension. Is Rhyno still Indefinitely Suspended or did that expire with the Alliance? I guess so.

Back to real time, Brock's being escorted to his rental car. Head guy tries to explain they're sorry, Brock tries to explain what he's going to do with that nightstick if they don't leave him alone. Brock doesn't buckle up! He's unsafe at any speed. 

you think you know Edge (Toronto, ON, 241 pounds) and Rey Mysterio (San Diego, CA, 175 pounds) vs Matt Hardy (Version One, Cameron, NC, 235 pounds and Last Thursday) and John Cena (no hometown given, 241 pounds, w/B2) - Cole agrees with Stephanie because of his irrational behavior. Cat doesn't think anything wrong with fighting in the locker room. "It's a man's world!" Matt has been to Plymouth Rock. And he thinks Thanksgiving is a boring holiday. Not only can he slam a tornado, but no wall can stand in Matt Hardy (Version One)'s way. Cat reacts to Matt's trip by pointing out his wonderful pants. Bull is B2 - Cole busts on "running buddy" to make us wonder when Scotty's due back. Cat takes five seconds to make the Vanilla Ice joke. Actually, Cena's white/black combination for his tights is the best looking yet. Matt and Rey will start - Matt teases the test of strength with V1 signs. This week, the "I was thisclose!" is actually "you are thissmall!" Rey respond with right right, ducks a right right right, duck a right, off the ropes, rolling clothesline. Rey off the ropes, into a back elbow, Matt legdrop. Tag to Cena. Right, right. Whip, Rey slides under, tag to Edge that Cena doesn't see, Cena misses the clothesline on Rey and gets a double dropkick. Edge with a right, right, right, right, right. Whip, kick to the midsection, off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker. One two NO. Stomp. Edge picks up Cena, Cena gets in a knee. Forearm to the back, forearm to the back. Whip, reversed, Cena off the ropes into a flapjack. Matt runs in - whip, corner whip, corner spear, and a corner spear for Cena - no Cena moves at the last second and Edge his the corner buckle - inside cradle with tights one two NO. Good job of hiding the tights by Cena - the referee (and unfortunately, the fan at home) couldn't see the actual pull, but you could tell he was doing so from where his hand was. Stomp, stomp, stop, stomp. Whip, back elbow. One two no. Turnbuckle smash, tag to Matt and they take turns kicking him down in the corner. Right. VERSION ONE. Front facelock to open up the back for a forearm shot. Corner whip, charge in to a boot. Edge charges out - Side Effect one two NO Rey breaks it up. Snap mare chinlock. Crowd rallying for Edge, but he's still down. Edge getting up to one knee, now to his feet. Edge chant is loud then dies off in a second, sounding really fake. Edge back elbowing out, off the ropes, under a clothesline, cross body one two NO. Matt manages a drop toe hold, hurting his own noise, tag to Cena. Stomp, stomp, stomp. One two NO. Chinlock. Cat: "You know he might be a great athlete, but his name is Tighty Whitey." B2: "Let's go, dawg!" Cole really shouldn't make fun of other attempts to be cool. Edge with elbows, Cena with forearms in the back. Corner whip, Cena charges in and he gets back elbow. Edge to the second ropes - missile dropkick! Can Edge make the tag to Rey? tag to Matt, running elbow drop on Edge's back to cut him off. Stomp, stomp. Edge with rights, whip, reversed, kick wham Twist Of Fate is blocked - Faceplant. Fans were chanting "we want Jeff" for a second there. Can Edge make the tag now? Yes - springboard Thesz press for Matt. Forearm for Cena, whip, reversed, Rey with a bodyscissors bulldog! Rey turns to the corner, turns around to find Cena - there he is, right misses, Rey's dropkick hits and Cena's slumped over in the corner. Rey signals - running corner dropkick to the chin! Matt charges into a drop toe hold into Cena's groin so we don't escape this without a questionable spot. Matt up and stumbling - Edge holds him as Rey heads to the apron - sidewalk slam/springboard legdrop combo! One two Cena breaks it up! Edge with a right to knock Cena out of the ring. Edge is warned to go to his corner, while Rey dropkicks Matt in the back - Matt lands on the middle ropes. Calling for it - and B2 trips him up. Edge is over to help out with a baseball slide dropkick for B2 and punches on the outside. Matt it up, stumbling, and goes to pull Edge back in by the hair, but Edge gets a right hand on him. Now he's back on the middle rope again - 619! Edge is sent back to his corner once again, and Rey gets ready for the West Coast Pop but Cena big boots him on the apron! SPEAR knocks Cena to the floor. Edge goes to the top rope - plancha on the faux hipsters! Rey with a springboard in, Matt ducks, Rey lands on his feet, Rey hops and tires for a 'rana - powerbomb! one two Matt grabs the ropes for leverage three! (6:59) Oh yeah! Matt is euphoric on the ramp - yes, he does get a shoulder ride. Replay - I love it when the leverage actually looks like it might help. Cole says B2 paid dividends for Cena tonight - how, by getting punched by Edge?

Stephanie is walking around backstage and talking to herself, never a good sign. Ah, it's Kurt to make things right. "Whoa, Steph, are you okay?" "No Kurt, I'm not okay. I mean, did you hear how all these people completely disrespected me? What's wrong with Columbia, SC anyway? You know, I mean, I'm even bringing these people Scott Steiner, you know, and yet they boo me. What do they want?" "Steph, I know exactly what you mean. These are the same people that chant 'You Suck' to me! You know, you know what though, maybe tonight, maybe tonight, when me and Benoit team up together, and we beat the Guerreros for the WWE Tag Team Titles. And if they don't cheer for me, then they're the ones who suck." "Is everything always about YOU, Kurt?" "Steph, are you okay?" "No, I'm not alright Kurt. You know this whole Brock Lesnar thing has been eating me alive, and to top it all off, my FRIEND came to visit." "You friend?" "Yea, you know, my Aunt FLO." "Your Aunt Flo - you have an Aunt Flo? That's so wonderful!" "No Kurt, she's not really my Aunt - I call her my Aunt Flo. Aunt Flo, she visits MONTHLY." "Your aunt visits you once a month? I mean, that's awesome! I'd really love to meet her!" "I don't want to spend any more time with my Aunt Flo. Last week, I had P - M - S. You do know what PMS is, don't you Kurt?" "Yea. Yea." "Well let's just say, it's a really bad combination, I'm having a really bad day. Do you know that I'm the one who wanted to bring SmackDown! to Columbia in the first place? Well I'll be damned - after the way I've been treated, I'll never bring SmackDown to this hellhole ever again!" She stalks off. "What the heck does PMS have to do with her Aunt Flo?" 

That tag team title match later. And also - Torrie vs Dawn in a "Pilgrim Fashion Show".

RAW Live
Saturday, Amarillo
Sunday, Laredo
Monday, Austin
Next Friday, Richmond
Next Saturday, Pensacola
Next Sunday, Chattanooga

WWE Anthology Cuts: "I Don't Suck" (1:04)

And now, for no particular reason, here's an animation of the Turkey in Rey's entrance.

Chuck Palumbo (already in the ring) vs - Cole is getting breaking word that Brock Lesnar was spotted back in the parking area. everyone hates Marc Loyd says that Brock's been spotted in the parking lot, so they're going to try and track him down or at least see if they can confirm he's back. Loyd is interrupted by the arrival of a limo - ah, it's Scott Steiner. Steiner's comments: "Comments? You wanna a comment from me? [bicep flex]" Why, that's the most intelligent interview he's given in some time!

Chuck Palumbo vs Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds) - Who's the heel here? Lockup, no Tajiri with a waistlock. Chuck with a straight go behind, single leg takedown and floataround into a front facelock. Cat says Scott Steiner is the meanest guy he's ever known - was it him or Jarrett who finally took out Miss Jones? I don't really want to remember. Tajiri reverses to a hammerlock, Chuck rolls through, single leg, grasping at both legs so Tajiri can scissors him over and own. Tajiri up and running into a Chuck armdrag. Standoff. Tajiri claps, bows. Chuck extend a hand, and Tajiri kicks him hard in the side - ah, I know who the heel is now. Kick to the butt. Elbow to the back of the neck. Tajiri tries to pick him up but Chuck with a right. Tajiri answers back with a kick to the left shoulder. Chuck with a right. Tajiri with a kick to the left shoulder. Both are selling this like a near end of match punch battle where each man has little left after a strike - it's cool that Tajiri is kicking instead of punching. Chuck back with another right - Tajiri stumbles back, off the ropes and a dropkick to the knee. Oddly, no La Majistral to follow - instead, Tajiri grabs his face a little bit. Stomp. Chinlock - a modified surfboard in there. Chuck's not giving up - he's gonna elbow his way out. and then snap mare Tajiri down. Right hand misses and Tajiri with a kick to the midsection. Whip, reversed, Tajiri back with handspring elbow but Chuck catches him - I think that was a side belly to belly but it didn't look right. Chuck yelling at them to get up - right, discuss punch (called by Cole!) Corner whip, Chuck charge sin, Tajiri kips up, Chuck catches him on his shoulder, Tajiri gets loose and to the corner, Chuck charges, Tajiri leaps up - Tarantula! One two three four and he lets go. Tajiri stalking Chuck  - kick is caught, dragon screw leg whip! Tajiri grabs at his knee but Chuck is going - reverse Boston Crab. Cole: "We saw this on Velocity this past week - it's called the Padlock!" You know they're mailing it in if they're talking about Velocity! Tajiri battling to the ropes  - he's gonna get there, as long as he extends his arm. Chuck starts to pull him back and Tajiri gets the ropes just in time. Tajiri to the apron as Chuck is told to break sooner next time. Snap kick to Chuck's head. Tajiri grabbing his back but going up - off the top rope whatever is not only right over referee Jim Korderas' head (distracting him) but it's caught by Chuck, Chuck lifts him for the overhead belly to belly but MIST to he face. Tajiri sis savvy enough to use his body to shield Korderas from view of Chuck's face, as he didn't see the Mist - KO Kick, covering the face one two three. (3:37) Tajiri poses and takes off before revenge can be taken - Chuck wipes off his face with Korderas' shirt, while Jim tries to figure out what he missed. Cat: "It martial arts, you use whatever you have to beat your guy."

In the GM office, Stephanie checks her makeup, and her teeth. Knock at the door. Stephanie is sure it's Scott Steiner, which means it's not. Also that expression on her face. Ah, Moolah. "Hi, Moolah." "How are you?" "Shocked, actually. I thought you were Scott Steiner. We have a meeting tonight - I completely forgot. But before we get to business, I have a favor to ask you. You're from here, you're from Columbia, South Carolina." "Yes I am." "Well, I thought the South was all about manners and politeness, and it's anything but. Quite frankly, I find Columbia to be full of the most disrespectful, rude, obnoxious people. I mean, my father was right, if the would ever needed an enema, then this town -" "Whoa whoa whoa, Stephanie, don't talk about my hometown like this - I love the people here and I've lived here my whole life, don't talk about my home town." "[unspeakably horrible fake Scarlet accent] Oh ma'am, do I offend? [back to 'normal'] I'm sorry Lil, I'm just being nasty. I'm having a really hard night. You know, being general manager is not so easy, and I made an unpopular decision tonight, but it was a decision that I felt was fair, I had to make it, I suspended Brock Lesnar. Enough about me, let's move forward. Let me make it up to you - how about - how about you and me make a little SmackDown history tonight?" "That sounds good." "Yea? How about we have, the WWE's most legendary female superstar complete in a match tonight." "Sounds good." "I'll let you plug your book. And, uh, we'll name your opponent later but, how do you feel about it?" "I'm always ready for a fight." "You are?" "Always." "You sure?" "Yes!" "Alright well, we'll figure out your opponent later, but for now, tonight, on this episode of SmackDown, the women who held the Women's Title for 25 years - right, 25?" "That's right." "The Fabulous Moolah will compete. Thank you so much, Lil." "Thank you so much dear." "I'm so sorry for my behavior - " "Young people make mistakes." "Given 'em hell, Lil."

RAW Retro - the Kid beats Razor Ramon, 5/17/93. (:25)

This is the outside of a building. Coincidentally, SmackDown! is often filmed in buildings.

Elsewhere in this merry world, Loyd is being directed to a scalper - apparently, someone spotted him selling a ticket to Brock Lesnar. "What - no, I'm out here waiting on my brother-in-law! Ticket scalping is illegal, I wouldn't do such a thing." "Sir, you didn't sell a ticket to Brock Lesnar?" "Brock Lesnar, who's Brock Lesnar, I don't even know no Brock Lesnar. [slowly backing away here]" "He's about 6 foot 3, 290 pounds, short hair cut - I think you'd know him if you saw him, he's an animal." "No, I told you, I don't - matter of fact, get that camera out of my face" and off he runs into the darkness.

Inside the building, Paul and Show are walking. Paul is talking, but Show's carrying the belt this time. Hey, it's Matt Hardy (Version One) - he explains about that suspension thing, but Paul reveals again that someone already called them to let them know. Paul does feel sorry about what happened - if Brock was still with him, that wouldn't have happened. Matt knows that, and knows that Brock wouldn't do that if they're face to face, "because Brock wouldn't want to feel the fury of Mattitude." "I've heard all about that." Matt talks about his "dominating" win over Rey Mysterio - Paul says he was just going to show the Show a video of that match. Also, Paul still loves Matt in a plutonic way. Show: "Good job, kid." Matt is happy.

Torrie walks - I guess that's an Indian Bikini outfit. Hey, Billy Kidman (w/his belt) interrupts this walking to vocally gawk. "All I can say is - wow, you look great, but someone should have told you that Halloween was last month." "Well, seeing it as it's Thanksgiving - um - I'm in a Pilgrim Fashion Show tonight." "That's the different - what exactly is a Pilgrim Fashion Show?" "I don't know, I don't care, because whatever this little Fashion Show is, it get me thismuchcloser to the that little witch, Dawn Marie. And if this is what it takes for me to my hands around her little turkey mo-" "Whoa, take it easy Poka-hot-ness. Today is Thanksgiving, it's - [shrugs shoulder to indicate that he knows these lines are horrible] a day give thanks?" "Okay, I'm thankful for my health. I'm thankful that my friend Billy Kidman has won the Cruiserweight Title." "Thanks." "And I am very thankful that I am going to get my hands on Dawn Marie tonight. See you." "See you." 

Lugz Wedding Invite of Last Thursday

Wow, someone dug out the James Brown music for the Cat to get funky too. Hey the Robot. Anyway, they set up a table with Thanksgiving food on in the back of the ring, and the top rope is covered with a red leaf wrap to set the mood. "Somebody call my daddy and tell him to get to the TV, because it's time for the Pilgrim Fashion Show. You know, I'm doing all of this for you, because here in Columbia tonight, we're gonna have a funky good time. I'll tell you what - one little Indian, two little Indian, let's bring out Pocahontas, SmackDown's own little Pocahontas, Torrie Wilson." Torrie is wearing the Indian getup we saw her in before the break - basically, a coat, some feathers, some tassels and that flesh colored bikini. Oh yea, a tomahawk too. Torrie is so intense about her chance to get at Dawn Marie, she flashes the inside of her coat at Cat, who almost has a heart attack. "I'll tell you what, this Turkey day wouldn't be a special day if we didn't have the Pilgrims. Let's get a Pilgrim out here for these SmackDown! fans - Dawn Marie, come on down, baby!" Dawn's wearing a modified pilgrim outfit - deep cut up top, not much below. No hat. It' doesn't look as good as they probably think it would. Torrie is so moved by raged, she's doing some things with that tomahawk that aren't quite right. "Give it up fans, c'mon, give it up. Wait a minute girls, wait a minute - this Turkey day part would not be a a party without the turkey. So what we're going do right now, we're gonna bring out SmackDown's favorite Turkey - come on out, Turkey!" Well, it's a person in a Turkey suit and I'm thinking that's the GobbledyGooker's music. Cole apologizes to Tazz watching this at home - hey, what about me. The Turkey has a crazy Turkey walk going on. The Turkey takes of it's head - oh, it's Al Wilson. "He's got to be the world's biggest Turkey. Al and Dawn kiss. Torrie is disgusted, so am I. Cat makes fun of the Turkey's limp tail and his goblet. Oh no he's got the microphone. "Alright, listen up. I got an ode to Thanksgiving. [Cole screams in pain] Thanksgiving is a blessing that brings a family together - it brought mine together. My little angel, my beautiful daughter, Torrie Wilson. [Cole: GONG] And my wife to be, Dawn Marie. My little pookins." Cat steals the microphone back, steals from the Rock and calls him Jive Turkey a couple times. This distills down to another bikini match - Torrie first, Dawn second, Torrie has the much better outfit. Dawn bends over but the camera only shows us the end of it. Now Dawn is showing off the engagement ring to Torrie. Slap! Torrie goes for the food as the Cat heads for safer ground. Pie. Pie. Ripping of her clothes - ah, she had a bikini underneath. Whenever a woman is wearing a ugly outfit in a fashion contest, it must be ripped off. Food fight breaks out - Dawn goes to great lengths to accidentally pie Al. Bowl of punch on Dawn. Pie to the butt! Kick, chop! Torrie dumps the innards of a pumpkin on Torrie, then puts the pumpkin bottom over Dawn's face - it coincidentally has a face painted on it. Torrie goes to leave, but Al's not. So Torrie goes for the Turkey head to put back on Al's face - facing the wrong way. Al keeps helping Dawn up and they hug as Torrie walks off. 

Coming up next, the WWE Tag Team Titles are on the line.

SmackDown Your Mouth Angle beats Eddie and makes Chavo tap last Thursday

Kurt Angle (WWE Anthology, Pittsburgh, PA, 237 pounds) and Chris Benoit (Edmonton, Alberta, 229 pounds) vs Chavo and Eddie Guerrero (combined weight of 441 pounds) for the WWE Tag Team Titles - Wow, they have matches on this show? I plum forgot. Angle's now wearing a knee brace on that left knee. Benoit has a new video, but we don't get to see much of it. A lot of him being in some empty warehouse. Did they get a spliced together video? Cole explains he called these guys jackals (like, last week) because how they wont the tag team titles. Chavo's beard is coming in nicely. All four men in the ring when the mat starts - Eddie thinks about going after Angle with the belt. Angle and Benoit seem to be getting along fine - hey, handshake! I guess last week is all forgotten? Them there is the belts, thanks for holding them up Choida. Who's going to start? Chris and - um, well, while they try to convince Choida that the champions should be allowed to both be in at the same time, Benoit goes to his corner and gets a hug (which he takes relatively well) and a slap on the butt (which he does not). Benoit decides not to hit Angle just yet. Okay, Benoit and Chavo, about a minute after the bell. Lockup, Benoit with an armdrag. Chavo is complaining about a tights pull, but Benoit doesn't seem to care. Lockup, Chavo with a hammerlock, Benita nails him with aback elbow. Chavo again backs off and hits in the ropes. Choida keeps them apart. Quick word for Eddie. Lockup, Benoit with a side headlock, Chavo tires to elbow out, shoots Benoit into the ropes and Benoit back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, Eddie with a knee, Benoit with a right for him, a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for Chavo and a tilt-a-whirl back from Eddie! This is going well, and so while the Guerreros are regrouping on the outside, Benoit pauses to have words with Angle. Angle decides to tag himself in. Eddie tags in for the other side - he's got a finger point for Benoit, but worries more about Angle. Circle, lockup, Eddie with a waistlock, Angle with a waistlock, waistlock takedown, Eddie with a hammerlock. Cat: "I watch this show twice a week! I love SmackDown!" Cole: "So you like listening to me twice a week?" "No, I like that Tazz, man, he's a funny guy."  Eddie pulling Angle into a headlock. Angle shoots Eddie off the ropes, Eddie with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, Eddie runs right into a powerslam. Powerslam for Chavo! That ties it up - Eddie ends up getting popped by Benoit from the apron, for getting up in the wrong part of the ring. Angle taunts Benoit - Benoit points to his head, indicating that the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker is the better move, but I'm sure Angle's point is that the Guerreros are luchadores, and anyone can give a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to a luchadores. Eddie interrupt this discussion of North American wrestling styles with a forearm to Angle's back - right misses, Angle with a release German suplex! Angle turns to taunt Benoit some more, but Chavo is into knock him down from Behind. Benoit is right in - forearm to the back, release German suplex! Another argument between the two, with a little shoving. The Guerreros go for waistlock, but Benoit and Angle switch - stereo release German suplexes! Guerreros roll out while it seems like the shoving is getting stronger. Angle says that he's the legal man and why doesn't Benoit just sit on the apron and watch, and I bet Benoit's pointing out he just tried to help out - meanwhile, Eddie and Chavo have collected their belts, and they're walking out. Angle and Benoit are still arguing and haven't noticed, but Choida is yelling at them to come back. Choida starts to count them out, and Eddie and Chavo take note of this, then start mocking him by counting right back. Chavo: "We get them [the belts] anyways!" Eddie's ability to mockingly count for an audience unparallel. Angle and Benoit, having realized what's going on, want to rush the Guerreros but Choida blocks them off, which stops the count, though the fans keep going. Angle and Benoit want the Guerreros but Choida tells them to stay put, then leaves the ring himself and walks over to ring announcer Tony Chimel. Some explaining - "Ladies and Gentleman, Senior Referee Mike Choida has just informed me that this match will not end because of a countout - therefore, this match must continue!" The Guerreros aren't so happy - wait, when did Choida really become Senior Referee? I thought I was just making that up. Gee, give guy power and he starts just making things up - oh, this is just an excuse for a break. 

We're back, and Eddie is working over Benoit -s nap mare, seated abdominal stretch. Cole recaps just before the break. Benoit up and hiptosisng it out. Chop, chop, chop, chop is ducked and Eddie throws Benoit down by his hair. Cat reveals he actually watches the show three times a week. Stomp. Eddie drags Benoit towards his corner - shot to the left shoulder, tag to Chavo. Snap mare, double dropkick to the shoulders one two NO. Turnbuckle smash, Eddie holds Benoit for a dropkick, BUT Benoit gets free and Eddie takes it - CROSSFACE on Chavo! Eddie back in to break it up, Angle in too late and told to get out. Chavo and Eddie make the illegal switch behind Choida's back. Eddie assures Mike that he made the tag. Eddie holds in the chinlock, but Benoit reverse to a back suplex. Benoit needs to make the tag, but he' leans on the wrong set of ropes and gets clotheslined by Chavo. "Let's Go Angle" - Cole hasn't noticed that they've been doing that a lot lately. Tag to Chavo. Double suplex. One two NO. Forearms to the back, corner whip. Tag to Eddie, but Benoit's battling back with kicks and chops - Chavo lands a big forearm to stop him - slam, Eddie with the slingshot somersault senton. Whip, reversed, Benoit with a flapjack! Chavo in - kick, suplexed onto Eddie. Can Benoit finally make that tag? YES. Clothesline for Chavo, clothesline for Eddie, clothesline for Chavo, whip, backdrop for Eddie. Chavo misses right - release German suplex. Eddie back over, kick, whip, reversed, over head belly to belly suplex one two NO. Angle with kicks to the midsection on Chavo, whip, reversed, blind tag by Benoit, Chavo lands the dropkick on Angle but Benoit is on him with aright. Hard chest first whip into the corner- German Suplex, holding for another, Eddie tries to break it up so he gets a German suplex instead. Benoit quickly to the top rope - Swandive Headbutt connects. One two NO. Benoit very slowly picking Eddie up - Chavo comes by with a jumping forearm to take him down. Chavo charges at Angle, Angle pulls down the top rope as Chavo jumps, Chavo ends up going face first into the ropes instead over it, then slides out to recover. Angle over to Eddie - German Suplex, going for another but Eddie grabs Choida by the shirt, low blow mule kick to Angle! DDT! I think he's feeling froggy - FROG SPLASH misses! Angel rolled out of the way - Olympic Slam! Chavo in - kick, Olympic Slam! Benoit back in, Crossface on Eddie! Angle isn't happy - he pushes Benoit off so he can apply the Ankleock! Now it's Benoit pushing Angle free and they've shoving again. Benoit ducks and Chavo nails Angle with a clothesline - German Suplex for Chavo. Eddie with a clothesline - no, Crossface again! Angle puts on the anklelock - double submission! They're arguing while having the holds on - Choida tries to pull Angle off, because he's the illegal man, but Angle knocks him hard to the mat by accident. Angle turns to check on him, missing Chavo's sweet dropkick to Benoit's face. Kick for Angle and he's stomped out of the ring. Chavo takes a look at the situation and is going up - FROG SPLASH on Benoit! Chavo grabs his chest, then roll out of the way so Eddie can cover one two NO! Eddie is stumbling but up to his feet and yelling. Is he going up for another Frog Splash? I think so - he's slow - Angle with the corner run superplex! Benoit just moved enough not to have Eddie land on him, so barely. Choida is yelling at Angle to stay out of the ring but Angle isn't listening - Chavo with the belt to Benoit! Spear on Angle to take them both out - Choida turns to see Eddie rolling over and covering Benoit one two three. (13:53 shown) Champions retain and celebrate. 

Backstage, Nidia is happy that Jamie didn't call Nunzio last week. Jamie still isn't sure what he's going to do to turn this around. Nidia's white shirt says "You should see this wet", not that I'm paying most of my attention to it more than anything. Ah, it's Scott Steiner - Noble makes introductions, and Steiner responds by ignoring the handshake and putting his hand on Nidia's behind instead, then walks off without saying a word. Jamie does not take this well - he's going to have to do something about this.

Now the Turkey's are imitating Cole and Tazz - Cole is not amused.

Already in the ring are Jamie Noble and Nidia. "Scott Steiner, get your butt out here right now. [Nidia is trying to get him to calm down.] Nidia, Nidia, I'm fixing to stand up for my woman - Steiner, no body touches my Nidia, and you damn sure don't grab her on the behind. Steiner, you only touch my girl if I want you to, and when it comes to making love to my sweet Nidia, and I'm the only Big Booty Daddy in her life. So Steiner - " And here comes Scott Steiner. No mesh. We still don't know if he's coming to RAW or SmackDown! blah blah blah blah. Nidia is still trying convince Jamie Noble not to do this - she's no fool, because she's not trying to reason with Steiner. Scott takes off his shirt. Jamie takes off his shirt! Bicep pose. Steiner with a clothesline. Bicep kiss elbow drop. Pushups while taunting. Press slam. Side belly to belly suplex. Nidia finally turns to leave, so Steiner grabs a little more. Nidia checks on Jamie on the floor, while Steiner grabs a microphone. "The question everybody's asking, is which show am I going to join, RAW or SmackDown? You see last week, on RAW, Chris Jericho found out, tonight, that redneck found out that I wasn't just sitting home, drinking beer, eating potato chips and wasting away. They found out that I'm still the genetic freak, looking only as I can look, I'm still the man with the largest arms in the world - they felt the power and there wasn't a damn thing they could do to stop me. So until I make decision on RAW or SmackDown!, I'm only going to be doing two things - flexing my peaks, pleasing my freaks, and when they scream 'boom shaka laka', that's when they call me the daddy, the Big Bad Booty Daddy. So this goes to all my freaks in South Carolina, Big Poppa Pump is your hookup, holler if you hear me." Cat asks if Cole's going to call him Big Bad Booty Daddy; Cole: "No - I don't even know what that means!" 

SmackDown Live!
Saturday, Abilene, TX
Sunday, San Antonio, TX
Monday, Corpus Christi, TX
Tuesday, Dallas, TX

Taz Wanted Cruiserweight Defense of Last Week

Stephanie is talking to MoviePhone, or maybe someone else: "I don't care what you have to do, I want Scott Steiner on SmackDown!" Oh wait, it's Paul Heyman at the door. He's got the belt, I'm taking a pass. He's happy that Brock is suspended, but Stephanie wants it clear that it had nothing to do with the lawsuit threat last week. Anyway, they'll waive the no-rematch stip tonight, but even Stephanie sees through that. Stephanie says tonight the Big Show will complete in a match and defend the WWE title - against an opponent of championship status. Stephanie tells him to get out - so is she a face now? I'm so confused.

Street Thug Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds, 1) vs Crash (red, Salisbury, NC, 214 pounds, 6) for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship - Crash has words - shoving, Crash chares and gets armdrag. Charge - no, Crash hesitates, then charges after all - ugly headscissors by Kidman. Whip, reversed, Kidman grabs the ropes, Crash charges, backdropped to the apron, Kidman's right is ducked, Crash goes to the floor, trips Kidman up and gives an elbow to the head. Powerbomb drop on the barricade! Crash throws Kidman back in, slingshot cover with feet on the ropes one two NO. Stomp. Stomp. Slam. One two NO. Corner whip, Crash slowly in with a kick. Corner whip, reversed, and Crash goes in the same corner back first - fireman's carry neckbreaker. Kidman goes up - no - Crash clubs him. Turnbuckle smashes while Kidman is stuck up there - Kidman punches him back down. Off the top rope cross body, Crash rolls through, one two no. Crash with a back suplex, Kidman lands on his, er, knees. Spinning back elbow. Clothesline. Whip, reversed into a short back elbow from Crash. Inverted atomic drop by Crash, but Kidman catches him with a dropkick one tow no. Lift, Crash goes behind, Kidman misses a clothesline, tries a spinning headscissors but Crash reverses it into a face first powerbomb one two NO. Crash pounds the mat in frustration. Corner whip, reversed, Kidman charges into a boot. Crash Bulldog hits! One two NO! that's not his finisher anymore. Crash tries to lift Kidman up for the Crash Landing, but Kidman won't go - shots to the back. Lift - no, Kidman flips out and lands on his feet - Short Powerbomb. Dragging Crash into position, Kidman goes up - Shooting Star Press. One two three. (3:54) Two for two in title defenses tonight - what does this mean for Big Show? Probably nothing. Cat claims he taught Kidman how to do that - he probably should've taught him to do it farther away from the ropes, because he almost catches a foot on the middle one on the way down, as we see on the replay.

Backstage, Fabulous Moolah is ready. We don't know her opponent.

Backstage, the Big Show is ready. We don't know his opponent. 

The gears start to turn in Cole's head. The split screen helps.

The Turkey dives through a Thanksgiving Table. Cole doesn't even mention this one.

the Fabulous Moolah ("from right here in Columbia, SC!") vs the Big Show (no ring announcement, w/Paul Heyman) for the WWE Championship - Moolah is 79. Like many people, he says "oh no" when he hears the Big Show's music. Cole can not support Stephanie when she does something like this. "She's out of control!" Jim Korderas is trying to block Big Show's path, and Moolah is hiding behind him, but they're both backed into a corner. And if that wasn't bad enough, Paul's got a microphone: "Moolah, Moolah, please relax - you have nothing to be afraid of. [Moolah takes a swing at Paul] Whoa, whoa, whoa - Moolah, Moolah, it's Thanksgiving, it's Thanksgiving, the Big Show is not going to do anything to you. He knows that you're 79 years ago. Moolah, I respect you. Moolah, I've always been a fan of yours. Moolah, you're a hometown legend here in Columbaia, SC. [MOOLAH chant] Moolah, I know the fear that is going through your heart. This man is 7 foot tall, this man is five hundred pounds, but I assure you, Moolah, the Big Show respects you for all your accomplishments, here in WWE. He knows that you are a a loving caring grandmother, and Big Show is out here simply to tell you - Happy Thanksgiving. Because the Big Show and I both know all of your accomplishments. Then again, maybe the Big Show doesn't look at you like you're the Fabulous Moolah. Maybe the Big Show looks at you like YOU'RE BROCK LESNAR! BROCK LESNAR!" Show, who had remained glaring at Moolah throughout, shoves Korderas out of the way and lunges at Moolah - goozle! Paul is still ranting while Show is choking out Moolah. Show is looking out into the crowd - he spots someone coming - Brock Lesnar hits the ring and takes down Show! They spill out of the ring, brawling while Heyman backup the ramp. Show finally gets an edge with a knee. Right hand is kinda of ducked, then Brock lifts him - F5 ON TO THE TABLE! "OH MY GOD!" Lesnar turns and stares at Heyman up on the ramp. Lesnar pulls himself in the ring, and walks towards Heyman. You'd think someone here would run - maybe Paul's scared into not moving. Brock bolts for him and Heyman runs for his life - Brock is cut off as the Security and Stephanie cut off the top of the ramp to prevent Brock from getting through. So she's a heel? Stephanie yells that he's suspended. Replay of the F5. And another. And Another. It was kinda neat, yep. 

One last look at Show being out on the mat - while Brock finally get at Paul Heyman? Not tonight, because that's it.

(edited by thecubsfan on 1.12.02 0043)
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#2 Posted on
Very good recap, Cubs.

"I just got pinned by a friggin twelve-year-old."

Kurt Angle

Since: 9.7.02
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#3 Posted on
All hail thecubsfan! Spectacular recap of a craptacular show. Hopefully it was just this bad because it was Thanksgiving and about 24 people watched.

Why do I watch? Because every episode has the potential to be the best one ever, and I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna miss that one after sitting through this shit.

Since: 2.1.02

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#4 Posted on
No more than 24 people watched any prime time offerings this Thanksgiving. Friends didn't even hit half of its usualy rating for in-season re-runs.

DrOp--thought the show was on par for the usual holiday WWE effort.

...And Marking Out Weinerville
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What a long (looong), strange trip it was. Lafayette, which is where fucking Purdue is, is a place I've never been to. But this was such an amazingly good card that we decided around three hours wasn't THAT big of a drive, at least this one time.
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