In typical Raw fashion, HHH and Step bore the fuck out of us to open the show. We get the run down which looks and will feel like doing the Marvel movie Marathon before Avengers 2. The divas got two matches. Both of which the right person went over. That is amazing. What is more amazing is we had a contract signing that didn't end in chaos.
Ziggler returns to a good pop. Sadly, Lana is still not Russian minx Lana. The Arrow match just looks silly. Owens continues his losing streak in favor of that new up and comer Randy Orton. Taker and Brock have their confrontation where Taker continues the ungentlemanly maneuver of hitting Brock in the junk. Eat.Sleep. Kick in the Nuts. Repeat. TM-Johnny O.
The best news is John Stewart is guest hosting Summerslam or its the worse news if you are my conservative friends on facebook. According to them, four hours of John Stewart would ruin the stellar work that the current announce team has been doing. Mainly JBL. They were rightfully blocked later that night.
So, this is it. Our second biggest show of the year. It checks all the marks. Returning old Superstars getting a massive push due to the names not abilities. Check. Cena has a title match, he doesn't deserve. Check. Celebrity wrestling in a match. Check. Most of the focus on at least one or two of these matches will be about the Authority. Check. The talented roster getting throw away matches just to appease the fans. Check. My wife or me tweeting my rather hideous comments about this four hour possible trainwreck. Big Red Check.
I had close to no interest in even considering getting the Network for SummerSlam because of how haphazard almost all of the booking has been (Cesaro vs. Owens! But for no title. Cena does the US title challenge! But doesn't drop the belt to anybody. Prime Time Players are fun! But they get dumped into an "everybody gets a title shot" match. Stephanie McMahon Presents The Divas Revolution! But they get dumped into an "screw it, just put them all in a Stephanie McMahon Presents A Match match, we forgot to Stephanie McMahon Presents book anything else. Brock vs. Undertaker have a cool brawl! But Brock vs. Undertaker have to have a match now)...
But then that segment where Wade Barrett joins the Lords of Darkness and becomes The Cosmic King.
That happened, right? Like, Stardust has magic powers now? And Wade Barrett has become an actual Legion of Superheroes villain and has a cape with blades on the shoulders?
I don't...I don't know. I have a lot to think about now.
lotjx isn't wrong though. He said what I'm thinking and feeling with more animosity and exasperation than I have for the product, but it's easy to see how he got to that place. The only detail from this episode that he is wrong about is the Up-and-Comer Randy Orton pinned Sheamus.
Cesaro is gonna be pulled from tv for a month because he botched getting thrown out of the ring.
BNB... I have no words.
I thoroughly hate this version of the Undertaker. I can't beat you straight up, so I'm just gonna kick you in the dick when shit gets real. But he's the face. He's that guy who hangs out with high school kids and constantly tells them how awesome he was back in the day. They tolerate him because he can buy beer. WrestleMania 30 should have been his retirement match. The only way to save this is if Lesnar pulls off his (Maple Leafs) gym pants to reveal a giant metal cup.
I feel bad for anyone on the roster whose match gets shoved into the pre-show...or maybe I'm just worried it's going to be Cesaro/Owens (it should probably be the IC title match).
Originally posted by lotjxThe best news is John Stewart is guest hosting Summerslam or its the worse news if you are my conservative friends on facebook. According to them, four hours of John Stewart would ruin the stellar work that the current announce team has been doing. Mainly JBL. They were rightfully blocked later that night.
Sixteen years hosting the Daily Show and people still get the spelling of his name mixed up with a Green Lantern...
Originally posted by StefonicsI thoroughly hate this version of the Undertaker. I can't beat you straight up, so I'm just gonna kick you in the dick when shit gets real. But he's the face.
They really, really hit the "he did another low blow!" button hard, though, so they at least want to tease the possibility that Undertaker may be turning heel out of necessity because he can't get it done anymore. (This would, of course, work better if Wyatt/Undertaker had never happened. I can only imagine somebody yelled at Heyman for mentioning that it's 22-1 instead of 21-1 now, after they got done complimenting his beautiful singing voice.)
Taker cheating to win to beat Brock is the only out they seem to have now from a booking perspective - Brock losing clean is madness, Taker losing clean has to end his career, Brock cheating to win means they have to wrestle again - but I still can't see them doing it. What do you actually do with a heel Undertaker at this point in his career? In almost any scenario, he has to be face again for whatever he does at WrestleMania, right?
Watch them finally do what they should have done sometime over the last five years - Undertaker vs. Cena at WrestleMania - and do it in the most ass-backwards way possible (Cena as face, Undertaker as heel, no streak on the line) instead of the way that would have been massively over (Undertaker as face, Cena turning heel to break the Streak).
Anyway, this whole wrinkle in the build-up is entirely because someone tweeted Austin about the low blow, right? He mentioned it on his podcast a few times, they played a clip of him mentioning it on his podcast last night. The working men and women who help pay those gimmicks they keep sending Steve in the mail called bills are now booking main events.
You're right about them not ignoring it. That's the consolation (I guess?). But this isn't wily veteran, dirtiest player in the game Ric Flair with a low blow. This isn't even Piper with an eye poke to gain the upper hand. I don't need The Undertaker to be the face but, as you said, it makes a whole lot more sense for him to be the face at this point in his career. And if/when he wins by cheating, what does it prove? Does that re-establish his Streak, especially considering he lost clean in the first place?
Lana is the obsessed one in this relationship. Again, I don't think the writers understand the qualities of what makes a face, what makes a heel, and how to write based on those parameters.
Serious question: why do so many Divas have extra shitty extensions? Ever since my wife pointed it out to me, that's all I see. Is it that difficult to get a good hair stylist for TV and PPV's?
The only way to make Taker heel going into Mania is if they bring Austin in to stop him. That way the Texas crowd would be split, but leaning towards Steve. It would maybe explain why Steve allowed the low blow to be brought up in his podcast. Austin and Taker having their last match would be enough to fill Jerry World. Then again, its another match where two old wrestlers are taking up the time of the roster. If it would lead to Ambrose or Bryan vs. Taker then maybe they wouldn't get booed out of the building. I just don't see Vince having any confidence in those two guys to do it. So, Austin stopping a Taker who says he is the only real legend in the WWE ever.
Sting could be the face in that fued, but I think the hardcore WWE fans would still cheer for Taker. Speaking of Sting, where the fuck is he?!!! TNA has done a better job with him then this all powerful billion dollar company.
Originally posted by StefonicsSerious question: why do so many Divas have extra shitty extensions? Ever since my wife pointed it out to me, that's all I see. Is it that difficult to get a good hair stylist for TV and PPV's?
Undertaker kicked Brock in the dick during his homecoming celebration 'cause he's sour that he lost fair and square. He's not turning heel but he's very much been Shawn Michaels with Hogan (or Undertaker) in being the petulant one. It's weird but I guess it's more practical than an Undertaker with no streak still coming out for mystical "challenge the Undertaker and face your destiny" matches.
Now a third match at Wrestlemania, that's to me when it would really seem to cool off Lesnar's momentum, even with retirement stips or the Last Outlaw's Last Ride In The Last Little Whorehouse In Texas billing.
Now let's say that Cena is getting the title, if not here then within a couple rematches, thereby fulfilling my prophecy from last March and the almost indescribable menace of the Juggernaut that the company would restore John Cena in the wake of Roman Reigns' egregious flop. Well I want to be FIRST IN LINE to declare allegiance to Team Never Give Up between now and a possible Wrestlemania 32 torch pass match to Reigns. Accept no imitations, stay one step ahead, and don't let the simple binary dynamic of John Cena deceive and co-opt you, the proud show ruiners of two Wrestlemanias past, into pretending that Roman Reigns is cool. The champ is forever.
Yes, Cena takes the strap Sunday - and then what happens to Rollins - what does he do without the belt, without the money in the bank?
But that promo of him asking for the statue from H and Steph was.... lame? I don't know I agree he can work. but he's a marginal actor at best.
We'll be back right after order has been restored here in the Omni Center.
That the universe was formed by a fortuitous concourse of atoms, I will no more believe than that the accidental jumbling of the alphabet would fall into a most ingenious treatise of philosophy - Swift
Conspiracy theory going around the web....Rollins didn't actually sign the contract during last night's signing. So when Cena wins at Summerslam, Rollins will still retain since *his* title wasn't on the line.
George Michael weighed his options. Maeby had chastised him for not taking risks, and what would be a bigger risk than perpetuating a lie about software just to ignite the passions of a woman? Of course it would be a lie, and since Maeby wouldn't know it was a lie, he wouldn't appear to be taking a risk. Perhaps the bigger risk was to tell his father he was lying, that he came up with it because he wanted his father to leave so he could enjoy what remained of his senior year. After all, he wondered, wouldn't that be the course of action taken by an overtly sexual man, a man who owns a pair of matador pants? He had not responded now for 41 seconds according to his unfailing internal clock, and it was time to come clean.
Originally posted by Big BadConspiracy theory going around the web....Rollins didn't actually sign the contract during last night's signing. So when Cena wins at Summerslam, Rollins will still retain since *his* title wasn't on the line.
This would be all types of awful, because we've already had Rollins challenging Cena for the US Title with the WWEWHC not on the line and Cena beating Rollins clean. On free TV, no less.