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The W - Random - My Foley Paper
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ThreepMe
Morcilla








Since: 15.2.02
From: Dallas

Since last post: 6133 days
Last activity: 5792 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.06
Had to write a Narrative for my Eng Comp class. Just wanted to see what the Wiener's thought of it.

Aside from the usual proper punct., spelling, grammar, etc, the only requirement was 350-500 words long.

And I also need a snazzy title. Any suggestions?

Here's the paper.


It was June 28, 1998. The event was World Wrestling Federationís (aka WWF) King of the Ring. The highlight of this yearly event is usually the King of the Ring tournament. This year was different; this year the highlight was the Hell in a Cell match between Mankind (aka Mick Foley) and The Undertaker (aka Mark Callus). A feud that had been brewing for months was to be settled in an enclosed 16 ft. tall chain link cage. No one was ready for the brutality that took place that evening.

The match started with Mankindís haunting theme music. Mankind walks up to the announcer booth and sequesters a steel folding chair from a ring announcer, tossing it on top of the cage. He then climbs to stand on top of the 16 ft steel contraption. The Undertaker then makes his entrance. He sees Mankind on top of the cell and climbs to meet him. A few fists are exchanged and both combatants end up at the edge of the cage. With one shove, The Undertaker throws Mankind off the top of the cell to land through the Spanish Announcerís table and to the concrete floor, dislocating his left shoulder.

Paramedics are brought out to end the match and see the injured Mankind to the hospital. On the way out of the arena, Mankind gets up and rotates his shoulder into place. He then climbs back up the cage only to meet The Undertaker and the chair. The Undertaker hits Mankind several times about the head with the chair. The Undertaker then throws Mankind through a panel of chain link fence down to the ring. The chair happened to be on the same panel of fencing and fell a scant 4 inches above Mankindís face. Upon impact, Mankindís mouth slammed into the chair, breaking 2 teeth and forcing him to bite through his own lip.

The match continues at the protest of paramedics and WWF officials. Mankind is able to regain enough composure to mount an offense. Then he retrieves a burlap sack filled with 10,000 thumbtacks. After covering half the ring with thumbtacks, he attempts to slam The Undertaker onto them. The Undertaker is able to reverse the maneuver and slam Mankind onto the tacks. After a second slam, The Undertaker is able to finally pin Mankind for the win.

The Undertaker leaves the arena to a standing ovation. A few minutes later, Mankind is able to stand (with assistance). The audience treats him not only to a standing ovation but also to chants of ďFoley! Foley! Foley!Ē Even to this day, fans of Pro-Wrestling hold this match to not only be the highlight of The King of the Ring but also the highlight of all Pro-Wrestling.


So, what you all think? :D



"Are you kidding me? A soda with MY name on it? Now more than ever, SODAS RULE!" - Edge to Christian Smackdown Sept 7th 2000
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The Thrill
Banger








Since: 16.4.02
From: Green Bay, WI

Since last post: 2621 days
Last activity: 114 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.07
Good stuff.

If it's a "narrative," how about using JR's words as a title: "Would Somebody Stop the Damn Match!?"



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spf
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 2057 days
Last activity: 450 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.88
Threep, is that a high school or a college comp class? I'm teaching freshman college comp in a couple weeks, and I'm not above stealing ideas for assignments from the W
It's funny how Mick can be academically inspiring. In my MFA classes I've done poems based on Foley before.



Toil not to gain wealth, cease to be concerned about it. Proverbs 23:4

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ThreepMe
Morcilla








Since: 15.2.02
From: Dallas

Since last post: 6133 days
Last activity: 5792 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.06
    Originally posted by spf2119
    Threep, is that a high school or a college comp class? I'm teaching freshman college comp in a couple weeks, and I'm not above stealing ideas for assignments from the W

    It's funny how Mick can be academically inspiring. In my MFA classes I've done poems based on Foley before.


Eng Comp I 1301. I hope my professor doesn't hate wrestling.

Granted, it's community college, but college none-the-less.



"Are you kidding me? A soda with MY name on it? Now more than ever, SODAS RULE!" - Edge to Christian Smackdown Sept 7th 2000
King Of Crap
Goetta








Since: 17.9.03
From: Holley, New York

Since last post: 5908 days
Last activity: 5840 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.82
The only problem I see is that I'm pretty sure UT's last name is Calloway, but I could be wrong.



You think WWE now is bad? Some of us had to live through 1993-1996!
ThreepMe
Morcilla








Since: 15.2.02
From: Dallas

Since last post: 6133 days
Last activity: 5792 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.06
    Originally posted by King Of Crap
    The only problem I see is that I'm pretty sure UT's last name is Calloway, but I could be wrong.


Doh! You're right! That's why I posted this stuff here first!

Thanks!



(edited by ThreepMe on 30.1.04 0752)


"Are you kidding me? A soda with MY name on it? Now more than ever, SODAS RULE!" - Edge to Christian Smackdown Sept 7th 2000
OndaGrande
Boudin rouge








Since: 1.5.03
From: California, Home of THE LAKERS!

Since last post: 1650 days
Last activity: 1215 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.76

If it won't mess up the word count...maybe mention that Foley had previously been known as "Cactus Jack" and had several legendarily brutal "death matches" in Japan?



LEARN IT, KNOW IT, LIVE IT!
emma
Cherries > Peaches








Since: 1.8.02
From: Phoenix-ish

Since last post: 11 days
Last activity: 4 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.47
Nice content -- can't wait to hear your instructor's reaction. :-)

I'm terrible at titles.

Editorially, I notice a couple of occurrances of "tense shift". (I do it all the time, & invariably have to correct it on my proofreading pass.) After moving back in time to "present tense", you let a couple of "past tense" verbs slip into the "real time" flow.

Example:
-- The Undertaker hits Mankind...
-- The Undertaker then throws Mankind through...
-- The chair happened to be... --maybe OK, since the chair was there already--
-- [[the chair]] fell a scant 4 inches above Mankindís face...
-- Mankindís mouth slammed ...
-- The match continues ...

It drives english teachers nuts. :-)

(Did that make sense?)
Scott Summets
Sujuk








Since: 27.6.02

Since last post: 6337 days
Last activity: 6305 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.98
SPF2119 and others, for my Freshmen english class last year in college, I actually wrote and spoke on how Dorian Gray and Oscar Wilde himself fits in with Pro Wrestling. Nothing felt better than getting an A by comparing Ric Flair and Jericho and their grandstanding prettyboy antics along with their willingness to do anything to get ahead to those of Dorian Gray and his friends.... in a college class no less.



What I bought at the new local used CD store in my search for good, cheap CDs last time I was there:
Busted Stuff by Dave Matthews Band for 7.99
Harvest by Neil Young for 6.99
Brian P. Dermody
Liverwurst
Moderator








Since: 20.9.02
From: New York, NY

Since last post: 3369 days
Last activity: 2791 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.12
And from the perspective of an editor who finds little needly details but misses huge mistakes...

don't abbreviate "foot".

That is all.



Beady's Corollary to Occam's Razor: "The likeliest explanation of any phenomenon is almost always the most boring."

ThreepMe
Morcilla








Since: 15.2.02
From: Dallas

Since last post: 6133 days
Last activity: 5792 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.15
Actually, I did see my "tense" errors and wrote 2 final drafts. One in all present tense and one in all past tense.

The present tense sounded more dramatic so I turned that one in. And I did take out the abbreviations in "aka" and "ft" Also spelled out all numbers.

I turned it in this morning, so I will know by next week.

And thanks to all!



"Are you kidding me? A soda with MY name on it? Now more than ever, SODAS RULE!" - Edge to Christian Smackdown Sept 7th 2000
HMD
Andouille








Since: 8.6.02
From: Canada

Since last post: 1529 days
Last activity: 1529 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.21
Also "sequesters" is not the right word for the context. Not to pick a nit, but I'm pretty sure a college prof. will pick up on that. All else is hunky dory.



I'd tell you to kiss my ass, but I don't want to get it infected.
ThreepMe
Morcilla








Since: 15.2.02
From: Dallas

Since last post: 6133 days
Last activity: 5792 days
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.15
hehehhehe...ok, let me post my final versions.

Past tense:



The Rise and Fall of Mankind: One Man's Journey Into Infamy


It was June 28, 1998. The event was World Wrestling Federationís (also known as the WWF) King of the Ring. The highlight of this yearly event is usually the King of the Ring tournament. This year was different; this year the highlight was the Hell in a Cell match between Mankind (also known as Mick Foley) and The Undertaker (also known as Mark Calloway). A feud that had been brewing for months was to be settled in an enclosed sixteen foot tall chain link cage. No one was ready for the brutality that took place that evening.

The match started with Mankindís haunting theme music. Mankind walked up to the announcer booth and commandeered a steel folding chair from a ring announcer, tossing it on top of the cage. He then climbed to stand on top of the sixteen foot steel contraption. The Undertaker then made his entrance. He saw Mankind on top of the cell and ascended to meet him. A few fists were exchanged and both combatants ended up at the edge of the cage. With one shove, The Undertaker threw Mankind off the top of the cell to land through the Spanish Announcerís table and to the concrete floor, dislocating his left shoulder.

Paramedics were brought out to end the match and see the injured Mankind to the hospital. On the way out of the arena, Mankind got up and rotated his shoulder into place. He then climbed back up the cage only to meet The Undertaker and the chair. The Undertaker hit Mankind several times about the head with the chair. The Undertaker then threw Mankind through a panel of chain link fence down to the ring. The chair happened to be on the same panel of fencing and fell a scant four inches above Mankindís face. Upon impact, Mankindís mouth slammed into the chair, breaking two teeth and forcing him to bite through his own lip.

The match continued at the protest of paramedics and WWF officials. Mankind was able to regain enough composure to mount an offense. Then, he retrieved a burlap sack filled with ten thousand thumbtacks. After covering half the ring with thumbtacks, he attempted to slam The Undertaker onto them. The Undertaker reversed the maneuver and slammed Mankind onto the tacks. After a second slam on the tacks, The Undertaker was able to finally pin Mankind for the win.

The Undertaker left the arena to a standing ovation. A few minutes later, Mankind is able to stand (with assistance). The audience treated him not only to a standing ovation but also to chants of ďFoley! Foley! Foley!Ē Even to this day, fans of Pro-Wrestling hold this match to not only be the highlight of The King of the Ring but also the highlight of all Pro-Wrestling.


And here's the present tense one:



The Rise and Fall of Mankind: One Man's Journey Into Infamy


It is June 28, 1998. The event is World Wrestling Federationís (also known as the WWF) King of the Ring. The highlight of this yearly event is usually the King of the Ring tournament. This year it is different; this year the highlight is the Hell in a Cell match between Mankind (also know as Mick Foley) and The Undertaker (also known as Mark Calloway). A feud that has been brewing for months is to be settled in an enclosed sixteen foot tall chain link cage. No one is ready for the brutality that is to take place this evening.

The match starts with Mankindís haunting theme music. Mankind walks up to the announcer booth and commandeers a steel folding chair from a ring announcer, tossing it on top of the cage. He then climbs to stand on top of the sixteen foot steel contraption. The Undertaker then makes his entrance. He sees Mankind on top of the cell and climbs to meet him. A few fists are exchanged and both combatants end up at the edge of the cage. With one shove, The Undertaker throws Mankind off the top of the cell to land through the Spanish Announcerís table and to the concrete floor, dislocating his left shoulder.

Paramedics are brought out to end the match and see the injured Mankind to the hospital. On the way out of the arena, Mankind gets up and rotates his shoulder into place. He then climbs back up the cage only to meet The Undertaker and the chair. The Undertaker hits Mankind several times about the head with the chair. The Undertaker then throws Mankind through a panel of chain link fence down to the ring. The chair happened to be on the same panel of fencing and fell a scant four inches above Mankindís face. Upon impact, Mankindís mouth slammed into the chair, breaking two teeth and forcing him to bite through his own lip.

The match continues at the protest of paramedics and WWF officials. Mankind is able to regain enough composure to mount an offense. Then, he retrieves a burlap sack filled with ten thousand thumbtacks. After covering half the ring with thumbtacks, he attempts to slam The Undertaker onto them. The Undertaker reversed the maneuver and slams Mankind onto the tacks. After a second slam, The Undertaker is able to finally pin Mankind for the win.

The Undertaker leaves the arena to a standing ovation. A few minutes later, Mankind is able to stand (with assistance). The audience treats him not only to a standing ovation but also to chants of ďFoley! Foley! Foley!Ē To this day, fans of Pro-Wrestling hold this match to not only be the highlight of The King of the Ring but also the highlight of all Pro-Wrestling.





"Are you kidding me? A soda with MY name on it? Now more than ever, SODAS RULE!" - Edge to Christian Smackdown Sept 7th 2000
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