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The W - Guest Columns - How Many Times, Mick?
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Wolfram J. Paulovich
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Since: 11.11.02
From: Fat City, Baby

Since last post: 6400 days
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#1 Posted on

THE OBTUSE ANGLE
How Many Times, Mick?
June 12, 2003

by Jeb Tennyson Lund
OnlineOnslaught.com/CitizenScholar.net

Although it's not likely the man will ever be asked face-to-face, I think it's still important to ask Triple H this question: how many times must Mick Foley put him over? If this week's Raw showed us anything, it's that five minutes of brawling and fifteen minutes of jawing with a wrestler who's been retired for three years made Triple H look better than any of his efforts for at least the last eighteen months.

But perhaps that's not Triple H's fault. In the last few years, Triple H has wrestled very few human beings. The fact that he doesn't treat other wrestlers like human beings is just a coincidence. But perhaps the electricity of his feud with Foley — and their confrontation this week — is related more to the Foley we know and less to the Triple H we dread.


The Opponents
After Foley, Triple H faced the Rock, a man as divorced from his audience's everyday reality as possible, without actually being some sort of undead creature. The Rock wears thousand-dollar shirts, makes movies, woos women, cures David Letterman's shingles... and his kiss can relieve people of scrofula. He is charming, electric and eminently watchable. He's hardly like any of us.

Jericho was (and is) a shortish, very real smartass. But he never stood a chance, and we knew it. Benoit stood no chance, too, and his character at that time was more minimalist than Philip Glass composing on a piano with three keys. Angle, in real life, is as remote as the Rock — an Olympic Gold Medalist. On screen, he's just as caricature-ish, a goofy agglomeration of occasionally appealing skills, comments and modes. He nowhere close to being even an archetype in mainstream literature. He's just an archetype in wrestling: funny, athletic, prone to driving milk trucks when good and using chairs when evil.

The Undertaker is some sort of homosexually-tinged biker zombie — much like the character of Bryan in the video game Tekken 3. Triple H lost to him, but only because of 'Taker's enormous reserve of sexually ambiguous undead motorcycling powers.

Triple H then returned as a face and defeated Jericho, who still stood no chance. He confronted Hogan, who is more career now than man and whose humanity is so obscured by sentimentality as to make no odds. He again faced Jericho, who stood even less of a chance then... if that was possible. And he faced the Undertaker, who I'm sure no-sold something through the power of Moto Guzzi.

Then he faced Shawn Michaels — a man whose stellar career was predicated far more on what he could do in the ring than what he could do with the mic. Michaels has always been more of a Showstopper than a Heartbreak Kid: ask yourself how many Michaels matches you remember, then ask how many of his moving promos you remember.

(I can think of three offhand. There was the DX promo; any of them, they're all alike. Except for the one with Mike Tyson; and saying Michaels had a good promo because Mike Tyson was in it is akin to saying Al Gore is a great centrist because you saw him in a picture with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Then there's the "I lost my smile" promo. And I'm sorry, but if someone going out, telling the unburnished truth and basically being a dick is the apex of that person's promo skills, you're stretching for a compliment.)

Their matches were certainly aided by a back story "as friends," but even then the appeal was limited at best. Here, Michaels' character came into play. Although Michaels was a face, he was someone who told you he was better than most others. His comments about losing a step were disingenuous and stagy. His promo-related appeals to the crowd never seemed borne of a respect for his fellow men: rather it seemed as if the king was curious if the rabble seconded his proclamations. Michaels v. Triple H was a battle of egomaniacs, not a battle of a good human being versus an evil one. Without Triple H's sledgehammer, the morality of both men would have been virtually identical.

Nothing separated Michaels from Triple H other than that one had no flexibility anymore, and the other had a wretched back condition. Who was the noble one? Who was beloved? Michaels might have been popular, but he never approached anything like kinship with his audience. Like the Rock, he was the man of expensive suits. Granted, the suits were riddled with rhinestones, but you get the point. He was a man of means, means we could never approximate ourselves. Michael's crusade against Triple was a crusade about proving that he still had worth: not that he still had worth for us. That he was great and always would be great was the concern: not that he could be, not that it mattered if we cared. Therein lies the difference between Foley and him.

Triple H followed this confrontation with a clash with RVD. RVD might have had a greater connection with the crowd had he been able to portray himself as a human who can walk and talk. Yes, his feud with Triple H should not have been so readily cut short. But more importantly, RVD should have made some effort to come off less like a washout personality from a cut-rate acting school glommed onto a no-selling spot-machine incapable of recognizing any psychology more complex than an Austrian bearded guy saying, "Tell me about your mother." Much as I would love to lay blame at Triple H's door (and I see that door nearly every Monday), the man was never in the ring with another man. He was squaring off against a walking moveset.

As for Steiner. Well, honestly, whatever. The same goes for Nash. Sure, he and Triple H share a sordid past. But that past is, admittedly, pushing the envelope of dull. When it's not dull in terms of content, it more than makes up for it by being dull in execution.

Ironically, the only person who really stood a chance of having a human-to-human conflict with Triple H didn't even start out as a person at all. Say what you will about Kane, I think the ability to remotely control fire by pointing or pumping your arms (and the whole zombie sit-up after a chairshot) renders him a little supernatural. But the angle changed that.

I've said this before, but I think Kane's winning of the tag-title and Intercontinental title humanized him to a great degree. He was an outcast, a man struggling to overcome the superficial denials and precepts of society. Wrestling fans — fans generally viewed to be at the bottom of the cultural barrel because of what they call good entertainment — could sympathize. We were outcasts, too, even without masks.

Sadly, Kane went from being a supernatural monster to being a human monster, killing a friend and purportedly raping her mutilated lifeless body. Fan support fizzled out in a necrophiliac nightmare of driver's tests and discontinuity, whether in repulsion to the character or the storyline is anyone's guess. Regardless, Triple H entered the pay-per-view against an opponent whom people did not support either out of dislike or out of a sense of booking doom.

You'll notice that I've left two names off the list: Booker T and Steve Austin. I did so because they are probably the only two fully "realized" wrestlers in the last three years to confront Triple H for the belt. They seemed the least incomplete as characters, the ones most likely to garner sincere wholehearted support. They both lost.

Indeed, Booker had every human impetus backing him. He'd gone from seemingly buried undercarder to one of the most popular people on the Raw roster. He had a good everyday sense of humor: not malicious but not so goofy as to be absurd. He had a good moveset, and a strong ethic to please the fans with his work and with the spots, spins and promos they cheered.

Most importantly, Booker's step into the main event began with a sincere and moving break-up of his tag-team. No explosions, no vitriol, no brutal alternating beat downs. Goldust merely felt that their in-ring friendship wasted Booker's in-ring potential. What greater evidence could someone give that Booker T was worthy of kindness and respect? If that wasn't sufficient, Goldust's subsequent electrocution at the hands of Triple H's minions certainly gave Booker all the sympathy and fan support he would need for a big match. He had the talent, the appeal and the genuine emotional motivation to win.

So he lost — because wrestling is like the country of "Rand McNally," where up is down and hamburgers eat people. For the most part, Booker hasn't been heard from since. He's been shipped off to Jerichopolis, where good showings in the main event mean you need to take months off from appearing in it, ostensibly to "rest up" or "rust up," whichever you prefer. If this ultimate condition is the booking staff's fault, then they certainly missed one of the best opportunities they've had in the last few years. If it is Triple H's fault, then the man has surely shot himself in the foot: I don't think he has any other friends in wrestling who can be given a contract to lose to him. (Except maybe Chyna and X-Pac, and I don't think the man's vain or venal enough to try that.) Either way, Triple H's character is less compelling for the loss of such an opponent.

The other name I mentioned is Austin, and I don't think there can be much debate about the wholeness or uniqueness of his character. Austin, even if he never professed a complete value system in one promo, defined himself in opposition to so many things. It's enough to construct a character for him by noting what he defies and denies.

Yet Triple H attacked Austin by having Rikishi run over him with a car. The Cerebral Assassin chose his cronies poorly and was found out. Then he admitted his guilt and no-sold death — after Austin crushed the car he was in. He returned virtually unscathed, beat Austin, and some weeks later became his buddy.

Again, when Triple H faced a whole and sympathetic human character, that confrontation devolved to the ridiculous, then total dissolution. Obviously, this cannot be blamed on the wrestler himself, but rather the booking committee and the audience in general. The parking-lot incident was fascinating when it happened, but that potential value was parleyed into a payoff that made Triple H look like a coward with bad taste in accomplices.

Later, Austin's turn toward evil was so well-realized from a character standpoint — and often so subtly portrayed — that the distinction escaped viewers accustomed to concrete definitions. Those who didn't see the logic of Austin and Triple H together missed the desperation in Austin's character. What they didn't miss — and rightly so — was a powerful feud extinguished by a few backstage segments and an almost deus-ex-machina alliance.


The Performance
To blame Triple H for the poor quality of his opponents is unjust. But there is a matter of his performance to consider in all of this. Admittedly, it might be booking that disposes of characters soon after they confront Triple H. But it easily can be a combination of factors. After all, booking is often dictated by necessity. Do these challengers disappear because no one wants to book them in another pay-per-view, or do they disappear because they've been robbed of so much credibility that they cannot headline another pay-per-view?

Even though Austin might have been the best realized character ever to face Triple H (except Foley), he still lost. That those losses did not impact his career owe more to the previous four years of booking and performance than they do to to the actual interactions Triple H and Austin had. After all, no-selling possible death is a pretty devastating storyline element, especially when clips of it run against Austin obviously being slowly hit by (and rolling over) a Town Car. Austin playing Grandma Enid's Bumper Car Road Rally with a Lincoln knocked him out for a year. Triple H playing I'm Being Crushed to Death with construction machinery had him looking sprightly a few days later.

When it comes to in-ring performance, Triple H also suffers a sort of endless schizophrenia. For one thing, he is the only monster heel in the WWE who is not physically abnormal. He's strong, but he's not seven-feet tall. As such, it's rather remarkable that he crushes the opposition, when people like Scott Steiner, the Big Show, Albert and others occasionally have difficulty. He beats others by crushing them, but he also does it by cheating, by surrounding himself with toadies who cheat for him and by getting a sledgehammer. When he cheats, he wins decisively. When Jericho cheats, he loses.

So apparently Triple H is a weak cheating heel when he isn't a monster heel. And he just cheats more effectively and has better cheating assistants. Yet, after a Harlem Hangover, he kicks out, clean. After a belt shot from Flair, he kicks out, clean. So he is a monster heel when cheating fails.

But, then again, he isn't.

In fact, his character's versatility is structured in a way that serves to make any opponent appear less than the sum of their talents. When Jericho lost, it was because all the interference in the world couldn't help him win. Even in their matches post Triple H's heel-turn, Jericho's cheating was no match for Triple H's cheating. When Booker lost, it was because a pretty clean match — with piddling interference and no foreign objects — was still too much for him.

Obviously, he's an unbeatable foe against whom your offense has no effect, unless he's not an unbeatable foe and has to cheat to make your offense have no effect. He's a cowardly monster or a monstrous coward. Or maybe he's just a booking monstrosity. He's the cleanest dirty non-dirty unclean player and The Game. No matter who you are and what you do, you will look bad.

This has resulted in a gross expenditure of the worth of talent built up near, around or in spite of Triple H.

And those who have defeated him have, again, been less than human and the sort of people whose worth is parallel or irrelevant in relation to him. Rock and Angle were aloof, unapproachable caricatures and unstoppable popular forces whose impact might have been deferred but would never have been ignored. Undertaker and Hogan were legends too entrenched and too defined to go unacknowledged. In short, those who defeat Triple H are the sort of people who are unaffected by losing.

So we come to the matter of pure non-wrestling entertainment. This is the aspect of wrestling that should still be fun, no matter the match outcome, no matter the booking shenanigans. This is the entertainment following the sports. And often, there is a lot of it. People remember the Undertaker of old and love seeing him kick ass. Hogan is as much a fixture of some viewers' childhood as "Transformers" and little league. Rock is a jokester; Angle is deviously funny. Austin is the man, and Booker was that guy who made us laugh and believe (along with Goldust) for nearly a year.

What does Triple H offer? Well, he affirms that he is:
• Triple H
• The Game (see: Triple H)
• The Best (see: Triple H, The Game)
• That Damn Good (see: Triple H, The Game, The Best)
• Better than You (see: Triple H, The Game, The Best, That Damn Good).

Often he goes on to note that opponents are not:
• Triple H
• The Game (see: Triple H)
• The Best (see: Triple H, The Game)
• That Damn Good (see: Triple H, The Game, The Best)
• Better than Triple H, who is also known as: The Game, The Best, That Damn Good).

He then often says this for:
• Five minutes
• Ten Minutes
• Ten minutes, with one five-minute interruption from someone else
• Twenty minutes throughout the show, with one five-minute interruption from someone else
• Twenty minutes, with a video montage that tells you that he is, coincidentally, good, better best, super (as well as duper) and smoochy.

Someone pinch me.

As I've said in the past, my dislike of Triple H stems less from the possibility that he might be a conniving manipulator and more from the fact that the man just makes me weary. The promos are endless; they never say anything new; and his delivery and tone are enough to suck the last vestiges of fun or anima from the most impassioned of declarations.

Even if the booking committee is ultimately responsible for the losses and non-pushes of other wrestlers, Triple H is responsible for how those are enacted and dramatized. Yet he presents us with permanence and inevitability. He will win by powering out or cheating; take your pick. And he will chill you to the core of your wrist when you go to the fridge for a soda while he's busy telling you, again, that he is amazing.

Incidentally, if this is undoubtedly true, why do we need constant reminding?


And What?
In January and February 2000, Mick Foley made a questionable champion a great one. He did it with tense promos that forced Triple H to confront real fear and then overcome it; to state his confidence in himself and have to prove it by not blinking; and to become ever-increasingly verbally menacing. Later in the ring, the two wrestled virtually free from interference. And the less-than-convincing Cerebral Assassin mastered a brutality with which he was hitherto unfamiliar. Triple H ended a beloved wrestler's career, crushing his dreams. He did so in a way that made it seem like he had the right to do those things. In two months, Mick Foley handed Triple H a nest egg, a savings of legitimacy that could be sparingly paid out over an entire career.

And Triple H has squandered this. Or perhaps the booking committee has.

Years of battling icons or personae so well-established that victory or defeat became irrelevant have hampered him. Those same years of bludgeoning others to inconsequence have hurt him dearer. Austin, Foley and others could walk away from losing to Triple H and still be legends. Everyone else has walked away as less of a wrestler. In turn, this has lessened the value of Triple H's victories, until eventually he's come to stand barely a rung above people who are, in his language, "nothing by comparison." If every other wrestler is an incompetent, what does it say of Triple H when he declares himself their champion?

Perhaps most critically, a combination of booking and Triple H's self-adoring promos has culminated in that greatest of writing sins: telling without showing. There is no worth in saying, in a plot, "This man is a hero." No one believes it. Yet if you say, "This man is ordinary," then describe him performing heroic duties, he is unmistakably a hero. In spite of all the bluster about Triple H's magnificence and superiority, the circumstances surrounding it don't support the rhetoric.

Weekly Triple H feels no compunction or restraint in telling us of his greatness. But that greatness exists at the pleasure or patience of wrestlers as big or bigger than he. It exists because he is a relentless unpinnable monster in one instance, and because he is a conniving malevolent cheat in another. And it exists precisely because he switches from one to the other depending upon which behavior leads to victory. It exists because his character is — however varying and incidental — more recognizable than his challengers', and if for nothing more than that he has been there for so long. But most importantly, it exists at the expense of the other: other wrestlers, other plots, perhaps other buyrates.

Triple H may not be an evil or conniving man. He may, indeed, be a victim of endless foolhardy storyline expediency. But he is where he is at the expense of so much. Thus, as those around him become more of a concept than a person (like a Hogan, or even Austin) and others become less than what they once were, like Booker, Triple H needs someone to reinvigorate him.

This week it was Mick Foley, the man who began it all. It's been three years since Foley made Triple H, and he has remade him. A retired grappler who was once described by Triple H as a "human muppet" was the only character human enough, entertaining enough and unyieldingly confident enough to make us believe — not in him, but in Triple H. For the sake of future stories and wrestlers' characters, let us pray that Triple H and the bookers know what they squandered. As wonderful as he is to see, let us pray that Foley is never needed in this way again.



The Obtuse Angle Archive.

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Since: 2.1.02
From: Michigan

Since last post: 6962 days
Last activity: 6836 days
#2 Posted on
Well.

That was extensive, just plain long, and you almost lost me a few times when I thought you were going to turn into Dennis Miller, but it really got going around the part about Booker T (maybe just something from a personal preference) and ended up being a great column.

That said, the whole Undertaker thing threw me. I never really thought of him as homosexually-tinged anything or even sexually ambiguous. I do, however, know that the tag team of Rico and David Bowie would be about a billion times more awesome.



June 11, 5:41 P.M.

Mood: Undead

asteroidboy
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Since: 22.1.02
From: Texas

Since last post: 4873 days
Last activity: 439 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.95

When it comes to in-ring performance, Triple H also suffers a sort of endless schizophrenia. For one thing, he is the only monster heel in the WWE who is not physically abnormal. He's strong, but he's not seven-feet tall. As such, it's rather remarkable that he crushes the opposition, when people like Scott Steiner, the Big Show, Albert and others occasionally have difficulty. He beats others by crushing them, but he also does it by cheating, by surrounding himself with toadies who cheat for him and by getting a sledgehammer. When he cheats, he wins decisively. When Jericho cheats, he loses.

So apparently Triple H is a weak cheating heel when he isn't a monster heel. And he just cheats more effectively and has better cheating assistants. Yet, after a Harlem Hangover, he kicks out, clean. After a belt shot from Flair, he kicks out, clean. So he is a monster heel when cheating fails.

But, then again, he isn't.

In fact, his character's versatility is structured in a way that serves to make any opponent appear less than the sum of their talents. When Jericho lost, it was because all the interference in the world couldn't help him win. Even in their matches post Triple H's heel-turn, Jericho's cheating was no match for Triple H's cheating. When Booker lost, it was because a pretty clean match — with piddling interference and no foreign objects — was still too much for him.

Obviously, he's an unbeatable foe against whom your offense has no effect, unless he's not an unbeatable foe and has to cheat to make your offense have no effect. He's a cowardly monster or a monstrous coward. Or maybe he's just a booking monstrosity. He's the cleanest dirty non-dirty unclean player and The Game. No matter who you are and what you do, you will look bad.


Fantastic stuff, Jeb. I've wanted to verbalize this for a long time. It cuts to the quick of HHH's hypocrisies. Started to drag after the bullet list, though.

One of the best examples I can think of is the WM 2000 finish. Under the old rules, Rock would have gone over. The announcers kept harping over and over about it being Rock's "destiny" to win at WrestleMania. But he didn't. The rules had changed, in a variety of ways.

But I'll take issue to one part - HBK's promo. If you can, get a copy of his heel-turn promo right after Summerslam '97. It's good stuff. But otherwise, I'd agree. Michaels never connected with the crowd as a face, there was always too much homophobic backlash that he couldn't overcome with a solid promo. And when he played heel, his DX stuff was funny, but it was one joke told over and over. And his DX stuff almost seemed Pyrrhic. He was entertaining at the expense of making his oppponets look ridiculous - primarily the Hart Foundation. Compare this to the Foley/HHH buildup to RR 2000, when Foley rips off his shirt, revealing the Cactus Jack character.

"At this point, all Triple H had to do was *snicker* and we would have been DONE," said Foley in "Hard Knocks and Cheap Pops."

But HHH sold it, and it worked. Michaels didn't emotionally sell for his opponents. Instead, he used cartoonishly frightnened expressions. Until, of course, he ran into Stone Cold.

Off target, sorry. Great column, more refreshing than Gatorade after an all-night bender.



-- Asteroid Boy


Wiener of the day: 23.7.02

"My brother saw the Undertaker walking through an airport." - Rex
"Was he no-selling?" - Me


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Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 1927 days
Last activity: 1496 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.54
Great column, Jeb. The best critique of Triple H I've ever seen.



Over 1400 posts and still never a Wiener of the Day!





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and when you're in the bigger room
you might not know what to do
you might have to think of
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da da da


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Since: 2.1.02
From: Getting Rowdy

Since last post: 6274 days
Last activity: 6116 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.00
Right on, Jeb. I don't venture into this forum often, but that was a good read.

HHH just isn't an impressive character anymore, when no one believes for a second that he might lose.



The King of Keith
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Since: 4.11.02
From: Winchester, VA

Since last post: 3394 days
Last activity: 3393 days
#6 Posted on
I dunno...I generally think your stuff is the best thing going, but this week it's lacking. Do we really need another rant on why HHH is bad?

Pro-wrestling is a world full of over-the-top characters. Over the last 20-or-so years, has the WWE ever had that many "normal guys" as their champ?

Bob Backlund - All-American amatuer wrestler
The Iron Sheik - Evil Iranian
Hulk Hogan - 6'10" genetic monster
Andre the Giant - even bigger monster than Hogan
Randy Savage - pretty close to normal when a face, although how many normal people wore sequined cowboy hats?
The Ultimate Warrior - prose spouting face painted freak
Sgt. Slaughter - American turncoat
The Undertaker - Evil zombie
Ric Flair - Playboy extraordinairre
Bret Hart - boring 2nd generation wrestler
Yokozuna - evil sumo wrestler
Diesel - 7'0" bodyguard with a love for leather and tassles
Shawn Michaels - The kid in high school that everyone hated but wanted to be friends with
Sid - 6'10" psycho
Steve Austin - redneck drunk...a very real and enjoyable character
Kane - Evil burnt zombie
The Rock - The guy everyone wants to be or be with.
Mick Foley - underdog every day guy (as you mentioned)
HHH - cerebral assassin
Vince McMahon - 50+ year old owner of multi-million dollar company
Big Show - 7'5" monster
Kurt Angle - Olympic Hero
Chris Jericho - Smartass rock star
Brock Lesnar - All-american amatuer wrestler who looks like a white Incredible Hulk

As you see, 95% of these aren't very "real" characters that we can associate with. Yet, that list is the elite of pro-wrestling for the last twenty years. Why? Because of their charisma and workmanship (for those under 6'10"...Sid, Andre, and Big Show seemed to have gotten it for just being gigantic). When I watch I don't think "The Rock is so unlike me...", I think "Holy crap, is that guy awesome, or what?"

Oh, and another thing you touched on...you mentioned about HBK's promos being unmemorable. I disagree wholly. Let me see what I can come up with off the top of my head...

1)Throwing Janetty thru the Barbershop window and ripping up the WWF Magazine article
2)His promos between he and Martel before Summerslam 92 where they promised not to hit each other in the face
3)His dumping of the tag belt in the trash when he and Diesel split
4)His telling Sid that he could take the day off
5)His promo before his return to the Royal Rumble after collapsing after Summerslam
6)His promos before WMXII when he was training with Jose Lothario
7)His promo after Summerslam when he accidentally pasted UT with the chair
8)His DX promo where they played the lost clique video from the MSG incident
9)DX promo where they played strip poker in the ring waiting for Owen Hart
10)DX promo where he lowered himself out of the ceiling after Royal Rumble where Kane had set fire to the Undertaker. Everyone thought it would be Taker descending, but the lights came up and it was Michaels and they played the DX music. THEN, they proceeded to have a BBQ. CLASSIC.
11)His offer to wrestle at Summerslam against HHH
12)His getting up out of the wheel chair promo from this fall
13)Just two weeks ago in his promo with Flair

Sorry, didn't mean to go on a diatribe there. Those were points I just wanted to make. I'm still a fan of yours though. I just don't want this column to become another "HHH sucks" column that so many writers write.







Yes, I like HHH! What's so wrong with that?
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- Mr Heel II, Smackdown House Show Report (2003)
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