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The W - Guest Columns - Heat [#226, 11/17/02]
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Since: 10.12.01
From: Aurora, IL

Since last post: 469 days
Last activity: 303 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 10.00

TV PG LV entertainment open fireworks

the Hurricane (no hometown given, 215 pounds, WWE Anthology) vs Justin Credible (Ozone Park, NY 229 pounds) - blah blah Anthology blah blah Survivor Series blah blah Elimination Chamber. Circle. Handshake? No, Justin slaps it away and Lita hits the catchphrase. And then talks trash. Lockup, no Justin with a knee. Right to the back of the neck. Whip, clothesline misses, Hurricane back with a spinning headscissors. Corner whip, Justin kips up but no one's home, clothesline out misses, Justin stand around while Hurricane gets behind him for the jumping neckbreaker one two no. Justin with a knee to take back control. Corner whip, reversed, Justin kips to the apron, Hurricane charges in anyway and gets back elbow. Justin hops to the top but Hurricane gives him his required crotching. Hurricane puts Justin in the Tree of Woe, tells Chad Patten about something exciting going up in the ceiling, Patten looks up, and Hurricane hits the groin smash. That's not very superhero like of him. Pose. Patten fights for the clean break and Justin sneaks in a right hand. Justin recovers. Stomp. Turnbuckle smash. Jab jab big right. "That's Just Incredible!" Hurricane Pose! D'Lo vs Johnny later! More Raven talking! Justin has really wanted to do that crotch chop twice this match and help up, I wonder what's with that. Whip, back elbow one two NO. Chinlock. Is Hurricane out? I'm thinking no. Hurricane with a back elbow, back elbow, back elbow, off the ropes, Hurricane tries a sunset flip, Justin stuns him with a punch to the head, pose and there's the sunset flip one two no. Justin with another big right to take him down. Maybe if this wrestling thing doesn't work out, Justin can try boxing. Slam. No don't go up. Loud (fake?) Hurricane chant. Okay, Hurricane is lying on the mat, but Justin jumps off with an axhandle where he'd land on his feet (thereby never even coming close to hitting Hurricane), so it's no real surprise that Hurricane boots him on the chin. Justin casually checks his mouth as both men are down. One two three four Hurricane with a right right, Justin with a kick, off the rights and right into the jumping forearm. Hurricane right, what's he going to do, Classic Comeback worked in, turnbuckle smash. Overcast! He's calling for it - Shining Wizard is called by Lita (Coach: "What did you say?") one two NO! I guess that's not the finish this week. Coach claims he wanted Lita to repeat it "for the fans out there who may not be familiar with that move", by which I hope he's talking about JR and the name because you don't want to know how many weeks he's done that move on this show. Hurricane puts Justin onto the top rope, climbing up himself - Justin with an eye rake. Top rope sunset flip powerbomb one two NO! Justin can't believe a) he hit that and b) it still wasn't three - oh inside cradle one two NO. Right hand misses - goozle, no Justin elbows out. Coach: "Hurricane going for a chokeslam, and I can't remember the last time we saw that actually work for the Hurricane" - how about LAST WEEK, YOU MORON. Whip, head down too soon so Hurricane loads him up for the Vertabreaker (Lita: "We've not seen this for a long time!" - how about five weeks ago, and I don't think these two pay attention to any matches they're not calling) Vertabreaker hits one two three (5:18) Coach gives us a PSA. Hurricane has four different finishers and he still only wins on this show, what's up with that.†

Your Announcers Lita and Coach talk about how awesomely awesome the Elimination Chamber match apparently was

Elimination Chamber stills (1:12)

Raven is in the locker room and walking over to some local wrestler type - "Hey Stevens - I'm gonna explain to you and everyone else out there who was to simple minded last week to follow why I am compelled this masterpiece. It's because YOU and everyone out there are filthy immoral degenerates and you refuse to admit it. You hide behind a mask of normalcy. You call people like me depraved! People who aren't afraid to be who they are, in order to defect the tension from yourself. I will use the seven deadly sins as a backdrop to illustrate the hypocrisy of mankind - this will be my masterpiece! But before I begin, I'm gonna give you a chance to achieve salvation first - admit to me now that your life is a lie, that you're a different person than you claim to be, and take your first step towards salvation. Because, have no doubt, that if I must, I will hurt you. I'm a righteous man on a mission, and I will HURT YOU, if i have to." "I don't have anything to admit to, and I will see you in the ring tonight, freak." [walks away] "This is going to hurt me a lot more than it's gonna hurt you - Quote the Raven, no more."

JVC Batista attack on Kane of Monday

Aaron Stevens (no video - Boston, MA, 241 pounds) vs King Raven (the Bowery, 235 pounds) - I called him Erin last week but that's the correct way. Why that close up of a "Raven's Flock" sign? Coach and Lita discuss Raven's speech - they're so happy because they're so simple. After being set up as the face here, Steven attacks Raven as he enters. Forearm, forearm, whip, back elbow. Steven with a kick, kick, off the ropes, jumping swinging neckbreaker one two NO. Raven forces him into the corner, - shoulder, shoulder, shoulder right right right. Off the second rope knee driver. Right right right. Lita suggest that Raven wouldn't be so bitter if he just got to the WWE through Tough Enough instead of the whole long twisted path that has taken him to this match vs Aaron Stevens. Corner whip, Raven charge into a boot, Aaron charges out into a drop to hold. Raven smashing the face into the mat. And let's do it some more. Corner whip, rebound clothesline. Calling for it - Mr. Wrestling #2 Knee Lift. You don't know how disappointed I was that Raven was not Mr. Wrestling #3. Raven Crucifix Pose - actually, Coach says: "Raven spreads those arms in a flock lock manner" and now I'm starting to wonder if I'm supposed to think some things. Raven Effect. One two three. (1:48) Wait, he's not done - Raven holding Aaron down and grabbing the hand - ahh, he's back to breaking gingers. Here's another! Perry Saturn was let go this week, you know. And now he's yelling at Aaron - "that hurt me more than it hurt you!"†

Tough Enough 3 Highlihgts - Nick is a MORON. (2:40)

Coming up tonight - Miss Jackie vs Molly! Again!†

Next - D-Von is back with his brothers.

RAW Retro - Mankind Wins the WWF Title - 1/4/99. I think just hearing "[CRASH]" gave me more goosebumps than seeing Foley win the title but it's close. (:45)

Dudleyz vs 3 Minute Warning (2:55)

Still to come, Miss Jackie vs Molly! But next - D'Lo vs Johnny!

HBK vs RVD on RAW for WHT

Scott Steiner at Survivor Series. (1:11)

D'Lo Brown (Chicago, IL, 258 pounds, WWE Anthology) vs Johnny Stamboli (Brooklyn, NY, 248 pounds) - Not only is Raven mad at the announce team for the stupid translator bit two weeks ago, Johnny's miffed about something or other. Johnny wears the "jTb" pants still because no one will make him new ones, I guess. That D'Lo turn was a one week thing, I guess? Lita is unhappy with what happened to Mattitude. Circle. Lockup, break. Lockup, no Johnny knee to the midsection. Forearm to the back. Whip, hiptoss is blocked and D'Lo hits one of his own . Armdrag, armdrag with an armbar. D'Lo's letting Johnny know that he' snot a punk. Everyone up with that armbar still on - D'Lo pulls Johnny back from getting the ropes a couple times, then just spins him around top drop him. Armbar. Whip, reversed, Johnny with a press, D'Lo drops behind with a waistlock, to the ropes but D'Lo back with a reverse rollup one two no. Coach nearly says "Val Venis" but catches himself only because that's not his name anymore either. D'Lo wants to do an armdrag but Johnny isn't in the right place at the right time than almost hurts his shoulder taking it. Armbar held on while everyone talks. Whip, head down too soon so D'Lo knees it. D'Lo off the ropes - Johnny tries for a tilt-a-whirl something (probably a slam, because that's what he's been doing), D'Lo's body spins around to the back of Johnny's neck, Johnny's thrown off and looses control of D'Lo as he continues to spin, D'Lo ends up taking a painful looking backbreaker to the upperback. Johnny goes to work on that upper back with stomping and elbows to the upperback, so maybe he meant to do it like that. Coach promises "a lot of past stars, a lot of present stars" for the RAW 10th anniversary - he also makes it sound like it's a clip show special. And stars from both shows. Turnbuckle smash by Johnny. Kick. Kick. Kick. Right. Corner whip, Johnny taunts him, kick to the midsection, pulling him in, flicking his chest, lifting D'Lo up on his shoulder - over the shoulder backbreaker. Working on that upperback - and there's the drop to his knees. One two NO. One two NO. Johnny is explaining that the next number should be three, but Charles Robinson isn't buying it. Johnny is calling D'Lo up - right misses, reverse neckbreaker hits. Both men down. Both men up ant 8. Johnny right, D'Lo right. Johnny right, D'Lo right. Johnny no - D'Lo right, right, right, right,. Yelling at him to get up. Whip, jumping side kick. Slam - shaky shaky legdrop. One two NO! Right. Lita: "Coach, you need to have a little sign at the end - 'In Loving Memory Of D'Lo', every show." Corner whip, reversed, Johnny walks into a boot. D'Lo charges out into a press slam into the shoulder powerslam one two three. (5:03) The ForgetAboutIt is now the shoulder powerslam or Lita and Coach are being goofy. Quite possibly, both. Coach: "As of tonight, we are no long on the case of Johnny Stamboli. No long on the case! Johnny is back in our good graces and a playa playa." Meanwhile, maybe it's just me but D's got a losing streak going here...

Coming up, RAW's main event.

How RVD got his title shot (2:25) - here's the graphic, tomorrow night.

Next, Miss Jackie vs Molly

RAW Live:
11/25: Home of The Lowgators, SC
11/30: Amarillo, TX
12/01: Laredo, TX
12/02: Austin, TX
12/07: Pensacola, FL

Lugz New Woman's Champion of Sunday

Miss Jackie (Dallas, TX, no weight given) vs Molly Holly (Mobile, Alabama, no weight given) - Circle, lockcup, Miss Jackie with a waistlock, Molly with an armdrag into a pin one count reverse into a hammerlock, knee into Molly's back. Pulling Molly up by her hair, into the side headlock, armbar, kick to the chest, stepping over the armbar, standing stepover armbar cradle! One two NO where the heck did Jackie pull that one out form. Molly tries a kick, Jackie catches, "no no no no!", quick legsweep one two no. Jackie with a headlock, Molly tries to break it out but it ain't happening, Molly shoots Jackie into the ropes but Jackie knock her down with the shoulderblock. Off the ropes, Molly tries a hiptoss but it's blocked and Jackie hits her own. Back suplex no Jackie lands on her feet, dropkick to the knee. Knee driven into the mat. Elbow to the inside of the knee, elbow to the inside of the knee. Molly works an inside grapevine, and Jackie reaches around for a a chinlock but Molly cranks the knee to force Jackie to break. Repeat. Now Molly has gotten a position a little farther away, and Jackie can't get at her, though she won't give quite yet. Now stretching Jackie's knee over the ropes. I miss a bit here so let's just skip to Molly getting a Half Boston - but Jackie's gotten to the ropes. Whip, sunset flip by Jackie one two no. Jackie with a backslide one two NO. Corner bulldog from Jackie one two NO! Jackie isn't sure about that last one - picking Molly up, no Molly with a small package one two three (4:00) Evening it up from last time...†

Hype of RAW and we're out.

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Since: 11.11.02

Since last post: 6133 days
Last activity: 5935 days
#2 Posted on

    Originally posted by thecubsfan

    Hurricane has four different finishers and he still only wins on this show, what's up with that.

OK, I can think of the Eye of the Hurricane, the Hurri-Chokeslam, and the Vertebreaker. What's the fourth? (I don't get Raw...)

Since: 10.12.01
From: Aurora, IL

Since last post: 469 days
Last activity: 303 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 10.00
He's won with the Shining Wizard on occasion.

By comparision, Test has used the Big Boot, the pumphandle shoulder powerslam, the Roll of the Dice, the Top Rope Elbow and probably something else I'm forgetting about as finishers for extended periods of time and look how well it's worked for him...
James F'n X

Since: 2.1.02
From: Seattle, WA

Since last post: 5557 days
Last activity: 5523 days
#4 Posted on

    Originally posted by thecubsfan
    He's won with the Shining Wizard on occasion.

    By comparision, Test has used the Big Boot, the pumphandle shoulder powerslam, the Roll of the Dice, the Top Rope Elbow and probably something else I'm forgetting about as finishers for extended periods of time and look how well it's worked for him...

And who are you to doubt the Testicles?

"Steinerís Chain Mail must be +2 v. Cruiserweights, Chris! Make a saving throw!" - Excalibur05

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Funny column this week, CB! I especially like the Letters From A Nut. I think it would be funny if you interviewed Raven ( if you haven't already.
Related threads: Raven's Masterpiece - Heat [#225, 11/10/02] - Heat [#223, 11/10/02] - More...
The W - Guest Columns - Heat [#226, 11/17/02] Register and log in to post!

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