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The W - Movies & TV - Celebrity Apprentice Power Rankings (Thru Wk. 3)
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Super Shane Spear

Since: 2.1.02
From: Sector 7 Slums

Since last post: 4117 days
Last activity: 4117 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.20
Second thread of the month = Triple S overload.

Ok, hopefully I'm not the only member of this board that's still hanging on with this show. But even if I'm the only one reading this, that's good enough for me. It's a train wreck, but I think it's a fun train wreck, and at least there seems to be a handful of players that are actually seem to be taking it seriously. This is what got me excited to try and once again over-analyze a fluff bit of television down to its atomic level.

This episode kind of defined a early season solidifying of the guard that was established in the first two episodes. Only Gene, who went from penthouse to outhouse, really made an impact on either the positive or negative side of the street. The sports contingency (Tito, Lennox and Jennie Finch) stayed in the same place, mostly because Tito's win had nothing to do with him. The invisibles (Trace Adkins, Marilu Henner and Vincent Pastore) stayed invisible. Nobody's taken a legitimate cut at Omarosa yet either. Oh, there's been some swings and misses, but nothing even close to hitting her on the chin. So without further ado, and with apologizes to Bill Simmons, who I guess invented Power Rankings In The Modern Age, here we go.

The Contenders
1. Piers Morgan (3-0 overall; 0-0 Project Manager)

Piers has the upper hand right now for many reasons. First and foremost, he's played this game before. At least the version on the other side of the pond. So outside of Omarosa, he has the experience edge over all the others. Also, he's mentally (and to a certain extent physically) tough. Assuming Hydra doesn't go all Survivor: Palau (or New England Patriots if you must) and run the table, Piers has the speaking edge over everyone on his team as well. After trading wit with Simon Cowell, I just don't see him having any trouble with Big Pussy. Sorry. Up to this point, he's backed up his reputation with some pretty strong play in the actual game portion as well. Piers and Stephen pretty much wrestled control from Puppet Ortiz this week. In previous weeks, those two have pretty much headed up Hydra's efforts as well. Weaknesses? Well, I don't know if he has enough celebrity friends that would actually come on this show. That may bite him in the end.

2. Stephen Baldwin (3-0; 1-0)

I really want to hate him. Really I do. Here's a guy that is way too excited all the time. Probably because he's used to working about five times as hard as Alec just to be remembered at all. He really needs to dial that back a bit, because honestly he's probably the star with the best brand (Baldwin) in this game. Outside of his attitude though, Stephen is a guy who seems like he could really make well for himself in the quasi-advertising business that Apprentice is. He has the celebrity friends you'll need for money-raising tasks. He knows how to market well, as he's now shown with Pedigree and Kodak. Also, people seem to listen to him. His only glaring weakness goes back to his smarmy excitement, which I think would cause him to step on a Trump landmine before Piers.

3. Tito Ortiz (3-0; 1-0)

Tito gets a push here because of his "win" this week. You can see where the fact that he maintains his own business comes into play because he does have some pretty creative ideas during the brainstorms. Knowing what appeals to business moguls can be a pretty good advantage here. However, outside of an attempted power struggle last week against Gene and Stephen, he's been pretty close to the Invisibles(TM). Even as project manager, he seemed to have delegated the majority of his work. I'm not asking him to micro-manage, but Stephen will steal every bit of glory he possibly can if you let him. Also, Tito's a brand in and of himself, but it's to a niche market: UFC and porn fans. Still, far and away the best of the sports crew.

4. Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth (0-3; 0-1)

Returning to any game show and its kin for a second run at it is a tough task to do. Chris Moneymaker hasn't won anything since the 2003 World Series of Poker. Ken Jennings choked against better competition during his rigged run at the Tournament of Champions. Rob Cesternino, the best Survivor player yet, couldn't get out of the blocks on his return to the island. But so far, Omarosa is holding her own, on a losing team at that. Not just a losing team, but a team with no skills outside of maybe Carol Alt that I see, and a team that gained a cancer this week in the form of Gene Simmons that was thankfully ejected quickly. As long as she continues her smart game strategy of doing just enough to contribute without ever being the reason why her team loses, she should sail into the final four, where her other strategy of "regurgitate whatever Donald says right back to him" could feasibly win her the game. She just needs to stay out of fights with people that can out-maneuver her in a debate. Namely Piers, Stephen, and maybe Carol.

The Invisibles
5. Carol Alt (0-3; 0-0)

Ok, so I can think of a few strengths here at least. Carol is good looking, even now. That helps on this show. Carol also has survived a legitimate boardroom battle and won. That experience helps too, because I feel it gives her the confidence that she's going to need when she inevitably stares down Omarosa. Carol also seems to know who to stand next to to make herself look better. See how she's formed a sort of tag team with Nely? Smart. Also, her hometown edge of New York is a pretty nice thing to have as well. The definition of dark horse.

6. Lennox Lewis (3-0; 0-0)

Pros: Ummm...he likes dogs I guess. Cons: Taking your shirt off can only get you so far on this show. At least if you're a guy.

7. Trace Adkins (3-0; 0-0)

Take off that silly ass hat. -- Chris Rock

8. Vincent Pastore (3-0; 0-0)
9. Marilu Henner (0-3; 0-0)

Vincent only edges out Marilu because of the W-L total and the fact that his seven years since being relevant beats her twenty-five years (ok, fifteen if you count Evening Shade.)

The Useless
10. Jennie Finch (0-3; 0-0)

Ok, as a fan of the Arizona Diamondbacks let me start off by saying that of all the players you could marry, you picked Casey Daigle? Also, as a fan of the Arizona State Sun Devils, I hate all things wildcat (with a lowercase w). That out of the way, well she's still pretty terrible. On a team full of women that brings nothing to the table, she brings even less. She can't sell product, either literally or as a brand name. Lennox Lewis may be invisible as a game player, but his face has been all over the advertising for Hydra. Jennie can't even step up and do that. Stepping outside of the game for a moment, it's pretty sad overall that she really wasn't able to take advantage of what seemed to be fame knocking on her door. This girl was once voted the most attractive female athlete over no less than Anna F. Kournikova by fans. Overall, between the duhhhhhhh factor and the fact that Carol Alt has all but established herself in the looks category ahad of her, she's toast soon.

11. Nely Galán (0-3; 0-1)

Now here's a choke job of epic lengths. Nely has now gone back to back weeks of failing to do tasks that are her real life job. She made a horrible commerical for dog adoption, and following that up by diving head first into Gene Simmons' Kodak World. She doesn't listen to executives. She talks way too much. She talks about the wrong thing way too much as well. Oh, and a little thing that Trump can't stand her and has tried to escort her out the last two week to no use. Gene Simmons refused to blame her after she committed her undying support to him, and the week before Donald practically begged Nadia to put up a fight so he could fire her. Oh oh, and also she seems to set the woman back about a billion years by getting into catty, non-sensical (read: DUMB) fights and attempted retaliatory moves towards the others. Trying to get rid of Jennie just because she quite correctly said you were the weak link? DUMB. Right girl, wrong timing. ZERO CHANCE.

The Dead
12. Gene Simmons
(He obviously threw this fight.)
13. Nadia Comaneci
14. Tiffany Fallon

(edited by Super Shane Spear on 19.1.08 1834)
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Cherries > Peaches

Since: 1.8.02
From: Phoenix-ish

Since last post: 11 days
Last activity: 3 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.22
Aw, I missed it. Gene, eh? I'm thinking he must have had some better biz opp; got his charity win last week, then arranged to get himself eliminated this time.

I hate that Piers guy. (IAm I supposed to know who he is? Obviously I'm not his target audience.) He's almost as annoying as Omarosa; hence he'll be around til the end. And Omarosa is trying so hard to *act* the bitch, she's not even interesting.

The Baldwins are making a big TV splash this season: Stephen here, & Daniel on Celebrity Rehab. (Speaking of which, I was suprised that Marilu Henner doesn't look better. However, there's Jeff Conaway on Celebrity Rehab. Any other crossovers I missed? Were Tito & Chyna an item at some point?) Suppose that has anything to do with Alec being on 30 Rock?
Shot in the dark

Since: 11.1.02
From: Houston

Since last post: 1849 days
Last activity: 1848 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.17
    Originally posted by Super Shane Spear
    Chris Moneymaker hasn't won anything since the 2003 World Series of Poker.

He won the big one...what else does he need to prove?

Betting spoiler

Spoiler Below: Highlight text to read

Betting sites have Piers Morgan at 2/1 for the win, indicating the winner may have leaked.


Since: 3.10.02
From: Right side of the tracks

Since last post: 19 days
Last activity: 19 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.65
Gene tanked it. I think he was bored.

Anybody else notice Vince McMahon in the preview for next week?

Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 1542 days
Last activity: 1264 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.48
    Originally posted by StaggerLee
    Gene tanked it. I think he was bored.

    Anybody else notice Vince McMahon in the preview for next week?

I don't think Gene was so much bored as just feeling the whole mess is beneath him. He's a rather smart businessmen already with all the Kiss merchandising he controls so this was probably just something he thought he could use to get his mugg on TV before the next season of his own show starts up again.

Vince probably wants his hair back...

Forget it Josh... it's Cerebustown.
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