Dr Unlikely
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|  #1 Posted on 7.9.15 2220.32
Reposted on: 7.9.22 2222.11 | TONIGHT! Labor Day! Which WWE doesn't acknowledge because independent contractors are not employees but rather subhuman garbage who better not ever unionize! RAW IS WAR IS LIVE from Baltimore's Royal Farms Arena (An SMG-Managed Facility), formerly The Baltimore Arena, formerly 1st Mariner Arena, formerly The Boston Civic Center, home of the legendary Baltimore Staircase, a surefire lock for the WWE Hall of Fame! Look it up! Speaking of Hall of Famers! STING! Sting rising up in front of THE DELICIOUS SETH ROLLINS CHOCOLATE STATUE in the most goofy way possible three times in a row because who even produces this show? EDGE! CHRISTIAN! The Team of EDGE AND CHRISTIAN! Christian is not technically a Hall of Famer yet! I hope he goes in before he dies of CONSUMPTION! Also, a CHAMPION VS. CHAMPION MATCH (it's not Seth Rollins wrestling himself, but I bet he could do it)!
We open tonight the same way we've opened every Monday night for the past two years if you're feeling generous (15 years if you're not). Seth Rollins says Seth Rollins Things and Powerful Business Woman Stephanie McMahon and HHH are simultaneously heels and faces and what do you like? What do you want them to be? What are your hopes? What are your dreams? Stephanie and HHH will be that for you, if you love them. Do you love them? They love you. Please, love them. HHH is The NXT Man. Stephanie personally knows the women you love who do the wrestling thing. Cheer and boo them at the same time. Make a new sound for them, invent a new human sound. For them. Just for them. Do it all for them.
Later: Kevin Owens eats an apple. (No bold for the apple yet. Let's see how this plays out.)
Sometime in Hour 2: Seth Rollins is backstage and runs into The New Day and Xavier Woods' Trombone. Xavier Woods plays the "Final Fantasy Victory Fanfare" on trombone and if you're reading this and didn't see the show, it sounds like something I'd make up but no, Xavier Woods actually plays the "Final Fantasy Victory Fanfare" on trombone and literally the entire internet marks out because this is amazing. THEN. Edge And Christian arrive and Edge mostly remembers that Seth Rollins was legit in-storyline genuinely trying to legally murder him last time Edge appeared! THEN. THEN. Xavier Woods yells "BAAAAATTLE!" at Edge & Christian and plays "(I actually don't know what he was playing here, I thought he was starting to plays "Sir Duke" and holy shit, what if he had played Sir Duke at Edge and Christian? but maybe it was just a quick run up and down the scales)" and Christian breaks out Christian's Kazoo and plays "Theme From New Day Rocks". THEN. THEN. THEN. Big E takes Christian's Kazoo and EATS CHRISTIAN'S KAZOO MOSTLY I MEAN HE KINDA JUST BITES IT AND THROWS IT ON THE GROUND BUT SHAWN DIDN'T ACTUALLY KICK MARTY THROUGH THE WINDOW WE ALL JUST REMEMBER IT THAT WAY SO LET'S AGREE THAT BIG E ATE THE KAZOO HE DID IT HE ATE THE KAZOO IT'S TRUE IF WE BELIEVE IT. Also Edge has Edge's Kazoo and also but to a far less extent The Dudley Boys and everyone is like "Wrestling! I love wrestling, wrestling is great! I forgot how great wrestling is!"
WWE follows this segment with a Summer/Rusev/Dolph Dumpster Fire Segment and follows that with Another Friggin' Randy Orton vs. Sheamus Match Can You Believe This. The show maybe gets a 2.7 rating.
Somehow no one knows why. | Promote this thread! |             | Blind_Guardian
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| #2 Posted on 7.9.15 2243.17
Reposted on: 7.9.22 2244.39 | I freaking love your posts, Doc. Lol. Almost as much as I love New Day. And I think New Day has officially become faces again, according to the crowd anyhow. They love that fuckin trombone. His comedic timing is phenomenal. I really need to find Xavier playing FF Victory on YouTube. They're such phenomenal ironic heels they've looped back around to faces again.
Too bad the rest of the show was garbage, including a pointless double countout for Cesaro against Miz. New Day is the infinitely hot singularity in the center of WWE's Black Hole of Suck. Gods imagine what Lucha Underground's team could do with this roster... or anyone who's not a petulant millionaire with a 12-year-old's mentality... too bad the current owner and future owner(s) are all just that. | Greymarch
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|  #3 Posted on 7.9.15 2247.58
Reposted on: 7.9.22 2248.41 | | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bE-yvLs_xk | SKLOKAZOID
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| #4 Posted on 7.9.15 2259.39
Reposted on: 7.9.22 2304.55 | I'm really glad that the New Day exists. I'm amazed at how something like this can happen within the confines of WWE's creative structure. Hopefully, it reinvigorates Vince's love for Big E and leads to bigger things for him down the road.
Now they're really projecting the Sheamus cash-in at NOC, which means it's probably going to happen. It would be weird if Rollins lost both matches after losing both matches tonight, too, but Sheamus keeps losing also, so I'm guessing there's a real possibility that Sting actually wins because Sheamus has to pin a babyface.
I think what happens is that Sting gets Rollins in the Scorpion Deathlock after heavy HHH interference (and shaking Sting's hand again). Just as Sting cinches in the hold and leans back, Sheamus enters the ring. After the ref drops Rollins' hand three times, Sheamus hits Sting with the Brogue Kick and pins him instantly so we can get Sheamus, WWE World Heavyweight Champion like we always wanted and Sting gets the shortest reign in WWE history.
Those Scorpion Side Plates would have looked cool, though. | Blind_Guardian
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| #5 Posted on 7.9.15 2320.36
Reposted on: 7.9.22 2322.27 |
Kudos. Fantastic stuff from all three teams. Kazoos were indeed unholstered. | Tenken347
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| #6 Posted on 8.9.15 0629.17
Reposted on: 8.9.22 0629.33 | Originally posted by Dr Unlikely
Please, love them. HHH is The NXT Man.
I DO love HHH the NXT Man. It's HHH the RAW Man that I'm less enthusiastic about, and you've really nailed down the reasons why here. It should also be pretty clear at this point that you can't do a Honky Tonk Man with the world title. HTM is a gimmick for a guy that can't really wrestle - that's why it worked great for Santino. Seth Freakin' Rollins is actually great - great enough to be the Best Guy in the Company, which is what that title's supposed to mean. But he hasn't beat anybody in two years. That draws the right kind of heat on a midcard title, but on the World title, it just makes everyone involved looks incompetent. | InVerse
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| #7 Posted on 8.9.15 0714.06
Reposted on: 8.9.22 0718.26 | Originally posted by Dr Unlikely
THEN. THEN. THEN. Big E takes Christian's Kazoo and EATS CHRISTIAN'S KAZOO MOSTLY I MEAN HE KINDA JUST BITES IT AND THROWS IT ON THE GROUND BUT SHAWN DIDN'T ACTUALLY KICK MARTY THROUGH THE WINDOW WE ALL JUST REMEMBER IT THAT WAY SO LET'S AGREE THAT BIG E ATE THE KAZOO HE DID IT HE ATE THE KAZOO IT'S TRUE IF WE BELIEVE IT.
Here's a quote from Caldwell's recap on The Torch:
Christian and Edge tried to play "New ... Day Sucks," but Big E. ate the kazoo to cut off Christian.
It looks like your message is spreading. | lotjx
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| #8 Posted on 8.9.15 0736.50
Reposted on: 8.9.22 0746.10 | Oh...there was the fun the WWE has been missing for three years. Seth Rollins has gone from OMG our new hope to second fiddle for HHH to becoming skinny HHH to the Jeff Jarrett of the WWE to the best worker in the company from America to Heel Sting 2.0 that has no idea he is about to be turned on. Your mileage my vary on that analogy. Cena wins in another meaningless match. I don't mind Sting mindfucking Rollins at all. What I will mind is if Cole is correct with Cena/Rollins being the main event instead Cena/Sting. I will mind that greatly. I will also mind Sheamus even sniffing the world title scene when he is a pale fart in the room.
Banks on twitter is the trash talking girl of my dreams. | Matt Tracker
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| #9 Posted on 8.9.15 1005.41
Reposted on: 8.9.22 1007.17 | If Sheamus takes the belt, then the natural number-one contender is Orton. No thank you.
| andy1278
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| #10 Posted on 8.9.15 1506.18
Reposted on: 8.9.22 1509.47 | Originally posted by SKLOKAZOID
I'm really glad that the New Day exists. I'm amazed at how something like this can happen within the confines of WWE's creative structure. Hopefully, it reinvigorates Vince's love for Big E and leads to bigger things for him down the road.
See, in my fantasy world somehow Big E wins the Rumble (with help from the others, I assume). At WrestleMania, he actually pulls out a world title win, while the other two win the tag belts and let's say Sasha Banks, since she's been hardcore Big E-loving on Twitter lately, wins the womens belt. New. Day. Rocks. Raw kicks off with "It really is a new day!" None of this will happen, but I feel like the fans are going to be molten hot for New Day by then.
Anywho, New Day stuff is awesome as always, and Big E eating things is a new addition to his already loaded bag of tricks.
I think they are openly mocking us with Orton-Sheamus matches at this point.
The womens match was going along just fine and fun, I wish they hadn't cut it short for all of the other nonsense. Fans seemed to be digging it.
Rusev-Ziggler matches are going to become the new Ziggler-Kofi matches that happen at every PPV ever.
Thank goodness they kept Big Show strong. I have not cared this little about the I-C belt in years.
(edited by andy1278 on 8.9.15 1733) | dwaters
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| #11 Posted on 8.9.15 1506.23
Reposted on: 8.9.22 1512.23 | | Somebody here called the New Day kazoo thing I believe. Kudos, whoever you were. | ekedolphin
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| #12 Posted on 8.9.15 1750.17
Reposted on: 8.9.22 1757.55 | Xavier Woods playing the Final Fantasy victory fanfare is officially my funniest wrestling moment EVER.
It's apropos that New Day should be in a segment with Edge and Christian, because they're practically the "goofy E&C era" of the 2010s.
Chris Benoit is here and he's really mad
Chris Benoit is here and he's really an-grrrrry! | David Adams
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| #13 Posted on 11.9.15 1114.23
Reposted on: 11.9.22 1116.10 | Originally posted by ekedolphin
Xavier Woods playing the Final Fantasy victory fanfare is officially my funniest wrestling moment EVER.
Thank you for mentioning this. Raw has really become background noise to me in general and I was reading something on my iPad when I heard the theme. Of course I had to rewind and make sure I heard it. Then I looked it up and found out that Xavier is a huge FF geek. | | ALL ORIGINAL POSTS IN THIS THREAD ARE NOW AVAILABLE |
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