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The W - Pro Wrestling - your WWE WORKRATE REPORT- 12/18/2003!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1201 days
Last activity: 1199 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I'm a little late. AND YOU'RE THE DADDY! Wait. No, I'm a little late because all three of my younguns are sick and we had to medicate them and put them to sleep. We got these 25 gift certificates for Christmas turkeys at work and the wife finagled Kroger into applying it to the Thursday booze purchase... so yes... the best of all possible boozes. Yes. Free boozes. Chug-a-lug, my brother. I'm drunk, you edit.

WHAT WORKED-

- Why did everybody who surrounded Hardcore Holly look exactly like Hardcore Holly. Is there actually going to be a Hardcore Holly Hit SQUAD!? God, I hope not. I think it's more like Micheal Jordan and Stone Cold Steve Austin have pretty much allowed guys with lil peckers to sublimate with a simple bald head, as opposed to buying a Testerosa or something. C'mon guys, keep America working. Buy a fucking car and grow your mullets back out. Fucking pussies.

- I'm guessing that Holly and Moore will beat Morgan and A-Train with A-Train throwing the match. I see that Heyman isn't actually booking because I could see this a mile away. But they are pushing Shannon Moore (kinda) so I'm all bout it.

- Ooooooo. I hate a fatal fourway. Ooooooooo. I love a free 6 of Saranac Adirondack Trail Mix and a free six of sweet sweet Magnum malt liquor. This was a buncha stuff. Rikishi is stinkfacing a face team? I CANNOT SUMMON THE TURDWELLIAN TO THAT!!! Shelton Benjamin does a nice CAPTURE suplex and Scotty 2 Hotty has a perfectly fine elbow drops. Eddy goes all Arena Mexico to set up everybody wanting to see the Bashams get their faces mushed around in Rikishi's manly pungent ass. Turdwellian is pleased. We go to a commercial. This is kinda working but I'm writing this in the PREDETERMINED WHAT DIDn'T WORK column. Hey, maybe I should let y'all know when I move one of these. I'm sure you, the beloved reader, also figure out if something is going to work or not work before it begins. It says something about you and me, doesn't? I feel closer to you now than I've ever felt. Can I... touch you? WAIT! Hardee's has a fucking PORKCHOP BISCUIT! If that doesn't make you proud to be an American, then I don't want to know you. Can I...Can I.... touch you? Hey, we're back! Scotty 2 Hotty looks like shit standing there, but he can still move well enough so he should avoid the steroids and avoid that Wrestling Heart Attack at 36. Bashams punch okay, I think. they edit them too much. Shelton Benjamin is vicious in this and he is the star so far. Scotty sells an ass-beating and this turns into a normal 8 man tag for all intents and purposes. Then Chavo tags in and it goes back to a four way as Eddy attacks Scotty and the Bashams and TWGTT go at it. Then it's the Lucha Thousand finishers sequence. If all 8 could run the ropes at once and this would be straight off a Tijuana undercard. Bashams win and they try to act like they cheated. It's a Four Way. If you win, you Win.

- Oh fuck it. Dawn Marie is dressed like Vampirella and 37 year old fathers of three sprint to the terlit to toast a load over their stained green sweatpants onto the tile floor. YEAH! I don't give a fuck what I ever said, VAMPIRELLA RULES ALL. Fuck, A-Train could wear a Vampirella outfit and I would toast a load to it.

- Jamie Noble escorts Nidia to the ring. Rey Rey will make all this work well. The first part is a bunch of Malenko-Guerrerro opening stuff that I think I've seen too much now. I won't be a dick and whine about perfectly fine wrestling. Noble bumps inexplicably out of the Camel Clutch. Noble bumps into the pole and Rey Rey hits a BEAUTIFUL moonsault. Rey is fucking awesome with the elaborate headscissors. Rey Rey with the STO Into The Roll-up. Rey Rey Bumpos FUCKING HUGE missing the 619. Noble bumps EVERYBODY and his Tiger Driver is turned into a roll-up for the three and I'm upset because Cole uses the word "Damn" completely wrong FOUR times in succession.

- I go to make my terlit very unhappy. When I return, Chuck and Benoit are wrestling. That's gonna be good. Chuck is fucking AWESOMe early on with the punches and kicks. Chuck wants to be my boyfriend because he whips out the ............................... CRAVATE! and I'm in love. God, Benoit will lean into the offense and Chuck is fired up. He whips out ANOTHER CRAVATE! Chuck is soooo top 50 in the DVDVR Top 500 on February 1st. Benoit makes his first comeback with a Crippler Crossface. then he hits the Locomotion German and the Diving Headbutt. Chuck cheats to w...2 COUNT! they show a replay and they come back and Chuck is tapping to the Crossface. They set up Benoit versus the FBI. yes they so. Lemme hit this Saranac Pale Ale and contemplate Benoit versus Johnny the Bull.

- hey RHYNO! He and Bradshaw are going to fight again! Oh wait! Bradshaw is pestering our brave fighting men in the showers of Iraq~! Farooq comes out instead! Farooq does a SWEET forearm to the back. AND THE FOREARMS ARE CLUBBING! AH BE STILL MY BEATING HEART! Rhyno's Forearms club with the beauty and elegance of any forearms I've ever seen. Farooq hits a nice Sidewalk Slam. A lowblow and they call it a DQ? WHAT THE FUCK?!? Other than the shitty ending, Farooq makes it all worthwhile.

- Heyman no-selling the assault of the WWE WHORULONs will ALWAYS work.

- The rigged lottery will also always work. Shannon Moore is fun but Brock is AWESOME selling for the tyke. This is short but they have the whole tag match with a broken Moore next. Look at all the work they had to do to make this match interesting to me. Moore sells and bumps like a KING for Morgan and A-Train and you can tell he is from North Carolina because he is the most Southern Face In Peril you could ever want. Hardcore Holly is soooo not as good as Robert Gibson. A-Train bumps big and tries to make Holly's astoundingly shitty punches look less horrendously shitty. Holly's comeback is fun. The finish is kinda anti-climatic- prolly because that has to be the shittiest finish ever. Good lil match though- mostly because A-Train and Moore will go the extra mile.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- Big Show beat up that Black Greg Luganis guy. It wasn't horrendous or anything- but it was pretty pointless. Cena and the WWE going to Iraq is pretty cool IF the Iron Shiekh does a run in. It's still pretty cool. Wrestling is a healing artform and Iraqi is in need of healing.

- Ernest the Cat Miller and Lamont are in the ring. Sable comes to the ring and interrupts Ernest dancing. She walks like she just blew the drummer for Kingdom Come and she is pissed that she had experience the love of the Cat. "Hot Cat SHUGAH!" Tiny-penised Vince comes to the ring and he can't understand the large love of the Cat. WAIT. Is LINDA gonna come out and start sucking Cat's dick? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! WHY NOT?!?!? Instead, they kick Cat in the dick and we DON'T GET Linda McMahon satisfying Cat's earthy urban love. DO THESE FUCKING SHITHEADS EVEN <<<TRY>>> TO UNDERSTAND WHAT II WANT TO SEE?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK! Okay... if NEXT WEEK they can get Linda into the Vampirella outfit...

- Josh pisses off Holly. Holly is funny talking all angry like he is giving a witness on the Christian channel on UHF. He should call Brock a "Backstabbeh! Whoremongah! LET EVERY DEVIL KNOW! GOD SENT A STAH!" (This was actually what the guy on the channel 39 in Richmond was saying as I was typing.)




THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.

(edited by bitchfactor on 18.12.03 2029)

YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
ScreamingHeadGuy
Frankfurter








Since: 1.2.02
From: Appleton, WI

Since last post: 659 days
Last activity: 659 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.06
Dean, I need you to just take a step away, man. (No, you cannot touch me...until I've had as much to drink as you have.)

I just think Heyman is immune to the nasty fleshiness of the Whorulon. (Now THAT'S a super power to have.)

I would've put BigShow vs. Jordan in the "Worked" category, simply because it didn't particularly NOT "Not Work". Everything else is pretty spot-on.



Fashion Reporter Extraordinaire

Smackfiend
Mettwurst








Since: 11.11.02

Since last post: 3573 days
Last activity: 3374 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.14
"Shelton Benjamin is vicious in this and he is the star so far."

Shelton has been so awesome ever since his one appearance as the bling-blinging wrassler' on Heat so long ago. (Anybody else remember when the Dragon Whip was the Money Clip?) That tangent aside,

I LOVE YOU DEAN!!!!~
Matt Tracker
Scrapple








Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 4 hours
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.17
I ask you because the DEAN Oracle's divine drunkenality will impart holy wisdom:

Chris Benoit vs. Chuck Palumbo. When was the last time two WCW world champs fought each other on SmackDown? I'm genuinely curious.

Am I the only one who thinks Holly looks like a Frank Cho monkey?




"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1201 days
Last activity: 1199 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
    I ask you because the DEAN Oracle's divine drunkenality will impart holy wisdom:

    Chris Benoit vs. Chuck Palumbo. When was the last time two WCW world champs fought each other on SmackDown? I'm genuinely curious.

    Am I the only one who thinks Holly looks like a Frank Cho monkey?


Was Chuck Palumbo a WCW world champ? I really completely avoided the Russo era Nitros.

And I love you too, Smackfiend.

(edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 18.12.03 2218)


YES, I AM DEAN.
Matt Tracker
Scrapple








Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 4 hours
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.17
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Was Chuck Palumbo a WCW world champ? I really completely avoided the Russo era Nitros


Chuck cheated to win but the decision was reversed almost immediately. I think by the Cat. Benoit, of course, had the belt for 12 hours and then he vamoosed.

So the question probably ought to be: Are these two the guys with the shortest WCW title reigns ever?




"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1201 days
Last activity: 1199 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Was Chuck Palumbo a WCW world champ? I really completely avoided the Russo era Nitros


    Chuck cheated to win but the decision was reversed almost immediately. I think by the Cat. Benoit, of course, had the belt for 12 hours and then he vamoosed.

    So the question probably ought to be: Are these two the guys with the shortest WCW title reigns ever?


DR: The question OUGHT to be: What show comes on after Smackdown in your market? I get back to back King Of Queens and Golldangit, I think I like it.

DEAN.

(edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 18.12.03 2230)


YES, I AM DEAN.
Smackfiend
Mettwurst








Since: 11.11.02

Since last post: 3573 days
Last activity: 3374 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.14
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    The question OUGHT to be: What show comes on after Smackdown in your market?


I just get the news. Which means I go back to working on my Japanese Literature final. The lead ins are That 70s Show and King of the Hill though. Those are sometimes amusing.

(edited by Smackfiend on 18.12.03 2253)
drjayphd
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 22.4.02
From: Long Island

Since last post: 4 days
Last activity: 2 days
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.17
How to Make the Wienerboard a Better Place, Chapter 2: If you're going to make a smart-ass remark, make sure you know why you're saying it.
DEAN, welcome to the sig. Not necessarily how it probably shoulda been, but I CAN'T pass that up.

And Rikishi didn't stack stinkface the Guerreros, right? We need more absurdist moments in wrestling like that.



Today's Out-Of-Context Quote, Courtesy of Joseph Ryder:

"Sure, some guys here and there started fondling his balls, but it's nothing to get jealous over."
Torchslasher
Knackwurst








Since: 17.1.02
From: New F'n Jersey

Since last post: 289 days
Last activity: 256 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.44
In the Philly market, we get Judge Mathis after Smackdown. Then comes The Parkers and The Hughleys (yeah, I didn't think that The Parkers had reached enough shows to be in syndication either).

"we DON'T GET Linda McMahon satisfying Cat's earthy urban love."

Okay, I get the urban portion of this statement, but what makes Cat's love earthy? Do you mean that he enjoys love outside in the dirt?



Damn you WWE for making me change my sig. I'm sure you have good enough reasons to get rid of Shannon, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Let me thus be the first to say: BRING BACK DAFFNEY!
Big G
Potato korv








Since: 21.8.03
From: the people who brought you Steel Magnolias....

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 12 hours
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.53
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    DR: The question OUGHT to be: What show comes on after Smackdown in your market? I get back to back King Of Queens and Golldangit, I think I like it.

    DEAN.

    (edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 18.12.03 2230)


Once again DEAN, you have spun absolute textual gold. The workrate report is the highlight of the posting week.

On King of Queens, how does that fat no-hoper manage to bed the hot chick with the great rack?

As a side note, the lady in question I believe, played the wife of Jean-Claude in the craptacular sci-fi, martial arts, shootem up Timecop. And she does a topless scene.








And it is indeed a great rack!



Warrior Quote: "Presuming initial consensualness, where exactly do we draw the lines of our judgment pinning down the responsibility and accountability inextricably attached to each human life? "

Umm Indeed!

WOTD 16 Dec 2003
LotusMegami
Salami








Since: 22.9.03
From: Indiana

Since last post: 3333 days
Last activity: 3333 days
AIM:  
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.29
Orlando vs. Show was there. Nothing special, nothing we care about, but adaquate.

I got to see Rhyno on my TV. True, it was kind of lame, but I think Rhyno pulled it off. Considering what he has to work with, I'd say he's doing a good job of storytelling.

I suffered momentary confusion when I saw cruiserweights being pushed. This can't be the Asylum - it's too clean!

Rey Rey's acting job deserves mention. Something about that appealed to me...maybe it's just cause Rey's that kind of uber-babyface.

I'm happy. I saw more Moore, getting destroyed, true, but looking so brave. I saw Benoit *wrestling*, and I saw Rey Rey leap around. Yup. I'm satisfied.





Don't all professional wrestlers have "more guts than brains" when it comes right down to it?
Gugs
Bierwurst








Since: 9.7.02
From: Sleep (That's where I'm a viking)

Since last post: 428 days
Last activity: 20 days
AIM:  
Y!:
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.20
And the Lord said, "Behold! I give unto thee..."
    Originally posted by Big G
    As a side note, the lady in question I believe, played the wife of Jean-Claude in the craptacular sci-fi, martial arts, shootem up Timecop. And she does a topless scene.


Topless Leah Remini? Surely, you jest...

(LUE in-joke ahead)

PICS. NOW.



    Originally posted by ringmistress
    You may not believe this, but one year, I pretended I was a mistress (of the S&M variety). I was told I had the right voice for it. Just wanted to let you know that.


I love this place.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1201 days
Last activity: 1199 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by gugs
      Originally posted by Big G
      As a side note, the lady in question I believe, played the wife of Jean-Claude in the craptacular sci-fi, martial arts, shootem up Timecop. And she does a topless scene.


    Topless Leah Remini? Surely, you jest...

    (LUE in-joke ahead)

    PICS. NOW.


DR: Yes, we need pictures of that FOR RESEARCH AND PROOF OF CLAIM PURPOSES ONLY! I AM A SCIENTIST! WHY WOULD YOU DENY MY SCIENTIFIC INQUIRY!?!

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
CRZ
Big Brother
Administrator








Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 19 hours
Last activity: 6 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.65
Sorry gang, Mia Sara was in Timecop, not Leah Remini.

http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0111438/



CRZ
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1201 days
Last activity: 1199 days
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
The dream is DEAD!~



YES, I AM DEAN.
JoshMann
Andouille








Since: 17.11.03
From: Tallahassee, FL

Since last post: 2202 days
Last activity: 2200 days
AIM:  
Y!:
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.15
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by Matt Tracker
        Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
        Was Chuck Palumbo a WCW world champ? I really completely avoided the Russo era Nitros


      Chuck cheated to win but the decision was reversed almost immediately. I think by the Cat. Benoit, of course, had the belt for 12 hours and then he vamoosed.

      So the question probably ought to be: Are these two the guys with the shortest WCW title reigns ever?


    DR: The question OUGHT to be: What show comes on after Smackdown in your market? I get back to back King Of Queens and Golldangit, I think I like it.

    DEAN.

    (edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 18.12.03 2230)


The minute I get a UPN station here the comes in better than blizzard-like I'll let you know.



If Martha Stewart's obituary had a typo in it, would it read "Beloved Aunt"?
InVerse
Bierwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 4 days
Last activity: 21 hours
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.72
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    The question OUGHT to be: What show comes on after Smackdown in your market?


Of all things... Oprah.

If you're ever in the Kansas City area on a Thursday, be sure to watch Smackdown and keep the workrate report going for an extra hour. That could be interesting.
Kevintripod
Andouille








Since: 11.5.03
From: Mount Pleasant, Pa.

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 3 hours
AIM:  
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.79

Topless Leah Remini? Surely, you jest...

(LUE in-joke ahead)

PICS. NOW.


This is the best that I could do:

http://members.fortunecity.com/ oops90/oops_leah_remini.html

(edited by Kevintripod on 19.12.03 2150)


"This just got a hell of a lot better." - Stifler, American Pie
odessasteps
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: MD, USA

Since last post: 38 days
Last activity: 4 days
#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.41

According to Mr Skin, no nudity for Leah Remini. >:




Odessa Steps Magazine
http://www.odessasteps.com
http://odessasteps.blogspot.com
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