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The W - Pro Wrestling - your WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT-9/11/2003!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1253 days
Last activity: 1250 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen and down the mountain side
The summer's gone and all the roses dying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bye

But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
And I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy I love you so

But if he come and all the roses dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
He'll come here and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an ava there for me

And I shall feel, oh soft you tread above me
And then my grave will richer, sweeter be
For you will bend and tell me that you love me
And I shall rest in peace until you come to me
----------------

It's 9/11 and was gonna wait to do this tomorrow but I got bored and- fuck- if I can't make jokes about shaved and studded cooters and jacking off to fake titties then I really can't say that I am free and doing what I can to keep a cold, steady, hatefilled gaze as we move on as a nation. I missed the first fifteen minutes because it was getting to the cool part of "Snake in the Monkey's Shadow" where the Drunken Master is killed by the two Snake Style assassins and the hero must find a way beat them. It took me a while to finally start taping but I watched the last half hour in real time so I'll prolly go with that first. I am motherfucking WILD. WILDE~! MY NAME IS WYLDE~! (Whorulon AND the Baron return next week.)

WHAT WORKED-

- APA wrestled guys who would bump enough to make their comical attempts at wrestling watchable. Bradshaw should save the cowboy boots for erotic supllimentation to the shower stall enemas and get some boots that he can actually run the ropes in. There were............................... forearms. These forearms... they.... they were... were... cl....cl....cl...cl...clubbing. GOD HELP ME! All they did was club. Shannon Moore would go for a backdrop- clubbing forearms. Ron Simmons would go on offense- clubbing forearms. The forearms- broken, empty, lifeless- lived it's pathetic life to crawl from the bowels of hell AND WALK THE EARTH to do one thing... to club. Sweet ass lariat by Bradshaw. Bruce, the APA butler comes out and they chug beer like pussies. Bradshaw is happy with the butler eventhough the butler brought these so-called tough guys LITE beer. What a couple of ass-grabbing fanny boys. What were they out of Zima? Wrong kind of mineral water for a proper Acolyte Wine Spritzer? Champagne in the back too domestic for the Asses Pounded By The APA Mimosas? Upside is that after the butler showers, Bradshaws wrist may have smelt of Lite beer and butler ass. Who could be sure?

- Rhyno and Benoit work all stiff for a few minutes. Rhyno is the most underrated guy on Smackdown. He takes the bumps to get the match over with us rubes. I cannot possibly say anything about Benoit that I haven't slatheringly said before. Hey, a commercial! They wrestle a few more minutes. I love a superplex and Benoit has been in some of my favorite superplexes- Eddy/Benoit on WCWSN in 95, Lyger/Pegasus kid where Lyger first began trying to kill every Canadian he ever wrestled with something HIDEOUS off the toprope. Benoit actually sells the back in the Scorpion Deathlock, making up for last weeks atrocious A-Train match. Benoit with the Sharpshooter brought back memories of other Canadians that were great motherfucking wrestlers. Benoit sells the back after one German and all is forgiven for last week. SWWEEET reversal of the Superplex into a powerbomb. God, this match is rockin' it. Gore Gore GORE reversed into a crossface and we have fine wrestling coming to an end.

- GODDAMMIT SHANNON! EVERYBODY KNOWS MATT FUCKING HARDY WANTS EXTRA PULP! MOTHERFUCKER! Bradshaw talks about getting things out of Matt's ass and Matt should become quite worried. The match is on, APA toast the dead and we get on with our night of wrestling.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- Torrie, Nidia and Dawn Marie speak of rubbing their titties together to generate static electricity to shoot out an electro-lacto-beam to stop Shaniqua and teenage boys blow lightning quick loads over their X-Boxes straight onto their Justin Timberlake cds (or whatever you young punks listen to these days. IN MY DAY WE LISTENED TO ECHO AND THE BUNNYMEN BECAUSE WE WERE MEN!!! LOVING KIND MEN WHO TORE UP SOME PUSSY AND BEAT SOME ASS! Faiiiith... up against your wiii-iiillllll, between the thick and thiiiiiiin.... you will wait untii-iiilll....) The three flat assed white girls can't handle a strong sistah so fuck awlllll 'em.

- Stephanie and Sable talk about Steph wrestling to keep her job and I was thinking that Steph would be touching Sable's Grecian-formulaed cooch right before they solve a crime commited by Shannon Tweed but that was just a Cinemax flashback and I apologize to everyone involved.

- I'm actually digging Lesnar the 1986 Dallas Cowboy Coked Up Linebacker but come on! That's Joe Gomez you're in the ring with, you gotta sell SOMETHING for him. And why does Vince force his audience to always have to concentrate on his dick every week- either by showing Vince right before Sable is trying to suck some mileage out of his spongy member- or this week, where Vince is grabbing his junk after his daughter kicks him in the shriveled testicles. Maybe they think Vince's Dick As Focus Of Show is Effective Episodic Television or something.

- Eddy and Cena have a decent little parking lot fight but it loses for TWO giant reasons: 1.) It wasn't 1/23,000,000,000,000th as good as Regal vs Finlay on Nitro, and 2.) if you aren't going to be 1/23,000,000,000,000th as good as Regal/Finlay, you had BETTER bleed a fucking bucket of blood. THEY WENT THROUGH FUCKING WINDSHIELDS FACE FIRST. Cena hits a 1998 Hogan-Hit-In-The-Head-With Late-Great-Milftastic-Prototype-Miss-Elizabeth's-Shoe-level slight trickle of a bladejob. Fuck THAT. Glad Chavo's back. There.

- The Mullets sucked festering goat balls. If guys I work with who sport actual mullets saw that show and then saw those actors wandering at the Virginia State Fair, they would drag the Hollywood actors behind the elephant ear stand and sodomize them with a once bitten corndog. I'd still fuck Lonnie Anderson like there IS NO TOMORROW though. Yeah, fuck you.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN.




YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
darkdragoon
Bockwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3658 days
Last activity: 3658 days
#2 Posted on
Nunzio and Tajiri beat Rey and *yawn*. postmatch beatdown of fun as well.

The scary thing is that Ms. Tweed looks younger and fresher than Sable these days...
CruelAngel777
Frankfurter








Since: 7.4.02

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 8 hours
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.70
They did focus on Vince lying in the ring "rubbing" just a little too long.

Three white chicks and a chair isn't enough to take down one black chick? It's wrong, very funny, and makes me think of a movie I saw once.

Steve Harvey's Big Time was on at the same time so I missed alot of the show, and that damn Bally commercial messed with me again this week.

Smackdown was so good I couldn't unhook my bra or get off the toilet.

Anyone else have an opinion on The Mullets, if they saw it. I couldn't bring myself to watch it.
Jackson
Sujuk








Since: 4.1.02

Since last post: 1951 days
Last activity: 1477 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.10
I gotta know. Was the "Lesnar the 1986 Dallas Cowboy Coked Up Linebacker" reference generic or aimed at an acutal player. I know it is hard keeping track of the Boys and their love of cocca leaves but the '86 and linebacker part has me at a loss. Jesse Penn would be my best guess.



Jericholic53
Boerewors








Since: 18.3.03
From: Honolulu, HI

Since last post: 278 days
Last activity: 7 hours
#5 Posted on
you forgot to mention that *insert theme song here* the big show looked damn good in that suit of his. in a totally heterosexual way of course. :P



it says so right here in the wcw handbook!
darkmatcher
Bockwurst








Since: 12.2.03
From: New York, USA

Since last post: 2637 days
Last activity: 1713 days
#6 Posted on
Nidia's white?
Nidia has a flat ass? Eh...



what you say
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1253 days
Last activity: 1250 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Jackson
    I gotta know. Was the "Lesnar the 1986 Dallas Cowboy Coked Up Linebacker" reference generic or aimed at an acutal player. I know it is hard keeping track of the Boys and their love of cocca leaves but the '86 and linebacker part has me at a loss. Jesse Penn would be my best guess.


DR: I was thinking of a cross between Hollywood Henderson and Brian Bosworth so it would 1985ish in the middle.

(And Nidia has a sweet ass but YOU GOTTA MAKE THE JOKE WORK. Goddammit!)

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
MARTYEWR
Kishke








Since: 15.10.02

Since last post: 254 days
Last activity: 254 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 10.00
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

    - Eddy and Cena have a decent little parking lot fight but it loses for TWO giant reasons: 1.) It wasn't 1/23,000,000,000,000th as good as Regal vs Finlay on Nitro, and 2.) if you aren't going to be 1/23,000,000,000,000th as good as Regal/Finlay, you had BETTER bleed a fucking bucket of blood. THEY WENT THROUGH FUCKING WINDSHIELDS FACE FIRST. Cena hits a 1998 Hogan-Hit-In-The-Head-With Late-Great-Milftastic-Prototype-Miss-Elizabeth's-Shoe-level slight trickle of a bladejob. Fuck THAT. Glad Chavo's back. There.

    - The Mullets sucked festering goat balls. If guys I work with who sport actual mullets saw that show and then saw those actors wandering at the Virginia State Fair, they would drag the Hollywood actors behind the elephant ear stand and sodomize them with a once bitten corndog. I'd still fuck Lonnie Anderson like there IS NO TOMORROW though. Yeah, fuck you.

    THERE YOU HAVE IT.

    DEAN.



- The lack of blood brought the match down a few levels, but it was still cool, with the Chavo run-in making perfect sense.

- Poor Dean. We in Canada got the SummerSlam match between Lesnar and Angle as a half-hour filler to make it two hours. Ditto on the very important Lonnie Anderson point, however! :)




Martin Kipp: Extreme Warfare Revenge Creative Member

Extreme Warfare Revenge

Wiener Of The Day: Tuesday, March 4, 2003

"Because I'm the man, and the man's the man, and that's just the way it is!" -- Eric Foreman, That 70s Show
The King of Keith
Lap cheong








Since: 4.11.02
From: Winchester, VA

Since last post: 275 days
Last activity: 235 days
AIM:  
#9 Posted on
Kudos to the mention of The Killing Time! I can dig it!



Hail to the Redskins! Patrick Ramsey will own you! 16-0, here we come!
tarnish
Frankfurter








Since: 13.2.02
From: Back in the Heart of Hali

Since last post: 462 days
Last activity: 1 hour
AIM:  
Y!:
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.03
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

    IN MY DAY WE LISTENED TO ECHO AND THE BUNNYMEN BECAUSE WE WERE MEN!!! LOVING KIND MEN WHO TORE UP SOME PUSSY AND BEAT SOME ASS!



Aaaah. The days when one could listen to sensitive-guy post-punk gloom and still tear it up. WHY WAS I BORN TOO LATE?!@#$%@$



    And why does Vince force his audience to always have to concentrate on his dick every week- either by showing Vince right before Sable is trying to suck some mileage out of his spongy member- or this week, where Vince is grabbing his junk after his daughter kicks him in the shriveled testicles.



Between this and Kane's electro-spunk-experiment on RAW, it's "All McMahonads all the Time" for the WWE. I can't wait until Shane and Vince's packages get their own bios up on WWE.com.



    ...sodomize them with a once-bitten corndog.



I am in awe; you are DEAN~! and I am not.




/tarnish...

It is what it is.
You are what you it.
There are no mistakes.
--Tom Robbins
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1253 days
Last activity: 1250 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by tarnish
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

      IN MY DAY WE LISTENED TO ECHO AND THE BUNNYMEN BECAUSE WE WERE MEN!!! LOVING KIND MEN WHO TORE UP SOME PUSSY AND BEAT SOME ASS!



    Aaaah. The days when one could listen to sensitive-guy post-punk gloom and still tear it up. WHY WAS I BORN TOO LATE?!@#$%@$


    DR: Oh come on. The sensitive postpunk thing still gets the girliez, doesn't it? "A box of wine, Unknown Pleasures, a Bergman film and THOU....."

    DEAN.



    YES, I AM DEAN.
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

Since last post: 3 hours
Last activity: 3 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.21


Just now listening to that Live365 feed that I always do - and Echo and the Bunnymen were on my speakers. Yes, they do bring the doom and gloom. Yes sir, I love them.



Gabba Gabba Hey!
IncredibleHeelHeat
Linguica








Since: 18.6.02
From: Upstate Oklahoma

Since last post: 3646 days
Last activity: 2712 days
#13 Posted on
What? No love for Joy Division?

Bah!



"Austin vs. MacMahon is to the WWE what the nWo was to WCW."

- Venom, 5-8-003
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I missed the show... i don't suppose anybody has any pics on a homepage or anything?
- Axl Stradlin, SummerSlam captures? (2002)
Related threads: Smackdown! (the short) 9-11-03 - Smackdown Spoilers - Zachdown! (9/4) - More...
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