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The W - Pro Wrestling - your WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 6/5/2003!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1289 days
Last activity: 1286 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I went out to eat with my wife and kids and didn`t get home until a half hour in, so.... what did I miss? This will be slightly truncated...

WHAT WORKED-

- AWWWWWWW HONEY HUSH! Eddy`s lowrider fucking ruled. Hey, it`s theBasham Brothers. Tajiri uses all his Fantastik training to be more Lucha than the actual Luchadore Royalty in his corner. Eddy comes in and says, ``Welcome to Japan, motherfucker`` by being more Strong Style than the actual citizen of Japan in his corner. I think that`s the allure of this tag. Good God, the Basham`s are the most boring tagteam I`ve seen in a while- they don`t suck or anything but they are boring as Billy Kidman reading a farm report. What they need is to become the New Age Cruel Connection because they do take an ass-beating really well- always being in the right place to lean into a kick to the head. It`s just that they would look better leaning into being kicked in the head if they had full length lime green bodysuits and masks. Plus those capes were just completely motherfucking bad ass and you know they were, motherfucker.

- THE SECRET ADVENTURES OF AL WILSON:
Skandar revved the engine as they pulled up to the canteen. ``Mr Crowley`` by Ozzy Osbourne and the Blizzard of Oz blaired out of Skandar`s Alpine speakers with powerbooster. ``WOOOOOOOOOOO! YEAH!`` Skandar stuck his head through the sunroof and air guitared while the Baron tried to find a place to hide. ``Skandar, you idiot. You are blowing mein cool.``

``Suck it, Raschke, this part fucking rules! Miiiister Crowley- DUN DUN DUN- did you talk to the de-hed!``

Jennifer came out of the back of the snackbar and smiled. The last rays of sunlight of the day backlit her hair and the Baron was frozen in time. ``She is an angel......``

She smirked at the Baron. ``Tell your friend to turn that shit down.`` Skandar turned down the volume before the Baron could even glare at him. ``Yo, Jenn. German boy wanted me to drive up here and get him some homefries so be easy on a workin man, sweet mama. I`m gonna hook up with Jimmy and Bill playing volleyball with them honies over there. Come get me when you want to roll outta here, my brotha. ``

``Thank you, Skandar. I von`t be too long.``

Skandar walks down by the lake a hundred yards where they had created a sandpit for volleyball. ``Hey my brothahs, llaaadies! The man of the HOUR is HERE!``

The Baron is nervous and he keeps darting his eyes around. ``How have you been, beautiful Jennifer? I hope zat it is okay if I popped in like zis. I do not zant to scare you vith mein puppydog crush.`` They both laugh and push each other around like the young in love will do.

``Oh come on. I been thinking about you all day. Hey, can you do something for me?``

``Yes, anyzing for you, mein petite chou....``

``Cool. I got this pickle jar I can`t open.``

``Oh, definately give it here. Zis should not be a problem...``

The Baron uses his giant hands and tremendous grip to open the pickle jar with uncanny ease. Jennifer notices Baron`s bicept contract and her breath is shortened as she tries to quell her first flush of real womanly lust.

``Wow, Baron. You are so strong! Look, shug, I gotta get back to work. Stop by anytime.`` Jennifer pecks Baron on the cheek and the Baron is lost with tailspin of uncontrollable crushing affection.

``I vill see you soon. Will tomorrow be okay?``

``Sure.`` and Jennifer disappears into the canteen and the Baron looks to find Skandar. He ambles to the lake in a daze, not caring if he ever gets home- the waking hours becoming more enchanting than his sweet dreams of love.

- Rey Rey and Matt MOTHERFUCKING Hardy have a match and I`m stoked. Rey Rey has wads of kids like I do. The MFers are with Matt and Rey is alone. They try to cheat early and I can only asume that Eddy and Tajiri will come out and help Rey and set up a 6 man feud that would heal the wounds that three months of shitty Smackdowns have inflicted. EnLieu, the ref sends the MFers to the back and Rey hits a leg first Plancha and we go to a commercial. Matt cheats like a motherfucker when we get back and - hell, Rey has two kids already, he can take a few shots to his junk to slow him down some and let a sistah get some sleep. Matt is great as a Southern heel in this, working on the leg of Rey after kicking him in the wedding tackle to get on offense. Rey is quite Steamboatian taking the Matt MOTHERFUCKING Hardy assbeating. Rey makes some really hot comebacks and Matt is fucking fabulous cutting him off after selling the offense like a king- the Side Effect off the top being the REALLY beautiful way to cut off Rey`s comeback. Rey comes back again and then the selling of the knee doesn`t allow him to finish off Matt after hitting the 619 and I LOVE this match. The MFers sneak in and Matt hits a Guillotine and Rey kicks out at two and rolls up Matt for the flash pin. Postmatch, Rey sells the knee and you are in love. (His son Dominic? Is he named after Nicho Millionaro?)

WHAT DIDN`T WORK-

- Angle playing up to the fat stupid beerbelly jackoffs in the crowd isn`t what MY Olympic hero would do. My Olympic hero made fun of the Packers in the ring in Green Bay. OH COOL! The Big Show THeme! OOOOOOOO You`ll NEVER SEE IT COMIN` BUT I GUARANTEE YOU YOU`LL KNOOOOOOOW! YES IT`S THE BIG SHOW! Oh then he talks. Angle the face? BAH! Angle vs the Big Show? Goddamn, does Smackdown hate me? Does it hate you? Big Show in every main event isn`t any fun. Angle the face isn`t any fun- especially when de-heating the match with Brock. What`s this mutual admiration shit? Are they gonna get married. Are they gonna hold hands as they skip down the sidewalk to sunday school? Fuck that shit. I like a lot of alcohol in my beer, I want fucking in my pornography and I want a lot of hate in my wrestling.

- Cena and Benoit starts off all fun. If they were smart, they would have Benoit and Cena wrestle every night for a year and have Benoit beat him into a superworker. Benoit is fucking great and I dug the DDT variation but then they punk out on the match and they have a cheap shitty ending and this sucked.

- Turdwellian is baffled. ``Torries clothes don`t make sense to me. Is that what legwarmers evolved into? TELL ME, Mister Poo....``

``I believe she is some kind of stripper. That would be the only logical reason for the the fact that the sensors are spiking on the silicon reading.``

``Does that mean that we should reverse our trajectory and inflate the Giant Polska Keilbasa Of Rikishi and set phasers for ``splurt``?``

``Who should we aim for, captain? There seems to a high reading of silicon across the ring. She is touching Rikishi more and... and.... CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN! HIS HUGE POLYNESIAN PENIS! WE CAN`T CONTROL IT!``

``We`re losing fluid! Keilbasa inflating! Quick spin the ship around! We`ll use Rikishi`s Giant Ass and only humilate the half dressed harlot- as opposed to feigning sexual assault and allowing 345 pound Skrewdriver-listening Aryan Nation sexual predators watching at home to blow festering cheetos-scented semen out of their quarter inch penises.``

``Okay Captain, I will go to the end of the world for you. But don`t ever talk to me about the smell of fat people`s semen....``

``Sorry, Mister Poo.``

- It looks like Sable and Stephanie are gonna start fucking each other and one can only conjecture that the vaginal comingled discharge will burn through four stories of the building they are in like when they tried to cut the alien off John Hurt`s face. It`ll make for really bad television but it will be a boon for science.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.





YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
Spaceman Spiff
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: Philly Suburbs

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 11 hours
AIM:  
#2 Posted on


    Good God, the Basham`s are the most boring tagteam I`ve seen in a while- they don`t suck or anything but they are boring as Billy Kidman reading a farm report.

Which is a shame, since Doug had a few matches on Velocity and showed some good stuff. But of course, they have to shoe-horn him into a jobber team where he's only in the ring 1/2 the time, and can't show off what he can do. Square peg, meet round hole.



SchippeWreck
Banger








Since: 26.3.03
From: Glendale, CA

Since last post: 14 hours
Last activity: 30 min.
#3 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Turdwellian is baffled. ``Torries clothes don`t make sense to me. Is that what legwarmers evolved into? TELL ME, Mister Poo....``

    ``I believe she is some kind of stripper. That would be the only logical reason for the the fact that the sensors are spiking on the silicon reading.``

    ``Does that mean that we should reverse our trajectory and inflate the Giant Polska Keilbasa Of Rikishi and set phasers for ``splurt``?``

    ``Who should we aim for, captain? There seems to a high reading of silicon across the ring. She is touching Rikishi more and... and.... CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN! HIS HUGE POLYNESIAN PENIS! WE CAN`T CONTROL IT!``

    ``We`re losing fluid! Keilbasa inflating! Quick spin the ship around! We`ll use Rikishi`s Giant Ass and only humilate the half dressed harlot- as opposed to feigning sexual assault and allowing 345 pound Skrewdriver-listening Aryan Nation sexual predators watching at home to blow festering cheetos-scented semen out of their quarter inch penises.``

    ``Okay Captain, I will go to the end of the world for you. But don`t ever talk to me about the smell of fat people`s semen....``


Oh...dear...GOD! That, along with being there live for the Rey/Matt match, made my motherfuckin' week!

Thank you Mr. Rasmussen!




"And you've been so busy lately, that you haven't found the time,
To open up your mind,
And watch the world spinning, gently out of time."
senor sangre
Bauerwurst








Since: 31.1.02
From: Fred'burg, VA

Since last post: 3539 days
Last activity: 3138 days
AIM:  
#4 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Fuck that shit. I like a lot of alcohol in my beer, I want fucking in my pornography and I want a lot of hate in my wrestling




You, sir, are a scholar and a gentleman.



Keeping up my 0.14 posts per day...
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1289 days
Last activity: 1286 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I think you meant to say "a drunk and an idiot."

But thank you for your kind words.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Freeway
Scrapple








Since: 3.1.02
From: Calgary

Since last post: 303 days
Last activity: 7 hours
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.96

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

    What`s this mutual admiration shit? Are they gonna get married. Are they gonna hold hands as they skip down the sidewalk to sunday school? Fuck that shit. I like a lot of alcohol in my beer, I want fucking in my pornography and I want a lot of hate in my wrestling.



DEAN, you ARE my hero. Y'see, if they had done the correct thing they would've done THIS after WrestleMania:
-Kill Big Show, process his body into edible food and sell it to third world countries.
-Turn Benoit heel and feud him with Brock.
-When Angle returns, either way, have him have to do sixteen consecutive matches with Benoit, THEN sixteen with Brock, then sixteen with Benoit...and continue that until the end of time, or SmackDown is cancelled because of low ratings from that Hogan/McMahon shit everyone hates.



Quest for Lord Stanley's Cup
The Final Four
New Jersey Devils vs. Ottawa Senators
Minnesota Wild vs. Anaheim Mighty Ducks
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1289 days
Last activity: 1286 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I like the way you think. The Big Show would feed alot of starving people. And the rest makes sense also.

DEAN.









YES, I AM DEAN.
Bullitt
Shot in the dark








Since: 11.1.02
From: Houston

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 3 days
#8 Posted on

    Originally posted by Freeway420
    Y'see, if they had done the correct thing they would've done THIS after WrestleMania:
    -Kill Big Show, process his body into edible food and sell it to third world countries.
    -Turn Benoit heel and feud him with Brock.
    -When Angle returns, either way, have him have to do sixteen consecutive matches with Benoit, THEN sixteen with Brock, then sixteen with Benoit...and continue that until the end of time, or SmackDown is cancelled because of low ratings from that Hogan/McMahon shit everyone hates.



...and Eddy/Tajiri every Thurdsay. EVERY Thursday.




My Latest Crush...Sarah Vowell
Eddie Famous
Andouille








Since: 11.12.01
From: Catlin IL

Since last post: 332 days
Last activity: 326 days
#9 Posted on


    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    It looks like Sable and Stephanie are gonna start fucking each other and one can only conjecture that the vaginal comingled discharge will burn through four stories of the building they are in like when they tried to cut the alien off John Hurt`s face. It`ll make for really bad television but it will be a boon for science.


You have officially injured my mind.



George Washington gave his signature
The Government gave its hand
They said for now and ever more that this was Indian Land

"As long as the moon shall rise"
"As long as the rivers flow"
"As long as the sun will shine"
"As long as the grass shall grow"


DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1289 days
Last activity: 1286 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Going with that was a game time decision. I blame myself for your scarring....

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 19 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.21



    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    I think you meant to say "a drunk and an idiot."


I know that's what I was thinking!

pieman - professional idiot



He's Rolie Polie Olie - and in his world of curves and curls, he's the swellest kid around.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1289 days
Last activity: 1286 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
look here, Grampa....



YES, I AM DEAN.
SchippeWreck
Banger








Since: 26.3.03
From: Glendale, CA

Since last post: 14 hours
Last activity: 30 min.
#13 Posted on
Oh, hey Dean,

If/when the Secret Adventures of Al Wilson come to an end, will the complete adventures be released in one thrilling volume?

(Perhaps with "director's" commentary?)




"And you've been so busy lately, that you haven't found the time,
To open up your mind,
And watch the world spinning, gently out of time."
redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 477 days
Last activity: 477 days
#14 Posted on
To fill in Dean: All you missed in the first half hour was the Hogan/McMahon/Piper circle jerk, which will lead to Tenacious Z arm wrestling Vince next week. Speaking of Tenacious Z, he makes Sam Houston and Kendall Windham from the 80's look like Ron Bass and Black Bart.
Give the Angle face turn a little time. First, he just seemed happy to be in the ring (which is probably why Bradshaw is coming to SD, to provide locker room leadership to keep anyone from enjoying their job). Second, it will lead the way to the Benoit heel turn; because by-law 183 subsection B states that Eddie, Benoit and Angle cannot be faces simultaneously.
They really should have had Eddie wear an LWO T-Shirt during his Rey pep talk though.



I consider the switch from Pathetic to Loser to be a promotion.
rob_rouillard14
Pinkelwurst








Since: 30.5.03
From: Kennebunk, Maine

Since last post: 4096 days
Last activity: 4094 days
AIM:  
#15 Posted on
Hell, I was laughing my head off when Kurt got on the turnbuckel to talk to big show, and when he led the u suck chants. I think I'm gunna like Angle as a face.
OndaGrande
Kolbasz








Since: 1.5.03
From: California, Home of THE LAKERS!

Since last post: 7 days
Last activity: 12 hours
#16 Posted on
AHOY MATES!if only we could merge the workrate report and the fashion report. then my pathetic existence of a life would be complete.



LEARN IT, KNOW IT, LIVE IT!
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