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The W - Pro Wrestling - your WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 6/13/2003!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1237 days
Last activity: 1235 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
If the wife gets back soon from her book club, I`m gonna go watch the wrestling down at the Shockoe Bottom so this might not make to the mighty mighty main event that my Secret Thursday Quasi-Spoiler Caller hinted at. Either way, here we go....

WHAT WORKED-

- Rey Rey has the belt and I`m assuming that it will lead to quality matches. Matt MOTHERFUCKING Hardy is PIIISSSSED! He beats the fuck out of his useless MFers who are the stupid motherfuckers WHO COST HIM THE BELT! Fuck yeah! Stupid bastards! Costing Matt the belt! Hey, the rematch. Matt attacks early and Rey fires back! Matt hits the sweet lariat in the corner and then they go to the finishers? The crappy WWE bulldog that makes TomK puke his guts up is by-passed by Rey Rey as he hits an actual headlocked bulldog- salvaging some love for a match too short. From there, they kinda kick out of each other`s finishers for a while- and Rey Rey selling his groin well isn`t going to make this a five star affair. Rey Rey kicking out of 10 finishers isn`t good. Flash pin in 4 minutes is perfectly fine I guess. Not actually anything really good or transcendent in this but in the whole spectrum of wrestling, this would have to qualify for the ``worked`` column.

- THE SECRET ADVENTURES OF AL WILSON-
The Molly Hatchet screeched from Skandar`s Alpines: ``Got a gator in the bushes- she`s callin` my name- saying c`mon boy, let me take you back home again...``

``Skandar, mein freunde, if you ever ask me to smell your finger again, I svear to GOTT zat I vill kill you with mein own two hands.``

``Oh fuck that, motherfucker. You`re my boy and I wanted to share with you how fuckin clean Becky is, man. She is completely BAAAD. I mean just fuckin` BAAAAD. I swear to God I`ll be fucking her before the summer is over. I fuckin guarantee it.``

``Skandar, you are zo full of shit. It isn`t that I do not vish for you to enjoy the pleasure of love- no matter how smelly and grotesque, it is just that your lust is so shallow. Why do you bodder me mit your tales of debauchery when all I care about is love. TRUE love...``

``HA! Fuck that shit. Look, Raschke, you can spend all summer holding hands and picking flowers and knitting fuckin doilies with your girly friend. I, my brothah, am going to get as much pussy as I POSSIBLY can. I mean FUCK IT. I heard Becky sucked Tray`s dick on the band ski trip last year so I figure she`ll suck mine soon enough if I keep taker her to the movies every Friday. Then one thing leads to another and soon- Complete Dick Maintenance.``

``Sounds like a plan. Maybe she vill donate the penicillan for your herpes, herr Akbar...``

``Oh fuck you, man.`` They laugh and laugh. ``But FUCK IT. I`d do a few rounds of penicillan to get a piece of THAT ass...``

``You repulse me, my redneck friend... pull over to ze store and let`s get some derelict to buy us some of your vatery, piss-like American beer.``

``Now you`re talking, motherfucker! WOOOOOOOO!`` Skandar cranks up the Hatchet and gets a wheel. ``Dreams! I got my dreams! To Remember! Ah Yeah! And I been strung up.. on dreams- I`m never gonna see yeah.``

``Herr Akbar, I vill tell you now- Molly Hatchet does very much fucking rule.``

TO BE CONTINUED.

- UT defeats the Sicilian Mulkeys and UT bumps big for some reason. The Bull wrestles right in the middle of all wrestling by looking offensively like a thicker Johnny Swinger. UT takes the backbumps for him and then does hilarious punches before ending it all with a Last Ride. Why do I suddenly like the Undertaker? Palumbo punches UT in the face postmatch and this is SO in the ``Worked`` column. Oh, I know why I like UT now. He bumps big and also does the Road Warrior Shoulder Block better than either Road Warrior ever did.

- Kurt Angle the face is soooo not fun. TEAM ANGLE were fun AND THEY ARE RIGHT! WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU, ANGLE! THEY WERE IN A FUCKING LADDER MATCH! FUCK YOU, ANGLE! HOW COULD YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON YOUR TEAM! You disgust me, Angle. YEAH! YOU LOST! YOU BROKE YOUR NECK! STUPID ANGLE, BREAKING HIS NECK WHEN BROCK DIDN`T BREAK SHELTON AND CHARLIE`S NECKS! YOU SUCK! Then Angle kicks TEAM ANGLE out of TEAM ANGLE and my disgust of Angle is complete. I can only hope that Shelton and Charlie find the guidance and leadership they DESERVE now that Angle has so completely FUCKED them. The fucker. Luckly, after the commercial, they beat the shit out of Angle and tell him to ``Shove it!`` YEAH! SHOVE IT, ANGLE!

- Fuck yeah! WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeLLLLLLL, it`s the BIG SHOW! something something the Big Show! Something something something you`ll never knooooow.... Oh, the wrestling is down below the Mendoza line.

... or is it? Big Show bumps big. Brock bumps HUGE. First part of the match, Brock does the poor man`s version of Fit Finaly carrying Brian Nobbs by COMPLETELY wrestling the match by himself- jumping into Sidewalk Slams, feeding Show the leg for the half crab, what have you. Big Show takes the German and it looked GREAT because Big Show is such a gigantic load of fat. Brock sells the ribs after Tazz and Cole get the injury over. Big Show actually busted his ass in the second part of the match- as Brock sold the beating and Big Show actually did more than Irish Whips and Beal manuvoers. The finish was fucking awesome. I love a double knockout. My favorite Benoit vs Guerrerro match from WCW Saturday Night had that exact finish except neither where fat enough to destroy the ring. That was fun.

WHAT DIDN`T WORK-

- The Aquamarine lowrider was completely balls out. The Piper`s Pit segment was really stupid and Russo-like but at least it wasn`t long. O`Haire COMPLETELY pusses out on the belt shot. YOU`RE ON MOTHERFUCKING NATIONAL TV. LEAN INTO THE FUCKING BELT, YOU LOAD OF CRAP.

- Sable and Marty Jannetty have real sexual chemistry. Jannetty`s pecs are huge. He`s been working out.



- Rhyno and Benoit beat the hell out of the Bashams. Shaniqua completes the leather pants trifecta. Cole and Tazz talk about how CRAAAAZY the Basham Brothers are- as, on cue, they make with the most boring offense in wrestling history. THEY ARE CRAZY! OUT THERE! WACKY! Benoit tags in and beats them to death for a second before Rhyno causes Benoit/Rhyno to lose. Eh, Rhyno vs Benoit will be fun. Doug takes the Released German like a man.

- Mr America speaks to the little crippled boy in sentence fragments, encouraging him to strive for excellence. WWE trying to get political on me through overwrought allegory is too much to bear. Sable comes out while Stephanie is introducing the arm-wrestling. Stephanie is peeved and they are ruining the sexual chemistry that IGNITES when a broad-shouldered, Chicago Bears-esque woman and a leathery, squinty old hag feign like they are going to be bumping pussies at some point. Vince McMahon comes out and- between he and Hogan- there is a permeating rough trade leather boy bodybuilder vibe between the two that renders poor one-legged Zach Gowan completely transparent. He has the fifth biggest rack in the ring. Sixth, if you include the ref. Sable shows Hogan her fake titties and Hogan`s tiny shriveled testicles explode from the passion and he loses the armwrestling match because he is a big fucking loser who can`t control his mangled, festering penis long enough to help his friend out. Fucking pussy, way to let the guy who idolizes you down. Vince beating Gowan was pretty great though. The taunting was fabulous after the kicking out of Zack`s leg from under his leg. Zack`s acting was equally hilarious- making Sable`s wooden delivery and emoting look absolutely Streepian.

- Cena vs Funaki sucked. Worst. Death Valley Driver. Ever.

- Torrie is a special ring announcer for whatever reason. She does talk about what a piece of divine ass A-Train is and I (and you, the gentle reader) would dig the Torrie Fucks A-Train storyline. Think about it- the Frenching, the licking of A-Train`s backhair, the attempt to arouse Torrie`s numbed-by-surgery nipples, the matching thongs in the hot tub as the camera pans down as they are both getting up- it writes itself. Billy Gunn returns and they have a wrestling match. Billy isn`t feigning homosexuality so I could give a shit. Postmatch- after the nothing that was the match- has Torrie presenting like a mandrill * to a baffled Billy Gunn. They never show the defeated A-Train, his career in the toilet and now his new love CRUSHED by the magnificent ass of Billy Gunn. Who books this shit? We want big stinky hairy men with giant eyebrows fucking proxy strippers with big titties. What do WEEEE have to do to get some satisfaction?!?!?? Heterosexual Billy Gunn is soooo lame. See. See. See. See. See. See. What they NEED to do is have Billy use Torrie as his beard until that fateful day when the backstage camera captures Billy and A-Train tongue-wrestling over a Dannon yogurt cup- yogurt and banana cunks cascading down their cheeks as they frolick in the manly pleasure of forbidden tonguelove. Oh fuck you, you know you want to see that. Yeah you would.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.

*One of my fave MST3K jokes. My all-time fave is ``I... am............. DORF.``





YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
Firecracker
Salami








Since: 26.6.02
From: Miami, FL

Since last post: 3527 days
Last activity: 3363 days
AIM:  
#2 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Fuck yeah! WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeLLLLLLL, it`s the BIG SHOW! something something the Big Show! Something something something you`ll never knooooow.... Oh, the wrestling is down below the Mendoza line.

    ... or is it? Big Show bumps big. Brock bumps HUGE. First part of the match, Brock does the poor man`s version of Fit Finaly carrying Brian Nobbs by COMPLETELY wrestling the match by himself- jumping into Sidewalk Slams, feeding Show the leg for the half crab, what have you. Big Show takes the German and it looked GREAT because Big Show is such a gigantic load of fat. Brock sells the ribs after Tazz and Cole get the injury over. Big Show actually busted his ass in the second part of the match- as Brock sold the beating and Big Show actually did more than Irish Whips and Beal manuvoers. The finish was fucking awesome. I love a double knockout. My favorite Benoit vs Guerrerro match from WCW Saturday Night had that exact finish except neither where fat enough to destroy the ring. That was fun.



I really enjoyed this match too. Brock seems to bring out some of the best in the Big Show - Show actually WRESTLED and Lesnar was good too... fast paced action for the two big men, and that finish was "holy shit" awesome!



Yo, it's me, it's me, it's (points to self) P-A-B!
ScreamingHeadGuy
Frankfurter








Since: 1.2.02
From: Appleton, WI

Since last post: 695 days
Last activity: 695 days
#3 Posted on
Why even call it the Secret Adventures of Al Wilson, when we're on a many-week-long story-arc flashback of the Baron?

Oh, and it's the 12th, not the 13th. What, trying to avoid Friday the 13th by renumbering the dates yourself?



Fashion Reporter Extraordinare

Wisdom is learning from one's mistakes.
Greater wisdom is learning from the mistakes of others.

Nag
Landjager








Since: 10.1.03
From: Enter your city here

Since last post: 2123 days
Last activity: 178 days
Y!:
#4 Posted on
Guess what, storms ran through the area and UPN43 cut out for Dual Doppler coverage right after Funaki's rap. And I was excited to see that ring fall down.

It appears that they have giving up trying with Benoit. 4 jobs in 4 weeks! I understand they are building to the split with him and Rhyno, but that will lead nowhere. In order for the fans to have any interest in a tag split, it might help if you got a team whose actually been together longer then 3 months. (SEE ALSO Test/Stiener)

The Zack/Vince/Hogan fiasco was just that...A fiasco. I could beat Zack Gowen in arm wrestling, as could my 7 year old cousin. Putting him next to Vince, was like putting a Giant Redwood next to a Bonsai Tree

Well, that's about all I found noteworthy.



I used to love her, but I had to kill her
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1237 days
Last activity: 1235 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

    Originally posted by ScreamingHeadGuy
    Why even call it the Secret Adventures of Al Wilson, when we're on a many-week-long story-arc flashback of the Baron?

    Oh, and it's the 12th, not the 13th. What, trying to avoid Friday the 13th by renumbering the dates yourself?


------
DR: I try to fool Friday the 13th into thinking that it's Friday the 14th and you go and ruin it.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Mild Mannered Madman
Toulouse








Since: 1.3.02
From: Westminster, CA

Since last post: 416 days
Last activity: 133 days
#6 Posted on

    Originally posted by ScreamingHeadGuy
    Why even call it the Secret Adventures of Al Wilson, when we're on a many-week-long story-arc flashback of the Baron?


Because he's having his real honeymoon with Dawn Marie. Duh.




As the days go by, we face the increasing inevitability that we are alone in a godless, uninhabited, hostile and meaningless universe. Still, you've got to laugh, haven't you?

Nate The Snake
Liverwurst








Since: 9.1.02
From: Wichita, Ks

Since last post: 3695 days
Last activity: 3164 days
AIM:  
#7 Posted on
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    "presenting like a mandrill"


I knew there was a reason I liked your stuff, DEAN.

I, personally, would much rather have Captain Santa Claus' daughter/grandmother on Smackdown than Torrie. And her presence might lead to Slam Riprock doing a run-in at some point.

(edited by Nate The Snake on 13.6.03 0431)


Kansas-born and deeply ashamed
The last living La Parka Marka

"They that can give up essential liberty to gain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin
Pike
Italian








Since: 7.4.03
From: KS

Since last post: 3711 days
Last activity: 3703 days
AIM:  
#8 Posted on
OH come on Torrie hit ......for a blonde headed slut. God she sucks.



Great Muta is a wrestling GOD!! praise the Great Muta.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1237 days
Last activity: 1235 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

    Originally posted by Nate The Snake
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      "presenting like a mandrill"


    I knew there was a reason I liked your stuff, DEAN.

    I, personally, would much rather have Captain Santa Claus' daughter/grandmother on Smackdown than Torrie. And her presence might lead to Slam Riprock doing a run-in at some point.

    (edited by Nate The Snake on 13.6.03 0431)



DR: But that opens the door for the arrival of Drake Tungsten and Nick Pigiron and where would we be then? Makes you think, doesn't it....

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 1 day
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.21


So, no trip to the Shockoe Bottom then?



He's Rolie Polie Olie - and in his world of curves and curls, he's the swellest kid around.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1237 days
Last activity: 1235 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Yeah, my wife got home at ten to ten so I didn't see the point of traipsing to the Bottom so late at night. Plus I had to take my Rheumatism medicine and soak my corns.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
odessasteps
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: MD, USA

Since last post: 74 days
Last activity: 40 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.41

but more importantly, what book did your wife read at her book club?



In honor of the all-ABA Finals, Ladies and Gentlemen, your Virginia Squires!
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 1 day
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.21



    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Yeah, my wife got home at ten to ten so I didn't see the point of traipsing to the Bottom so late at night. Plus I had to take my Rheumatism medicine and soak my corns.

    DEAN.



Yeah, if you don't soak those corns every night, you'll regret it for a week, Dean.



He's Rolie Polie Olie - and in his world of curves and curls, he's the swellest kid around.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1237 days
Last activity: 1235 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

    Originally posted by odessasteps

    but more importantly, what book did your wife read at her book club?


----
DR: "The Hours"- some kinda woman-type book.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
odessasteps
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: MD, USA

Since last post: 74 days
Last activity: 40 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.41

the Hours is a fairly decent book. It is both better in some ways and worse than the movie of the same name (starring Nicole Kidman and Julianne Moore).





In honor of the all-ABA Finals, Ladies and Gentlemen, your Virginia Squires!
HarleM HeAt
Pickled pork








Since: 23.3.02
From: Nova Scotia,Canada

Since last post: 3710 days
Last activity: 3517 days
ICQ:  
#16 Posted on
Dean u rule fucking all man........i cant belive someone remembered that old sat nights main event match between benoit and gurrerro with the double knockout, which happens to be my fav benoit -gurrerro match. it was on between halloween havoc and world war 3 in 95. i belive they had a wikked remematch the next week. ill have to look in tape cpollection..

kudos for hittin up my memory bug



"YOUR PERSONALITY IS DRY, AND IM GETTING THIRSTY"
Nate The Snake
Liverwurst








Since: 9.1.02
From: Wichita, Ks

Since last post: 3695 days
Last activity: 3164 days
AIM:  
#17 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    DR: But that opens the door for the arrival of Drake Tungsten and Nick Pigiron and where would we be then?


Completely awash in testosterone. But tell me you wouldn't mark your ass off to see Big McLargeHuge charging the ring in one of those combination assault vehicle/floor waxers.

And Vinne Mac is almost as good a villain as Calgon.





Kansas-born and deeply ashamed
The last living La Parka Marka

"They that can give up essential liberty to gain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin
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Now that you mention it i dont think ive seen trips chewing gum in the ring in a while. hmm... Yet another thing being held down by HHH.
- MoneyInk, Chewing Gum (2003)
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