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The W - Pro Wrestling - your WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 5/1/2003!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1348 days
Last activity: 1346 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Hey, I didn`t write one last week. No. I didn`t. I was tired and then I taped over the tape with an episode of Red Green. If you don`t like Red Green then can suck my festering carbunkly beefdart. THAT`S RIGHT! YEAH MOTHERFUCKER! YEAH! Sorry. It`s 500 time and I`m in complete wrestling overload and watching WWE in real time is a motherfucker of a waste of precious wrestle-veiwing time and I feel like I should be watching TORYUMON or CMLL or IWA- MidSouth or something. Anyway. May 12th is the 500 update so I`ll be a dick till them. I apologize in advance. I`ll pick up the Al Wilson saga again next week.

WHAT WORKED-

- Los Guerrerros have the tag belts because they steal them because they are Mexican and everyone knows Mexicans steal! Ah, WWE, you retarded batch of racist shit-sucking fuckheads. Anyhoos, MATT MOTHERFUCKING HARDY comes oot and it looks like Crash Holly is a MFer now. Hey, why not? Eddy crushes Shannon`s knees with the catapult senton and then they go all lucha with the double teams and I`m not hating it, it`s all good. Crash uses the Mattitude book to cheat to get Matt in the ring against Eddy and it gets all fun. Matt with the Full Nelson and I pee directly in my pants from the busting out of the fabulous unheralded Full Nelson because I love that shit and that`s why Hardy fucking rules. Tazz secretly calls Crash a hog-smokin`, butt-bustin` homo while Team Mattitude is being the funnest Southern tagteam of the week. Hot tag and Eddy and Matt make me want these two to fued at length. Chavo cheats to win by utilizing the belt to bash Matt in the head to set up the Love Machine Splash for the pin. Postmatch, Crash bumps little and Shannon bumps GIGANTIC and they look like they are setting up some watchable wrestling if it turns into full blown Guerrerros vs Team Angle vs Church Of Almighty Mattitude. Later, in the hallway during a Larry Saunders Show moment, Marty Jannetty comes out and lets Team Angle know that they are wrestling Los Guerrerros in a ladder match at whatever the fuck the next PPV is.

- Cena mentions Bill Buckner. Being a Mets fan because the Norfolk Tides feeding up to them, it brought back memories of Mookie rounding from second and I larfed and larfed and larfed! Then Spanky comes out as a far younger Flava Flav and we as a country weep mighty tears of pride and love. Annnnnnnd FUCK YOU COLE! We all about the mad phat beats in the R to the VEE to the A, motherfucker. Suck my Capital of the Old Dominion, like Yorktown shoved up Cornwallis` Ass dick! Spanky kicking it old skool with the Human Beatbox Hebner was FABULOUS. Cena switching to the Released Falcon Arrow is better than his Stevie Ray Death Valley bomb.

- Remember when Benoit carried every member of the Flock - INCLUDING HAMMER- to good matches back in the olden days. Here, he carries the third Headbanger or possibly Duke the Dumpster Droese 2004 to a watchable match. It`s wasting Benoit`s time because it isn`t gonna lead to anything great like Benoit is always capable of. Here, the Bull is completely smoked and Benoit just can`t seem to dumb it down enough for him. They ECW it into a tagteam match. HEY! Maybe this is better than I thought because it will twice as much Benoit! And that is good no matter who he is wrestling (I mean, unless he is wrestling RVD or something.) AH COOL! CHUCK! Though his pants are way too big. Rhyno kills Johnny and they do a odd thing about what was obviously a legal tag to set up Rhyno taking a Chuck Superkick like a KING. Chuck hits the nice suplex. Johnny saves his smoked- COMPLETELY smoked- bacon by hitting a nice elbow drop. Chuck is great on the apron riling up the crowd as Rhyno is perfectly fine selling the ass-beating during the HEAT SEGMENT! Rhyno hits the hot tag too early, I`d say, and then they COMPLETELY fuck up the finish, I `m guessing- or maybe it was correct execution of cheap shitty booking. Either way. Perfectly fine wrestling.

WHAT DOESN`T WORK-

- The teaser at the beginning to keep you from turning to FRIENDS: Sable in a tag match? A ``special`` Piper`s Pit? Hmmm. I mean, Jesus, I haven`t seen this many whores in one place since my friend Clint`s bachelor party.

- The Big Show comes out and they play his whole theme and I am deeply in heaven. Then he gets on the stick and tries to not completely kill his heel heat. But he speaks and the crowd no longer gives a shit about the bulging load of shit called Big Show. Funaki comes out and Big Show pulls off the upset and beats him. THE WWE ARE FUCKING GENIUSES! WHAT BOOKING GENIUSES! This type of push worked so well getting Bill Demott over! Bill Demott who I guess is the RAW champion now or something because I never see him on the free air waves anymore. THE BIG SHOW IS A BULLY! A BULLY! A BULLY! A BULLY! HE IS A BULLY! JESUS, WHAT KIND OF BULLY IS THIS BULLY! A BULLY! HE`S A BULLY! THE BIG SHOW IS A BULLY! A BULLY! HE IS A BIG BULLY! WHAT A BIG BULLY! A BULLY! HE`S A BULLY! A BULLY! A BULLY! A BULLY! A BULLY! HE`S A BULLY! HE`S A BULLY! A BULLY! LIKE BILL DEMOTT! HE`S A BULLY! A BULLY A BULLY! A BULLY! BIG SHOW IS A BULLY! WHAT A BULLY! A BULLY! HE IS A BULLY! THE BIG SHOW IS SUCH A BULLY! The WWE can suck my oiled and annointed dick until I unleash my droopy, drippy seed across it`s collective bicuspids.

- Me n Phil Schneider were talking the other day about the Portland tapes from this year we got from Ottar. There are these Roddy Piper segments where Piper would go off on how he hated McMahon and he blamed McMahon for Owen`s death and that the kids on the Portland show would never sell out and you would never find them being on the recieving end of a Stinkface and on and on and on. And then you see that Roddy only meant that he hated McMahon until the checks cleared. I told Phil that McMahon having Piper`s first fued back as a fued with Rikishi has to be in response to what Piper said on the Portland show about the youngsters not ``selling out and having Rikishi rubbing his ass on their faces`` and I ventured to guess that it won`t be long before Vince tries to see just how far Piper will whore himself out for a paycheck by making Piper come down from the rafters as Blue Blazer II. You know it`s going to happen. You just know it will- especially if Piper jumps to RAW. Here, Piper presents the debut of Mr America... and whaddyaknow, it`s Hulk Hogan. Not MY America, motherfucker. Hogan stopped mattering to MY America the minute the camera cut away from him in Rocky 3. The Corie Hart theme music was a nice ironic touch (He`s actually CANADIAN! WOW!) Hogan didn`t quote the Allman Brothers and didn`t ride a horse named Diablo so this angle can go fuck itself.

- Brock gets on the STICK and it sucks until he rambles on finally conjures up the term ``big slobbery ass``- THAT`S genius! I don`t want to ever think about what Big Show`s ``slobbery ass`` would entail- oozing lesions? -a few slices of two week old pizza pie that can`t quite clear the breach? The mind boggles. Then we get the Big Show theme AGAIN! YEAH! FUCK YEAH! IT``S THE BIG SHOOOOOW YEAH IT`S THE BIGGG SSSSHHHOOOOW! But Big Show and Lesnar talk to each other and undo anything good that can come from it. Big Show does his whole PROMO making all these faces like there is something stinky on his microphone. Still not enough to make it work. Plus it leads to Big Show wrestling again on my TV set. No no no.

- I watched the President`s speech and missed the Team Angle match. Who did they wrestle? Eddy apologizes for stealing their belts. OH! They stole Angle`s medals! Kurt Angle isn`t around to say the word ``genitals`` in a hilarious condemnation of how his medals were stolen so this can`t go anywhere that I`d want it to.

- Prematch, Sable wants to bump pussies with Torie and they aren`t going to show it so I will save my wood for tapes of Billy Gunn`s OVW matches. Sable, Torrie, Nidia and Dawn Marie enter the ring and I`m scared. If it`s too hot in the arena, when all four lock up, all the plastic used to make all their collective titties and lips and asses and noses could melt them together into one big horrible leathery mass of the creature YOU CALL WHORULON- it`s 8 arms flailing around the arena, it`s four deadly chests firing silicon implant salvos into the unsuspecting audience- puncturing the chests of 39 year old virgins in the cheap seats who would be killed with their pants around their ankles and their vienna sausage-like penises still encrusted to their hands- hands that are still jerking it in fits of rigor mortis. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? YOU WANT A WHORULON? FOUR BACON STRIPPED COOTERS SPEWING FORTH SALINE AND BOTOX ONTO HORRIFIED AND CONFUSED AND PSYCHOSEXUALLY MAULED TEENAGERS AT RINGSIDE? IS THAT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT? That would be pretty cool actually. This was just really intensely shitty wrestling instead. This made me REALLY miss the technical proficiency and far superior spanktacularness of Lotus vs the Disciplinarian in WOW. Yes it did. Mmmmm Riot.....

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
The Great Thomas
Sujuk








Since: 17.6.02
From: Miami, Florida

Since last post: 3433 days
Last activity: 3433 days
#2 Posted on
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    THE BIG SHOW IS A BULLY! A BULLY! A BULLY! A BULLY! HE IS A BULLY! JESUS, WHAT KIND OF BULLY IS THIS BULLY! A BULLY! HE`S A BULLY! THE BIG SHOW IS A BULLY! A BULLY! HE IS A BIG BULLY! WHAT A BIG BULLY! A BULLY! HE`S A BULLY! A BULLY! A BULLY! A BULLY! A BULLY! HE`S A BULLY! HE`S A BULLY! A BULLY! LIKE BILL DEMOTT! HE`S A BULLY! A BULLY A BULLY! A BULLY! BIG SHOW IS A BULLY! WHAT A BULLY! A BULLY! HE IS A BULLY! THE BIG SHOW IS SUCH A BULLY!
1. Omit the words "Big Show" and "Like Bill DeMott!" and you would get a Teddy Roosevelt speech if he were high on caffiene and crack.

2. In the deepest, darkest reaches of my mind, I WOULD like to see a Whorulon.

3. What, no "Adventures of Al Wilson" this week?





(edited by The Great Thomas on 1.5.03 1921)


Please Support The Neo-Geo Pocket Color!

DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1348 days
Last activity: 1346 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
God, I should have saved WHORULON for the Adventures of Al Wilson! I suck...

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
ScreamingHeadGuy
Frankfurter








Since: 1.2.02
From: Appleton, WI

Since last post: 805 days
Last activity: 805 days
#4 Posted on
I think the lack of a piece last week and no Al Wilson fanfics this week meant that Dean needed to conjure up more ways to discuss semen in his report than usual. I can only dreadfully imagine what would be in store were Dean to go another week without any Al Wilson adventures.

And what's a "bicuspids"?



Fashion Reporter Extraordinare

Wisdom is learning from one's mistakes.
Greater wisdom is learning from the mistakes of others.

I am somewhat disturbed when someone who registered a month ago has nearly as many posts as me.
I am less disturbed when I relize it means I actually have more of a life than some people.

DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1348 days
Last activity: 1346 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Bicuspids are the teeth next to the incisors. I think.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Mr Heel II
Lap cheong








Since: 25.2.02

Since last post: 37 days
Last activity: 23 hours
#6 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? YOU WANT A WHORULON? FOUR BACON STRIPPED COOTERS SPEWING FORTH SALINE AND BOTOX ONTO HORRIFIED AND CONFUSED AND PSYCHOSEXUALLY MAULED TEENAGERS AT RINGSIDE? IS THAT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT?
If I owned Troma, you would SO be head writer.



some things are classic. some things are just old.
Torchslasher
Knackwurst








Since: 17.1.02
From: New F'n Jersey

Since last post: 48 days
Last activity: 17 hours
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.44
Ewww. I'm betting DEAN was making up for last week with his double helping of bacon stripped cooters and bicuspids full of "seed."

I don't know if I feel revulsion, elation, or a combination of the two. Either way, I'm never going to look at Torrie Wilson again without envisioning eight-armed WHORULONS. Thanks bunches Dean-o!!!



The Hurricane main eventing a Raw show? See, the WWE is listening to the 'Net. Well, they're listening to me anyways. Look for the next push to go to Molly.
Eddie Famous
Andouille








Since: 11.12.01
From: Catlin IL

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 2 hours
#8 Posted on

Speaking of good ol' Al Wilson....where is Number One Paul Jones in all this?



George Washington gave his signature
The Government gave its hand
They said for now and ever more that this was Indian Land

"As long as the moon shall rise"
"As long as the rivers flow"
"As long as the sun will shine"
"As long as the grass shall grow"


HarleM HeAt
Pickled pork








Since: 23.3.02
From: Nova Scotia,Canada

Since last post: 3821 days
Last activity: 3627 days
ICQ:  
#9 Posted on
bill demoott also out back shaking his head at big show for being a bully?WTF!?!?!?

not that usally go with continty , but still, it was only like two months ago he was smacking spanky around



"YOUR PERSONALITY IS DRY, AND IM GETTING THIRSTY"
HomerJFong
Ten Millionth Hit








Since: 19.3.02
From: Ontario, Canada

Since last post: 2731 days
Last activity: 1557 days
AIM:  
#10 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    God, I should have saved WHORULON for the Adventures of Al Wilson! I suck...

    DEAN.



In honour of your mistaken over-taping with Red Green, it should still be written in an Adventures with Bill format.



It is spring
The playful robin flits through the dawn sky in search of a juicy dew worm
He spies a fat one wedged underneath my windshield wiper
He dives for it even though the truck is hitting sixty miles an hour
A surprsing faux pas for a creature who's smart enough to go south for the winter
SchippeWreck
Banger








Since: 26.3.03
From: Glendale, CA

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 32 min.
#11 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Cena switching to the Released Falcon Arrow is better than his Stevie Ray Death Valley bomb.

Do you think that's a permanent change or..

(a)...that's what it was supposed to be all along and he couldn't execute it properly on the bigger guys?

(b)...it was a last minute improv because he felt he couldn't give the tiny Spanky a proper DVD?



DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1348 days
Last activity: 1346 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

    Originally posted by SchippeWreck

      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Cena switching to the Released Falcon Arrow is better than his Stevie Ray Death Valley bomb.

    Do you think that's a permanent change or..

    (a)...that's what it was supposed to be all along and he couldn't execute it properly on the bigger guys?

    (b)...it was a last minute improv because he felt he couldn't give the tiny Spanky a proper DVD?


---------
DR: I would assume that it can't be (b) because Spanky would take it right on his neck if past history were any indication. And thank you for the SOCIOLOGICALLY SIGNIFICANT link! SOCIOLOGISTS that I know were very excited!

Thank you.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
whatever
Lap cheong








Since: 12.2.02
From: Cleveland, Ohio

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 14 min.
#13 Posted on
"Whorulon"?!? Oh my...

Really missed the report last week, it's really good to see you back. It was especially worth it for the Whorulon!

BULLY!



I drove the Hummer. Sorry 'bout that.
SchippeWreck
Banger








Since: 26.3.03
From: Glendale, CA

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 32 min.
#14 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Spanky would take it right on his neck if past history were any indication.

True, but I was thinking more along the lines of Cena getting panicky and changing it mid-move.


    And thank you for the SOCIOLOGICALLY SIGNIFICANT link! SOCIOLOGISTS that I know were very excited!

Just doin' my part for the cause, yo!



CRZ
Big Brother
Administrator








Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 17 hours
Last activity: 6 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#15 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    The Corie Hart theme music was a nice ironic touch (He`s actually CANADIAN! WOW!)
You're kidding, right? If ANYBODY knows Rick Derringer, it's you, right? Don't let me down DEAN.



©CRZ™
One round down, three to go - *12* wins to go!
HomerJFong
Ten Millionth Hit








Since: 19.3.02
From: Ontario, Canada

Since last post: 2731 days
Last activity: 1557 days
AIM:  
#16 Posted on
On top of that, it is also COREY Hart. Not Corie. It is one of the little things that annoy Cancon junkies. Even moreso than when folks claim Brian Adams sang Summer of '69.



It is spring
The playful robin flits through the dawn sky in search of a juicy dew worm
He spies a fat one wedged underneath my windshield wiper
He dives for it even though the truck is hitting sixty miles an hour
A surprsing faux pas for a creature who's smart enough to go south for the winter
count olaf
Goetta








Since: 15.7.02

Since last post: 3546 days
Last activity: 3542 days
#17 Posted on
Whoa! Brian Adams DIDN'T sing summer of 69? What?
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1348 days
Last activity: 1346 days
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I know Rick Derringer. I did not know the Derringer slight and the misspelling of the Canadian Elvis Presley would cause such a stir! I blame.... myself.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

Since last post: 14 days
Last activity: 20 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.21



    Originally posted by HomerJFong
    On top of that, it is also COREY Hart. Not Corie. It is one of the little things that annoy Cancon junkies. Even moreso than when folks claim Brian Adams sang Summer of '69.


Dude, you get all over my boy Dean for misspelling Corey Hart, but you misspell BRYAN Adams.

And Dean - you say you'll be a dick until the 12th. How will we know the difference? Ba-dum-dum.





He's Rolie Polie Olie - and in his world of curves and curls, he's the swellest kid around.
HomerJFong
Ten Millionth Hit








Since: 19.3.02
From: Ontario, Canada

Since last post: 2731 days
Last activity: 1557 days
AIM:  
#20 Posted on
Which was the point of it. II knew I should have included a (sic).

Of course, one can feel free to make as many spelling errors as possible when referencing Celine Dion songs in their posts.



It is spring
The playful robin flits through the dawn sky in search of a juicy dew worm
He spies a fat one wedged underneath my windshield wiper
He dives for it even though the truck is hitting sixty miles an hour
A surprsing faux pas for a creature who's smart enough to go south for the winter
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I almost started this thread, but I had nothing much to say about it. Orton/Rhodes was a great match. 3 man announce teams are the drizzling shits. Always have been.
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