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The W - Pro Wrestling - your WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 3/6/2003!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1257 days
Last activity: 1254 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Ah Smackdown, the lovely show of free wrestling that comes into my house every week..... Today, I am adamant about the rules of when you should blade.

WHAT WORKED-
- Rey Rey is back on TV again and they have a three-way for the title shot. Tajiri has been through some real tragedy recently. I`ve went through that shit once and there is no way to explain to anyone who hasn`t been through it themselves. It`s a bottomless pit of despair and my heart goes out to anyone who goes through it. I`ll save my smart ass remarks for another week. Rey Rey bumps big sliding to the floor and they set up a big Rey Rey-killing three man superplex. Noble hits a SWEET powerslam and makes his presence known. The 619 into the springboard legdrop into the Silver king Springboard dropkick shows how far above everybody else Rey Rey is. The ending was neato, but the match wasn`t even close to being long enough for me to say this was beyond passable.

- Los Guerrerros wrestle Chuck Palumbo and somebody. I love Chuck Palumbo- LOOKIT THAT ASS! Chuck chases Chavo while saying ``Gabbagool`` alot in a comical Italian accent, I`m guessing. Johnny The Bull looks like every white guy who wrestles in WWC and await him to put over Eddy Colon with a toprope rana at any moment. Palumbo does a couple of moves that make him look just like Scott Hall- though at no time did he ever pinch the breast of a 57 year old woman while she was sitting in her car. Eddy bumps and bumps and bumps for your pleasure. Palumbo hits the ringpost but doesn`t blade so I am upset, fucking pussy-assed WWE. The finish is fun as Johnny the Bull does a Samoan Slam on Chavo while Eddy hits the Frogsplash as Johnny hits the ground. The postmatch beatdown was PATHETIC. MAKE ME CARE! WE WANT BLOOD. Beat on the fucking babyfaces, you fucking pussies! MAKE ME WANT YOU TO DIE AT THE GUERRERROS` HANDS! JESUS!

- TEAM ANGLE comforts Paul E. Angle talks about fucking Stephanie to get Paul E out of the match. Big Show is funny standing there and nodding. Angle is all about fucking Stephanie on screen- as he unbuttons her sweater and unleashes her mighty guns (you know... her arms). If you squint, it looks like Bill Goldberg trying to seduce Jeff Gaylord. That`s right. Jeff Gaylord. Gaylord. Jeff Gaylord.

- Mattitude! Fuck Yeah! Aw shit, it`s the boring as fucking boredom Billy the human snooze button Kidman. Kidman bumps big early to help his cause. Matt is all about the suplexes early and I`m hoping that MATTITUDE is TRIUMPHANT AGAIN! Matt with the surfboard but Kidman retaliates with a Lawrence Welk 3 Hour Accordion Special Enzuguiri. Matt bumps onto his testicles to set up the Boring As Sunday SchoolDriver `03 to set up the Emerson Lake and Palmer Solo Album Legdrop. Then he hits the Triptaphen Plancha and kicks out of the Side Effect and Shannon helps his mentor hit a Twist Of Fate and THANK GOD he beats the human Antihistamine to wrestle Rey in a match I`d actually want to see. Kidman is growing on me again. But motherfuck is he boring as a wednesday morning farm report.

- THE SECRET ADVENTURES OF AL WILSON:
Al let the emergency brake go and he put in his lucky Best of Earth Wind and Fire tape. He tried not to think about his growing feelings for Glenda. It`s falling into the night and he heads for town. ``Tell the story, morning glory, allllll about the serpentine fire- oh oh ``. Al Wilson checks the switches on the hidden weaponry of his 72 convertible El Dorado. ``Bulletproof glass, rocket launchers, ramrods, flame thrower... good good good... What the....?`` Al`s eyes quickly dart to his rearview mirror and he notices a 1980 Toyota Corona- the precursor to the Corolla. ``Is that a..... man driving? Hmmmmm... I wonder if that is MullKEY that Glenda was talking about...`` Al pulls into a 7-11, seeing if he is actually being followed by the strange man. The El Dorado pulls into the empty parking lot and Al steps out. The Corona pulls into the Hardees across the street and cuts off its lights. The 7-11 clerk is 24. She is mother of two and has been struggling to get by for a while and has been trying her whole life to escape the service industry. Al notices this by seeing the look in her eyes and he dies a little inside.

``Hey, chief. Whatcha need?

``Hey doll, you got a back door in this place? I got to circle around without being seen from the street.``

``I can`t let you back there. It`s for employee`s only.``

``Well, you`re an employee, maybe you could give me a tour. Pretend I`m a health inspector. I`m an expert on Smoky Big Bites.`` Al looks straight into her eyes and smiles as she laughs despite herself.

``Allright, let me lock up.`` Al Wilson knew what was going to happen this night before he went out the backdoor. He knew that look in a woman`s eyes and what it leads to. He didn`t want to take advantage of a desperate woman working for a living, but he had to get to the Hardee`s parking lot and he didn`t want to endanger the mission. He also knew that what he would give to her would never be matched by any other man in her lifetime.

``Walk this way, big man.``

2 B CONTINUED, MOTHERFUCKERS.

- Undertaker and A-Train was perfectly fine and they made it a modified Southern tag match- with Nathan Jones and Big Show being the worst possible Robert Gibson and Dennis Condrey so it was made better somehow. Plus it didn`t go very long. Why am I so filled with love for UT lately?

- Benoit and Rhyno take on TEAM ANGLE and I`m excited. Benoit and Benjamin have a neat little mat sequence before Benoit and Rhyno KILL Benjamin with a double shoulder block. Benoit and Rhyno are a really fun tagteam and very long feud with TEAM ANGLE would be great. Benoit recieves the HEAT SEGMENT~! and Hass is happy to be wrestling Chris motherfucking Benoit- as Benoit makes him look godlike for aminute there. TEAM ANGLE cheats to win as Rhyno is finally subdued from his flurry of lariats and suplexes by Hass with a handful of hair. Benjamin hits a really nice superkick for a nearfall and they go to that commercial for that remake of RAMBO-FIRST BLOOD with Tommy Lee Jones. We return to Haas bumping big for Rhyno before they make with the double team and go for Rhyno`s neck. Haas with the Strangle Hold Gamma and cuts off Rhyno`s attempt to counter with a lariat and a tag. Benjamin makes with the Regal Cravate and I am in love with the wrestling stylings of Shelton Benjamin. Rhyno is great as face in peril and Benoit should probably do more to get the crowd behind Rhyno`s comeback. TEAM ANGLE do every double team they can think of until Rhyno finally hits a Spinebuster to get the hot tag. Benoit suplexes the living breathing fuck out of Haas while in the process of throwing Benjamin into the ringpost. Rhyno bumps big for Benjamin over the railing and Haas procures the upside down Indian Death Lock on Benoit after Benoit fights out twice until Rhyno makes the save. Rhyno destroys Benjamin with GORE GORE GORE GORE GORE! and flies over the toprope to the floor from Haas` lariat maybe? Benoit swarms on Haas with a Crossface and gets Haas to tap. This was fucking fun. I want this fued. You want this fued. Rhyno was great in this, bumping like a freak. Fun fun fun!

- Heyman vs Lesnar works because they did the tale of the tape. Lesnar gets jumped early. EVERYBODY goes facefirst into the cage but NOBODY BLADES?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK? Then Angle is a MAN and blades like Tomiaki Honma and I am satiated in my bloodlust. Heyman doesn`t take the top of the cage bump that Sherri Martel would have taken but it was about as good as you could get from this match. So, Angle is going to be at Wrestlemania afterall?

WHAT DIDN`T WORK-

- Nidia visits the Playboy mansion and I`m supposed to be tittilated- my winky was to be all tingly with naughty bawdy fun! Fuck that shit. Playboy is for latent homosexual fratboys who are scared of a penis in their pornography- so fuck them and fuck Playboy. If she went to visit Larry Flint`s house or the HIGH SOCIETY mansion, well that`s another story. Josh gawks at Nidia`s big fake titties.

- Hulk Hogan FINALLY looks gay with the fuzzy boas, walking down the hall. You shouldn`t have work on a look for twenty years before you pull it off. Plus he is bitchy about things that Vince said about him. Unless they arm wrestle over a French whisk and end up in a Last Man In Chaps match, I could really give a fuck. At least Hogan and mcMahon talk at length so I can write the Al Wilson segment.

- Undertaker and Nathan Jones have a Tough Enough moment for some reason. Where are the hysterical RIBS?! HAHAHA! Will Nathan Jones get LEGIT~! stiffed and beaten by Bob Holly? Will he get breast implants? Why was that in front of a paying crowd? WHA?

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
Cerebus
Knackwurst








Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 1 day
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.74
If you had listened to what Hogan and Vince were saying, it was the best interview Hogan's done in years... YEARS. That's what a quasi-shoot should be, take something that could cause real heat and turn it into a really good angle for a match. Vince bringing up the 'Hogan testified AGAINST me' bit was fucking great.

You should have given it a chance.

Al's new chapter was too short... we're feeling cheated here that it takes up only 1/6th of the report. But it was still quite excellent.



Cerebus: Barbarian, Prime Minister, Pope, Perfect House Guest.

"Graft is as necessary as throwing up when you drink too much."
count olaf
Goetta








Since: 15.7.02

Since last post: 3455 days
Last activity: 3451 days
#3 Posted on
what happened to Tajiri?
ManiacalClown
Landjager








Since: 2.1.02
From: Houston, TX

Since last post: 511 days
Last activity: 510 days
AIM:  
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 10.00
Rambo be damned, The Hunted is a remake of a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode of the same name.



Pearl Jam - Live in Little Rock: 96 Days & Counting

In This Very Ring - We Also [heart] Puff Mario
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1257 days
Last activity: 1254 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

    Originally posted by count olaf
    what happened to Tajiri?


DR: His wife's baby was stillborn.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Bullitt
Shot in the dark








Since: 11.1.02
From: Houston

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 6 days
#6 Posted on

    Originally posted by Cerebus
    If you had listened to what Hogan and Vince were saying, it was the best interview Hogan's done in years... YEARS. That's what a quasi-shoot should be, take something that could cause real heat and turn it into a really good angle for a match. Vince bringing up the 'Hogan testified AGAINST me' bit was fucking great.


Thank you, I thought I was the only one that liked the Hogan/Vince segment...



Matthew Good - Playing Calgary March 24th AND 25th. Be there.

Gordie.ca
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1257 days
Last activity: 1254 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I listened to it. It would not lead to any wrestling I would ever want to see so it didn't work for me. And I hate a shoot interview. Two guys yankin each others dicks was what I thought it sounded like! THAT'S RIGHT ! YANKIN!

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Mr Heel II
Lap cheong








Since: 25.2.02

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 8 hours
#8 Posted on
Hardee's. HA. The way it's going around the Twin Cities, you should refer to it as "the boarded-up Hardee's".



this post brought to you by the wholesome goodness of deep fried clam strips
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1257 days
Last activity: 1254 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I've never actually been to Minnesota so in my mind this is all happening on Boulevard and Broad St in Richmond. But Baron Von Raschke lives in Minnesota so I'm... uh... you know... in the weeds here.
DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
spf
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 50 days
Last activity: 21 hours
AIM:  
#10 Posted on
But motherfuck is he boring as a wednesday morning farm report.

Yes, yes I am going to steal this and abuse it with great glee and happiness and never ever quote Dean as my source. So to make up for that egregious theft, may I just say that if you ever need a new liver you're free to have a chunk of mine to work with. Hell, you can have it even if you don't need it but just want a cool toy to use to teach biology to the little ones.

(edited by spf2119 on 6.3.03 2258)


The Most Bitter Place On The Net.

The current artist tickling my fancy: Brenda Weiler


Immortality
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1257 days
Last activity: 1254 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Kidman needs to get traded to RAW soon. I figure I got three more weeks of Boring Wrestling Move Names left in me.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Jakegnosis
Morcilla








Since: 26.7.02
From: Maine

Since last post: 2826 days
Last activity: 2810 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.91
Please no. We don't want Kidman on Raw. I don't get UPN, so I have to miss out on Eddie, Rey and Benoit. It's bad enough without having to see even more shitty wrestlers on TNN. Howzabout this? You keep Kidman, but you can have 3MW for Los Guerreros! Eh? Eh? Hell, we'll even give you Steiner as an added bonus!



Moo hoo ha ha.

Rangers lead the way
socetew
Chourico








Since: 23.5.02
From: NYC, baby!

Since last post: 2834 days
Last activity: 2831 days
AIM:  
#13 Posted on
I guess I had wanted Heyman to take more sick bumps so that Brock could get a much bigger revenge. I suppose Heyman was simply a pawn standing in the way of Brock's fighting of Kurt Angle. It's just that there was all this build-up of all the times Paul had screwed Brock, so I figured Brock would really take it to Paul.. but all he actually did was F-5 him, which he has already done numerous times before. Alas.

the rest was fine--

--CHeocs



Hip hop meets philosophical commentary (plus free music samples!):

Elemental Wizardry online
Mr Heel II
Lap cheong








Since: 25.2.02

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 8 hours
#14 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    I've never actually been to Minnesota so in my mind this is all happening on Boulevard and Broad St in Richmond. But Baron Von Raschke lives in Minnesota so I'm... uh... you know... in the weeds here.

    DEAN.

Nah, Hardee's really WAS a good reference for Minnesota, even if they are all seemingly closing. They even played that card in "Fargo".



this post brought to you by the wholesome goodness of deep fried clam strips
Spaceman Spiff
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: Philly Suburbs

Since last post: 23 days
Last activity: 3 hours
AIM:  
#15 Posted on
I don't think Angle bladed. When Brock tossed him into the cage when they were on the outside, Angle hit one of the support beams w/ the side of his head, busting him open in the ear area.

I like Chuck, too. And Stamboli (hey, in WCW, the guy broke his pelvis & finished the match!).

And Jamie Knoble is a bumping god. I liked that 619 bump he took from the apron to the floor. I'd like to see Jamie & Brock go at it, just to see who could out-bump the other.



Matthew: You would've loved it, David. A week in a foreign country, strange people, strange customs...
Dave: Oh, I know what you mean. I've been to Canada.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1257 days
Last activity: 1254 days
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

    Originally posted by Mr Heel II

      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      I've never actually been to Minnesota so in my mind this is all happening on Boulevard and Broad St in Richmond. But Baron Von Raschke lives in Minnesota so I'm... uh... you know... in the weeds here.

      DEAN.

    Nah, Hardee's really WAS a good reference for Minnesota, even if they are all seemingly closing. They even played that card in "Fargo".


DR: Oh okay, I thought Hardees was a Mid-Atlantic thing. So y'all like that Monster burger or what?

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
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I never thought it would happen. Since 1989, I have followed every single storyline from WWE/F, WCW without missing a beat, up until this year.
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