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The W - Pro Wrestling - your WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 12/12/2002!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1289 days
Last activity: 1287 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

Ah, Smackdown.... I almost always forget that you invade my Thursday and make me write things for two hours. Some would say it is a curse, but I- as the writer- revel in the mutual experience with you- the reader. Maybe not about this particular wrestling show on this fleeting evening- as you may be on the other side of the world or in Japan or Mexico or Puerto Rico enjoying your national flavor of grappling, but of a timeless love- a love of the Professional Wrestling.... HEY! My wife bought beer! MARRIAGE RULES! BOOZE! If only I had known about the beer two hours ago, this would be a truly hell raising recap.

WHAT WORKED.
- Brock and Kurt talk and it`s fun thinking about these two trying to outbump each in an endless feud down the road. Angle goes back to the screwing of Brock and Brock`s shot. He`s been ``tearing it up`` and ``dominating`` and how Kurt ``likes what he sees``. Brock says, ``I would like that`` and the homosexual overtones permeate and we all love the Smackdown manly love that invades our private world every week.

- Eddy and Chavo defend the belts against ~~~The Most Boring Wrestlerrrrr Alive Buhiiiilllllleeeeeeee KIDDDDDD- MANNNnnn!~~~~ and A SUITABLY PISSED OFF TO THE GILLS CHRIS BENOIT! ``I`m tagging with WHO?!?! Oh fuck allllll you motherfuckers!`` It does make for wads of fun when Eddy and Benoit start killing each other. See, the stiffness is through the fucking roof and then Kidman comes in and it`s like his nipples are lactating. Chavo and Eddy are a wonderment beating the teeth out of Kidman. Kidman makes me want to fucking vomit by reversing a Eddy Powerbomb. God, they really can`t beat the shit out of this chump enough. Maybe they could bring back Brawl for All and somehow have Tito Ortiz come in as Chuck and Billy`s dance instructor Calvin and have Ortiz beat on Kidman half as much as he beat on Ken Shamrock. Kidman gets in a powerbomb and thus fucks up the hot tag because Eddy has been powerbombed, why be a house afire. Kidman annoys me. It`s stupid, I know... Eddy is in the crossface as we go to a commercial. We come back and any momentum this match had is killed as they hack up the entire middle of the match. Eddy and Chavo start beating the shit out of Kidman again and do the fun lucha double team leg lock. Kidman is better at selling the ass-beating this time around but who the hell could want him to ever make a comeback, thus I dub thee ``The Anti-Ricky Morton``. Benoit does the great dropkick to the face and Chavo goes into a keylock that Kidman fights out of by channeling the amazing Bootyman and throwing the most pussy-assed punches in wrestling. Eddy and Chavo cheat like motherfuckers and I`m truly loving this match. Benoit goes Suplex CRAZY and hits the Diving Headbutt. Eddy ducks a Burning Labia Press and gets his feet on the ropes to get the win. This match was pretty beautiful despite my irrational Kidman hate.

- Jamie Noble presents his cousin Nunzio. Crash is comical in his walk to the ring. Noble throws really great elbows. They do a bunch of wrestling that Can Of Crowd pops for. Nunzio does a tepid run in. For some reason, I want Nunzio to be played a bit broader.....plus, I never once thought of something repulsive from my construction days. Maybe Noble should have shouted ``that`s tighter than a weddin` dick!`` or something.... I dunno. It works because this will probably lead up to something I want to see.

- Scott Steiner fucking Stephanie in the ring was pretty great. Oh wait. He`s not going to fuck her in the ring. Oh wait, he isn`t going to sign to stink up Smackdown. That`s even better than the public fucking of a McMahon. WORKED WORKED WORKED!

- I don`t care what you think of me when I tell you that I personally love the Big Show`s theme song. Big Show also has facial hair that makes me think of a really tall, morbidly obese bass player for Foghat. A-Train is perfectly fine in the main event when in with Angle. The Edge/A-Train parts were less than the Angle parts but perfectly servicible. Edge selling for Big Show destroying his knee was surprisingly good. Big Show`s elbow drops looked fine and he cut off Edge at the right time to keep the crowd in it. Well, the crowd looked pretty dead but they were watching Albert and Big Show. Edge`s comeback for the hot tag was pretty pedestrian. But it was Albert. Albert is Albert. Angle is awesome as house a-fire, taking out Big Show`s knee and suplexing the fat ass of A-Train. Big Show does the HIDEOUS reverse powerbomb and from there it turns into to Big Stiffs Sucking It Clusterfuck of total dogshit until the fun Olympic Slam on Big Show. Eh. I expected it to suck MOUNTAINS more than this.

WHAT DIDN`T WORK.

- Rikishi is the winner of the hip hop challenge. It had nothing to do with breakin` boards in a parking deck popping and locking to ``Electric Kingdom`` so FUCK IT! Cena is funny but there is nothing funny about Bull Buchanon wrestling on your television machine. His punches are better though. He would have been perfectly fine enjoying the robust pungent poo remnants ramping out of Rikishi`s big fat ass but the Young Men Who Sing The Hip Hop Music Whilst Wrestling use a chain to get the win over my sangre and it`s just a big bouncing bag of shit.

- Torrie talks to possibly Roseanne. She acts- she is thespianic like a motherfucker- like Vanna White in ``Venus``- when she hears that Dawn Marie has been talking about her. There is no National Geographic Travelogue of International Poon Mounting starring the steady bustin, waxin` and milkin` Al Wilson so fuck alllllllll this. THEN- later in the show- Torrie is nipples erect as she GETS TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS! Dawn Marie and Torrie ACT ACT ACT and I`m reminded of this movie I saw (when I was a teenager? ten years ago? yesterday?) involving a group of ladies who wanted to save their house from repossession by starting a carwash. Not just any carwash, BUT A BIKINI CARWASH! Luckly they say that Al Wilson will be on the show and I can quit hating this. Thank you, Al. Thank you for just being you.

- FUCK YOU, WWE! FUCK YOU! AL WILSON DOESN`T GET FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING ENTRANCE PYRO AND MUSIC?!?! WHAT THE FUCK! AWWWWW FUCK YOU, WWE! Al is the MACK and Dawn Marie tries to fuck with his head but he says ``fuck the world and all you rat-soup-eating insecure born motherfuckers`` and says ``crazy pussy is still pussy``. Torrie and Dawn Marie have a fabulous brawl. Jesus fucking Christ, Dawn Marie will bump like a fucking freak. If Al Wilson came out to ``Skintight`` by the Ohio Players amidst a shower of fireworks and piped in moaning, this would have worked. I`m excited about the Motel Room Footage involving Torrie Wilson enjoying the combined love stylings of Buck ``Rock n Roll`` Zhumoff and Cruel Connection 2 in a simultaneous 80s Enhancement Loving 3 Way Dance. Any thing less would be gutless and pandering. WHERE IS THE LOVE OF THE BUSINESS!?!?

- Heyman dubs him A-train. Albert is A-Train. Albert isn`t Eddy Guerrerro. Eddy Guerrerro is Eddy Guerrerro. The Big Show isn`t a very good wrestler. He`s an even worse actor. Big Show isn`t as good as A-Train. A-Train is better than Big Show. Edge will wrestle A-Train and Big Show. Edge will not wrestle Eddy. Eddy is better than A-Train. A-Train is better than Big Show. Eddy is Eddy.

- Bill Dermott is intense! Shannon Moore will bump to great lengths to make shit look good. Bill Dermott is more shit than even an OMEGA alumni can polish. Dermott is Duke The Dumpster Droesie DOS MIL- with 1/8th the ability!! INTENSE!

- Stephanie looks kinda like what I`m figuring Barbara Bush looked like right when she started going to seed. She was on screen a whole lot. I can only wonder how many takes it took for her to spit out the comical line, ``The Big Show makes us money.`` I wept from the giant bouts of laughter! Oh that Stephanie McMahon! She is the Elaine Boozler of the Repulsive Leathery Women of the WWE! HEAR! HEAR!

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.

(edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 12.12.02 2204)


YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
The Great Thomas
Sujuk








Since: 17.6.02
From: Miami, Florida

Since last post: 3374 days
Last activity: 3374 days
#2 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    AL WILSON DOESN`T GET FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING ENTRANCE PYRO AND MUSIC?!?! WHAT THE FUCK!
Now that's something I'd love to see!





Kurt Angle Supports Chris Benoit, You Should Too!

Aphrodites Reflection
Chipolata








Since: 18.6.02
From: Atlanta GA

Since last post: 4235 days
Last activity: 4232 days
#3 Posted on
Thanks Dean, as usual you deliver with a report that gave me a good idea of the energy and action of tonight's show that I missed out on. Glad to see you back.
David Adams
Boerewors








Since: 2.1.02
From: NJ

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 1 day
AIM:  
#4 Posted on
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

    She acts- she is thespianic like a motherfucker- like Vanna White in ``Venus``- when she hears that Dawn Marie has been talking about her.



Jesus! I was 12 when that teleflick was aired. I thought that all evidence of it's existence was erased. It was THAT bad.

EDIT: Spelling

(edited by David Adams on 12.12.02 2307)
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1289 days
Last activity: 1287 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Ah, once again I have re-opened forgotten wounds. I am sorry. And Vanna didn't even get naked or anything.,...

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
The King of Keith
Lap cheong








Since: 4.11.02
From: Winchester, VA

Since last post: 312 days
Last activity: 271 days
AIM:  
#6 Posted on
I'm just glad that I'm not the only one who hates Lumpy Gruel Kidman.



HrdCoreJoe
Potato korv








Since: 29.4.02
From: Jax, FL

Since last post: 1056 days
Last activity: 1056 days
AIM:  
#7 Posted on
I'm happy to hear that I'm not the only human who has sat through Bikini CarWash. I didn't say I liked it...



Treasure Planet ruled all kinds of ass. Do yourself a favor and check it out.
Cerebus
Scrapple








Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 6 hours
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.74

    Originally posted by David Adams
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

      She acts- she is thespianic like a motherfucker- like Vanna White in ``Venus``- when she hears that Dawn Marie has been talking about her.



    Jesus! I was 12 when that teleflick was aired. I thought that all evidence of it's existence was erased. It was THAT bad.

    EDIT: Spelling

    (edited by David Adams on 12.12.02 2307)



Come one people... where's the LOVE!


...and Bikini Carwash was an EXCELLENT flick in a Friday After Dark sort of way... gotta LOVE Skinamax!




I merely suggested, that you had the driving ability of a brain dead labratory ape.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1289 days
Last activity: 1287 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I actually started watching Wheel Of Fortune again because my daughter is starting to read and it's fun to yell at the stupid idiots who can't figure out the puzzles that you figured out 7 letters ago! They make me so mad...

Anyhoo, what is up with Vanna no longer turning the letters? She looks stupid just touching them as if she were some kind of Spelling Fairy. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
evilwaldo
Lap cheong








Since: 7.2.02
From: New York, NY

Since last post: 3406 days
Last activity: 3186 days
AIM:  
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.00
Ah Dean, thanks once again for a fine recap. When I am in Vegas next week I will hoist a few microbrews in your honor among other things.

Have a Happy Holidays.





From the infamous Wrestleline SS interview:

DTD: If you were to make changes in WCW, if you were in charge and not Ric Flair, what would they be?

SS: I'd get rid of all the old guys, and push the talent that has waited to get the push. The things they are doing, it's back in the 1980s. It's just bad, man. Flair doesn't even deserve to be on the show. You've got to get rid of all the old guys. Like what Vince did, they started pushing guys. Nobody knew who The Rock was 2 years ago. He made The Rock. Now The Rock just did Saturday Night Live. You've got to start with the young talent, talent people can relate to. Who are we trying to relate to if we've got a 50 year old man out there? Are we trying to relate, so a 50 year people and above will go out and buy a f*cking little toy? That ain't gonna happen. It's a f*cking joke.

Does it remind you of any show in particular?
Santa Sangre
Bockwurst








Since: 21.6.02
From: Germany

Since last post: 469 days
Last activity: 357 days
#11 Posted on
So let me get this straight. Albert is not Eddy and Eddy is Eddy?

Here's a question for you Dean. Test was on the Bubba the Love Sponge show here yesterday. When the two took a break from praising their savior Hogan they mentioned something interesting. Test labled himself the stiffest worker in WWE. Now I'm not an expert on the subject but when talks come up about stiff workers I don't remember ever hearing Test's name brought up. Enlighten me.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1289 days
Last activity: 1287 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I assumed that Bradshaw was the stiffest worker in WWE and I never noticed Test's wrestling style enough to notice him appearing to work particularly stiff. If he is the stiffest worker, then he really sucks because he doesn't APPEAR to be working stiff (whereas when you do the opposite- appear to work stiff when actually arent, you are a GREAT worker- see DICK MURDOCK, FIT FINLAY.)

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
HomerJFong
Ten Millionth Hit








Since: 19.3.02
From: Ontario, Canada

Since last post: 2673 days
Last activity: 1499 days
AIM:  
#13 Posted on
Fit is great. At the house show on Saturday, I was just two rows back from the ringside, and as the second match started, he made his way to ringside, and sat right by the barricade two rows in front of me. He still looks as mean as ever, but I got a chuckle out of him during the Steiner/B2 match, with Scott working so loose I doubt he could have broken through a wet tissue.

"Hey, Fit! This is getting stiffer than your parking lot match with Regal. You better break this one up before it gets out of hand."

And I thought I'd be able to make it through the entire year without thinking of Elayne Boosler. With Night Court
reruns off A&E, I almost made it. DAMN YOU!





tarnish
Frankfurter








Since: 13.2.02
From: Back in the Heart of Hali

Since last post: 499 days
Last activity: 18 hours
AIM:  
Y!:
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.03
quoth DEAN:

    Kidman is better at selling the ass-beating this time around but who the hell could want him to ever make a comeback, thus I dub thee ``The Anti-Ricky Morton``.


I desperately wanted him to make a comeback so's he'd get his ass out of the ring and Chris Benoit would come back in. I suppose that's all you can hope for when you match up a black hole of heat with three STUDS~! like Eddie, Chavo, and Benoit.

And I hope to hell Kidman gets over as a result. If he doesn't WWE logic might say it's because while Los Guerreros and Benoit might be great wrestlers, they can't ``elevate'' anyone else.




/tarnish...

how come you're so afraid of things that dont make any sense to you? do you water your raisins daily? do you have any raisins? is there anything that does make sense to you? are you afraid of twelve button suits? how come you're so afraid to stop talking?
Scooter Trash
Blutwurst








Since: 23.7.02
From: Indiana

Since last post: 195 days
Last activity: 4 hours
Y!:
#15 Posted on
Dean,

Thank you for filling me in on the goings on that occured during Smackdown. But for the love of God, promise me and everyone else that you will not do another report without having any beer in your system. Subpar Smackdown + sober Dean does not a Workrate report make.




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He's probably smaller because he is back on the road full time and isn't spending all his time in the gym like he says he was when he was injured... The steroid crap is old, seriously...
- CxMorgado, HHH (2002)
Related threads: Thomas's Random SmackDown Thoughts 12-12-02 - SmackDown [12/05/02] - WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 12/5/2002! - More...
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