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21.10.14 0204
The W - Pro Wrestling - your WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 10/23/2003!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1289 days
Last activity: 1286 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
The Rasmussens went to Shoney's barbecue buffet for dinner so I'm queazy, greasy and bloated with pork. And collards. Mmmmmmmmm.... autumn means collards are in season and- JESUS- does Shoneys know how to do ONE thing right and that ONE thing is collards. Mmmmmmmmm.... collards. Bury me on a bed of collards and chicken salad when I break from this mortal coil.

WHAT WORKED-

- Awesome! Paul Heyman! Hopefully, he will actually start booking this turd of a show and make it watchable again. MUGAtaker comes out and they start the new direction of the show! Oh wait. Instead they set up the crappy handicap match with Brock and Big Show and it diminishes my enthusiasm. MUGAtaker talks about crapping in the ring and then has trouble spitting out just how unbelievably sick he is. Heyman on screen keeps this from falling into complete oblivion.

- A-Train and Cena take on Benoit and Angle and I'm suitably stoked. A-Train and Cena do some c 1997 finishers and Angle sells them until he can hit a German. Schneider calls and we talk about the Villanos robes with the Virgin of Guatelupe on the backs. HEY! Angle vs Benoit again. Eh, what the hell. It's been done completely to death but it's still got to be better than the last coupla weeks.

- Jamie Noble's segment looked like a 60 Minutes report on Jamie's amateur porn empire. Actually, Jamie looks kinda like he could be MILFhunter's little brother. Not..... not that I know what the MILFhunter looks like.

- That Hot Wheels Serpent Cyclone looks COMPLETELY BAD ASS! I'm stoked that I have a son now so I can have an excuse to buy one.

- Big Show and Brock Lesnar talk about the tag match they are about to have. Brock thinks Big Show should try harder and hold up his end. Big Show takes umbrage and says that Brock should watch his ass because the US title looks good on his should but the WWE World Title would look good on his other shoulder. Then they have a moment. A moment they can't control. A moment that is unexpected but it feels so right that they blissfully roll with the moment. Big Show touches Brocks cheek and Brock cups his palm around Big Shows neck and the lights flash white and the room spins and they are lost in a kiss, lost in each others arms, lost in a love denied them forever because of their sizes and their athletic MidWestern upbringing and now- they are free... (I'm guessing. My screen went fuzzy right after the belt thing.)

- Bashams switched with TGTTOE is quite the lateral move but Heyman wanting revenge on them is kinda neat, I guess. They are wrestling a newly reformed tagteam- Rhythm N Blues? Money Inc? Disorderly Conduct? We go to a 9 minute commercial and FUCK THE POLICE! Let's move this mother fucker up yonder! RIKISHI~! AWWWWEEESOME! Turdwellian anecdotes begin next week! Scotty 2 Hottie sucks. He looks like the third Headbanger. And his pants make me think of Erik Watts doing his raver gimmick on WCW Saturday Night. And I came REALLY close to drinking those memories away. What saves S2H's bacon is the GRRRREAT fucking pencil moustache. If Heyman works a story where S2H and Rikishi are a gay version of KING OF QUEENS, you can imagine how astoundingly TORQUED I would be. Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin job to Rikishi's magnificent male ass. If they can get Scottie to start quoting Andrew Sullivan and using tasteful antiques as foreign objects, we could have the greatest tagteam ever- so much better than Billy and Chuck.

- Eddy is distraught and Chavo wants him to get his shit together. Their lowrider is completely bad ass. Eddy rules early beating the shit out of Doug Basham. Chavo and Eddy use Southern heel moves on offense and Eddy does the forearms and suplexes to beat him down. Then Danny tags in and Eddy goes flawlessly to selling the Basham/Shaniqua's low impact beatdown. Doug Basham and Eddy work a chinlock and the crowd responds. Chavo is fucking brilliant distracting the ref while the Bashams beat Eddy down more. Chavo with the old school house a-fire Lariats, backdrops and the dropkicks to set up the new school Swinging DDT. Shenanigans ensue and the Bashams cheat to win in a very comical fashion. This could be a fun fued. Postmatch, we can assume Shaniqua is going to shove that nightstick up the Bashams asses? Is that what they are getting at? Hey, I'm not their mom, they can do whatever they want to. Chavo is unhappy with unfocused Eddy. Yes he is. Chavo demands focus. Eddy should focus. To make Chavo happy, there must be focus. Eddy more focused would make Chavo happier. Chavo is focused and Eddy would need focus. Focusing by Eddy is what Chavo requires. Eddy is focusing, but not focusing fast enough for Chavo. Chavo is focused. Eddy is not focused. Focusingly, Eddy is lacking; focusingly, Chavo is abundant. Eddy upsets Chavo by his lack of focus. Were it that Eddy were focused, Chavo would be happy. Were Chavo not so focused himself, he would not expect such focus from Eddy. Focus. Eddy needs focus. Chavo is focused. Yes, focus- needed, wanted.

- Tajiri comes to the ring and he is the champion. Zack comes in and DARES TO DEFY! Nice matwork at the beginning in a comically improbable sort of way. Tajiri stomps on Zack and the crowd tries to start a U-S-A! chant but then they can no longer give a shit. They kinda trade...stuff and they finally get to Zack missing the moonsault and Tajiri getting the pin. HEY! Jimmy YAng! And that guy. Takamura? Masada? Who is that? They are covering a lot of ground tonight.

- God, they are going to give UT vs Brock and Big Show 20 minutes? The first five minutes is a lotta shoulderblocks. UT takes the Belly-to-Belly and Brock eats the edited punches. Brock suplexes to cut off his comeback and Big Show clubs and headbutts and I'm trying to figure out what they will do for 15 more minutes. UT fires back with lariats and Big Shows sells it big. Ditto for Brock. Big Show with the Nodawa and Brock tells Big Show to go up top. UT fights out of Brocks powerbomb and Big Show takes the toprope Nodawa like an absolute MOTHERFUCKER. Big Show is SOOOOOOO on the DVDVR 500 in December. Ah, Heyman does the annoying thing from ECW and changes the stips midmatch and it's 2 out of 3 falls and the commercial awaits us. UT gets some nearfalls on Brock and they take it to the street. Big Show lariats UT on the floor and they hit the ring. UT throws Big Show and Brock over the rail and they change the stips to no count out. Bundy-like, Big Show hits UT with a chair. Now no dq. They are killing time, I guess. UT with the chain and Brock doesn't have the DECENCY to blade. UT doesn't fill us in on his SICK match and they beat the shit out of UT postmatch. UT doesn't blade and I'm wondering if he should lose his MUGA rating. Fun enough and Big Show bumped gigantic enough for this to definately work. The match it sets up- as we find out later- will suck dick, but I ain't gonna see it, so who gives a shit.

WHAT DIDn'T WORK-

- Bashams switched with TGTTOE is quite the lateral move but Heyman wanting revenge on them is kinda neat, I guess. They are wrestling a newly reformed tagteam- Rhythm N Blues? Money Inc? Disorderly Conduct? We go to a 9 minute commercial and FUCK THE POLICE! Let's move this mother fucker up yonder!

- Vince tries to steal Ric Flair's promo technique and it's annoying. You could always buy Slick Ric cornholing a 17 Greensboro redneck debutante back in 1986, five minutes before stepping into the ring and carrying Coco Ware to a 5 star match. Vince, you just kind of think of Sable furiously sucking his spongy dink in a vain attempt to keep him stiff before having to resort to Viagra. Sable has that look of getting ahead by having lots of needledick middle-managers cumming on her thigh seconds before penetration- so this must be a hard pill for her to swallow.

- God, Hardcore Sparkplug Holly coming back? Can Duke The Dumpster Droese and Mantaur be far behind? Jesus, one word for you- FANTASIO.

- MUGAtaker threatens Vince and Vince acts by acting like MUGAtaker has just farted. If MUGAtaker was really so bad assed and biker, he'd leave Vince's bitch out of this and drag Vince into the shower and make a woman out of him. It would be like Kenneth Anger was booking.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
drjayphd
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 22.4.02
From: Long Island

Since last post: 30 days
Last activity: 2 hours
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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.10
The other guy that popped out of the crowd for Tajiri was Keiji Sakoda. Only saw him in a jobtastic performance on Velocity (I believe against... Shannon Moore?). Wonder when they're gonna point out that Yang's Chinese. Speaking of Moore, he demonstrated the First Rule Of Wrestling Gowen in that one match I saw between the two: Never, EVER try to Irish-whip him. EVER. Unless you like exposing the business more than your typical dancer at Catwalk. Hey, speaking of exposing...

"Jamie Noble's segment looked like a 60 Minutes report on Jamie's amateur porn empire. Actually, Jamie looks kinda like he could be MILFhunter's little brother. Not..... not that I know what the MILFhunter looks like."

Euwww. Mental image... Besides, Captain Stabbin's right THERE... why would you subject yourself to MILFhunter?

"MUGAtaker threatens Vince and Vince acts by acting like MUGAtaker has just farted. If MUGAtaker was really so bad assed and biker, he'd leave Vince's bitch out of this and drag Vince into the shower and make a woman out of him. It would be like Kenneth Anger was booking."

Oh Lord... You do realize what'd happen if Nick Zedd was booking, right? Vince and a returning Linda McMahon would take turns beating the shit out of Taker until he's a quivering mass of flesh... at least fifteen minutes of that. Then Linda lops Taker's dick off... and Taker wins with a schoolboy.



Today's Out-Of-Context Quote, Courtesy of hardygrrl:

"...between the grime layer and the Seventies game show host hair, I'd rather rim Undertaker after a White Castle/Schlitz bender."
ScreamingHeadGuy
Frankfurter








Since: 1.2.02
From: Appleton, WI

Since last post: 746 days
Last activity: 746 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.95
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

    - Jamie Noble's segment looked like a 60 Minutes report on Jamie's amateur porn empire. Actually, Jamie looks kinda like he could be MILFhunter's little brother. Not..... not that I know what the MILFhunter looks like.
    - Big Show and Brock Lesnar talk about the tag match they are about to have. Brock thinks Big Show should try harder and hold up his end. Big Show takes umbrage and says that Brock should watch his ass because the US title looks good on his should but the WWE World Title would look good on his other shoulder. Then they have a moment. A moment they can't control. A moment that is unexpected but it feels so right that they blissfully roll with the moment. Big Show touches Brocks cheek and Brock cups his palm around Big Shows neck and the lights flash white and the room spins and they are lost in a kiss, lost in each others arms, lost in a love denied them forever because of their sizes and their athletic MidWestern upbringing and now- they are free... (I'm guessing. My screen went fuzzy right after the belt thing
    DEAN RASMUSSEN.


Oh, c'mon, Dean. You can admit to making popcorn and watching the MILF-man's trials and tribulations with the Missus. And the BigShow/Lesnar bit - priceless. All it needed was bubbles and cherry petals and we could've had a classic shojou romance scene. Not...not that I would know what a classic shojou romance scene looks like.

Edit: Oh, and one of them would have to be a schoolgirl; as is, we'd have shonen-ai. And I REALLY don't know much about that.

(edited by ScreamingHeadGuy on 23.10.03 2122)


Fashion Reporter Extraordinare

...as is proper.

DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1289 days
Last activity: 1286 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

    Edit: Oh, and one of them would have to be a schoolgirl; as is, we'd have shonen-ai. And I REALLY don't know much about that.

    (edited by ScreamingHeadGuy on 23.10.03 2122)


DR: Brock in a schoolgirl outfit would be something you'd get if you accidentally clicked on a pop-up while perusing Uniform Series. Not that I go to Uniform Series.... No.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Liz
Chipolata








Since: 26.8.03
From: Ironton, Ohio

Since last post: 2673 days
Last activity: 1735 days
AIM:  
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.69
Dean, in a world full of hatred, misery, and Scary Movie sequels -- your workrate reports have given me the will to go on.

Thank you, friend.




ps. You just earned a big fat fucking 10 rating for making me spew cafe mocha through my nose. And Shoney's does serve some damn good collards.




Hunger hurts, but starving works.
The Sham
Kolbasz








Since: 20.1.02
From: Hamden, CT

Since last post: 1723 days
Last activity: 1075 days
#6 Posted on
    Originally posted by drjayphd
    Wonder when they're gonna point out that Yang's Chinese.


"The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is - I collect your fucking head. Just like this fucker here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the fucking time!"

-from Kill Bill

Holy crap, I'm already quoting it...

Oh, how I've missed Turdwelian anecdotes.

Would Nidia and Noble's porn site out-whitetrash wrestlingvixxxens? I'd be willing to pay a small monthly fee to find out.



"Cram it with walnuts, ugly!"- Mr. Homer Simpson

"Nothing says 'bad ass' like beating up Randy Orton."- Matt Hocking, RAW SATIRE- January 21, 2003
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1289 days
Last activity: 1286 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Liz
    Dean, in a world full of hatred, misery, and Scary Movie sequels -- your workrate reports have given me the will to go on.

    Thank you, friend.




    ps. You just earned a big fat fucking 10 rating for making me spew cafe mocha through my nose. And Shoney's does serve some damn good collards.


DR: AH! YOOOOOOOOOU know about the Shoney's collards! YEAH! And thank you for the kind words.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
darkdragoon
Bockwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3694 days
Last activity: 3694 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.25
    Originally posted by drjayphd
    The other guy that popped out of the crowd for Tajiri was Keiji Sakoda. Only saw him in a jobtastic performance on Velocity (I believe against... Shannon Moore?). Wonder when they're gonna point out that Yang's Chinese.


which would be stupid since he's Korean-American.
thatdude21601
Pickled pork








Since: 22.9.03
From: Easton, md

Since last post: 3854 days
Last activity: 3854 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.81
While he is American..born in georgia...and may be Korean(somehow?)...Yang IS a chinese name:).



"dubya never talks while cheney is drinking water...check that shit out"
jimimium
Chorizo








Since: 25.1.02
From: Kirksville, MO

Since last post: 1437 days
Last activity: 1423 days
AIM:  
#10 Posted on
Well, maybe they're a stable formed by necessity, because only they understood the joy of eating steamed rice with chopsticks.. its not a national thing, its an Asian Pride thing.. got rice bitch? *blinks*



Trogdoooor!!
Trogdooor!!
Trogdor was a man..
I mean.. he was a dragon man..
I mean.. he was just a dragon..
But he was still..

TROGDOOOOOR!
Trogdooor!

Burninating the countryside..
Burninating the peasants..
Burninating all the peopleeeee in their tatchroofed cottages!
THATCH ROOFED COTTAGES!!

And then Trogdor comes in the NIIIIIIGHT!
redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 477 days
Last activity: 477 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.33
Where have you gone Secret Adventures of Al Wilson, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you.



The Public Demands: Fire Grady Little or Else.
Liz
Chipolata








Since: 26.8.03
From: Ironton, Ohio

Since last post: 2673 days
Last activity: 1735 days
AIM:  
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.76
    Originally posted by redsoxnation
    Where have you gone Secret Adventures of Al Wilson, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you.


And the high ratings just keep rolling.




Hunger hurts, but starving works.
billnopus
Haggis








Since: 3.1.02
From: From the Dark Side

Since last post: 1184 days
Last activity: 498 days
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.00
Paul E as GM does hold great promise...if they do it right. Can't say his debut night was 100% gold (the overproduced main event was the prime offender). But it is light years better than GM Sable, which was my big fear.

I kinda figured Dean as a Cum Fiesta guy.



2002 rspw Quote of the Year: JR--"Lita's no Cheater"
RYDER FAKIN
Six Degrees of Me








Since: 21.2.02
From: ORLANDO

Since last post: 40 days
Last activity: 40 days
AIM:  
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.71
DEAN: Big Show is SOOOOOOO on the DVDVR 500 in December.

That ain't right. Even if he *is* on a string of good matches, there should be some kind of law, or by-law...NO GIANT!

FLEA



Demonstrations are a drag. Besides, we're much too high...

FLEA - 1ryderfakin.com - IWC 100! And MORE!
CRZ
Big Brother
Administrator








Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 9 hours
Last activity: 3 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.65
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    It would be like Kenneth Anger was booking.
I know I'm about three weeks behind, but I can't let this reference pass, if only so I can let you know that somebody actually GOT it. (I got to see "Magick Latern Something or Other" in Minneapolis back in July - marrying into a film-literate family is changing me...slightly)



CRZ
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Good one Mack.
- Swordsman Yen, Unwritten Rules Of Wrestling (2002)
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