We have friends that have six kids- as it will be known that the Generation X was the generation that brought back the gigantic families to the heartland and I'm also doing what I can do. Anyway, we take three of their younguns for a few days since we all homeschool and give their mom a break. All of the six kids are the around the same age so they keep each occupied for the most part so everybody wins. They've been here for two days and tonight Angie asked if I wanted to drive the younguns back to their dad's place of work so they can head home. I said that I would love to if she would start the Workrate Report. She said she was down. Being that she is 9 months pregnant, hates most wrestling and is EXTREMELY hormonal and angry, imagine how excited I am. She did the first hour.
!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@ ANGIE Filled With Hate ON THE FIRST HOUR:
- Tag Team Match--Booker T and Eddie--I remember these two guys from the days when Dean and I were just married. Wow, they are really old and still do it so much better than the pretty ab boys. I have to love the evil Eddie and Rey. "Who me--I didn't do anything" I'm so glad that the bookers have gone to this type of elimination reality tv instead of the extremely bad "Who's going to be America's next best Wrestler?' That was the worst. I sure hope Dean gets home soon--before this match is over.
- I am such a mark for Rey and Eddie and the cheesy head scissors and I'm still a mark for the head scissors. Go Rey.
- Best part so far: no Van-Damnit-I-have-to-watch-him-wrestle and thank God, I didn't have to.
-Wow, they may actually be setting up something worth watching. Eddie and Rey.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK-
-Kendrack [I](I'm assuming that this is Jindrak- DR)[/I] looks like he has been paying way too much attention to the weirdo body man that shows off his abs on the endless infomercials on cable. GROSS
- I can't believe, well I can, the bookers take a somewhat interesting story line and decent--actual wrestling and resort to knee bashing. Could they not stretch their imaginations and continue wrestling to win or lose instead of cheap gimmicks? What am I thinking--
- It's wwe. So the least heat generating team wins. The crowd is sooooo underwhelmed. There are no boos, no cups of ice being thrown, no chants of foul play. Stupid. You can just see the stupid fuckers sitting around the round table with their laptops and palm pilots--Let's get the crowd really pumped up for Rey--and then have him lose to the really bad twins so we can kill any heat we may have generated from the Eddie/Rey debacle to Rey winning with his only little head scissors move. What a bunch of unimaginative sops.
- I'm wondering who has a bigger chest--the Giant or his gal Joy?
- I guess the set up of Joy and Amy "later" tonight is giving the losers enough time to find a hanky to clean themselves up with. Are there drinking games throughout the country that whenever a diva loses a piece of clothing or her underwear is exposed, you drink. There might be a lot of drunk people out there. Dean please come home.
- Blah Blah Blah--gold medal does not heat produce. +_+_+_+_+_+_
DEAN Feeling like he got the shitty hour ON THE SECOND HOUR:
- FIT FINLAY~! YEAH MOTHERFUCKAH!
WHAT DIDn'T WORK-
- Cena goes for a Dusty Rhode's style promo and the crowd is stoked. Then he squashes KENZO in two minutes? Oh fuck that shit. Suck my ass.
- I love the fact that I now know the gal with JBL with gigantic fake tits is Amy because my wife was paying enough attention to actually write it down earlier. I suck. Believe me when I say that we survive because Angie handles all the monetary transactions in the house. Anyhoos, Amy comes to the ring with a look on her face like has agreed to blow Dick Cheney. Her pants are tiny. 39 year old virgins stare at her stomach and gear up to supply a Takayama-sized ass-beating on their peckers. Where is JOY!? I finally know her name. Amy reacts like she had agreed to blow Dick Cheney but suddenly something happened in Syria and Cheney had to get back to the White House. This segment leaves millions of overweight men grasping a million unpolished boners in a million JETIX dream rags. Denying them the titties smooshed together is further evidence of the Satanic shittiness of Vince McMahon.
- Teddy Long and Heidenreich discuss some bullshit about a shitty feud with the Undertaker. JBL and Teddy talk about the whereabouts of Joy. The boners are gone. The dream rags are folded up and hidden in betwwen the Harlan Ellison anthologies. The dream is over.
- Jesus. fuck. What is this? Matlocke? Just call the fucking police. Joy could be dead in an alley and you assemble a Posse Of WWE Referees. Fucking referees can't even see a guy hit another guy in the head with a chair. How are they supposed to SOLVE CRIME now?
- Funaki is your Cruiserweight champion. Nunzio is still employed by the WWE! Whoda thought! Funaki hits the blandest offense in the history of boring ass US wrestling. Nunzio with a nice Pillman dropkick on Funaki. Cole freaks out of Funaki's astoundingly shitty looking kick to the head. Funaki with the Brian Lee-level bulldog. Fuanki hits a SHITTY looking Spinning DDT. God, that wasn't good.
- Torrie tattles on Orlando Jordan and this REALLY can't get any more retarded. Torrie is REALLY starting to look like the stripper you don't make eye contact with so you won't waste any ones on her. Big Show is PISSED~! Big Show chokes five minutes of exposition out of Orlando and feel like they are just shooting KU-HUH WRASSLIN FECAL SPRAY HAH AHAH AHA~! out of the screen and into our living rooms.
- Moisture-activated Trojans. Save time and just share needles with your lovah. Go down to the free clinic and juggle three bags marked "hazardous waste".
- JBL saves the F.A.G. award by being truly hilarious. And then boring as fuck Face Angle comes out and does the rest of the exposition that Orlando left out. JOY IS IN THE TRUNK! Obviously JBL was set up. I suspect Marty Jannetty with a roofy. There's Sargeant Slaughter RIGHT THERE! It all makes sense. They are reenacting that Marty Jannetty/Shawn Micheals/Ultimate Warrior drugging and cutting the hair of those college students on the airplane. If they are beginning to book this by the guidelines of the DVDVRMB Sleaze Thread, I await Spike Dudley's new glass eye. And they fuck that up by giving away that it was Angle. TORRIE MUST BE FUCKING ANGLE! And I can't give a shit....
Originally posted by Lise*giggles insanely at the couples tag workrate report*
Tell Angie we appreciated her sacrifice.
DR: Usually she retreats to the tv in the bedroom and watches Law and Order. Im just glad that two wrestlers that she actually likes wrestled. I was afraid I would come home to her spewing expletives and punching me in the stomach.
I've started simulating what happens on the TV shows into EWR, to see what it thinks about it. Now, understand that in EWR it thinks that wrestling is on an upturn, but it said that the best segment of the night was Team Angle talking in the back, with a 94% rating. The worst segment was Amy Weber beating Joy Giovanni by countout (I couldn't do by forfeit), with a 42% rating.
Also, Spike TV canceled Heat after I simulated it based on this week's spoilers. Apparently Rob Conway beating Val Venis was too risque for them. (Highest rating, a Video promoting next Week Raw's Jericho/Benoit match, 78% rating. Lowest rating, Interview with Khosrow Daivari & Muhammad Hassan, 38% rating.)
NOTE: The above post makes no sense. We apologize for the inconvenience.
So WrestleMania is rapidly around the corner, and I'd LIKE to order it, but I just can't justify spending 50 bucks on a show just to sit on my couch and watch it by myself. And none of my friends are fans.