Work to radio show to workrate! I make the nerd world go round! My indie name is Razz Moose Sin.
- We watch recaps of Alberto Del Rio from last week and the more I watch the more I notice he does Robert De Niro faces when he sinks in the cross armbreaker too. He really is right up there with William Regal in terms of effective facial expressions utilizations and what not, ETC. Kofi Kingston comes out AND JUMPS REALLY HIGH! Oh wait. He talks and sets up a match. Del Rio is AWWWWESOME begging and being TRULY sorry. Del Rio is fucking SOLID GOLD. Kofi has trouble with the balloons. Stupid balloons! DIE BALLOONS DIE!
We go to commercial. The balloons talk to Kofi.
"Kofi, my son. We are merely balloons. We didn't try to break your arm. We are on earth to bring joy to children, pop, be eaten by dogs, and... well, you know."
"You are correct, honorable and venerable balloons. I was caught up in my moment of rage and vengeance."
"Vengeance is dangerous. It can devour your soul. You are already assaulting innocent balloons. What if Alberto Del Rio has a children's chorus next week?"
"Why, I would never..."
"Right now you KNOW this to be a fact, vengeance can dehumanize you to the point where you do things you would never imagine doing. Don't let your hatred consume you. Find your center and find your peace."
"You are wise, clump of red balloons. I shall check myself, before I wreck myself."
"What you said."
Alberto sells the high jumping offense of Kofi. Kofi jumps very high and it's for TWO! Nice Konan Roll-up by Kofi but Del Rio hits the ropes. Kofi Misses While Jumping and Del Rio crushes his arm on the stairs. Del Rio hits the Mean Streets Arm-breaker and gets the win.
- I have always secretly wished they gave out belts instead of Super Bowl rings. If Aaron Rogers melts his ring down and makes it into a belt, I would... deeply respect him.
- Kozloff's Strong Style stylings are fabulous. Gabriel takes his ass-beating like a man. And they are getting over Justin Gabriel's finisher, it would appear, as he pins Kozloff for the second week in a row. He should prolly shave because he looks like a lot like Kenny Loggins- though he looks kinda like Kenny Loggins took a wrong turn and became a meth dealer.... so maybe he's okay.
- SyFy IRON INVADER looks promising. I don't know if can conjure the midnight choking fuel that GIANT PYTHON VS GATOROID brung to our spurty, disgraceful table. God, the Tiffany vs Debbie Gibson catfight would make any living man a DIAMOND COBRAHHH! of shame.
- HEY! Chris Masters! and Drew McIntyre! This is the Segunda Caida blog's DIAMOND ANACONDA DREAM MATCH of the year! They might pass out from the blood rushing from their heads. Drew McIntyre dedicates the match to Kelly Kelly and then takes A GIGANTIC MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING AWWWWESOME SNOWPLOW for two. McIntyre hits a fucking preposterously beautiful DDT for the pin. Waaay too short to get the SC boys to the finish line but plenty of evidence to see why they dig these two. YOUR GOT TWO frickin HOURS! GIVE THEM MORE TIME.
- Rey Rey is buglike. Then he makes fun of uglying up that good-lookin' Cody Rhodes guy. Wade Barrett comes out and espouses the anarcho-syndicalismic views of the Corre. I can only hope they can the politics and just sing that catchy song they do. Can't hide it! Can't fight! Sooo Go-ooo-on go-ooo-on come on leave me breathless! Take me tease me until I can't denyyyyyy this lovin' fee-eeee-lin! Sure, they are evil wrestlers, but you can't deny the power of that hook. Rey Rey drop kicks Barrett dead in the face and then goes into the Tree of Woe to take a dropkick to the face himself! Wade mauls Rey Rey a bit with rudimentary kicks and assorted clubberin' before bumping big to the floor. Rey Rey jumps off the apron and hits Barrett dick-first into the face! Rey Rey into the rail! COMMERCIALS! I'm going back YouTube and listen to Ezekiel Jackson and Justin Gabriel singing. They are waaay hotter in black cocktail dresses. Go-oo on go-oo on come on leave me breathless, take me tease me until I can't deny this looooovin feeliiiin. Wade with the punches to the face and Barrett with the surfboard style submission hold. Rey Rey with the old school Angel Azteca in-ring tope. Rey Rey comes off the toprope and goes dick-first into Barrett's face AGAIN! DUDE! I'm not saying it isn't WHITE HOT and all, but come on. Hurricanrana and Barrett goes on a very the late Kanyon-esque based offensive flurry! Shenanigans and a win for Barrett. THE BIG SHOW! He's crushing the chests of everybody in the band! They get the drop on the BIG SHOW! This is where Santino and Kozloff should run-in, right? En LIEU, Ezekiel Jackson Vertically Suplexes the Big Show and HERE is where Santino and Kozloff run-in? They aren't setting up a what would appear to be a fun 8 man tag very well. Sooo Go-ooo-on go-ooo-on come on leave me breathless! Take me tease me until I can't denyyyyyy this loooovin feelin' make me long for your kiss come on come on yeaaah...
- I missed the divas subplot because I was listening to the Flatmates to try get the hook from the Corres song out of my head. I could be in heaven- I could be in he-e-eavan- I could be in he-e-e-eavan when I'm with yooou! Oh, it's Layla versus Eve. The wrestling was fine. Didn't have the high school vice principal impregnation subterfuge that made last week's main event so fun.
- Edge. He is rated R. Dolph Ziggler! Vickie Guerrerro is screechy and the special ref! She screeches early and often and the crowd wishes that she would no longer screech at them. She has a nice smile- like she would work in the deli/bakery at Martin's. "Macaroni with that, hon?" she would say. Vickie does the right thing and keeps Edge from throwing such shitty punches. Her late husband was a third generation wrestler and she could stand no more. I back her play 100%. I assume that you would do the same. Dolph has a nice dropkick- which is kinda useless for a heel but maybe that was an 80s way to see things. He has punches that are acceptable to Vickie. Edge does that shitty one-arm flapjack which you might as well have the other guy walk like a duck after having your opponent jump up in the air for you. Vickie puts Dolph's foot on the rope because she doesn't want the show to end 5 minutes early. Vickie does THE SPEAR! Edge does a slighty better THE SPEAR! AND ANOTHER THE SPEAR! Clay Matthews! Vickie notices that Clay Matthews isn't actually a refereee. There is confusion as we go to next weeks teaser. And MERLIN?!? Well. I guess that's it then. See you next week, then?
WHAT DIDN'T WORK-
- Edge- froglike, bechinned, unshaven- is impertiment to questions asked by that guy whose name I can't remember. Oh, and it's over. TRIPS! COMEDY! NOT EVEN WHEN IT HITS NETFLIX, YOU RIDICULOUS MOTHERFUCKERS!
- JTG! And it's the Big Red Machine! KANE! Annnnnnnd it's a squash. And not like a Lee Scott or Lorenzo squash. Those were always great. Remember Lee Scott versus the Samoan Swat Team? That was fucking awesome. Or that time Lee Scott grabbed Terry Funks hat, put it on and danced around like an idiot so Terry Funk just totally motherfucking just fucking DESTROYED him? God, that was fucking great. This was more like Bryan Clarke versus Eddy Jackie.
I don't know where I'd be without DEAN~! I definitely wasn't up for recapping anything tonight, because I've reached the absolute limit with the commentary team. Matthews and Cole spend half the show arguing, Cole's just annoying in general, and Booker is terrible. I haven't felt this turned off towards a commentary team since Schiavone and Madden.
I feel ripped off. If Kozlov's wrestling a singles match, I demand his RAMMSTEIN MUSIC! I also can't believe Slater sold THE COBRA~! like he was dead. I do believe that was the cleanest I've ever seen Gabriel hit the Sternum-Crushing 450 Splash. The Corre's music is also starting to grow on me...assuming they stick with it, of course.
McIntyre blaming Edge for Kelly getting fired is certainly...an interesting direction to take this storyline. Masters and McIntyre put on a surprisingly good match. That was ANOTHER beautiful counter into the Future Shock and I'm stunned at the ways McIntyre's able to hit that move. It's not exactly as easy to apply as the Diamond Cutter and (to add to the above point) only Matthews sold the counter with any kind of gusto.
The Edge/Dolph feud deserves better than to end on...sigh...Packer-ference. I have a bad feeling that the title's getting held up next week, which would be the absolute WORST thing they could do, but they haven't done anything right with this feud yet, so why should I expect anything good here?
Originally posted by It's FalseMcIntyre blaming Edge for Kelly getting fired is certainly...an interesting direction to take this storyline. Masters and McIntyre put on a surprisingly good match. That was ANOTHER beautiful counter into the Future Shock and I'm stunned at the ways McIntyre's able to hit that move.
I know they were less likely to cut both of Vince's hand-picked SD guys, and Escobar had a crap presentation compared to Drew. But I think Drew proves that some patience is necessary when figuring out what a guy can do well. I wonder if he got confused for the Sky High and leapt up for a backdrop. That as a hot little match.
"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
Originally posted by The GameFor the sake of commentary, please bring back Matt Striker.
For the sake of Egypt, please bring back Mubarak.
Yeah, let's not go insane now. I'll be the first one (and usually am) to trash the commentary team. Hell, they've pretty much managed to take me completely out of the show. But you could replace Striker with a potted plant and it would be an improvement. And Booker T's about as close to a potted plant as you could get, so...yeah...improvement. Not MUCH of an improvement, but still.