I'm a little late. I woke up around five this morning because my 6 year old crawled into my bed and let fly with the pee like a 6 year old do. So I woke up elsewhere at 11. My daughters are at a Methodist youth retreat so my wife has had 4 hours of unbridled small boy idiocy all morning and says, "FAAT MAAAN! YOU, you BASTARD! You will take these little freaks away from me for a lengthy period of time or YOU WILL DIE." I gather them up and get the hell out before I need assorted prosthetics to eat and pee. So yeah, I was a gone a while. I did get to go to the spruced up new location for McLeans- a fabulous redneck diner on the Richmond/Henrico county line. I once stood in line at the cash register behind Jerry Falwell there. A friend of mine was friends with his daughter and I talked to him about going trick or treating with his grandkids. He was actually very nice and spoke a bit my friend's sons and how his daughter spoke highly of them. It was very nice. I didn't mention that his daughter was TOTALLY hot and was dressed like frickin' JEAN GREY for halloween and it was totally AMAZING. Anyway, the new McLean's is in the more industrial section of Richmond now- right next to the channel 6 tower. The big difference is that it had non-redneck waitresses. It was the same college-styled waitresses you get at the Sidewalk Cafe and 3rd Street Diner. THUS, you twenty-somethings can no longer gauge how wasted you are on Saturday nights by going to McLeans at 2:30 AM and seeing how attractive your waitress appears to you. YOUR GENERATION of Richmond dirtbags will no longer get to say, "Fuck, man, I was so tore up last night I would have SLEPT with my McLean's waitress. AND the busboy." The end of an era. Though it is a 1000 times nicer inside. Very much like how Penny Lane Pub was back when it was on 7th st. I recommend it. Though the American Diner on Midlothian Turnpike whips the ass of all diners in this burg. The American Diner cheese steak WILL fucking be the death of me. Jesus, it is good.
- Abel Durant commits to another odd fashion choice, sporting the plum/mauve dress shirt under the MANLY navy jacket. It's a little too much like he is going to break into selling me a timeshare. But his sexiness fights through the AmWay-ness of the get-up and you will continue to emulate his suaveness.
- El Niche and Ricochet is joined in progress. Niche is fucking awesome. Ricochet I haven't seen yet, I don't believe. He's got good punches and leans into his kicks so I got no beef. Niche takes too many straight shots to the face so he rakes the eyes for relief. Riccy with a backslide and then a very nice reversal of a Vertical Suplex into a Small Package and then a FABULOUSLY PREPOSTEROUS POWER Crucifix for two. Dark Rose uses the power of the Frog Splash and amazing buttocks to cheat for her man. Niche goes up top with Riccy and Riccy fights out hits a rana-into over the top guillotine but Niche gets his knees up for the big splash. Niche hits some knee based offense and then goes for a Tequila Sunrise Suplex that Ricochet reverses and rolls through into a Small Package for the win. Psychologically sound, well executed basic wrestling- pretty much the reason you really can't lose with Puerto Rican style wrestling.
- Mad Man Manson enters my world. According to Savio, he is also known as Giant Manson. NEither moniker brings up any useful information on google. He is brawling with the Best Wrestler In The World- Shane the Glamourboy. Triple M is 6' 6ish and he wears an Abyss/Kane style mask. His punches are better than Abyss's. Not as good as Kane's. It's in that range. Soyeah, it isn't like the first time you saw Vader or anything. He clubs well and Shane being the BWITW, makes them look horrifying. This is pretty edited, so I live in fear of what we missed. Shane hits a toprope elbow- which looks beautiful. HEY! It's BJ! Shane and he trade really fucking beautiful punches and thus Shane chases him to allow Mr Big and 3M to slug it out. 3M takes a MANLY bump over the top. The TRUE test of a tall fatboy fued with tall fatboy Mr Bigg- HOW MUCH CAN MAD MAN MANSON BLEED? The upcoming weeks will tell.
- The Precious One Gilbert and Carlitos have at it again in successive weeks (right?) Gilbert will one day go to RAW and be the Puerto Rican version of Alberto Del Rio. He so seamlessly exudes assholishness that you REALLY want to punch him in the face every time he smiles. Plus he is pretty big and is good little wrestler. Carlitos I'm still not sold on. He doesn't lay in anything. Gilbert sells it really well though. Gilbert reverses a rana into a decent Powerbomb and then summons his inner asshole by threatening and flipping off the crowd and ref and MISSES a spear and hits the ringpost shoulder first. He reverses a Figure Four attempt into a roll-up for two and then hits a Davey Boy Smith-esque lariat. He reverses a 619 into a Boston Crab but Carlitos eventually hits the ropes. Joe Bravo shows up at ringside and sets up Gilbert to be in position for the MOR-TAL~! and leg lariat for the win. This was perfectly fine. I'm guessing Carlitos works his way into the What Didn't Work section when in with anyone less than Gilbert.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK-
- ALLRIGHT ! HIDEO SAITO! and FINALLY Joe Bravo, the Carribbean champ! On my TV finally. I already love Saito because he has the "I'm 27, I'm in love, the race is over, why keep training?" physique that most of my fellow wrestling fans reading this can identify. Bravo is all in-shape and handsome- like some kind of funny boy or single guy. Saito spits and has the look like he spent all night drinking rum and all morning lovin' and it's Fuck Or Fight Friday Night and he's all out of loving for a couple days. Saito does a lot of eye rakes to counteract Bravo's less-than-Murdockian punches. Saito sinks in the half crab and his hair is fucking all over the place, like he was fired from playing drums for Guitar Wolf and he can't afford Pomade anymore. He misses a toprope splash and Bravo follows up with some pretty comical lariats and the worst fist drop EVER. Bravo hits a very gentle Black Cat DDT but THE PRECIOUS ONE GILBERT shows up to distract Bravo and Saito saunters over to MAKE WITH THE ORIENTAL MIST and the SCHOOL BOY WIN~! "Japanese are NUMBER ONE IN THE WORLD!" Truly shitty wrestling, but I gotta go to the wall for Saito. I just have to love him. He absorbs the sleaziness of Puerto Rican wrestling and fires it back out of every pore of his body. Magnificent. At the end of the show, he does beat Carlitos to death with his won belt in a big sloppy mess. Still not quite enough.
- Black rose isn't happy. She isn't talking. There is no footage of her using her astounding buttocks for evil- so THUS this can't stand. I just love wrestling too much.
And of course, like WCW so perfectly illustrated, booking to spike the ratings is a foolproof idea, a guaranteed moneymaker! Please, dosen't anyone backstage remember how much of a long and slow process winning back the audience took the last time.