I think I'm back to near non-whiny-level health so hopefully the full schedule of comix n' workarates will get mostly done this week. We'll see, won't we.
WHAT WORKED- - They have a couple vignettes where a naked Joe Bravo wanders the WWC showers and discusses things. I'm not sure who this is aimed at, demographically, but Godspeed, you crazy motherfuckers. BJ and his little fella talk shit to The Sensational Carlitos which means Carlitos could have a BJ Whitmer-style run of being a perfectly fine wrestler who is inexplicably carried in a giant string of good matches- if he goes from the bizarre Joe Bravo miracle matches to being carried by BJ for a while.
- CJ O'Doyle gets the hell beaten out of him by American junior heavyweights who have invaded and HATE ALL PUERTO RICANS! THEY ARE THE PATRIOTS! So they are feuding with a guy from Baltimore (or somewhere else in the Mid-Atlantic where they don't know how to drive) working an Irish pride gimmick who is protecting the honor of a populace living in an American protectorate. PR will always prove that enough blood can make any booking make sense. My guess for this particular one- 2.5 buckets of blood. O'Doyle then works a PR 101 midcard match against what I'm guessing is one of Joel brothers or that other guys who looks just like one of the Joel brothers. And it was perfectly fine.
- Ooo, they show the whole Los Rabiosos vs Mad Man Manson/Black Pain match where Black Pain turns on MMM. Rabiosos makes an airplane spin awesome by using Blitz head and legs as blades to hit Black Pain until he clears the ring. They brawl like motherfuckers around the arena and I TRULY fuckin DIG Los RABIOSOS. Black Pain, I dig also. He really beats the fuck out of Mr Big and they have a beautiful extended clubbing forearm sections that will make you love the PR all over again. Blitz is sooo fucking awesome. The sections where he is beating Black Pain to death with a belt is fucking solid gold. This whole brawl is just fucking awesome. They constantly beat each other to death, all the offense looked like it would suck to have to be in the middle of and it looked like something you and I- the average fan- would want to be no part of. That's a successful brawl. When they get back from commercial, Blitz and MMM are taking to the mat with Blitz taking a Fat Boy Sidewalk Slam while Mr Big is locking his hand around Black Pain junk and squeezing. MMM saves Wee Black Pain with a fabulous clubbing forearm to the back- THUS MMM doesn't get the pin. Mr Big crushes Black Pain with a chair after hijinx with Los Rabiosos second- leading up to the MANLY Los Rabiosos ROCKET LAUNCHER off the top to Black Pain on the floor for the pin and title change. Postmatch, Black Pain kills MMM for turning his back on him in disgust. Soooooo fucking good.
- Debbie Ross and her amazing buttocks set up the Joel brothers versus Los Rabiosos for the title. Hmmm. Joels might tough to carry but I have confidence in the new champs.
- In The Opinion Of Gilbert this week, the guest is Glamourboy Shane. Gilbert starts by taking out of picture of Abdullah the Butcher and talking shit about him and spitting on it. Shane comes out and they pretty just start beating the hell out of each other. Gilbert DDTs Shane and beats him with a belt because Puerto Rican wrestling IS THE BEST WRESTLING ON EARTH. Oh GOD, this match is gonna be so good.
- Sunday they show the Shane/BJ cage match and you and I are suitably STOKED. BJ starts with a series of suplexes and taunting the crowd. 12 year olds in the audience flip him the bird. Shane punches BJ in the face and drives him facefirst into the cage. Shane misses a kneedrop and BJ starts in on destroying it. But first he opts to drive Shanes back of the head into the cage. BJ's lil pal gives him a tiny baseball bat and cheating kicks in. BJ is so good that even his 170 pound Avalanche looks good. They go to the top and start punching each other in the face until Shane can hit a toprope Bulldog and we go commercial. Shane is punching BJ in the face when we get back and he pretty much slaps him around until he misses a Elbow From Heaven. BL goes to the TOP OF THE CAGE and misses an elbow . Mr X shows up outside the cage to allow BJ to get THE CHAIN from his lil guy. Shane catches him and gets the chain and uses it while the ref is dealing with MR X AND WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION! Eh. This was good. But PUERTO RICO. A CAGE MATCH. NO BLOOD? Oh I dunno about THAT.
- Your classic is SABOOOOOOOOOO versus a totally jacked up Carly Colon. I don't remember the pharmicuetically enhanced period of yong Caribbean Cool. The first table spot is really nasty as Carly does a barrel-roll pescado to through Sabu- through the table to the floor. They actually sell it as a big spot- I love PR. The second table spot was fucking AWWWWESOME. Sabu hits the Arabian Facebuster off the toprope through Carly through the table to the floor. CRUSHES his head. This match is AWESOME. Sabu gets a 2 count when they finally crawl back to the ring. Sabu misses a AFB and Carly has the big babay face comeback with chairshots replacing punches to the face. Sabu fights out of Falcon Arrow/ Michinoku Driver/something and hits a beautiful Vertical Suplex. Sabu does the Sabu thing of selling total body devastation as he writhed on the mat after hitting his transition to offense. Sabu take a Reverse Snowplow facefirst into a chair and Carly gets the pin. STICK THIS ON YOUR SABU BEST OF TAPE. FABULOUS!
- OH MAN- the second classic is Chicky Starr versus Invader 3, maybe. 1985 maybe? (Actually, this looks like its for the belt so it would be Invader 3 and it would be 1986, unless Wikipedia is LYING!) OUT DOORS. Total chaos when they take to the crowd- TOTAL Mid-Atlantic 1975 in the ring- as Chicky Starr is all about the hatefull forearm across the nape of the neck. Loaded mask for the face win! This is the greatest weekend of PR wrestling since I got WAPA so many weeks ago! WOO-HOO!
WHAT DIDN'T WORK-
- No Yogi On Ice? What will keep me awake at night?
Sicne there seems to be a ton of threads on how bad Smackdown has been and how hit and miss RAW has been, I was wondering, if you ran the WWE, how would you divide up the rosters to make both brands competitive yet separate from each other?