- Mr Big is the KING of fat boy clubberin' offense. Mad Man Manson has a perfectly fine clubbing forearm. It's a big fat messy wad of fun for a minute there. BLACK PAIN! comes in and is far better at the fat boy offense so there is a few seconds of the match I actually want to see. OH! They continue after the commercials! Yeah, I could dig a Black Pain/Mr Big series of matches. Black Pain's Clubbing Forearms are truly nasty. Hell with it, a match completely based around forearms to the nape of the neck? Sorry, chief, that makes this YOUR... NEW PUERTO RICO MATCH OF THE YEAR! Postmatch Buffet Beatdown is all about the fat hitting the mat in hurty ways.
- The newly EVIL Joe Bravo? Well, he couldn't be any worse than he was as a face. Eh, he eats Carlitos shitty offense pretty well. Carlitos does a have a nice toprope cross-body block. Except for the horrendous punches by Carlitos for the ten-count punches in the corner and few awkward moments, nothing in this match will make you want to kill anyone. Bravo is actually kind of good staying in the match without actually hitting any offense- and the TOTAL succumbing to the ALLURE of cheating at the finish was sooooooo good enough to make this work. BOOOOOOO! Restart? Bravo won by cheating FAIR AND SQUARE! THE REF DIDN'T SEE IT! Bravo opts to save the INTEGRITY of his cheating by just choking Carlitos out with a towel. WE SALUTE YOU, JOE BRAVO! May you somehow not suck in another match where you had every opportunity to suck ass- but DIDN'T! God bless professional wrestling...
- El Profe is this week's guest on Gilbert's "Drink Wine With Me And Then I Beat You Up, You Old Bastard!" El Profe is chatty. Gilbert gets pissed off at El Profe but doesn't actually beat the shit out of him, so you can't have everything. Next week, Gilbert talks to an Invader. It's live on Sunday's show! It's Invader #3 so it's Johnny Rivera not Jose Gonzalez- thus we don't have the baggage getting in the way. Gilbert slowly getting annoyed at the old guy not putting him over is totally fabulous. The Precious One shows the AWWWESOME Manny Fernandez kneedrop to make Invader III vomit blood and it is sooooooooo as awesome as you remember. Oh man, Gilbert doesn't beat the crap out of Invader III. That's two old guys that have survived.
- The evil Joel Brothers use perfectly fine midgrade junior heel offense that Niche makes look fucking SPECTACULAR. Watch how high Niche goes up for a backdrop- it is Lee Scott-esque. Watch Niche take the brainbuster like a MAN. Lynx with the ICONOCLASM for hope spot! Lynx with a TOTALLY MANLY DEATH VALLEY DRIVER but othe Joel Brother makes the save! Dark Rose uses her astounding buttocks to distract her own guys by feigning a leg injury. Niche tends to her while Lynx crushes both Joel brothers for the win. So Dark Rose is SECRETLY with the Joel Brothers? What happen to the woman with the awesome GLOOTS that was with the Joel Brothers? All confusing booking should be wrapped wrestling as well executed as this match.
- Did BJ jump to IWA? I noticed that Shane is suddenly feuding with the Precious One Gilbert. IWA- PR needs to get on my DirecTV.
WHAT DIDn'T WORK-
- Abel Durant? Where was Abel Durant? It's like when the office you work in doesn't hire that temp you were starting to dig...
- The dubbed-in Shakeweights commercial returns to knock the Yogi On Ice nightmare out of your dreams. And then the Colon Flow ad entered my mind...
- Hmmmm. A "Classico" involving the Pitbulls? Oh, I don't know... Then you actually watch it and you say to yourself- TO YOURSELF- "no. The Pitbulls sucked ass where ever they wrestled." Don't do drugs, kids. (Jesus, the only thing more surprising when looking up the Pitbulls in Wikipedia- other than finding out that Gary Wolfe was still alive, was the details surrounding PBII's drug overdose. Yoy. Don't do lots of drugs around your own little kids, kids.)
They never DID put up last week's show. TONIGHT: In our main event, KOFI KINGSTON meets PRIMO (accompanied by EPICO and - new manager ROSA MENDES?!)! Will this match have implications on the tag team championship picture? (Probably not - but MAYBE!)