Got a little backed up- luckily not heinie-wise!- so I'm merrrging the two WWC shows of the weekend into one smoooothe review. The first day was pretty much all about getting angles for angle-less folks in the light heavyweight division and develop other non-Shane angles.
- Abel Durant sports the olive tie with the metallic grey suit like Bryan Ferry on a video disc of Slave For Love.
- The Precious One Gilbert enters the realm of EMERGING SUPERWORKER by carrying the completely useless Joe Bravo to a watchable match. The key: Beat on him and suplex the hell out of him and ALWAYS try to make sure the camera isn't looking directly at Bravo's punches. He fails at part 3 ONCE and the results will make you want to punch your tv/computer/sportsbar big screen. Gilbert also bumps like Ricky Morton wrestling 90s Lex Luger. GILBERT! HE IS THE PRECIOUS ONE when carrying a crappy stiff!
- I haven't seen el Cuervo before. His crappy elbows in the prematch attack worry me all through the commercial break. God, he looks young and can't weight more than 150. Ricochet is a good little junior. Cuervo puts a 1000% more pepper in his punches in the ring and ACTUALLY carries the body of the match between highspots so thank Garsh for second impressions. Puerto Rico is awesome in that even the juniors match have the rock-solid foundation of a Rock and Roll RPMS vs Nightmares match but with modern-day highspots. So they slow it down to make it mean something and actually SELL. Also, the TRULY HELLISH Stuff Piledriver by Cuervo is the obvious finish- as opposed to an ROH-style Doorway To 60 Consecutive Legitimate Finishers Unsold. I dug this little fella of a match.
- Lynx is another perfectly fine junior and I've only seen Chris Joel in one tag (where he looked the most like a wrestler just standing there). Lynx hits a sweet Death Valley Driver two weeks in a row. Joel has good punches and- OH NO! THE JOEL BROTHER- WITH THE HILARIOUS HAIR!- ATTACKS! El Niche makes the save and the beginning of their reunion begins. Postmatch, The Joel Brothers phone/text the buttocks of Dark Rose! She is pumping iron and plotting more ways to rule every wrestler under 180 pounds with her unmercilessly sweet ass.
- My current favorite fat boy wrestler and TOTAL Moondog- Hideo Saito- has the BELT! The usually pretty useless Carlitos looks pretty good in this- taking his ass-beating like a man and actually conjures the stiffness to match someone coming from a New Japan dojo- which Saito sells like a champ. JDS brings the shenanigans when Carlitos hits his Possibly Shittiest Mor-TAL! On Earth and saves Saito from the pin. As the flamboyant ref throws JDS out, SAITO WITH THE MOONDOG MIST~! and truly hurty Capture Suplex for the win. Somewhere, Joe Bravo looks on and is pensive. Saito is awesome being a total dick about holding up the belt. OH NO! DQ! Saito is TOTAL MOONDOG in the postmatch interview. SAITO ROCKS!
- HIGHLIGHTS OF CHIT CHAT WITH THE CHAMP: "THE CAGE GOES UP! SHANE GOES IN! BJ GOES IN! BLOOD! SWEAT! SACRIFICE ESTE NOCHE IN CAROLINA!"
- BJ and Shane in a lumberjack match involved a lot of guys getting punched in the face. Shane and BJ are both fucking awesome and they run through the usual lumberjack spots- but BJ brings a big bucket of ass-stomp for such an undersized guy. Shane takes off his belt and- thus- the match takes the Country Whuppin' turn. Then they all chase BJ under the ring and catch him on the other side, which allows MR. X~! to hit a nodowa on Shane and make for the Memphis Schoolboy.
- Los Rabiosos take on Mad Man Manson and Black Pain! Mister Big is the secret okay wrestler in WWC. He is overshadowed by the fact you freak out when you realize Blitz can wrestle. Here, he beats Manson into something watchable. Secret Okay Wrestler Black Pain trades thunderous clubberin' with Mr Bigg and Mr Bigg bumps big for two. Blitz is awesome on the apron even if he is waaaay better as Ricky Morton. BP/MMM are perfectly fine tall fatboys. There are a lot of side walk slams. Their clubbing forearms are totally clubbing. I got no beef. They aren't the Texas Hangmen but they aren't the Abyss Brothers either. Mr Bigg lariats to HOPE SPOT~! and Blitz is peppy as your face as house a-fire. Then it breaks down. Mr Bigg with the fattest possible Samoan Drop. Blitz with the Miller Lite from the top. JDS with the THING to the head and the MMM/BP TT STEAL ONE!
WHAT DIDN'T WORK-
- Balls Mahoney in a CLASSIC? Ohhhhhh, sweet little island of Puerto Rico, I just don't know about that....
Mr. America?! Hey, we already got a Mr. America and his name is Kurt Angle, dammit! The rest of Smackdown sounds okay, sucks I won't see it, but I won't miss much. Except Mattitude and Spanky... Ringmistress