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The W - Pro Wrestling - your MIGHTY MIGHTY WWE WORKRATE REPORT- 8/5/2004~!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1258 days
Last activity: 1255 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
(I volunteered to go pick up the kids in Toano tonight and I was going to be a little late so I said, "Hey Sugah, you should write it until I get back." Since she is pregnant and does not want to be in a car for two hours, she said, "Sure, I'll do it." My wife really hates wrestling. As you can tell. [She went on to say something to the effect of "I don't hate wrestling when they wrestle. As opposed to this shit".])

Young Angela writes:

WHAT WORKED-

-The fist--is there anything more homosexuality-laden than that?

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

Match 1--Van dam verses somebody is really bad. Did someone tell them at wrestling school to keep their knees bent at all times? This is like slow motion wrestling---do something. Ok, someone just moved past a snail's pace. My, this STINKS. I cannot buy that the long shorts guy is so hurt that he can't move--what does a lack of activity make him so lethargic that falling off a ledge seems impossible? Thank God--a commercial....Oh look Van Dam's back went out since he is older than dirt. Why would they start out the night with such a sominex of a match? Is suplex in either of these wrestler's vocabulary? Ok, I think Van Dam might bring in a ribbon or ball for his rhtymic gynastics routine. Please let this match end or let Dean come home.....

Booker T "I can beat that slack ass white boy with my right testicle alone."

I just love Eddie. Why are the three boob jobs with him non-latino? If they are trying to push the latino market, why not make the WWE bimbos from varied backgrounds? I think some latino women have breast enlargements, don't they. I'm sure that this procedure has crossed over to all cultures. Doesn't Sable have children she needs to be tucking in to bed? I know this is for charity but come on. I don't think the thought of Sable would raise anyone's "value". I think she was around before I had kids and got old? Does WWE have a plastic surgeon on retainer? Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah.

Yeaaaa! Dean is home and I don't have to watch this shit anymore.
_+_+_+_+_+_

And I'm DEAN! Angie is still cursing at the shittiness of Smackdown. I will start my section NOW!

WHAT WORKED-

- I missed the whole Orlando Jordan deal (though I regret not coming late home late enough for Angie to experience the aastoundingly shitty punches that Dupre was serving up. I do get here in time for KURT MOTHERFUCKING ANGLE! Hey, against Charlie HAAS! Awesome! Hey, they start with a nice mirror sequence. You can see the rust but he is still all good. Angie asks about Miss Jackie is at ringside and her relationship with Haas and I explain the "Latent Homosexuality Transplanted To The Girl At Ringside" theory but she was more interested in talking about how old Sable looked. Angie notes that this is really better than the first match. And a commercial! I would spend this time thinking of CRZ's pretty hair, but my wife is watching it with me tonight so everything is all funny and weird. I WALK THE LINE! I refrain from my weekly comment about Lee Remi's buttocks. Angle with the Front Chancellory! Angle works the neck and Charlie fights to a vertical base but Angle cuts him off by overpowering him. Haas goes on offense after catching Angle with an elbow off the ropes and hits a nice suplex for two. Angle cuts him off with the sweet belly-to-belly and goes back to working the neck. Angle with the Body Scissors and Johnny Valentine smiles down from hell. They edit Kurt's punches so I assume they were not ready for Prime Time. Angle bumps like a fucking idiot to the floor. Angle goes Psicosis-like into the corner post and this baby is heating up. Haas hits the Moonsault AxeHandle (yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyep.) and I weep at the lovely goofiness. For some reason, that isn't a finisher and Angle Yamazakis into an ankle lock and Haas escapes. Angle Slam and nasty looking Ankle Lock for the tap and Angle is God-like with the refusal to release the hold. Kurt Angle motherfucking rules.

- Angie has wandered off to wash dishes just as the MicroTouch commercial enters our lives again. I whisper to myself, "Yes, make me hairless oh beautiful state-of-the-art shaving device. I want to shave it all and show my hot bod...."

-THE SECRET ADVENTURES OF AL WILSON:

Baron grabs a roll of nickels and then grabs Al Wilson's hair and lifts Wilson's head up. He grabs the roll and smashes his loaded fist into Al Wilson's temple. Wilson collapses.

"I cannot deal vith you right now, mein freunde." Baron slumps into his swiveling captains chair and drifts into his own mind.

Baron is awakened by the dog stratching his side with his leg knocking against the frame of the bed. "JED! You leave now!" Baron stares at his wife as she sleeps and thinks to himself, "Shelly, oh Shelly.... I express my love with my body. And I express my love with my words. If only there was a way to make you FEEL how I feel...." Baron sighs. "If only you could TRULY know how much I love you." And a thought enters his head. "My sweet baby. My only love....." Baron stares at his hands. "The claw. I should give her ZE CLAWW........."

TO BE CONTINUED.

- London and Kidman defend the BELT! It's the Basham brothers. London wrestles like the fourth Youngblood tonight for some reason. I awaited a war dance. Kidman does bring the bumping to the tag team and I can't deny it. Bashams look like shit early on- what with the bland double teams and super loose strikes. Kidman hits a nice dropkick for his first hope spot. London with some nice House A-Fire lariats and fruity dropkicks. Kidman DIES against the rail and London hits a SWEEET Firebird Splash and the pin. The tag title scene is still awesome.

- Rey Rey and Spyke tag together- as I'm assuming that Spyke will turn on Rey Rey by quarter till. The Dudleys come out. Spike hurts his knee and Rey Rey now has to try to look as cool as Barry Windham selling the asskicking while being let down by his partner. Bubba hits a fucking BEAUTIFUl elbow drop. And another and ANOTHER. Rey Rey's first hope spot involves DeVon selling his lips really weirdly. Devon and Bubba are great making Rey Rey's comebacks look really good before the logical finish of Rey Rey losing. SPIKE TURNS! Unbelievable! Luckily they make the obvious turn fun by having Spike put Rey Rey through a table. Dudleys rule. Rey Rey RULES.

- AWESOME! RUSH! Fly by night away from here. Change my life today.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- JBL and MUGAtaker talk a while. JBL is fun doing the Jericho turn on Canada but in Texas. HEY! MUGAtaker is a midget! Because making fun of handicapped people is FUN! I explain to Angela that wrestling is sometimes really retarded. JBL makes fun of the wee person. WAIT! A NINE FOOT UNDERTAKER and JBL is now 13 inches tall! In my dreams. JBL does lean into the big boot like a MAN. Orlando Jordan? Ahhhh, who gives a fuck. And he chokeslams the adorable little person. So filled with hate....

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.




YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 446 days
Last activity: 446 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.38
Good job doing your duty DEAN.
Slightly swayed from my giving up on SD, as I mysteriously flipped on UPN just in time to see Kurt MotherFucking Angle make his return. Please, keep the German suplexes out of Kurt's matches. And, Cole proves he is a nitwit by calling a regular vertical suplex a snap suplex. Idiot.
I think Sable has grandchildren she should be tucking into bed.
Considering the SD main event for SummerSlam, will Jim Ross have to be restrained by all the security in the building from jumping to the SD broadcast position for HossFest '04?

(edited by redsoxnation on 5.8.04 2220)
The Sham
Kolbasz








Since: 20.1.02
From: Hamden, CT

Since last post: 1692 days
Last activity: 1044 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.43
DEAN, your wife is so perfect for you, it brings tears to my eyes: tears which roll from my eyes over my talking X-Men action figures and onto my autographed The Last Starfighter movie poster.



HBK: —HOLY SHIT! WHAT'S WITH ALL THESE FUCKING GEESE?—
- Jeb Tennyson Lund, 1/20/04
drjayphd
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 22.4.02
From: Long Island

Since last post: 7 days
Last activity: 4 days
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.54
You wanted the best, you got... Out of Context Quote of the Week.

"His tits are at least REAL." (Kane Is Ugly)


Okay, so I'm slow. I finally got to appreciate Rene's WANG and the French Tickler. (Shame I'M the one doing the Out of Context quotes. ;D) And I look to see if I witnessed Tazz being SPRUNG... and you weren't there for it.



DEAN's Nuggets of Wisdom:

"I don't want him to die. I just want him to NEED my PEE." (as seen here)
Phantom Lord
Salami








Since: 18.6.04
From: The Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn, NY

Since last post: 3193 days
Last activity: 2989 days
AIM:  
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.15
Well I was poised with a problem around 8 pm tonight. I just got the Chris Benoit DVD today and I was watching his match with Bret Hart and I was like...fuck this I'm not turning it off for Smackdown.

It's amazing how watching a Bret match from just a few years ago really makes you miss him in the ring.

Fuck I didn't even bother watching most of Smackdown. But you know it's bad when my father was watching and about 30 seconds before The Undertaker comes out he says to me "They got a midget didn't they".

Once again I have to curse the executives at the WB for putting Blue Collar TV on against Smackdown. I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Larry the Cable Guy = Ratings



Read how I'm surrounded by Morons in my latest column
Read the current edition of Wrestling's Fact or Fiction with former WCW Star The Stro


I don't drink and I think working with Lars would drive me to become an alcoholic-Iann Robinson on Lars Ulrich
Tony Stewart
Pickled pork








Since: 6.6.04

Since last post: 2701 days
Last activity: 1310 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.23
When did the Dudley family finally get their eyesight improved? Where have all the big glasses with tape gone?

Also Mrs. RASMUSSEN's workrate report was really entertaining. She should write about wrestling more often.



(edited by Tony Stewart on 6.8.04 0720)
MARTYEWR
Kishke








Since: 15.10.02

Since last post: 259 days
Last activity: 259 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 10.00
    Originally posted by Tony Stewart
    Also Mrs. RASMUSSEN's workrate report was really entertaining. She should write about wrestling more often.


I'm having my doubts that she will. But I'd like it. She's kinda like Dean in a non-alcoholic type of way.

Plus, she hates RVD matches, judging from that report. Smart woman!



Martin Kipp: Creative Member, Extreme Warfare Revenge

W Of The Day: Tuesday, March 4, 2003
W Of The Day (2): Wednesday, October 29, 2003

"Because I'm the man, and the man's the man, and that's just the way it is!" -- Eric Foreman, That 70s Show

Teppan-Yaki
Pepperoni








Since: 28.6.02

Since last post: 904 days
Last activity: 874 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.23
I love my wife, but I Angie, Dean.

Good luck on the kidontheway! :D
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1258 days
Last activity: 1255 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Tony Stewart
    When did the Dudley family finally get their eyesight improved? Where have all the big glasses with tape gone?

    Also Mrs. RASMUSSEN's workrate report was really entertaining. She should write about wrestling more often.



    (edited by Tony Stewart on 6.8.04 0720)


I could see boiling hatred for shitty tv overflowing if forced to watch any more. Plus she would start getting into the Kurt Angle/Eddy feud and it would all get really weird.



YES, I AM DEAN.
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 19 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.44

Dean - Angie must really love you. Not only to bear FOUR of your offspring, but to watch crappy wrestling for you. Think about that. She watched crappy wrestling so you could file a complete report for us morons on the internet. True love, my friend.




Gabba Gabba Hey!


Mild Mannered Madman
Toulouse








Since: 1.3.02
From: Westminster, CA

Since last post: 436 days
Last activity: 154 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.78
    Originally posted by Tony Stewart
    When did the Dudley family finally get their eyesight improved? Where have all the big glasses with tape gone?

The Dudleys wore them to look pseudo-intellectual. Notice there was never glass in the glasses.

(Real reason: Because most people didn't understand why they wore them anyways. (They'd never seen Slap Shot))

(font fixed - thecubsfan)

(edited by thecubsfan on 6.8.04 1125)


There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
- The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1258 days
Last activity: 1255 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by pieman
    Dean - Angie must really love you. Not only to bear FOUR of your offspring, but to watch crappy wrestling for you. Think about that. She watched crappy wrestling so you could file a complete report for us morons on the internet. True love, my friend.


Eh, I watch all that crap on Bravo with her and hardly ever make disparaging remarks. Our love is a perfect love.



YES, I AM DEAN.
odessasteps
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: MD, USA

Since last post: 94 days
Last activity: 61 days
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.41
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by pieman
      Dean - Angie must really love you. Not only to bear FOUR of your offspring, but to watch crappy wrestling for you. Think about that. She watched crappy wrestling so you could file a complete report for us morons on the internet. True love, my friend.


    Eh, I watch all that crap on Bravo with her and hardly ever make disparaging remarks. Our love is a perfect love.


I find it hard to believe there is nary a disparaging remark made. The Rasmussen household strikes me as one part Petticoat Junction, one part Mystery Science Theater, one part Samurai TV.



Mark Coale
Odessa Steps Magazine
The Affirmation, Baby Blog
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1258 days
Last activity: 1255 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by odessasteps
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
        Originally posted by pieman
        Dean - Angie must really love you. Not only to bear FOUR of your offspring, but to watch crappy wrestling for you. Think about that. She watched crappy wrestling so you could file a complete report for us morons on the internet. True love, my friend.


      Eh, I watch all that crap on Bravo with her and hardly ever make disparaging remarks. Our love is a perfect love.


    I find it hard to believe there is nary a disparaging remark made. The Rasmussen household strikes me as one part Petticoat Junction, one part Mystery Science Theater, one part Samurai TV.


Well, you also have to remember that you can't stay married for twelve years (and counting) without knowing when to shut the fuck up. So there are disparaging remarks- but not to the point of her annoyance.



YES, I AM DEAN.
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Without Jerry there's not a lot of shade between Jeff and Buddy Landel. That's not a knock--solid hands are solid, and wrestling needs regional champs and IC-level guys.
Related threads: The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report 8/5/04 - SD! Spoilers for 8/3 - your sweet sweet WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 7/29/04! - More...
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