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The W - Pro Wrestling - your MIGHTY MIGHTY WWE WORKRATE REPORT- 8/26/2004~
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1240 days
Last activity: 1237 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Enough creepy fantasy booking. On with the creepy analysis of Professional Wrestling. Let me change into some sweatpants. VISUALIZE IT~!

WHAT WORKED-

- AWESOME! I missed the Anti-Indie hug! I love that shit. Eddy comes out. Tazz does the odd Canadian pronunciation of "radiator" (RADiator as opposed to RAYdiator.) Eddy is pissed about his car and who gives a shit what he's pissed about as long as it continues the feud. Angle comes out. Oh, Horshu comes out instead. I am less excited. Horshu knows about fighting. Angle shows up on the big screen and wants to take it to the parking lot. Peanut Head comes out! IT WAS HIS CAR- NOT ANGLE'S! Hey, I did a night in jail for same reason back in my youth. SPOOKY. I'm hiding my diary if they have a segment where Josh and Big Show start making out and Big Show prematurely ejac.... wait.

- Kenzo loves America and so does Tazz. He needs the Red White and Blue robe and a 2 by 4. RVD kicks all the guys carrying Kenzo around- disrespecting the working man- four poor saps trying to make some extra scratch doing a thankless job and what does High Times Posterboy do? You disgust me, Rob Van Dam. Kenzo is in populist rage and starts beating the shit out of the fannypants from Battle Creek. STRETCH HIM! STRETCH WEEDBOY IN THE NAME OF THE WORKING MAN! Kenzo sells RVD's amazingly shitty kick to the face. RVD hits even more ludicrous offense and luckily Kenzo doesn't expose the biz even more by actually being pinned by any of it. Rene Dupree comes to ringside and RVD rolls up Kenzo for the pin and then Renee and Kenzo get waaaay over with me by beating the shit out of RVD. Kenzo needs to gain 100 pounds to pack under a "Burn This Flag, Motherfucker" t-shirt. He needs a Jack Daniels Field Tester cap and he needs to start saying "Git er done" way too much. His lady needs to start wearing XXL Minnie Mouse t-shirts and lime tights. Oh yeah. That would rule. God Bless America.

- Teddy is consoled that the top isn't too bad. They really don't make them like the Lincoln Towncar anymore. I feel your pain, my Brother. I had a beauuuuutiful Crown Victoria a while back. I parked on the street and a mentally handicapped driver crushed it like a bug while trying to balance a bowl of macaroni and cheese on the dashboard of his K Car. I could not make that up. I gave him a towel and called the paramedics for him. I remember him explaining the situation to me and me saying, "Hey. Sit down, hoss. Your head is bleeding." Poor little fella. Orlando is so great subtly busting on Fresno. Orlando versus MUGAtaker is a match I will dig. Later, Angle comes back and doesn't understand the greatness of the Towncar. Death of a Towncar is perfectly great if it sets up Eddy versus Angle 2 out of 3. AND Angle versus Rey Rey! WOO-HOO! CRUSH MORE CARS! Stupid booking that leads to these kind of matches is GREAT booking. If they sacrifice a 1971 white convertible El Dorado, maybe Benoit will come back to Smackdown.

- Kidman and Chavo wrestle. Noble is GREAT at ringside. Chavo works the arm and shoulder. Kidman's first comeback was pretty great as he sells the arm the whole time and it adds to the story when Chavo DDT's his shoulder to cut him off. London is even greater killing Noble and setting up the pin for Kidman. London is the funnest. Kidman still has the sloppiest Shooting Star Press on earth.

- Evil Carlito Colon! HERE COMES THE BLADE! Where is a Nise Hercules Ayala Jr? Will WWE audiences know that to make him feel at home, they need to throw dirty diapers at him? I await the first WWE White Truck On The Infield Match. It's too bad Brock Lesner is playing football because he would conjure enough blood to coat the white truck like it's August at Roberto Clemente Stadium.

- Ah, sweet MicroTouch. I missed you last. I'm glad you still keep my neck barber shop perfect. I saw the BikiniTouch commercial last week and if that much close-up of cooter wasn't worth draining the yogurt over, I have no idea what is. Word on the street is the grooming kit is the EVIL ADD-ON that actually make money on. For SHAMe, beloved MicroTouch.

- Poor Josh. He IS a fucking nouvelle Lee Scott making Sid Vicious '04 look like less of a choad.

- Angle and Rey Rey. Jorge Piaz gets weirder looking every time he shows up. He'll be wearing a miniskirt and Polly Pocket nipple clamps next time I see him, I'm guessing. Angle works the headlock and Rey morphs it into an armdrag. Angle takes it to the mat and Rey works out of the Front Facelock and does a cool suplex reversal. Rey with the headlock and Taz and Cole get over the psychology really well. Angle crushes REy's head in the corner. Angle bumps medium to the floor to set up Rey Rey's dropkick through the ropes and we go to a commercial. I would like for you join me as we think about CRZ's beautiful hair. The Crazyworld commercial comes on and I imagine CRZ's hair storming the stage and strangling the annoying motherfucker with the big hat. Yes... kill, my pretty, KILL! Angle worked the neck when we get back. Angle whips out a sweeeet Belly to Belly. Rey fights out of bearhug and eats a GINORMOUS Belly To Back. Rey Rey counters a Angle Slam into an Armdrag to set up an Arabian Moonsault. Angle rudos the Flying Headscissors like Pirata Morgan in 1991. Angle fights out of the 619 and finally succumbs. Angle kicks out and then powerbombs to transition. Rey Rey hits a FUCKING BEAUTIFUL Reverse DDT and Angle kicks out. They fight in and out of the corner and Angle gets the flash pin. The thing about this match is that it has pretty much the same psychology as the stinky Booker T- Cena match, but you get actual returns on this because Rey's oiffense is so fucking awesome- especially tonight. Angle's is less awesome, but the way Rey makes Angle's powermoves look fucking life-threatening adds to the reasons why it works here and loses so miserably in the other match. THAT was fun.

- Orlando and JBL do a LORD OF THE RINGS thing with the belt and now I figure Orlando is doing JC Watts channeling Alan Keyes channeling Smeagol. Thus he is suddenly the best thing on Smackdown- characterwise. Orlando is awesome being SEDUCED by the power of the belt! MUGAtaker comes out and JBL is HIlarious looking like he needs to hop on the terlit. MT's forehead is nine feet tall. MT works Orlando over in the corner and Orlando elbows out and he puts together some nice armdrags. They differ from their last match as last time MT cut Orlando off every time they hit the ropes. Orlando leans into a lariat and JBL interferes to get Orlando back on offense. Orlando with the SWEET Powerdriver and legdrop for two. MT punches to come back but Orlando cuts him off in the corner. JBL is great at ring side setting up Orlando's dropkick through the ropes. Orlando works over MT and cuts off MT with an STO. MT with a Chokeslam and a Dynamite Kid Piledriver. Shitty finish but it was neat that this match was psychological 180 degrees from their first match. Postmatch, MT beats the hell out of JBL.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- A best of 5 is going to get compared to Best of 7 versus Benoit. I like Cena. He sure as hell isn't Chris Motherfucking Benoit. Booker T works him over early and it's good. They quickly start fucking up fundamental things. Booker T hits some fanciful offense and they work a chinlock spot. Cena makes a comeback and they fuck up running the ropes. This match isn't so good. Booker T hits a giant Missile Dropkick and Cena kicks out? They go back to the chinlock to set Cena's comeback. Booker T looks good cuting Cena off with a scissor cresecent savate spinning heel kick for two. They then go into a lowgrade nearfall fest. After the Spinebuster, we are getting into the CZW cruiserweight endless finisher section. No real selling- just hope spot, finisher to cut him off and kick out. This might work at some level if both of these guy's offense didn't suck so much dick. Ending was horribly executed. Ungood. BAH!

- Ah, 14 new skanks with eating disorders without one decent ass between them. True wrestling fans know that their anacondas don't want none unless they got buns, hon. Actually, true wrestling fans will jack off to anything. That's what makes us great.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
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redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 428 days
Last activity: 428 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.37
Both Kidman and Suzuki in the What Worked category, in the same week no less? They must be playing hockey in hell tonight.
And, let us not insult the comedic genius of Sid Eudy by comparing him to Generic Roid Monster of the Month. Sure, Sid was a disaster. But, at least he had fun being a train wreck. At least, until softball season arrived. This is more like Nathan Jones '04.



The Public Demands: Replace the Star Spangled Banner with Brass Bonanza.
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

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#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.49

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    I had a beauuuuutiful Crown Victoria a while back. I parked on the street and a mentally handicapped driver crushed it like a bug while trying to balance a bowl of macaroni and cheese on the dashboard of his K Car. I could not make that up. I gave him a towel and called the paramedics for him. I remember him explaining the situation to me and me saying, "Hey. Sit down, hoss. Your head is bleeding." Poor little fella.


Was it Rippa?




Gabba Gabba Hey!


DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1240 days
Last activity: 1237 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by redsoxnation
    Both Kidman and Suzuki in the What Worked category, in the same week no less? They must be playing hockey in hell tonight.
    And, let us not insult the comedic genius of Sid Eudy by comparing him to Generic Roid Monster of the Month. Sure, Sid was a disaster. But, at least he had fun being a train wreck. At least, until softball season arrived. This is more like Nathan Jones '04.


Oh come on. You remember Lee Scott make a Saturday afternoon squash the greatest thing you'd see all month. I feel it in young Josh. FEEL IT!



YES, I AM DEAN.
Phantom Lord
Salami








Since: 18.6.04
From: The Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn, NY

Since last post: 3174 days
Last activity: 2970 days
AIM:  
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.23
Evil Carlito Colon! HERE COMES THE BLADE! Where is a Nise Hercules Ayala Jr? Will WWE audiences know that to make him feel at home, they need to throw dirty diapers at him? I await the first WWE White Truck On The Infield Match. It's too bad Brock Lesner is playing football because he would conjure enough blood to coat the white truck like it's August at Roberto Clemente Stadium.

Does Abby have a kid? If he does then you know Vince will sign Colon vs. The Butcher: The Next Generation.

Watch as small town hospitals frantically check their blood banks to see if they have enough for after the match is over.

Seriously I thought the promo was good enough...but Carlito Carribean Cool...thats like the gayest name in the history of wrestling.

If Rey Mysterio Jr. can become Rey Mysterio and Chavo Guerrerro Jr. can become Chavo Guerrero then how hard could it be for him to just be Carlos Colon.



Free For All Daily: The Times are a changin
Read The Rant of the Week...Only on LordsofPain.Net
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1240 days
Last activity: 1237 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Phantom Lord
    Evil Carlito Colon! HERE COMES THE BLADE! Where is a Nise Hercules Ayala Jr? Will WWE audiences know that to make him feel at home, they need to throw dirty diapers at him? I await the first WWE White Truck On The Infield Match. It's too bad Brock Lesner is playing football because he would conjure enough blood to coat the white truck like it's August at Roberto Clemente Stadium.

    Does Abby have a kid? If he does then you know Vince will sign Colon vs. The Butcher: The Next Generation.

    Watch as small town hospitals frantically check their blood banks to see if they have enough for after the match is over.

    Seriously I thought the promo was good enough...but Carlito Carribean Cool...thats like the gayest name in the history of wrestling.

    If Rey Mysterio Jr. can become Rey Mysterio and Chavo Guerrerro Jr. can become Chavo Guerrero then how hard could it be for him to just be Carlos Colon.


They should just bring in Tommy Rich and Greg Valentine and have them try to get money out of him that his dad stiffed them over. "I know yo diddy done gambled away all the money he owes me n hammah. I'M A FIRE IT UP! You gonne bleed here, in the parkin lot, in P-Cola, in Caroline, wherever you want, boy. YO DADDAH OWES ME MONEH! AND I NEED CIGARRETTES!"



YES, I AM DEAN.
Torchslasher
Knackwurst








Since: 17.1.02
From: New F'n Jersey

Since last post: 3 hours
Last activity: 56 min.
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.75
"Word on the street is the grooming kit is the EVIL ADD-ON that actually make money on. For SHAMe, beloved MicroTouch."

Hmm, I wonder where you got that "Word on the street."

You are almost single-handedly making me want to watch Orlando, damn you. I remember JC Watts coming to speak at Liberty University (my beloved Alma Mater), so I know my Watts. Visualizing Watts talking about MY PRECIOUSSS makes me laugh heartily.


(edited by Torchslasher on 27.8.04 0745)


Joe Wilson (looking at Interocitor manual)- Hey, here's something my wife could use in the house...
Crow T. Robot- A man?
Joe Wilson- An interocitor incorporating an electron sorter.
Cal Meechum- Oh, she'd probably gain 20 pounds while it did all the work for her.
Tom Servo- Cal, you bitch!

MST3K: The Movie
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1240 days
Last activity: 1237 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Torchslasher
    "Word on the street is the grooming kit is the EVIL ADD-ON that actually make money on. For SHAMe, beloved MicroTouch."

    Hmm, I wonder where you got that "Word on the street."

    You are almost single-handedly making me want to watch Orlando, damn you. I remember JC Watts coming to speak at Liberty University (my beloved Alma Mater), so I know my Watts. Visualizing Watts talking about MY PRECIOUSSS makes me laugh heartily.


    (edited by Torchslasher on 27.8.04 0745)


I WILL DIVULGE NONE OF MY MICROTOUCH SOURCES!!!!



YES, I AM DEAN.
Llakor
Landjager








Since: 2.1.02
From: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA

Since last post: 510 days
Last activity: 501 days
AIM:  
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.31
I have seen Hercules Ayala Jr. wrestle. He's no Hercules Ayala.

There is a guy in Montreal (Dru Onyx) who occasionally wrestles under the gimmick "SoA" which depending on how you want to take it could stand for either "Son of Abdullah" or the "Spirit of Allah"

(He just did a tour of Ireland under that gimmick actually)





"Don't Blame CANADA, Blame Yourselves!"
MedallaGuy
Head cheese








Since: 12.1.02
From: San Juan, Puerto Rico

Since last post: 485 days
Last activity: 2 days
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#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.82
Just for you Dean...


By the way..a great angle ended here saturday when Carly met his brother Eddy in a bout after both Eddy and Carlos Sr. went to OVW to check the rumors that Carly was fighing "rudo", which is a big NO NO in the Colon family. Fun ensued by ass whippings all around the OVW guys over Eddy...great stuff.



CarlosArroyo4Life
NickBockwinkelFan
Frankfurter








Since: 10.4.02
From: New York City, NY

Since last post: 870 days
Last activity: 5 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.61
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN


    WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

    - A best of 5 is going to get compared to Best of 7 versus Benoit. I like Cena. He sure as hell isn't Chris Motherfucking Benoit.

    THERE YOU HAVE IT.

    DEAN RASMUSSEN.


And without a shot at Fit Finlay's TV Title on the line, who fuckin' cares.



"Well, you can't involve friendship with business. It has to be one or the other. It's either business or friendship, or hit the bricks!"
--Life Lessons from "The Tao of Bobby the Brain Heenan" Uncensored 2000 preview


"As long as the check don't bounce, I guess he's okay with it!"
--Former All Pro Giants LB Harry Carson on Bill Parcells joining the hated rival Dallas Cowboys

Phantom Lord
Salami








Since: 18.6.04
From: The Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn, NY

Since last post: 3174 days
Last activity: 2970 days
AIM:  
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.23
Wow those toys must be old. The blade scars on his head are just dips compared to the grooves he has now.

Oddly enough the ones on Colon are real to life.

They should just bring in Tommy Rich and Greg Valentine and have them try to get money out of him that his dad stiffed them over. "I know yo diddy done gambled away all the money he owes me n hammah. I'M A FIRE IT UP! You gonne bleed here, in the parkin lot, in P-Cola, in Caroline, wherever you want, boy. YO DADDAH OWES ME MONEH! AND I NEED CIGARRETTES!"

See that's why the FBI needs DA BIG DON.



Free For All Daily: The Times are a changin
Read The Rant of the Week...Only on LordsofPain.Net
Whitebacon
Boudin blanc








Since: 12.1.02
From: Fresno, CA

Since last post: 16 days
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#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.93
    Originally posted by YES, HE IS DEAN~!
    Orlando is so great subtly busting on Fresno.


I was unable to attend the show live, or watch it on TV, what was said?



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An awesome PPV for the WWE here as they put on a great show leading into Summerslam.
- TheMASKEDComputerGeek, HANGOVER!!!! (Vengeance Spoiler) (2002)
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