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The W - Pro Wrestling - your MIGHTY MIGHTY WWE WORKRATE REPORT- 8/12/2004~!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1320 days
Last activity: 1318 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
My wife bought me three double dueces of Richmond's own Richbrau booze- I'm guessing because I didn't ask her to review any Smackdown this week. I shall partake of them right now! WORD! Mmmmm... akahaul....

Baron next week.

WHAT WORKED-

- JBL comes out. Virgil 2004 follows him out. They opt for a flashback. They both use hand sanitizier and Paul Harvey IS VINDICATED! VINDICATED!! THE REST OF THE STORY IS THAT PAUL HARVEY IS VINDICATED! Vindicated. Yes, finally. The Harvey Handshake is ONE step away from a national forum... JBL has a plan. He must bust on the cars in Detroit and HE IS A SEXY SLEEK MACHINE BUILT TO LAST! Evil Orlando is maybe going for an Evil JC Watts vibe? Orlando is a great American. Orlando is JBL's new Chief Of Staff. AH! He is the new Evil John Edwards! Orlando's One America is more about being beaten to death by JBL's next challenger. His time is now! OOP! Orlando gets the Undertaker and it all becomes clear. Let me go change into my sweatpants.

- Hey, Paul London takes on Spike Dudley! This should be good. OOP! The Dudleys show up to heat this baby up at ringside. London takes the dropkick through the ropes while trying to skin the cat. Bubba is like Lyger at ringside in the NOAH NJ Jr matches- in that he is TWICE as important at ringside than anything in the ring- heatwise. London is all about the MR JL offence and Spike takes the Double Axe-Handle Off The Top Gone Awry LIKE A MAN. Spike with the crappy roll-up after Bubba pulls Spike out of the way. Postmatch, the beatings with belts is fun. Needed tables.

- Scotty2Hotty does the HIGHlarious Bob Odenkirk character from Mr Show. "He useta be nice but he's changed." TEDDY LONG IS HELPING TOMORROWS CHILDREN! TEDDY IS ABOUT OPPORTUNITY! Hey, Rush doing "Summertime Blues". Not as cool as the Who doing "By-Tor and The Snowdog", but what could possibly be?

- Torrie Wilson makes her fake titties NOT jiggle as she jumps up and down on a springboard, but all is forgotten as she loses her top- MEANWHILE 43 year old virgins toast frothing, acidic, yellowish loads over their Rob Leifield-autographed cgi-slabbed Youngblood #1 into their Cutey Honey collector's sweatsocks. We will always have this joke. I love you, dear reader, and you love me. Spoon with me in cyberspace as we lauf and lauf and lauf with the laufter of lovers.

- Orlando versus MUGATAKER! I await a midget. Or Brian Lee. OOP! It's the MUGAtaker and I'm excited. Orlando is supposedly good according to Schneider and Tom so he should have a good match with the MUGA stylings of MUGAtaker. I await a US approximation of Osamu Nishimura versus Tatsumi Fujinami. MT powers out of lock-up early and works a headlock and cuts Jordan off with a shoulderblock. MT works the shoulder. Jordan goes on offense after backing MT into the corner. MT reverses it and cuts him off with his punches in the corner. Orlando goes back on offense and sells the beating. MT punches to transition. Orlando gets chokeslammed and JBL allows him to get to the floor to recover. MT goes back to the arm. SWWEET STO by MT and Jordan kicks out and lowblows to offense. Jordan works him over in the corner. This is called telling a story, kids. It's the basis of good wrestling. Jordan punches MT in the head and eats an elbow as MT cuts him off finally. MT bumps weird into the steps and this is like a real wrestling match. FUCKING MUTA POWERDRIVER by Jordan and I am loving this. They trade punches and MT wins again off the ropes. Nice corner Lariat by MT and they make it all screwy with the JBL Lariat. This was fucking beautiful. MT is so fucking Old School.

- Teddy Long is fly in his Brian Ferry double breasted suit. I await him to break out a Rick James Commemorative version of "Virginia Plain". En LIEU, he announces the greatest match of the WWE year. Eddy and Angle FACE-OFF! JUST LIKE IN PRO WRESTLING ILLUSTRATED! Swweeet Lowrider. What is that? A Falcon? Dodge Dart? Plymouth Scamp? They stare at each other a while. Eddy gets on the stick and brings the HEAT~! Eddy is fucking GREAT on the stick. Angle gets Eddy on a technicality. Eddy is fabulous in response. These guys are this generations Flair and Steamboat in depth of ability and in depth of contrasts of image. Teddy Long comes out and gets them to shake hands. This match will motherfucking RULE.

- Ah, sweet MicroTouch. It's sleek design is PLEASING to the touch.

- A Summergames Relay Match. Okay, sure. Cena has an Isiah Thomas throwback and I wonder why he didn't go for the far cooler Billy Sims throwback. Cena notes that RVD smokes all the weed on earth. Team Booker T shows up. RVD and Booker T start off with comically unlikely offenses. RVD sells the top wristlock like he is stretching before the match. Booker with the knife edge chops and RVD with a comical kick to go on offense. RVD makes with super fruity embellishemnts and why doesnt' he bring a ball or streamers for his rhythmic.... GODDAMIT! They set up the five minute realy thinging really well and HORSHU shows up. We go to a commercial and we all going into a dreamstate. We think about CRZ's beautiful manly hair and we think about how it represents what we love about AMERICA. His hair is untamed like the raging Mississippi. It is majestic and beautiful like the Alleghanies. It is quiet and mysterious like Mojave at night. It is vibrant and alive like New York City at night. It is long and flowing like the gilded fields of wheat that sweep the heartland. We return to RVD needing just 53 seconds to survive the Horshusault. Haas comes in and starts working on Rains knee. Haas with the Calf Branding and the ankle lock and I dig how this match is becoming very RESLO-esque. Haas stays on the knee. Rains chokes to TRANSITION~!? Nice HorshuPlex and Rains sells the knee as Haas Fireman's Carrys to offense. nice Belly to Back by Rains. We go to a commercial. It's frosted on the tips like the vast frozen tundra of Minnesota and the Dakotas. It is furtive and seductive like an Atlanta evening in July. Nice suplex by Haas as he tries to hold out. THE WANG is with the STF and Haas holds out. This match is great considering they've fucked any kind of psychology with commercials. Of course, RVD and Luther Rains killing three minutes is probably helped by 3 minutes of Mentos commercials. Cena sells the assbeating of Dupre and his WANG. Dupre sticks his junk directly into Cena's spinal chord and Cena sells it like Bob Bachlund in 1983. Dupre with a decent Vertical Suplex. Fabulous Jawjacker by Cena to counter the Chinlock. They run the ropes weirdly and TAZZ IS SPRUNG as Rene does the French Tickler. Cena with the Fistdrop and they are really using the clock to fun effect. Cena can't hit the F-U and Booker T comes back in. Booker goes for the kill with his shitty offense. Cena kicks out from the kneedrop and Booker goes into a chinlock. Booker bumps big to the floor and Cena gets the FLASHPIN?!?! Faces stand tall postmatch. That was a good little match.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- Chavo Guerrerro Jr shows up. Where has he been? His father and his heat is gone. And it's Nunzio. Yes, Nunzio. Is this Worldwide? Is Hall and Nash going to storm the ring midmatch? They kinda wrestle for a while as I join the crowd looking in the back waiting for the run-in. Chavo with a nice Doc Death gutwrench suplex. Nunzio wins with a reversal of a rollup after reversing a Gorie Thing. Well. That was pointless. 3 minute Cruiserweight matches are sooo 1998.

- Fuck Bowflex. God, it makes women all hard and gross- if the commercial is any indication. Not that I wouldn't hit it. And become very winded when she- her love AFLAME upon viewing the all-natural pec of a REAL MAN unencumbered by years of exercise- crushes my ribs with her jakked up buttocks muscles. Bowflex denies her my quality love as I crawl on the floor, coughing up blood, weeping like a baby....

- Come on. Van Halen ended DIRECTLY after the last note of "Hot For Teacher." Anything past that is completely useless. Diamond Dave was right, "Nobody wants to see you play keyboards, people want you to play guitar." Damn skippy, motherfucker.

- Oh and FUCK WRANGLER. When they used fucking "Fortunate Son" as a rah rah America song to sell fucking blue jeans, they could then begin to suck the epidermis off my engorged beefdart. I love America more than anything other than my kids and wife, but if you can't listen to "Fortunate Son" and face the shortfalls of your country, then you aren't a true American. Fuck you, Wrangler.

- The lack of a true shot of the Big Show jumping off the high dive SUCKS. A shot of Big Show and Rikishi re-enacting the Greek Ideal of Manly Love would be.... nevermind.

- FUCK SUBWAY! Sell us out to the Germans? Jerald can have a carb-enriched mouthful of my All-American Dick. Suck my Rebel Ass until your love handles come back, motherfucker.

- Trojan ads. Still. Maybe you should just wait until you're married. Or go home and RAVAGE your junk while watching King Of Queens on UPN's late-night comedy block. That gal's buttocks is SOLID GOLD. Sweet sweet self-love. Sweet meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..................

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.





YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
DJ FrostyFreeze
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: Hawthorne, CA

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 20 min.
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.95

I still got about 20 more minutes until SmackDown comes on here in Cali, and based on the fact that you could only come up with 1 thing on the show that "Didnt Work", I just may have to watch it this week (for the first time in many months).



CLICK HERE TO SEE/HEAR ME CUTTIN & SCRATCHIN (Totally SFW)
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1320 days
Last activity: 1318 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by DJ FrostyFreeze
    I still got about 20 more minutes until SmackDown comes on here in Cali, and based on the fact that you could only come up with 1 thing on the show that "Didnt Work", I just may have to watch it this week (for the first time in many months).

Oh yeah. It's worth a gander this week.




YES, I AM DEAN.
Teppan-Yaki
Pepperoni








Since: 28.6.02

Since last post: 966 days
Last activity: 936 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.22
    Originally posted by DEAN
    Hey, Rush doing "Summertime Blues". Not as cool as the Who doing "By-Tor and The Snowdog", but what could possibly be?


Not as cool at all. Just not into the retro-cover EP thing with them, yanno?

I'm gonna go and listen to Vital Signs after saying that.

IncredibleHeelHeat
Linguica








Since: 18.6.02
From: Upstate Oklahoma

Since last post: 3714 days
Last activity: 2779 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.00
I don't think anybody is buying that "50 year-old grandmother in a bikini" sales pitch. If she's a GILF, then I'm Iceman King Parsons.

The Dudleys as this century's Badstreet USA? This could work, as long as they make Spike the insufferable little prick who never gets his ass handed to him but once in a great while.

And that damn anti-smoking ad! "Are you ready for the big show?" indeed! If only he would've come out and chokeslammed that goofball.

And straight up on VanHagar - Diamond Dave's last show at the nearby tribal casino was 10 times more fun than VH's over-priced state fair oldies show.


So are you going to buy SummerSlam, Dean?







"Elmer Fudd is the Kawada of the Cartoon world." - DEAN!
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1320 days
Last activity: 1318 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by IncredibleHeelHeat
    I don't think anybody is buying that "50 year-old grandmother in a bikini" sales pitch. If she's a GILF, then I'm Iceman King Parsons.

    The Dudleys as this century's Badstreet USA? This could work, as long as they make Spike the insufferable little prick who never gets his ass handed to him but once in a great while.

    And that damn anti-smoking ad! "Are you ready for the big show?" indeed! If only he would've come out and chokeslammed that goofball.

    And straight up on VanHagar - Diamond Dave's last show at the nearby tribal casino was 10 times more fun than VH's over-priced state fair oldies show.


    So are you going to buy SummerSlam, Dean?






I deeply want to see Eddy versus Angle. And the benoit match is interesting. I might get the Summerslams.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Alex
Bratwurst








Since: 24.2.02

Since last post: 9 days
Last activity: 1 hour
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.58
One thing I deeply enjoyed was JBL's reaction to the guy in the crowd who did the "pull my hand away just as you're about to shake it" trick. Did you catch that? Was it not something of wonder?



Signatures are annoying.
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 14 min.
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.45

Wow. Peanut and Bryan Ferry in the same sentence!


I am glad someone else noticed Wrangler's inappropriate use of "Fortunate Son" in their ad campaign. I am amazed on a nearly daily basis at these ad executives. It appears that they don't actually listen to any of the lyrics or try to get the meaning of these songs. It's just "hey, that's catchy."


I missed Angie this week.




Gabba Gabba Hey!


JoshMann
Andouille








Since: 17.11.03
From: Tallahassee, FL

Since last post: 2321 days
Last activity: 2318 days
AIM:  
Y!:
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.87
    Originally posted by DEAN
    RVD makes with super fruity embellishemnts and why doesnt' he bring a ball or streamers for his rhythmic.... GODDAMIT!


Did that sentence get written when you weren't looking or something?



People who know me know what The Diesel is coming to do. Period. P-u-r-e-d. Period
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1320 days
Last activity: 1318 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by pieman
    Wow. Peanut and Bryan Ferry in the same sentence!


    I am glad someone else noticed Wrangler's inappropriate use of "Fortunate Son" in their ad campaign. I am amazed on a nearly daily basis at these ad executives. It appears that they don't actually listen to any of the lyrics or try to get the meaning of these songs. It's just "hey, that's catchy."


    I missed Angie this week.


DR: And they should realize that if they piss someone off with a commercial, some folks remember a year and half later and will still hold it against a company.

Angie was watching a Law and Order dvd from NetFlix in the bedroom. She is currently obsessing on painting our kitchen cabinets and has very little time to deal me or my idiot wrestling addiction.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Phantom Lord
Salami








Since: 18.6.04
From: The Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn, NY

Since last post: 3255 days
Last activity: 3051 days
AIM:  
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.17
I got Feedback by Rush the other day. Damn good Covers record.

I didn't notice it, but I think Dean is onto something with Orlando being J.C. Watts.

Thats a hell of a lot better then Alan Keyes.





Free For All Daily: The Times are a changin


Read The Rant of the Week...Only on LordsofPain.Net
IncredibleHeelHeat
Linguica








Since: 18.6.02
From: Upstate Oklahoma

Since last post: 3714 days
Last activity: 2779 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.00
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    I might get the Summerslams.
Yes! The possibility of a SummerSlam Workrate Report exists!

I am sprung!





"Elmer Fudd is the Kawada of the Cartoon world." - DEAN!
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As Cubs pointed out last week, Русев should not have been part of the Shield situation. Glad to see they retconned him out for Sandow, but there was no good reason at all for him to have been part of it in the first place.
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