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The W - Pro Wrestling - your MIGHTY MIGHTY WWE WORKRATE REPORT- 7/8/2004!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1351 days
Last activity: 1349 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I'm really fucking late we were driving around Chesterfield county looking for someplace to eat when we realized that everybody in the tri-county area dines out on Thursday. We end up at Applebees because my daughters are weirdly fixated on it ever since my mother took them there once. I get the Southwest Sirloin and try to find dirty words in the Berenstain Bears Word Search. I found (I'm NOT kidding) the words "gism" and "hoe". It was great. But I missed a bunch of Smackdown. Ain't that just a bitch. Oh, my two year old son was in the frontseat of the car while we were waiting for my wife to settle up the tab inside and he headbutts the windshield and leaves a giant spiderweb crack and doesn't bat an eyelash. He'll be beating my ass and drinking my beer when he is NINE.

This will be suitably truncated.

WHAT WORKED-

- Hey! I turn on the television machine on and Billy Kidman hits the Shooting Star Press and he and Paul London are World Tagteam Champions! Why- that's pretty fucking cool. I'm assuming the match was built around Paul London's superior babyface selling. When we return, the Dudley's aren't happy. The postmatch indie handshake would have been better if the Dudleys had clotheslined them and left them in a pool of their own blood. But I'll take it.

- Perfectly groom bushy eyebrows IN SECONDS! They still hide the fact in the commercial that MicroTouch isn't available to placate the ladies' love anymore- now that information on it's sleek and sassy wife, the BikiniTouch, has been leaked to the press. We could all use a little BikiniTouch. Mmmmmm soooothe me, BikiniTouch, yeah, sooothe me.... so smooth. I'm now so hairless....

- Kenzo loves America. Fucking shitheads in Winnipeg don't understand that immigrants come to the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave every day to get a second chance in life. God knows Kenzo Suzuki has to be happy that he is getting a second chance in the WWE because God knows he couldn't cut the mustard in Japan. The more his geisha talks the more I join the 47 year old virgins who are spurting out chalky, gummy load of spunk over their Lando Calreesien figurine onto their Marine Boy autographed original artwork cels. We come back from commercial and John Cena shows up. Oh. It has nothing to do with Kenzo Suzuki. Oh actually it does. Horseshu helps Kenzo because he can'tsit idly by and let Cena suck up to Canadians at the expense of an immigrant to the sacred soil of America. Fuck THAT. Break his fucking neck, HORSHU! Do it for the Spirit of America! Horshu is a great American hero and you should thank him for standing up for American Pioneer Values. This great nation was built on the backs of people who struggled to reach these shores to find a better life. THAT'S RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKER, BREAK HIM! BREAK HIM! BREAK HIM FOR THE GOOD OF THE HUDDLED MASSES THAT YEARN TO BREATH FREE. FUCK YEAH. BREAK HIM!

- El Grand Luchadore isn't Scott Armstrong so this doesn't get me all stiff and bulging. WHO COULD IT BE? JBL's hand sanitizer is fucking brilliant. I don't know if y'all listen to Paul Harvey- or if people under 35 can even hear the high pitched squeal of broken hips and beachball-sized prostates that Paul Harvey represents- but he will go on and on about how everyone should do the Harvey Handshake- which is a "snappy salute"- because shaking hands spreads so many germs. It's fucking creepy. Really creepy. Like What The Fuck This Guy Have Buried In His Basement-level creepy. Everyone who listens to the freakish weirdness of Paul Harvey knows EXACTLY what that's all about. Isn't El Grande Luchadore WEARING EDDY'S PANTS? Could it.... could it.... could it..... SWEET TOPROPE Belly to Back SUPLEX by JBL. Eddy shows up on the other side and HIJINX ENSUES! Eddy is the SECOND BEST VILLANO EVER! and they do the switch! Eddy is the BEST POSSIBLE MIDNITE RIDER! JBL looks fucking great selling the Yellow Dog's offense. El Grande Luchador do the full Charlie Brown From Out of Town hint and we all hope that they can find a Moondog to assume the mask and state that HE IS EL GRAND LUCHADORE while Eddy holds the microphone. That would rule. This wasn't bad at all though- from a fun and goofy angle standpoint.

- Rey Rey and Spyke and Scotty and Chavo and Akio and Jamie Noble all wrestle each other. Rey Rey goes all Monterey with the spinning High Octapus Hold. Chavo with the Cobra Clutch VARIATION~! Noble is awesome in his Benoit Lite wrestling turn. I love a short clothesline. Rey Rey is fucking great with the babyface comebacks and Chavo is fucking beautifuller with the Rudo cutoffs. Chavo bumps like a freak to the floor. Noble cuts off Scotty's comebaclk with an EXACT BENOIT FOREARM TO THE HEAD- open mouth and everything. Spyke is fun with the nearfall. Scotty is smoked like a cheap cigar but doesn't bring it down. Akio kills himself for your pleasure and Jamie Benoit kills Spyke with the Lyger Bomb and it's New Japantastic! Fun.

- Cena and Booker T have a little match. Cena is busted up so Booker T controls early! Booker works the arm and Cena does that selling that he does so well. Booker's offense is goofy in the cutting off of the comeback of Cena. Cena does a Road Warrior Hawk House Afire comeback with the lariat and shoulder block. The fist drop actually looked good this week. They avoid each others finishers and Cena bumps big to the floor. Angle whacks Cena with a cane. And we go to a commercial. Join me as we think about CRZ's pretty hair. It's driving a 1973 SuperSport and it does a powerslide iinto a roadhouse on the side of a desert road. It's leather jacket is dusty. It's faded jeans are torn. It's black t-shirt has the album cover from Nazareth's No Mean City on it. It lights a cigarrette and smiles a grim smile at me and I jump in the car without opening the door! It gets a wheel as it runs over the Harleys of the gang that fucked with it earlier. It opens an ice cold Olympia and hands it to me. I chug it like a man and slowly and with uncertain anticipation I take off my shirt... And we're back! Booker T with a bunch of two counts. Cena is selling everything pretty well. Cena with the Flair last ditch shoulder up and it's pretty fun. Booker T with the multiple pin attempts as Cena sells like he is dead. Cena with a roll-up and he leans into Booker T's lariat like a fucking CHAMP. Cena ducks one of those shitty Booker T kicks and Booker T makes his DDT look fucking beautiful. Booker with a nice vertical suplex for two. Straight punches to the face and Cena starts the Steamboat comeback sequence. Hijinx at ringside and Booker T misses a shitty finisher kick and Cena hits the FU annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd the shitty run in. Good little match with a shitty finish. Postmatch, it gets retarded as Angle strips Cena of the title. Soooooooooooooo shhhhhhtupid.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- There is STILL no chemistry between Booker T and Josh. Josh tries to make it work but they are from two different worlds. Their movements are awkward and cautionary. They make moves towards each other but it's empty gestures that leave no ordinance. Josh never sees the shining light of happiness that Booker T should give to him. Booker T's naked eyes never enter Josh's private world. Booker T is wide and deep as an ocean but Josh will be never be breathless and relieved on his shores...

- DeVon acts like this an 8th grade production of Brigadoon. Well, it wasn't THAT good. They are upset that Spyke Dudley isn't IWGP/Triple Crown Champion yet for some reason.

- The diva search makes me realize that some women don't have the self-esteem to get facialed on UncutBFIdriverBigLoads.com and would settle for being confused with the rest of the transexuals in the WWE.

- The Heyman - MUGAtaker gets even more completely retarded this week. He returns the urn. Yes he does. The urn is returned. The urn was gone but now Heyman has returned it. The urn is back. The urn is no longer out of the possession of Undertaker. The urn is UTs. The urn. Golden. Returned. Heyman is repennant. But nothing actually happens. Because this angle sucks. And it's really long.

- The Crazy World commercial makes want to put cigars out on punkass twentysomething spokesman's forehead until a sore forms that's so infected that he would need my pee to disinfect it. Then I would pee on him so he would be disinfected. And he would learn a stern lesson: my pee is important to him now.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
Tony Stewart
Pickled pork








Since: 6.6.04

Since last post: 2794 days
Last activity: 1404 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.49

    We end up at Applebees because my daughters are weirdly fixated on it ever since my mother took them there once. I get the Southwest Sirloin and try to find dirty words in the Berenstain Bears Word Search


When at Applebees don't stray from a salad. It may look faggy, but you'll be happy in knowing that you have the least fucked up thing at the table.
Matt Tracker
Scrapple








Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 1 hour
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.84
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    I'm assuming the match was built around Paul London's superior babyface selling.


It went on for days. Years. He started selling the moves during the Carter Administration. We had guest commentary from Pat "Schneider" Harrington and close captioning provided by Epstein's mother.


    Kenzo loves America.


I cracked up for this skit. The geisha was brilliant.

Kenzo: (long Japanese rant)
Her: ... OK ... (translation).

She's gold in this role. Whoever she is, she knows what she's doing. The huge vaudeville reactions to Cena's interpretations during the North Carolina SD were the best since Harpo Marx.


    Break his fucking neck, HORSHU! Do it for the Spirit of America!


You'll be happy to know the spinning neckbreaker will now be called the Manifest Destiny.


    JBL's hand sanitizer is fucking brilliant.


His pre-match promo was aces. He practically won me over by so overdoing the respect for the Mexican champion. "From Mehico City ... Mehico." "El champion contra el champion." He was ON tonight. Superbly over the top.

I throughly enjoyed this episode. It was fun and clever and energetic.




"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
Tony Stewart
Pickled pork








Since: 6.6.04

Since last post: 2794 days
Last activity: 1404 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.49

    His pre-match promo was aces. He practically won me over by so overdoing the respect for the Mexican champion. "From Mehico City ... Mehico." "El champion contra el champion." He was ON tonight. Superbly over the top.




It's US Title material. I might even look forward to it there.
too-old-now
Bockwurst








Since: 7.1.04

Since last post: 1359 days
Last activity: 284 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.54
At Applebees, the atmosphere is better than the overpriced menu. Make the damn wings hot already! The kiddies love to feel they are at a "real" restaurant, but they need their crayons and 4.99 kids meal that includes a re-wrapped burger from Burger King next door.

Nice show, crappy ending stripping Cena of the title, but I fear it means Cena moves on to feud with JBL for the big belt.

With all of the bitching about Bradshaw holding the top strap in the company - lets face it, Eddie doesn't need the gold strap to be over, and even with it Bradshaw is still seen by many as midcard material. Given his long history as a jobber, Bradshaw needs to retain in his title defense to be seen as a credible champ.

His work has been entertaining, even if his wrestling has not been great, but its hard to get by the fact that he should have built some credibility with a nice push, maybe through the US title or something, before he got a chance with the main event. His best performance in the ring has been to bleed with Eddy. And even though Eddy sells among the best in the business - trying his damnest to make JBL look like a serious contender, there is just too much history to get through.

It's effectively as if they put the strap on Al Snow with a 1 1/2 month push. He's been around a long time, knows how to work the crowd for traditional heel heat, and has done his best to make everyone on the roster look good.

I totally agree the Taker/Heyman feud sucks and has gone on way too long.


redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 539 days
Last activity: 539 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.37
All that would have been needed to make it perfect would be Quiet Riot's Bang Your Head being blasted on the radio when your son showed the windshield who was boss.
If I get comped Vince McMahon's son's tickets as would happen at times in the early 90's, I will consider ending my boycott of SD. Since that won't happen, I'll go out on a limb and predict the No World Title Changes in Providence streak continues.



Any third world countries want Kevin Millar? I'll throw Ramiro Mendoza in the package just to give you a good deal.
asteroidboy
Andouille








Since: 22.1.02
From: Texas

Since last post: 1489 days
Last activity: 398 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.06

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Everyone who listens to the freakish weirdness of Paul Harvey knows EXACTLY what that's all about.


That guy. His only quality is effortlessly mixing product shilling with the actual "substance." If you can call it that. Motherfucker should choke on a Bose wave radio, while being driven off a cliff in a.... dependable....long-lasting....Chevy truck.

(edited by asteroidboy on 8.7.04 2236)

(edited by asteroidboy on 8.7.04 2238)

(edited by asteroidboy on 9.7.04 1054)

-- Asteroid Boy


Wiener of the day: 23.7.02, 3.12.03

"In addition, my tickets weren’t really what you’d expect from the webmaster of the internet’s largest independent pro-wrestling website." - Widro

"My brother saw the Undertaker walking through an airport." - Rex
"Was he no-selling?" - Me


DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1351 days
Last activity: 1349 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by asteroidboy
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Everyone who listens to the freakish weirdness of Paul Harvey knows EXACTLY what that's all about.


    That guy. His only quality is effortlessly mixing product shilling with the actual "substance." If you can call it that. Motherfucker should choke on a Bose wave radio, while being driven off a cliff in a.... dependable....long-lasting....Chevy truck.

    (edited by asteroidboy on 8.7.04 2236)

    (edited by asteroidboy on 8.7.04 2238)


DR: Oh you pop like a monkey for his Citrical ad. And don't tell me you haven't gotten a mosiquito magnet. Paul Harvey is the biggest freak in America.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Phantom Lord
Salami








Since: 18.6.04
From: The Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn, NY

Since last post: 3286 days
Last activity: 3082 days
AIM:  
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.87
Paul Harvey is one of the last great shillers on the radio today.

Only Curtis Sliwa here in New York can work in a pitch for a product as good as him.

I'm starting to really like Kenzo. When he said God Bless All America with that forced smile I couldn't stop laughing. It was golden.

People can't understand why I was praising JBL from the start. This promo tonight was a reason why.

If the WWE wanted to make some money, they would start selling Champion of Mexico title belts.

I'm sure they would sell better then the crappy women's title it's painted on.

I'm glad the U.S. Title is off Cena. I used to like him, but The Brooklyn Brawler has a better move set then him.



"If you want sumpin' a little stronger, homes, you gotta sip on some Mexican water. It's a little cloudy, and has an odd smell that makes you think it's not really for human consumption. But HOOOOOOOOOOOO-EEEEEEY! What a kick! Arriba~!"-LOP Board Member Uncle Eddy
Mild Mannered Madman
Toulouse








Since: 1.3.02
From: Westminster, CA

Since last post: 530 days
Last activity: 247 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.67
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      I'm assuming the match was built around Paul London's superior babyface selling.


    It went on for days. Years. He started selling the moves during the Carter Administration. We had guest commentary from Pat "Schneider" Harrington and close captioning provided by Epstein's mother.


      Kenzo loves America.


    I cracked up for this skit. The geisha was brilliant.

    Kenzo: (long Japanese rant)
    Her: ... OK ... (translation).

    She's gold in this role. Whoever she is, she knows what she's doing.


She's Hiroko Suzuki. She was a model/TV personality in Japan. She's Kenzo's legit translator and wife.




There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
- The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Phantom Lord
Salami








Since: 18.6.04
From: The Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn, NY

Since last post: 3286 days
Last activity: 3082 days
AIM:  
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.87
Yeah and supposedly they want her in Playboy or something.

I'd rather have Gail Kim in Playboy before her...but who's complaining.

But that skit tonight was great. If you want fun and if you happened to tape it and you have Closed Caption on your tv, turn it on.

I couldnt stop laughing when it said "Speaking Japanese"

Almost as funny as that time on SNL when some rap group was on and the closed captioning said "Rapping...Lyrics Unintelligible"




"If you want sumpin' a little stronger, homes, you gotta sip on some Mexican water. It's a little cloudy, and has an odd smell that makes you think it's not really for human consumption. But HOOOOOOOOOOOO-EEEEEEY! What a kick! Arriba~!"-LOP Board Member Uncle Eddy
Shem the Penman
Toulouse








Since: 16.1.02
From: The Off-Center of the Universe (aka Philadelphia)

Since last post: 324 days
Last activity: 122 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.08
    Originally posted by Phantom Lord
    Yeah and supposedly they want her in Playboy or something.

    I'd rather have Gail Kim in Playboy before her...but who's complaining.

    But that skit tonight was great. If you want fun and if you happened to tape it and you have Closed Caption on your tv, turn it on.

    I couldnt stop laughing when it said "Speaking Japanese"

    Almost as funny as that time on SNL when some rap group was on and the closed captioning said "Rapping...Lyrics Unintelligible"



That IS pretty much how closed captioning handles any kind of foreign language -- "[speaking Spanish]," "[speaking French]," or even "[speaking foreign language]" if whoever types the captions isn't sure which language is being used. The alternative would be for the captioner to try to reproduce what Suzuki was saying phonetically, which would be even more of a mess.



S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
a persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
questa fiamma staria senzu piu scosse.
Ma per cio che giammai di questo fondo
non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.
Kawshen
Liverwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: Bronx, NY

Since last post: 2019 days
Last activity: 279 days
AIM:  
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.33
(deleted by Kawshen on 9.7.04 0914)
spf
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 11 hours
AIM:  
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.92
Apparently Dean has been showing the youngster the old Mid-South tapes from JYD's big run. You gotta wait until they're old enough to understand the Bill Watts programming. Otherwise that sort of thing happens to your windshield.



johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com

DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1351 days
Last activity: 1349 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by spf2119
    Apparently Dean has been showing the youngster the old Mid-South tapes from JYD's big run. You gotta wait until they're old enough to understand the Bill Watts programming. Otherwise that sort of thing happens to your windshield.


I should have put him in timeout for forgetting to blade.



YES, I AM DEAN.
JoshMann
Andouille








Since: 17.11.03
From: Tallahassee, FL

Since last post: 2352 days
Last activity: 2350 days
AIM:  
Y!:
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.95
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by spf2119
      Apparently Dean has been showing the youngster the old Mid-South tapes from JYD's big run. You gotta wait until they're old enough to understand the Bill Watts programming. Otherwise that sort of thing happens to your windshield.


    I should have put him in timeout for forgetting to blade.


You warned us your 2-year was was a no-selling glory hog...foolish on us to not beleive it. Although it is possible the Baba gene came from his mother's side.



That's right, I said it- I said the J-Word
redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 539 days
Last activity: 539 days
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.37
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by spf2119
      Apparently Dean has been showing the youngster the old Mid-South tapes from JYD's big run. You gotta wait until they're old enough to understand the Bill Watts programming. Otherwise that sort of thing happens to your windshield.


    I should have put him in timeout for forgetting to blade.





At less than two years old, your son has already had greater success against glass on cars than most of the WCW roster in the late 90's. I believe we should crown him WCW Champion in abstentia.

(edited by redsoxnation on 9.7.04 1819)


Any third world countries want Kevin Millar? I'll throw Ramiro Mendoza in the package just to give you a good deal.
NickBockwinkelFan
Frankfurter








Since: 10.4.02
From: New York City, NY

Since last post: 982 days
Last activity: 14 days
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.59
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    I don't know if y'all listen to Paul Harvey- or if people under 35 can even hear the high pitched squeal of broken hips and beachball-sized prostates that Paul Harvey represents- but he will go on and on about how everyone should do the Harvey Handshake- which is a "snappy salute"- because shaking hands spreads so many germs. It's fucking creepy. Really creepy. Like What The Fuck This Guy Have Buried In His Basement-level creepy. Everyone who listens to the freakish weirdness of Paul Harvey knows EXACTLY what that's all about.


The nerve of that old bastard! I don't trust any motherfucker who won't shake your hand. What's he want to do, live to be 200! He should be the national spokesman for euthanasia. After years of hearing this guy, I finally saw his promo photo in a full page ad in USA Today.

He's a dead ringer for Porter Wagoner (without the keen fashion sense).

    Originally posted by spf2119

    Apparently Dean has been showing the youngster the old Mid-South tapes from JYD's big run. You gotta wait until they're old enough to understand the Bill Watts programming. Otherwise that sort of thing happens to your windshield.


As far as Watts programming and child rearing is concerned, I don't think any loving parent would ban the top rope.

(edited by NickBockwinkelFan on 10.7.04 0313)

(edited by NickBockwinkelFan on 10.7.04 0316)

"Well, you can't involve friendship with business. It has to be one or the other. It's either business or friendship, or hit the bricks!"
--Life Lessons from "The Tao of Bobby the Brain Heenan" Uncensored 2000 preview


"As long as the check don't bounce, I guess he's okay with it!"
--Former All Pro Giants LB Harry Carson on Bill Parcells joining the hated rival Dallas Cowboys

DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1351 days
Last activity: 1349 days
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by NickBockwinkelFan
    He should be the national spokesman for euthanasia. After years of hearing this guy, I finally saw his promo photo in a full page ad in USA Today.

    He's a dead ringer for Porter Wagoner (without the keen fashion sense).



    But I don't think he was ever cool enough to mount Dolly Parton.



    YES, I AM DEAN.
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HHH's My Time with lyrics was like my favorite entrance theme. Ive never really been that big on the whole game one.
- JWstorm, HHH's old music (2004)
Related threads: The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report 7/8/04 - SD! A change for the better, or a fluke? - New Smackdown General Manager - More...
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