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The W - Pro Wrestling - your MIGHTY MIGHTY WWE WORKRATE REPORT- 6/24/2004~!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1237 days
Last activity: 1234 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
My wife and younguns are at my in-laws in Raleigh so I'm alone in the new house for the first time- so it's pretty exciting. I feel like a drunk because I went to the SECRET Food Lion hidden in the annoying Conform To The Building Code shopping center that has the Tutor McDonalds with the sign that isn't McDonalds colors but the colors of the mall. I hate that shit. It's fucking unAmerican. But it did have the 30 pack of Old Mil for 10 dollars so Big Daddy Dean says, "Belly up to the bar, motherfucker- it's gonna be long lonely weekend." I've given the dog a slab of cheddar cheese so the house is rocking to the party beat. ROCK AND DON'T STOP IT! GO HOUSE! I also have five Natural Lights (I'M SOOO GAY!) from last night so there is a real chance that I could become RIDICULOUSLY drunk before this is over. (One hour later, oh yeah- drunk is the word that you heard.) Annnnndwereviewsomeshittywrestling....

WHAT WORKED-

THE SECRET ADVENTURES OF AL WILSON:
Susan's skin- naked, alabaster- glowed against the burgundy as she sprawled across her isle of sheets. Her eyes wide, flashed to the left and right finally gave Baron a look of wanting. Susan's mouth had spouted a leftist diatribe over pints of Strohs an hour and half before but revealed its other stealthier, more animalistic trait as she drew Baron's mouth to her's. Meanwhile, Baron was panicking.

"Oh fuck. I'm gonna fucking lose it and I ain't gonna get another motherfucking chance." Baron pushes away and breathes deep.

"What's the matter?"

"Oh nothing at all. This is more than I could ever hope for. I'm just trying to..."

"Not cum too quick? That's weirdly sweet."

Baron noticed his in. "Well, you're quite beautiful and I'm just trying to keep it under control. You know, I vant to be in ze moment vith you." Baron was back under control. He only needed the momentary break to reapply control.

"We could talk for a while...."

"Zere vill be no talk until after we are FINISHED making love."

Baron reached over and turned on TREASURE by the Cocteau Twins and the guitars swirled as if they created to compliment Susan's dyed red hair as she craned her neck back in reaction to perfect touch of Baron as he caressed her and began to make her writhe with desire for his love. Susan blissfully became more intense in her reaction to each touch. Baron became more analytical as his body became ready to truly physically love her. He knew a plan on how to sexually please her and he executed it perfectly- as she danced and quivered to his touch and they became one with the universe, intertwined and writhing . By "Spanglemaker", the first stanza of love was complete. Baron was a man. Susan was a woman. In their most primal essence.

Susan collapses after the love. She smiles and breaths. "That was motherfucking boss, big daddy."

Baron's demeanor hadn't changed. There was no release from being spent, only anticipation for being in it again. "Goddamn darlin'. Mein loins vere on fire for you and zere is nothing to qvell ze flame. Ze's moments are agony until I can be VUN vith you again."

"Well. Okay. I'm ready when you are, hoss."

Baron had never been this revved up in his entire life. He was truly alive. His dick couldn't possibly keep up with what his hearted wanted to do.

TO BE CONTINUED.

- Cruiserweight battle royal. Rey Rey is also wearing a 1988 Kreator camouflage t-shirt. They explain the cammo is representin' for the armed forces and got no problem with that. This battle royal is like every other battle royal until Nunzio bumps like a motherfucking FREAK to the floor. Paul London makes a nice cameo freakish bump. Rey Rey plus Taz is kinda fun annoucing. Shannon Moore and Akio do a cool double elimination. Scotty is eliminated in a hurty way and this moves up to the worked column just because they are taking the shittiest part of battleroyals- stupid eliminations after standing around- and kinda making it pay off by SHOWCASING~! the bumping ability of the little fellas. Funaki goes out like a bitch- which sucks, because I beginning to forget how good Rey Rey versus Funaki could have been in 1997. Jamie Noble hits a SWEET German and it gets pretty good as they whittle it down to three guys. Chavo with the nice punches. Kidman looks good as the guy getting his ass kicked. The finish is really good as Chavo channels his Uncle Eddy in the Angle matches and does the cool ass non-elimination spots. The Gory Special elimination was nice, making me like Kidman more because he sucks it up and takes the bump.

- KENZO SUZUKI! THE ASS MAN! Hiroki undresses Kenzo- THUS allowing 39 year old virgins to toast a Strawberry Blasted scented viscuous load over their LUke Cage Powerman bust onto their 7 of 9 stalker shrine. Kenzo does hit a nice kneedrop. And that's far more than I expected. WORKED! Can of Crowd is post-productionally FURIOUS at the finish.

- Torrie has cheekbones that look like she drawn by John Byrne in 1979. TORRIE CALLS SABLE A CUM-GUZZLIN' WHORE! I'm SPENT as they beat each other's barely covered leathery asses!

- Ah sweet MicroTouch. You DO groom from head to toe! You DON'T cut skin. God BLESS you, beloved MicroTouch. I PUT DOWN the pointy scissors! FUCK the pointy scissors! I love ONLY YOU, MicroTouch....

- WOW. I drank five Natural Lights (as I use my homosexuality to DRINK THE FAT AWAY) and then I drank the #1 of 30 Old Milwaukees and the 5 lights make the Finest Of American Swills taste like it's had beef jerky soaking in it. Mmmmm beefbrothy.

- Eddy has the finest possible lowrider. Taz says "VIVA la RASTA" and I and I need to get out of Babylon in the spirit of Marcus Garvey, mon. Taz rules. They go to a commercial and I am drunk enough to go ahead and think about CRZ's hair. Mmmmmmm.... so henna. so jojoba. He is in his speedo breifs as he hits a picture perfect swandive. He swims to the side of the pool and his burley, manly mane flies over his head, exposing his brooding sullen steel blue eyes. And we're back. HE IS HORSE-SHU! Eddy bumps like a freak for the Kid Romeo classmate. Luther does a bearhug and Eddy makes it sorta work. Luther does a reverse Bearhug and the love is gone. Eddy finally starts beating the shit out of the manly-meaty, 5 tool superstar that is Luther. Luther is SCRAPPY with the knee to the stomach. Eddy hits a two run dong with the belt and he CHEATS TO WIN! JBL runs in. Eddy beats him with a bullrope and it's fun. More booze. Yesssss. Sweet sweet booze....

- It's the WANG! He is no Edouard Carpentier. RVD is on a roll. Booker T shows up. Cole doesn't get his ass-kicked by Booker T. Booker is going to skullfuck the dog. SMACKDOWN IS EDGY! Dupree will bump like a fucking idiot- as he takes a preposterous spin kick off the apron. Cole carries Booker T pretty well. RVD does a nice cartwheel kick into a Rolling Thunder (though i didn't see Sabu anywhere. Stupid WWE.) Booker T does a shitty knock knock joke. Here's a good one:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Howard Dean.
How soon they forget.

I missed the way the WANG won the match. Replay sez: CLEAN FINISH. Perfectly fine.

- CENA wrestles MUGAtaker and these are always good. Cole is an idiot because he finds the cement mixer in the background to be "poetic". And they wrestle. Cena has a babyface flurry early and MT cuts him off with the old school shot to the throat. Cena has another flurry and MUGAtaker cuts him off by throwing him to the floor. The sweet old school suplex into the ring makes me love the MUGAtaker all over again. Cena is fucking great making the best of his hope spots. MT is beautiful cutting him off. MT bumps to the floor and we go to a commercial. Join me as we think about CRZ's hai... oh. Goddamit. The Enzyte commercial is amusing. I'm GOING TO WATCH KEVIN HILL. IT IS TIME I GOT INTO THE UPN PRIMETIME SCHEDULE. AM I WRONG? Oop! We return and Cena is brawling to the floor. I wish they both punched better because they both have a real Memphis feel that would make their matches GREAT if they could actually credibly punch to transition. The legdrop on the apron by MUGataker is fucking BEAUTIFUL. Cena is nearly Steamboatlike with his selling of the assbeating but his offense is too weak to continue any comparison. Cena does the GREAT comeback and MT does the fucking BEAUTIFUL elbow to cut him off. This match fucking rocks. MUGAtaker with the fucking BEAUTIFUL Superplex. Yeah, fuck it. I LOVE this match. MT with a chinlock and GOD these two are so built for each other. Cena fights out and MT clubbing Elbows him down. Cena with the SWWEET hope spot spinebuster. Cena with a GREAT babyface comeback. Cena with the Fistdrop and MT with the fucking million dollar 2 and 34/35ths nearfall. Cean avoids the last ride and Hebner is DEAD! Cena is fucking great for a babyface with no actual offense. Cena with the FU with the ref dead and MT gets the NODAWA for the same count. MT with the chain and Tombstone and there you go. The ending was kinda shitty but these two have weidly great matches against each other. That was good.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- CENA is wearing a camoflague t-shirt that reminded more of a 1987 Sacred Reich t-shirt than something from the '04. Angle comes out and they talk and talk and talk....

- The Dudleys... c..... c ....C....C... CANNOT ACT! It's... it's it'sit's...IT'S... Jeff Jarrett?!?!? Oh it's Mordecai. Where has Hardcore Holly been and the question IS why is he here now? I guess he was brought in to job to Mordecai. OH FUCK THIS. ARN MOTHERFUCKING ANDERSON AND FIT MOTHERFUCKING FINLAY BREAKS UP THIS PUSSY ASSED SLAP FIGHT AND WE ARE SUPPOSED TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUt THE THE TWO CHOADS TRYING TO BRAWL?? AWWW FUCVK THAT. Oh suck my dick until I blow a frogurt-styled load across the WWE's green and rancid molars. Arn versus Fit would SCORCH THE MOTHERFUCKING EARTH with its greatness of brawling. Fuck Mordecai and Holly- learn to fucking brawl and make me AT LEAST NOTICE that you hate each other. Fuck this.

- Fuck Kenny Rogers. I hope his chicken was better than his shitty fake country bullshit. I'm glad Porter Wagner plied Dolly Parton with his uncut Nudie-suit clad TRUE Country and Western lovin' before she musically whored herself out to Kenny's shitty crossover bad pop pseudo-Eddy Arnold bullshit. SUCK MY DICK, KENNY ROGERS! SUCK IT!

- The crazy world anti-smoking ad makes me want to rip open the chest of the barker guy and spit a whole pouch of Red Man into his broncheal tubes.



THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 424 days
Last activity: 424 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.37
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    The Gory Special elimination was nice, making me like Kidman more because he sucks it up and takes the bump








So, does liking Kidman more actually pull him out of negative territory, or just out of level 7 of hell into level 6?
Why the hatred of Kenny Rogers? With Chavo Sr. gone, he is the closest we have to the nifty fashion segments Al Wilson used to grace us with.
Fuck Yes, Fit Finley vs. Arn Anderson no holds barred brawl at GAB would actually make it get somewhere near its NWA ancestral roots. Dump the Mordecai/Holly and Gunn/Suzuki crapfests, and you have a nice 20 minute technical brawl.
When the Dudleys appear part of the centerpiece of programming, the programming is in trouble.
Its a miracle. Kurt Angle can hobble. That gives him more mobility than most of the roster.



Are we allowed to use the voices in our heads as sources?
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1237 days
Last activity: 1234 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by redsoxnation
    Why the hatred of Kenny Rogers? With Chavo Sr. gone, he is the closest we have to the nifty fashion segments Al Wilson used to grace us with


DR: Oh fuck Kenny Rogers. He is so the antithesis of the greatness of Al Wilson.

(edited by thecubsfan on 24.6.04 2204)


YES, I AM DEAN.
Phantom Lord
Salami








Since: 18.6.04
From: The Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn, NY

Since last post: 3171 days
Last activity: 2967 days
AIM:  
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.11
I knew I should got out the bottle of scotch when Mordecai and Hardcore Holly started brawling.

I like the idea of seeing Holly being Crucified, but I somehow doubt it will actually happen.

But if they are going to kill a fatman by burying him in cement what's stoping them from nailing a redneck bastard to a cross.

Kenny Rogers should thank Will Sasso for reviving his career. Had it not been for the sheer stupidity of Kenny Rogers playing Ozzfest as a Punk Band, no one would remember him.

With that said, Kenny still rules.



"If you want sumpin' a little stronger, homes, you gotta sip on some Mexican water. It's a little cloudy, and has an odd smell that makes you think it's not really for human consumption. But HOOOOOOOOOOOO-EEEEEEY! What a kick! Arriba~!"-LOP Board Member Uncle Eddy
drjayphd
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 22.4.02
From: Long Island

Since last post: 22 days
Last activity: 4 days
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.67
You wanted the best, you got... Out of Context Quote of the Week.

"Wake me when any of them are naked." (Barbwire Mike)


    Originally posted by Phantom Lord
    I knew I should got out the bottle of scotch when Mordecai and Hardcore Holly started brawling.


Scotch, I love you... Scotchy scotch scotch... ;P

Don't even remember Kenny Rogers playing Ozzfest... but FUCK YES COCTEAU TWINS. Still can't compensate for the lack of Josh Matthews, though.



DEAN's Nuggets of Wisdom:

"A-Train could wear a Vampirella outfit and I would toast a load to it."
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1237 days
Last activity: 1234 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by drjayphd
      Originally posted by Phantom Lord
      I knew I should got out the bottle of scotch when Mordecai and Hardcore Holly started brawling.


    Scotch, I love you... Scotchy scotch scotch... ;P

    Don't even remember Kenny Rogers playing Ozzfest... but FUCK YES COCTEAU TWINS. Still can't compensate for the lack of Josh Matthews, though.


DR: I'm trying to keep it all vaguely 1988 so Cocteau Twins (or AVALON by Roxy Music) was the Music of Love.



YES, I AM DEAN.
sergeial
Boerewors








Since: 27.2.02
From: Minneapolis

Since last post: 2983 days
Last activity: 2899 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.29
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Torrie has cheekbones that look like she drawn by John Byrne in 1979.


Hah! Not that you don't know how much you rule by now, but I loved the reference to how all of John Byrne's women looked exactly alike back then.


I agree with you about the actual wrestling as well. I'm amazed at how much I enjoyed Cena/Taker, the cruiser battle, and Eddie/Horshu (!!!), without being any more interested in the PPV three days later.

sergei



"A true champion knows how to deal with adversity."-- Kurt Angle
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

Since last post: 23 hours
Last activity: 12 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.41

DEAN~~! Thanks for the report as always. We just recently got the UPN so I actually watched the show last night. Your report is way more entertaining than the program. I believe I will go back to NOT watching the show and just reading the recaps. Thank you so much, you drunken cul-de-sac living bastard.




Gabba Gabba Hey!


JoshMann
Andouille








Since: 17.11.03
From: Tallahassee, FL

Since last post: 2237 days
Last activity: 2235 days
AIM:  
Y!:
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.88
    Originally posted by pieman
    DEAN~~! Thanks for the report as always. We just recently got the UPN so I actually watched the show last night. Your report is way more entertaining than the program. I believe I will go back to NOT watching the show and just reading the recaps. Thank you so much, you drunken cul-de-sac living bastard.


Don't tell me- Direct TV finally stopped shuffling their feet and actually stepped up to the plate over the local channels at your house as well, right?

So yeah, that was actually the first episode of Smackdown I've seen in my home home in about 15 months. Love what they've done to the place. :-P



I did the same thing last week!
jjfc
Cotechino








Since: 13.5.04
From: DC

Since last post: 3600 days
Last activity: 3369 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.11
Great report as always.

I think the reason for the "weirdly great matches" between Cena and Taker is that both have characters that is over with the audience. We talk a lot about Benoit overcoming his lack of charisma with ringwork. This is a prime example of the opposite.
asteroidboy
Andouille








Since: 22.1.02
From: Texas

Since last post: 1375 days
Last activity: 283 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.95
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Fuck Kenny Rogers. I hope his chicken was better than his shitty fake country bullshit. I'm glad Porter Wagner plied Dolly Parton with his uncut Nudie-suit clad TRUE Country and Western lovin' before she musically whored herself out to Kenny's shitty crossover bad pop pseudo-Eddy Arnold bullshit. SUCK MY DICK, KENNY ROGERS! SUCK IT!


Islands in the stream... that is what we are....



-- Asteroid Boy


Wiener of the day: 23.7.02, 3.12.03

"In addition, my tickets weren’t really what you’d expect from the webmaster of the internet’s largest independent pro-wrestling website." - Widro

"My brother saw the Undertaker walking through an airport." - Rex
"Was he no-selling?" - Me


DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1237 days
Last activity: 1234 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by pieman
    DEAN~~! Thanks for the report as always. We just recently got the UPN so I actually watched the show last night. Your report is way more entertaining than the program. I believe I will go back to NOT watching the show and just reading the recaps. Thank you so much, you drunken cul-de-sac living bastard.


I got BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN from netflix today so I'm going to be much drunker tonight. Thank you, Pie-Man- I actually try to impress you in particular since you are my elder. We may now go back to make fun of each other, you old bastard.



YES, I AM DEAN.
cranlsn
Liverwurst








Since: 18.3.02
From: Sussex, WI

Since last post: 123 days
Last activity: 1 day
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.29

Excellent job...when I saw Suzuki and Gunn, I scoured my eyes out, but your re-cap made me go back and take a second look.

Once again, Thank You for sacrificing your liver on a weekly basis for us.






DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1237 days
Last activity: 1234 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by cranlsn
    Excellent job...when I saw Suzuki and Gunn, I scoured my eyes out, but your re-cap made me go back and take a second look.

    Once again, Thank You for sacrificing your liver on a weekly basis for us.


I feel bad that I didn't use a Kurrgan or Mantaur joke for Suzuki this week. I should stick to my streak. I am a fool....



YES, I AM DEAN.
Eddie Famous
Andouille








Since: 11.12.01
From: Catlin IL

Since last post: 279 days
Last activity: 273 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.43

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    I'm glad Porter Wagner plied Dolly Parton with his uncut Nudie-suit clad TRUE Country and Western lovin' .


The Porter Wagoner show now on RFDTV!!!!

Along with the Wilburn Bros, and Pop Goes the Country....



"In the sky. Lord, in the sky..."
El Nino
Haggis








Since: 18.2.04
From: Pune, India

Since last post: 3384 days
Last activity: 2116 days
AIM:  
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.24
Hey, I hear that Tazz called Kenzo Suzuki's finisher (legsweep thing), but I couldn't make out the name. Did anyone else figure it out?



Your opinions are wrong and stupid.
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