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The W - Pro Wrestling - your MIGHTY MIGHTY WWE WORKRATE REPORT- 5/6/2004~
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1254 days
Last activity: 1251 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I was watching the end of GAMERA:GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE with my 4 year old and I realized it was after 8! Oh well. She's far more adorable than you are so suck it up and just tell me what I missed. I'm assuming they will show it again what happened Eddy's mom. I'm low on booze and late out the shoot. Don't tell me you watched the final episode of FRIENDS when you could watch.... uh.... this. Baron resumes next week.

WHAT WORKED-

- Touching the mom angle was SOOOOOO motherfucking great. WWE is REALLY shooting for MidSouth 1981 knifed in the back by a fan level of heat. I'm all about it. Is there a Guerrerro in the entire family that can't generate a volcano of heat?

- CENA goes jingo and Tuscon loves it. CENA calls the Bashams a couple of incestuous fannyhumpers. The velvet pants rule. OVW versus OVW and it's pretty lowgrade. Cena hits a nice lariat in there somewhere. The lack of a Jay Shroeder throwback almost threw this perfectly mediocre match down yonder. Velvet pants saves the listless bacon. Fuck it. Nothing else is going to work. I'll create the reasons. Many must die so that Cena versus Basham may live.....

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- Fucking Bowflex. I refuse to give their commercial a break until they get a girl with a healthy butt flexin and bowin the POWER ROD! Whatever. It would have to become a cross between the Taster's Choice series and pantynuns.com with gym porn mixed in for me to like their hideous commercials. Motherfuckers. I'd rather use Trojan condoms.

- Booker T is forced to reenact an outtake from Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood. This is horrible. So awesomely horrible that it may actually get to the SULLLLIVAN! SULLLIVAN! THERE ARE NO HULKAMANIACS IN HERE! THIS WATER... IT'S IT'S NOT HOT! YES FATHAH! YES FATHAH! The accent of our voodoo lady tends to go from Cajun to Eastern Marylander quite a bit. I have SUCH high hopes for the possible shittiness of these vignettes. Yes.... bring me the shittinesssssss....

- CHAVO CLASSIC~! AWWWWWEEESOME! This doesn't work because I can no longer even TRY to imagine what could POSSIBLY make me think about anything else. CHAVO CLASSIC is there to support his son and I await the crappiness of the international challenge. Jackie does have a better lariat than any male in the back. NEW CHAVO tells Jackie to either suck his dick or make him a sammich! Miss Texas smacks him and it's all about recycling Memphis angles. Jackie's giant titties give her way to much momentum on the armdrags. NEW CHAVO is soooo a fucking great rudo in this- taking the rana like Angel Mortal carrying Dennkis in AAA. Jackie cheats to win! HEY! I don't have to make up reasons for shit to end up down here. NEW CHAVO yells, "She hit me in the balls!" CHAVO CLASSIC is enraged.

- MicroSoft's SECRET is the blade that cuts hair but NOT SKIN! I can only wonder how many trial runs they had until they got to THAT secret. "Well. I shaving my ass hair and THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW....!" Lawsuits and weeping. Sitting and oozing. Thinking and drinking.

- FBI in the ring. Angle and Horshu come out. Angle gives his first boring PROMO ever. Ahhh Southpaw. Sweet cheap shitty light beer. MUGAtaker comes out! It's TWO ON ONE! Cole says SPINECHILLING! MINDNUMBING! RASMUSSEN says, "Suck my balls, Cole." Nunzio dies like a jobber in a squash! MUGAtaker throws some perfectly fine punches. MUGAtaker does a super cool ass finishing sequence to complete the squash. SQUASH! Squashing and tombstoning. Walking and posing. Sitting up and breathing. SPINECHILLING!

- Booker T decides to hip to the fact that it's been three hours that he has been looking. So the woman has already lied to him because he finds the grave and grave doesn't find him. SOME KIND OF HAND! Could this be any more retarded? All it needs is a fight with dubbed in sound effects and we will have reached the quality level of the "Destitute DDP Jumps Maxx Muscle!" MINDNUMBING!

- Josh is with Eddy. Eddy isn't Booker T. Booker T is magic with Josh. Eddy isn't magic with Josh. Eddy is Eddy. Booker T is Booker T. Josh is Josh. Josh asks Eddy stupid questions. Eddy is GOD making Josh crap in his pants. Eddy's face goes wiggly. Eddy is the Wrestling Messiah. But Eddy plus Josh isn't Josh plus Booker T. Eddy is Eddy. Josh is Josh. Booker T is Booker T. Eddy isn't Booker T. Booker T isn't Eddy. Josh is Josh. BLOCKBUSTING!

- Did y'all get Garden Claw commercials?

- Torrie Wilson comes to the ring and 39 year old virgins blow a garlic-scented jello-like load over their Star Trek New Generation vs Babylon five Chess Set onto their hermetically sealed Kamandi: Last Boy On Earth #1. Dawn Marie's outfit hints at enough of Vampirella for me to contemplate soiling my very soul. The match itself was pretty good. "SO YOU THINK SHE'S GOT A PRETTY FACE!?!?" screechs Dawn Marie- as Torrie goes face first into the exposed turnbuckle and it was AWESOME. It turns into Cena versus Renea DewPres and you see Rene's jiggly butt but you really get bask in the blinding light of the WANG. So fuck this.

- Bradshaw gives a HIlarious non-apology. He is sooo great having a face that says that he does not believe what he his lips are saying. Plus, HE GOES COCK-EYED right in the middle. The fact that he OBVIOUSLY wasn't in New York is why this doesn't work.

- I've gone to Burger King exclusively since the subservient chicken and the term "mouth whoopin'" were introduced to me. Plus they take credit cards which is too ridiculous to not take advantage of.

- Eddy is taken out of the main event. I was going to jokingly put nothing in the WHAT WORKED column and try to rationalize everything if it did actually work. Smackdown is two steps ahead of me. Dudleys not carried by Eddy will be ungood. Rey Rey? That's fine I guess though this now becomes quite the Velocity match. Rob Van Dam has the shittiest punches ever. He does a lot of punching in this match. Rob Van Dam's spinning kicks are so fucking bad. He does a lot of them in this match. Rey Rey doesn't hit the 619 as Bubba is as sick of seeing it as you are. Rey Rey- a highflying luchadore- throws punches 5,000% stiffer than RVD's and does kicks that look like they actually hurt. Bubba and Rey Rey work really well together and RVD WILL bump like a total freak. Rey Rey's Testicle's become cruches and we go to a commercial.... Join me as we think about CRZ's pretty hair.... mmmmm strawberry henna.... Rey Rey continues to get beaten to death. Rey Rey counters a suplex to make with the hope spot. And the Dudleys cut him by getting the ref out of position. Rey Rey is fucking GREAT Southern babyface. He's just like Ricky Morton in that he always gives up a lot of size and he always has cool transitions to begin his comebacks. RVD is FUN as the house a-fire and the two count is superhot. Deulling Arabian Moonsaults were fun. 56 part nearfinish up to the missed Frogsplash was really fucking great. Rolling Thunder is retarded but that was the best ECW main event I've seen in a while. Dudleys get their heat back postmatch. Eddy goes BATSHIT and Bubba blades like an ECW alumni. AWESOME. (Bradshaw didn't run in so if fucks up my Bradshaw Not Working rationalization. Thus, this doesn't work.)

- You can't begin to suddenly pleasure women just by switching to ribbed condoms. It's all about making it purr with a stroke of my hand. They know they're getting from me. YEah, that's the key: Listen to more Ted Nugent records from the 70s and never use a Trojan condom- because nothing gets a lady out of the mood like a broken condom.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.




YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
The Great Thomas
Sujuk








Since: 17.6.02
From: Miami, Florida

Since last post: 3338 days
Last activity: 3338 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.32
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Did y'all get Garden Claw commercials?
Yes.



FIRST EVER "W of the Day"! (4/12/04)

Please Support The Neo-Geo Pocket Color!

redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 441 days
Last activity: 441 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.75
The last image of the AWA was turkey on a pole. The last true image of WCW was Flair and Jarrett having their faces squished into a donkey's ass. At this rate, we'll be trying to guess what animal will be involved in the last SD memory by the end of summer.
Mama Guerrero is more over than most of the roster, including two of the people who have/will receive PPV WWE Title matches during the first five months of this calendar year. But, if she dies, at least it will provide DEAN with the Al Wilson/Mama Guerrero romantic addendum to the BARON.
Booker vs. Taker has now sunk below Weekend At Bernie's 2 levels. Gee, maybe it was Katie Vick's grave.
I thought/hoped Jacqueline was gone for good. Now, will they follow along on the WCW example and have a Tony Schiavone look-a-like win the Cruiser title from Jacqueline? Of course, they could have booked Bradshaw/Jacqueline for the PPV and given us Chavo vs. Eddie, but that would have meant 1 good match. Can't have that.
Far more intimidating to be buried under the Hammer and Sickle than under the flag of cowardice.



These are desperate times. And desperate times call for desperate measures. Thus, its time to break out the Cubs/White Sox/Red Sox call to put the Kaiser back on the throne.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1254 days
Last activity: 1251 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by The Great Thomas
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Did y'all get Garden Claw commercials?
    Yes.


DR: AWESOME.



YES, I AM DEAN.
too-old-now
Bockwurst








Since: 7.1.04

Since last post: 1261 days
Last activity: 186 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.34
Not just Garden Claw, but Garden Claw Gold. But I did not get the microtouch love...

Gotta give it up to Mommy Guerrero. They all rule Smackdown in so many ways - when I was told about the spoiler I was wondering how Los Chavos should be concerned about Mom/Grandma, but they are such effective heels I didn't give it a thought when they were on...Mommy G. is a better performer than half the roster. Maybe we'll get her in a match with Linda "Yummy" McMahon...

Another top-notch report, o Mighty Mighty one...

Did I see a Turdwellian sign? I wish I taped this..The wife commandeered the VCR to tape her friends or something...

I wanna see Paul Bearer vs. Rikishi in a "who's-got-the bigger-ass-match, special ref Pat "skidmarks" Patterson.

I loved Heyman referring to Kurt as "Mr. Angle." How long is Kurt out - he is playing the sherriff role better than Stone Cold, by replacing Eddie with Rey Rey.


Edit - I almost forgot the hand in the grave - the last time a hand only was featured, wasn't it the hand in HHH's ass in the Katie Vick angle, the same white hand Mae Young gave birth to with Mark Henry. This angle is going no where near as well...

Edit 2- Redsoxnation you beat me to the point on Mommy G being way over...

(edited by too-old-now on 6.5.04 1931)
RYDER FAKIN
Six Degrees of Me








Since: 21.2.02
From: ORLANDO

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 5 days
AIM:  
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.46
Join me as we think about CRZ's pretty hair.... mmmmm strawberry henna.... Rey Rey continues to get beaten to death.

Wow, DEAN. That's a really weird pet name for your cock. Or maybe I'm taking that out of context...

FLEA




Demonstrations are a drag. Besides, we're much too high...

FLEA - 1ryderfakin.com - THE IWC 100! And The Wrestling Dead Pool!!
TheGreekPhysique
Bauerwurst








Since: 13.2.04
From: Brooklyn, NY

Since last post: 3018 days
Last activity: 2444 days
AIM:  
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.78
I don't believe that's Horshu wheeling Mr. Angle around, but Inspector Impact from OVW, now known as... whatever, I don't care....
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1254 days
Last activity: 1251 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by RYDER FAKIN
    Join me as we think about CRZ's pretty hair.... mmmmm strawberry henna.... Rey Rey continues to get beaten to death.

    Wow, DEAN. That's a really weird pet name for your cock. Or maybe I'm taking that out of context...

    FLEA



DR: I would never name my junk Rey Rey. It's Admiral Newt Gigantor Von Thrustalot or it's nothing, my good man.



YES, I AM DEAN.
asteroidboy
Andouille








Since: 22.1.02
From: Texas

Since last post: 1392 days
Last activity: 300 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.95
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    YEah, that's the key: Listen to more Ted Nugent records from the 70s and never use a Trojan condom- because nothing gets a lady out of the mood like a broken condom.



Even if they have heating action, whatever the fuck that meant. Heed Dean. The only thing those condoms will heat is your engine as it speeds to Planned Parenthood in a month.



-- Asteroid Boy


Wiener of the day: 23.7.02, 3.12.03

"In addition, my tickets weren’t really what you’d expect from the webmaster of the internet’s largest independent pro-wrestling website." - Widro

"My brother saw the Undertaker walking through an airport." - Rex
"Was he no-selling?" - Me


Torchslasher
Knackwurst








Since: 17.1.02
From: New F'n Jersey

Since last post: 8 days
Last activity: 1 day
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.75
You know SD is getting bad when even Dean only has two things that worked (and one of them is an angle, not even a match).

If it weren't for the power of ZE WANG, I think Dean might just quit watching all together. I know that I have.



"Did Webb see it?"- Cal Meechum
"Unless he's blind"- Joe Wilson
"Check him. Oh, and Joe, until we find out what happened all three of us are blind"- Cal
"I'll go poke Webb's eyes out"- Crow T. Robot

MST3K- The Movie
Tribal Prophet
Andouille








Since: 9.1.02
From: Winnipeg, MB, Canada

Since last post: 28 days
Last activity: 3 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.26
Just so you guys know, I can no longer watch Rene Dupree on Smackdown without catching myself staring at his bouncy wang at least 5 or 6 times.

Screw all of you...


Tribal Prophet



drjayphd
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 22.4.02
From: Long Island

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 11 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.41
You wanted the best, you got... Out of Context Quote of the Week.

"Finally You Can See Your Meat" (Roy.)


    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Fucking Bowflex. I refuse to give their commercial a break until they get a girl with a healthy butt flexin and bowin the POWER ROD! Whatever. It would have to become a cross between the Taster's Choice series and pantynuns.com with gym porn mixed in for me to like their hideous commercials. Motherfuckers. I'd rather use Trojan condoms.


Oh, come on. There's that one Dolores O'Riordan woman who's using it... doing some overhead something... back to the camera, then she looks over her shoulder, giving you that come-hither look... Okay, so she's no Josh Matthews, but still.

And I missed the shining glory of Rene's glorious, shining wang? Stupid Survivor/Friends double-team.



DEAN's Nuggets of Wisdom:

"A-Train could wear a Vampirella outfit and I would toast a load to it."
mattsledge
Cotto








Since: 10.4.02
From: Cincinnati, Ohio

Since last post: 3339 days
Last activity: 2058 days
AIM:  
ICQ:  
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.66
Sign Of The Night:

"SHUT UP, COLE!"



WARNING: Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Iago
Chourico








Since: 17.2.04
From: Eugene, Oregon

Since last post: 3069 days
Last activity: 2371 days
AIM:  
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.28
    Originally posted by Tribal Prophet
    Just so you guys know, I can no longer watch Rene Dupree on Smackdown without catching myself staring at his bouncy wang at least 5 or 6 times.

    Screw all of you...



See that makes me giggle. Yes giggle. Does the wang have enough juice to get the gold? Or will Cena, who has some of my favorite "dazed" stances and expressions, prevail? As evidence by Tribal Prophet, the wang cannot be denied. And it's Dean's Fault...

I was hoping for Papa Shango to show up at the grave dammit! Maybe Book can become the new Papa? Naaaaaaah. But... My dreams of Cheezy gimmicks will go unfulfilled!

Speaking of the wierd commercials that show up during SD... does anyone, ANYONE get advertisements for the Gene Williams show? And why does it scare me? The world may never know the latter.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1254 days
Last activity: 1251 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Torchslasher
    You know SD is getting bad when even Dean only has two things that worked (and one of them is an angle, not even a match).

    If it weren't for the power of ZE WANG, I think Dean might just quit watching all together. I know that I have.


DR: Well, if it wasn't for the glory of the fact that the whole show is based on Guerrerros, I would definately be hanging on by Renee's WANG. And Tribal Prophet, I feel you, my brother.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Parts Unknown
Lap cheong








Since: 2.1.02
From: Darkenwood

Since last post: 13 days
Last activity: 10 hours
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.56
    Originally posted by asteroidboy
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      YEah, that's the key: Listen to more Ted Nugent records from the 70s and never use a Trojan condom- because nothing gets a lady out of the mood like a broken condom.



    Even if they have heating action, whatever the fuck that meant. Heed Dean. The only thing those condoms will heat is your engine as it speeds to Planned Parenthood in a month.


Speaking of heating action, I was looking at a restroom condom machine at a truck stop the other day and between the ribbed condoms and the "hugger" condoms was "EXTREME SENSATIONS: A TOTALLY NEW GEL TO ELECTRIFY HER SENSES!!! PRODUCES A TINGLING SENSATION!!!"

TINGLING sensation? Aren't they supposed to have that without any damn gel? It's time for MEN to be MEN again!



"If in your journey you should encounter God, God will be cut." - Hattori Hanzo, Kill Bill Vol. 1

"Begun, the sig war has!" - Yoda, after reading The W
too-old-now
Bockwurst








Since: 7.1.04

Since last post: 1261 days
Last activity: 186 days
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.34
Come on, you're selling Mr. Angle short. If Kurt has to be out of action, at least we get Mr. Angle on the mic.

I'm thrilled every time he's on screen - especially when I think that instead of him as GM, many of us were predicting the return of Steph.

Hopefully Luther Mist will learn something from the fastest learner ever to don the tights (It's True, It's Damn True!), before he opens his mouth or is asked to step into the ring...

I really like the idea of pairing new guys with guys who are excellent on the mic. Regal/Eugene, Christian/Tomko, and now Luther Sprinkles/Angle. Not that Batista is all that new, but coupling him with Flair is huge.

With that said, this week was not Kurt's finest promo, but the Angle/Heyman snippet was three notches above..

And DEAN, I don't quite get why the ME fell into the didn't work column - was it the no Bradshaw run-in, or no Eddie to carry the Dudleys? Or was it that your booze was low?

But thank you, Dean, for making us look forward to the shittinessssss of Booker/MUGATaker vignettes.



The Amazing Salami
Sujuk








Since: 23.5.02
From: Oklahoma

Since last post: 3750 days
Last activity: 3749 days
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.19
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Is there a Guerrerro in the entire family that can't generate a volcano of heat?


I offer you PEDRO GUERRERRO.........



But I think it's only cause he had a DINKY WANG~!



The Amazing Salami's Not-So-Random
W of the Arbitrary Segment of Time


OL FUZZY BASTARD
Bastard says:But it doesn't matter anyway because MICHAEL MOORE IS A FATTY! What doesn't he just die - he's so fat!!!
JoshMann
Andouille








Since: 17.11.03
From: Tallahassee, FL

Since last post: 2254 days
Last activity: 2252 days
AIM:  
Y!:
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.96
Don't try to dismiss someone who:

a) O.J. tried to get babyface heat off of

b) had his lawyer go to the "my client is too stupid to commit this crime" defense when he was charged with drug solicitation.



"I never understood how the hell they got more chicks than I did. Now I know. They sold crap on eBay."
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1254 days
Last activity: 1251 days
#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by too-old-now
    And DEAN, I don't quite get why the ME fell into the didn't work column - was it the no Bradshaw run-in, or no Eddie to carry the Dudleys? Or was it that your booze was low?

    DR: ME was fine but everything had to die so that the Bashams match should live THUS if am to put the mediocre CENA/Basham match in the worked column simply because the Bashams have velvet pants, I had to bury everything afterwards. It's about balance and fairness.





    YES, I AM DEAN.
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Seriously, everyone else on the rosters need to follow Regal's lead and follow the new dress code with dignity and respect. That's what Regal does and because of that, he's the hottest babyface on Raw right now. The suit makes the man, period.
- MARTYEWR, RAW WORKRATE REPORT 8/3/04 (2004)
Related threads: The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report 5/6/04 - SmackDown SPOILERS - WWE shoots TV angle at house show [SPOILER] - More...
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