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The W - Pro Wrestling - your mighty mighty wwe smackdown workrate report-6/17/2004.
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1227 days
Last activity: 1225 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
chavo classic is gone so this show sucks. i'm drinking myself thin this week with the milwaukee's best lite. i can't drink enough to bring myself to get excited about this show. maybe if i don't use upper case letters, it will shake me into loving this smackdowns again. on the upside, i finally have a lawnmower and it is manly-meaty and scrappy and knocks a 3 run dong every time. i bought it from a man on shiloh st who had the skin texture that says he does more work before noon than i do all month long. i talked him down five bucks. fuck yeah.

what worked-

- the secret adventures of al wilson:

billy ray was in a daze in the corner of the alley and baron was getting to his feet. "billy ray, vat the fuck just happened? who zas roger?"

"quarterback on my team when i was 12. it was sorta like you n that mike fella when you were 13."

"fuck. vat in the fuck. noone should ever know any of zis."

"yeah, no shit. i mean, i ain't queer or nuthin."

"yes, i know. i vould like to meet zis diane girl."

"fuck yes you would, brah. i'll trade you for that caroline gal."

"i sink zat vould be a good deal."

"i need a fucking drink. i'm buyin'."

"yeah, let me get susan."

"yeah, sssuuusssan...."

2 B CONT.

- HEYYY! I forgot that I bought donuts at Ukrops when I was getting the other 5 dollars to go with the 30 I put down on the lawnmower. That's worth a couple capitalizations- as is Eddy showing up on my screen. I can now dunk Ukrops doughnuts into my Milwaukee's Best Light Premium Beer! I HAVE DEFILED THE PRISTINE VIRGINAL UKROP's DOUGHNUTS BY COATING IT IN THE SPRAY OF THE SWILL REDNECK BOOZE BOUGHT AT SPENCER'S EXXON- (a place so fucking great that it's FULL SERVICE with self service prices. You should drive to there from where ever you are just on GP.) THIS IS A SACRIFICE I MAKE! I MAKE TO THE WRESTLING GODS TO MAKE ME NOT HATE WWE ANYMORE!!!! Meanwhile, Doug Basham wrestles Eddy and there is a lot of ref bump and Eddy works a sleeper and it garners actual heat. Eddy does the beautiful double head scissors andf LOVE MACHINE SPALSH for the quick pin. Then Eddy whaps Danny in the nutsac! MARBLE HOLDER! SPUNK DYNAMO!

- cena makes fun of the handicapped but gives angle a hat, so it's okay.

- funaki is so the new humpty hump telling a lonely and sensitive josh that he got served. brock is gone and now josh must suffer this. i want to hold him in my arms and tell him that its going to be okay. angle dug "dowhutchalike" but the "humpty dance" and "nose job" made him make sure that there could never be a japanese shock gee. thus he unleashes... horshu? (is that actually horshu? i never figured it out.)

- oh kenzo suzuki is so fucking bad. this works because it is so hilarious listening to tazz and cole try to fool the world into believing that they aren't actually watching animated feces try to do an armbar. the geisha is worthy of the loads all the 35 year old virgins toasted over their evangelion figurines onto their cases of asparagus pocky. poor spike dudley sells the shitty ed leslie-level kick to the back. suzuki is sooooo the imported kurrgan. he is soooo mantaur without the cool get up. he is sooooo not as shitty as kevin nash though.

- chavo classic's last match in the wwe and it is a somber moment. chavo classic with the awesome takedown. chavo with the fuckin moonsault! then chavo classic rudos the offense and the era ends.

- EMBARRASSING NOSEHAIR!??! GONE LIKE THAT! YESSSSSSSSSSSS the return of the sweet sweet MicroTouch. I will shave it all off and show the world my hard body. where have you been, sweet sweet MicroTouch Precision Grooming Commercial? i've missed you so....

what didn't work-

- the tag match was the most offhand title switch in the morbid shitty history of crapshitfuckshitastic shitty us tv wrestling. nice armdrags by haas. d-von needs to learn how to punch. haas and miss jackie both take fabulous bumps. the rest was the shittiest, most hackneyed finish and makes for a completely useless title switch. I shall get another beer and wait for more wrestling, with perhaps some semblance of worthwhile something will dilute the loss of chavo....

- paul heyman is going to kill paul bearer and this is the stupidest batch of shit in the history of retarded embarrassing shit put on telelvision. itself. now if they were filling up the casket with big show's post raw carp fecal spray, that would be the business- that would be the money match.

- so for the runaways who don't have the self-esteem to do triple anal on hardeesplumperupskirtnightshift.com, they can finally settle for the wwe diva pageant. winner gets to kiss mister mcmahon's ass!

- rippa called while jbl spun his jew-hatred/msnbc firing into an angle so i missed most of it. i heard the "mother teresa is a prostitute" so i assume christopher hitchens is writing his promos now. how was the anti-kissinger stuff?

- mordecai is still dressed in jeff jarrett hand-me-downs and has the dyed eyebrows that say "electra-woman and dyna-girl villain." be a fucking true psycho religious freak and speak in tongues and handle snakes. fuck, 90 year old charismatic baptists handle snakes, you fucking pussy.

- luther raines wrestles funaki. he kicks well. funaki flounders to offense before returning to his squashinization. well that sucked. luther gets on the stick. and i did not forget the existence of the oratory skills of jimmy snuka. luther then hits an angels wings and cole is into the squash!

-fuck! i get microtouch back but i also get the crazy world anti-smoking ads that make me want mash a whole marlboro hardpack through my actual chest and apply the cigarrettes directly to my naked lungs.

-yeah, she on board for the ben gay trojan condom when it breaks and she has genital warts the rest of her life. girlie, demand a sheik elite, my sister. lesions are such a turnoff.

- torie wilson stretches Old Glory with her leathery stripper skin and makes the continginous 48 pretty gamey.

- poor josh sleepwalks through his interview with booker t. there is renee talking about the recieving end of his french tickler. booker t reels his line off like that time joe montana was on saturday night live. comedy timing is not booker's strong suit.

- heyyyyyy, enzyte. jesus, this show doesn't end. END! ENNNNND!

- the fatal fourway is perfectly fine. rvd is on a hot streak. it's official. he hasn't made me truly wince in four weeks. renee and cena are good in the ring together. rvd with the baseball slide and FINALLY... we get to think about crz's pretty hair..... mmmmmmm prell with henna conditioner.... i envision an arty boheniam apartment.... a cast iron sink with seperate hot and cold water taps.... his wet hair files up over his head and moistens his muscular shoulders... strands of wet go across his eyes but his piercing blue eyes shine through, cruel and manly.... this is a very long commercial break. ah! here we go. rvd becomes a recipient of a beating and tazz becomes sprung as renee dances. it falls apart after that point and then the undertaker shows up and well, welcome to suck. god, does this wrestling company deliver some shitty television. peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyu.

there you have it.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.





YES, I AM DEAN.
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CRZ
Big Brother
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Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.07
You know DEAN if you really WANT an invitation into my Orkut network all you have to do is ASK.



CRZ
Matt Tracker
Scrapple








Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 11 min.
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.44

    then the undertaker shows up and well, welcome to suck


If he no longer MUGAtakering? Has he abandoned the MUGAtakeration? Are you denied the MUGAtakerosity?

Can you no longer sing "MUGAtaker. Qu'est que c'est? Fa fa fa fa, fa fa fa fa fa fa, well a, run run run run, run run run away"?



"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1227 days
Last activity: 1225 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker

      then the undertaker shows up and well, welcome to suck


    If he no longer MUGAtakering? Has he abandoned the MUGAtakeration? Are you denied the MUGAtakerosity?

    Can you no longer sing "MUGAtaker. Qu'est que c'est? Fa fa fa fa, fa fa fa fa fa fa, well a, run run run run, run run run away"?


The live version of "MUGAtaker" from THE NAME OF THIS BAND IS TALKING HEADS so rules over the original. (thanks again.)

(edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 17.6.04 2235)

And CRZ, I would far rather just make creepy comments from afar.

(edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 17.6.04 2236)

YES, I AM DEAN.
redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 415 days
Last activity: 415 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.34
Considering the power of the mighty WANG, wouldn't it be a shocking manuever if Rene Dupree began using the Small Package as a finisher?
Chavo Sr. is on the way out the door. Thus, using McMahon logic, you have him break out moves and put on the best performance of the night.
I was waiting for Mordecai to start singing about turning your face to alabaster when you find your servant is your master. Perhaps by channelling The Police this was a subliminal message that Sting is coming to the WWF/E and he's going to try to top the Vampiro feud for shittiness. Just please don't mean that its the beginning of Mordecai vs. Eddie at SummerSlam.
Gosh, a cement mixer on PPV. Maybe they can bring in William Christopher to play Father Mulcahy and perform the joint tasks of Last Rites while singing the cement mixing song from M*A*S*H. Then again, considering the top 2 matches for this card, perhaps they can just play Suicide Is Painless and end the charade.
If they are going to bring in a crappy Japanese wrestler, why not bring in Phil Hickerson?
I didn't realize a blurb on Page 107 of the NY Post counted as Bradshaw's firing being all over the news. And, with DEAN as the exception, the reason there are no bullrope matches isn't because of violence, it's because no one, other than DEAN, wants to see one.


(edited by redsoxnation on 17.6.04 2331)


What's the difference between Sidney Ponson and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
Leviathan
Cotto








Since: 20.5.04

Since last post: 3495 days
Last activity: 3495 days
#6 Posted on
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    rippa called while jbl spun his jew-hatred/msnbc firing into an angle so i missed most of it. i heard the "mother teresa is a prostitute" so i assume christopher hitchens is writing his promos now. how was the anti-kissinger stuff?


Hilarious.

I wouldn't mind seeing Hitchens and Kissinger settle their differences in the squared circle. Maybe we could throw in Martin Amis and make it a Three-Way Dance.

And yes, Luther Reigns is Horshu.

NickBockwinkelFan
Frankfurter








Since: 10.4.02
From: New York City, NY

Since last post: 858 days
Last activity: 9 hours
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.73
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    rippa called while jbl spun his jew-hatred/msnbc firing into an angle so i missed most of it. i heard the "mother teresa is a prostitute" so i assume christopher hitchens is writing his promos now. how was the anti-kissinger stuff?




Great line.

I always felt the La Resistance promos should have been verbatim Chomsky, talk about heel heat.



"Well, you can't involve friendship with business. It has to be one or the other. It's either business or friendship, or hit the bricks!"
--Life Lessons from "The Tao of Bobby the Brain Heenan" Uncensored 2000 preview


"As long as the check don't bounce, I guess he's okay with it!"
--Former All Pro Giants LB Harry Carson on Bill Parcells joining the hated rival Dallas Cowboys

DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1227 days
Last activity: 1225 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by NickBockwinkelFan
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      rippa called while jbl spun his jew-hatred/msnbc firing into an angle so i missed most of it. i heard the "mother teresa is a prostitute" so i assume christopher hitchens is writing his promos now. how was the anti-kissinger stuff?




    Great line.

    I always felt the La Resistance promos should have been verbatim Chomsky, talk about heel heat.


With jbl doing half-assed Anne Coulter, this is sooo not so far from possible.



YES, I AM DEAN.
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 1 day
AIM:  
ICQ:  
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#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.41

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    chavo classic is gone so this show sucks. i'm drinking myself thin this week with the milwaukee's best lite.
That is just so sad. best lite?




Gabba Gabba Hey!


Roy.
Pepperoni








Since: 25.2.04
From: Keystone State

Since last post: 2293 days
Last activity: 763 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.72
    Originally posted by pieman
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      chavo classic is gone so this show sucks. i'm drinking myself thin this week with the milwaukee's best lite.
    That is just so sad. best lite?


Are you harshing on the Beast?



Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Thread rated: 7.65
Pages: 1
Thread ahead: RAW Mid-Year Report Card
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Previous thread: Catch the buzz, feel the humiliation?
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Jeff Hardy is out first and immediately calls out "the asshole himself," Mr. Anderson. Anderson trots down and admits he's an asshole.
Related threads: The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report (6/17/04) - Smackdown spoilers for 6/15/04 - the mighty mighty WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 6/10/2004! - More...
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