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The W - Pro Wrestling - your beloved WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 7/17/2003!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1101 days
Last activity: 1099 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I`m trying to get into the wrestling tonight. I listened to the whole Tony Blair speech and he is definately the only Democratic candidate I could vote for.

WHAT WORKED-

- Holy crap, that Benoit vs Matt MOTHERFUCKING Hardy match was fun. Matt is busted open hardway after Benoit beats the living dogshit out of him. The nearfalls, the blood, the nearfalls, the blood! Yeah! I like that kinda stuff in my Benoit match. I like that in my Matt Hardy matches. Shannon Moore lands on his head for your repulsive pleasure.

- Nidia and Noble have the crappiest break-up ever. Noble didn`t smack her in the mouth for disrespecting him in front of his friends like a real whitetrash motherfucker would do. A real redneck should be able to control his bitch with violence. Ultimo Dragon was supersmooth and thoroughly unrusty. Noble bumps for the True WAR Junior Master and UD whips out the original Asai Moonsault for your pleasure, and we are pleased. Yes. Yes, we are. Torrie comes out because her botoxed cooter is aching to be plied by the uncut hillbilly pecker of Noble. Ultimo could give a shit about a peckerwood`s need to score some overpriced pussy and rolls the motherfucker up for 3 and gets on with his life.

- WWE hates you because they roll out the clubbing forearms flashback. The APA go around drafting more hideous forearms to do the clubbing. There seems to be some kind of clubbing forearm gathering- a convention of forearms waiting to club- club with impunity. Club with disregard. I fear the incessant clubbing forearms and mayhem they would wreak. You, the gentle reader, were yelling to me over the phone just lastnight about how the clubbing forearms have invaded your private sleeping world and you dreamt of forearms clubbing- menacingly, the ghastly smacking sound of forearms clubbing against your naked flesh. Rey Rey and Kidman beat two enhancement level wrestlers and Kidman didn`t have the DECENCY to try to get powerbombed by one of them so I could write an even longer, more pointless dissertation on how Conquistador #47 will now try his first enhancement Talent Powerbomb. So fuck this match. Rey Rey keeps it up here because Rey Misterio Jr is motherfucking awesome.

- THE SECRET ADVENTURES OF AL WILSON:
Baron feels the beat. It is an obviously African American beat- having to do with the funk rhythms he has come to appreciate and sometimes truly love. Skandar`s brother played Baron the old Kool and the Gang records and the old Earth, Wind and fire records and the Baron understood the manly might and sexuallity that dripped from the rhythm. It brought to him an understanding of his own manly self and his healthy desires. The beat on the dancefloor was definately from Black Americans but the rest... the rest was... familiar. He grooved to the rhythm and grabbed Jennifer and rocked with her and danced to her wanton gyrations as they shouted along ``Rock and don`t stop it, rock and don`t stop! Keep tickin and tockin` working all around the block! GO HOUSE!`` The lilting synthesizer line pumps through the speakers to dancefloor and and it hit Baron, ``Zat is KRAFTWERK!`` Baron was brought into the dual realm of his homeland and this new place and he felt doubly enriched and powerful. Jennifer felt his power and found it irresistible. She ran her fingers across his muscular chest and squeezed his bicepts. Baron ran his fingers through her hair and made love to her with his wild stare and wild dance moves. Jennifer thought to herself, ``I am your goddess and you are my savage beast. Everything you want, I have. Everything I want you have. Not today. Not tomorrow. One day, we`re both gonna get what we need.``

``I vill GO HOUSE! SHAKE IT! You go, mein sveet mama. ROCK!``

- When did Kurt Angle start throwing good punches? Big Show takes a pussed out bump but Shelton Benjamin is looking more like a future superworker every week as he gives Angle the business. Big Show takes a chairshot like a champ. They come back to some lowgrade brawling which gets higher grade as they get into the stands- as Angle bumps like Cactus Jack but with a real offense. Big Show comes in and it goes to hell. Big Show doesn`t nearly beat the hell out of Zack Gowan enough. The ending was fun and goofy enough and wasn`t like last weeks, which is more than what I was expecting. Perfectly fine.

- Eddy comes out in the FABULOUS Coupe DeVille and we all weep together as men who love a great American car. Billy Gunn comes out with hydraulically enhanced titties of Torrie. Eddy should fuck her shit up for touching his car. Billy hits a nice Powerslam and then does a half-assed DBS delayed suplex. Eddy brings out the CRAVATE~! and I remember why I love Eddy Guerrerro again. Billy does the old school side suplex as a counter. Taz blows a load watching Torrie`s fake titties bounce up and down as she tries to get the crowd behind Billy`s comeback. Billy does the worst cross body block I`ve ever seen, to set up Eddy`s missile dropkick. Billy - Oops, Brian Valz is on the phone to tell me who he slept with last night. WOW! Big as my head?!?! NO WAY! With a turkey baster?!? WOW!- Eddy cheats to win and we will all enjoy Chris Benoit vs Eddy Guerrerro for the US Title. Yes, we will.

WHAT DIDN`T WORK-
- I`m not digging Cena rambling at length as he pees on the dead, but I am weirdly looking forward to UT vs Cena to see if this bizarre hot streak by UT can make Cena vs UT good. Cena`s gimmick is wearing thin. He should just now be a non-rhyming punk bastard. It would be less tedious.

- Vince comes out to push the Zack Gowan vs Meng match and- in the process- he tries to make Sable out to be a vixen. HA! I`ve seen vixens in my life- Mayumi Ozaki, Chrissie Hynde, my sophomore year in college girlfriend- believe me, IIIII know vixen. I have scratches on my back from a redhead in 1991. Sable is a vacuumed out soccer mom with no ass. That ain`t a vixen, grampa. I mean sure, I`d still fuck her after a couple Magnum malt liquor and Old Crow boilermakers. I`m sure she is stoked at the prospect of my tender guiding hand taking her to the orgasmic promised land. The bliss, the tenderness, the apologies... Cena comes out and sucks Vince`s dick and that was pretty neat. OH DURN! It`s the Undertaker! He`s on a Harley like a Omaha accounts executive on the weekend! HE IS A BADASS! HIS HATS ON BACKWARDS LIKE SYLVESTER STALLONE IN ``OVER THE TOP``!!! Cena is no match for that kind of bad assedness. He bales out of the ring and feigns shivering in an unconvincing manner.

- Rhyno! One can only hope that the Sean O`Haire push continues to slide into a Bob Holly level of 1989 Tito Santana-ness. OH FUCK! THE APA! They distribute some flyers to the 2003 Bradshaw Invitational Inter-Anal Heinie Exams! You think maybe that that would be all- we would continue with the comical punches of O`Haire and the manly bumping of Rhyno. Instead.... the forearms- the horrible, unforgiving forearms. The forearms that begin clubbing.....

- I went to get a freezy pop and when I got back, Sally Kellerman and Bobcat Goldthwait are having a fight at the buffet. Jesus, Sally Kellerman really let herself go. And she didn`t have those fake boobies in BACK TO SCHOOL. What the fuck?

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.





YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
ScreamingHeadGuy
Frankfurter








Since: 1.2.02
From: Appleton, WI

Since last post: 559 days
Last activity: 559 days
#2 Posted on
C'mon, Dean, two measly paragraphs about the Baron? But we want him to get his groove on with Jennifer. (At least I do.) The waiting is just like so many clubbing forearms to me. PLease help.



Fashion Reporter Extraordinare

...And Steph, crying a warcry from the deep primal regions of the human soul, flies in to kick Sable's ass. - the Fashion Report for Smackdown! July 10, 2003

DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1101 days
Last activity: 1099 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
It can't be as horrible as clubbing forearms.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Mr Heel II
Bratwurst








Since: 25.2.02

Since last post: 3 hours
Last activity: 3 hours
#4 Posted on

    Quote "Dean"
    ``I am your goddess and you are my savage beast. Everything you want, I have. Everything I want you have. Not today. Not tomorrow. One day, we`re both gonna get what we need.``
That was just awesome. I'll probably be laughing tomorrow thinking about that.

Sally Kellerman. HA!

You've outdone yourself this week.






Wolfram J. Paulovich
Frankfurter








Since: 11.11.02
From: Fat City, Baby

Since last post: 2766 days
Last activity: 2137 days
AIM:  
#5 Posted on
Why do I hate the clubbing forearms so much, yet yearn to hear of them with barely contained glee? Oh, the clubbing forearms, clubbing us with their clubs. Of forearms.



The Obtuse Angle Archive.

Burns: Smither's this beer isn't working! I don't feel any younger, or funkier....
Smithers: I'll switch to the tablespoon, sir.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1101 days
Last activity: 1099 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Don't succumb to the sweet sweet siren song of the clubbing forearm. What starts as a seductive, tantalizing treat ends up with you in a heap- bruised and weeping.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Dawg
Chourico








Since: 2.6.03
From: Detroit area

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 3 hours
AIM:  
#7 Posted on
Back in the heyday of the Akolytes and Ministry, etc. my friends and I always thought the "clubbing forearms" looked for like a sensuous massage then an "akolyte beatdown".

Also, DEAN, you were name dropped in Keith's Smarkdown Rant:

http://www.411mania.com/wrestling/tvreports/article.php?tvreports_id=1216
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1101 days
Last activity: 1099 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Well, I dropped his name in my recap last week so it's only fair!

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
HomerJFong
Ten Millionth Hit








Since: 19.3.02
From: Ontario, Canada

Since last post: 2484 days
Last activity: 1310 days
AIM:  
#9 Posted on
What? No reference to 43 year olds that live over their parents garages reducing the value of their scale model of the Starship Enterprise from mint condition to near mint condition?

Dissapointing.




AbortionCandyMachine
Cotechino








Since: 24.10.02
From: backwards uncivilised cesspool

Since last post: 3908 days
Last activity: 3907 days
#10 Posted on
Awesome! I never bothered to read your shit before since the word "workrate" always scared me off, but now I realize you fuckin' rule.



"MINE!" - George Steele, 1988
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1101 days
Last activity: 1099 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

    Originally posted by HomerJFong
    What? No reference to 43 year olds that live over their parents garages reducing the value of their scale model of the Starship Enterprise from mint condition to near mint condition?

    Dissapointing.


------------
DR: I traded it all for the Sally Kellerman/Bobcat Goldthwaite joke. I blame myself.

DEAN.





YES, I AM DEAN.
redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 289 days
Last activity: 289 days
#12 Posted on
The Billy Gunn push is obviously dead when even Cole has to admit they are chanting for Uncle Eddy during the U.S. Title semi. Screw it all, have Eddy and Benoit have a 45 minute classic at Vengeance and then let Eddy and Angle have a 45 minute World Title classic at SummerSlam and put the World Title on Eddy.
I thought those were actually Mulkey Brothers #4 and #5 under the masks being sent by Baron to rid the world of Kidman.
Only had one problem with Kurt Angle on SD. The Kurt Angle we all know and love would have decided after the match to put the anklelock on Peg Legged Pete and break his other leg off.



Anxiously awaiting DNA results regarding the relationship between Larry Tate and Chester Tate.
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 27 min.
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.21



    Originally posted by AbortionCandyMachine
    Awesome! I never bothered to read your shit before since the word "workrate" always scared me off, but now I realize you fuckin' rule.


See how much you've been missing! And this was a sober effort from him.


pieman - DEAN~'s #4 fan



Gabba Gabba Hey!
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1101 days
Last activity: 1099 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

    Originally posted by redsoxnation
    Only had one problem with Kurt Angle on SD. The Kurt Angle we all know and love would have decided after the match to put the anklelock on Peg Legged Pete and break his other leg off.


DR: See, that's what we're missing out on with the stupid "face" Kurt Angle. McMahon can't even enter the same solar system of hate that Kurt would bring to a "Break The Pegleg" Fued. It disgusts me.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
sergeial
Boerewors








Since: 27.2.02
From: Minneapolis

Since last post: 2847 days
Last activity: 2764 days
#15 Posted on
But, but, you like his punches better now! I say he's punching better now 'cause he's a babyface, he wouldn't want to pop the crowd too much with beautiful punches when he was heel. That uppercut to Shelton was sweet!!


sergei



"A true champion knows how to deal with adversity."-- Kurt Angle
HomerJFong
Ten Millionth Hit








Since: 19.3.02
From: Ontario, Canada

Since last post: 2484 days
Last activity: 1310 days
AIM:  
#16 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

      Originally posted by HomerJFong
      What? No reference to 43 year olds that live over their parents garages reducing the value of their scale model of the Starship Enterprise from mint condition to near mint condition?

      Dissapointing.


    ------------
    DR: I traded it all for the Sally Kellerman/Bobcat Goldthwaite joke. I blame myself.

    DEAN.




Wierd, since Sable gives me the Nanny Whatshername from Cracked magazine vibe.




CRZ
Big Brother
Administrator








Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 23 hours
Last activity: 1 min.
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.65

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    WOW!- Eddy cheats to win and we will all enjoy Chris Benoit vs Eddy Guerrerro for the US Title. Yes, we will.
Hey, it ALMOST sounds like you're committing to SEEING this one!

(Oh, I better thank you for mentioning Kraftwerk, since nobody else will.)



©CRZ™
BigDaddyLoco
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 5 hours
Last activity: 1 hour
#18 Posted on
So DEAN, are you going to do your duty to God and country by recapping the ~ first ever ~ Smackdown only PPV/extravaganza? We need you on this one. Don't make us watch it ...

(edited by BigDaddyLoco on 18.7.03 1746)


DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1101 days
Last activity: 1099 days
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

    Originally posted by HomerJFong

    Wierd, since Sable gives me the Nanny Whatshername from Cracked magazine vibe.



DR: Nanny Dickering! You RULE! Bill Ward enjoyed drawing certain parts of ladies much bigger than they usually occur in nature.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Ringmistress
Lap cheong








Since: 15.1.02
From: Philly

Since last post: 2485 days
Last activity: 2484 days
#20 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Vince comes out to push the Zack Gowan vs Meng match and- in the process- he tries to make Sable out to be a vixen. HA! I`ve seen vixens in my life- Mayumi Ozaki, Chrissie Hynde, my sophomore year in college girlfriend- believe me, IIIII know vixen.


Speaking of the Great Ozaki, I've got some OZ Academy tapes coming my way. She's as sexy as she is dangerous. VIXEN~!

Ringmistress



1100 bitches and counting....
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Sad to see this happen. Beth was pretty great, performing feats of strength within her matches that really got a pop from the crowd (even when most divas matches get no reaction at any point in the match). I guess the real question for you all is...
- Torchslasher, Glamazon Out (2012)
Related threads: Smackdown! 7-17-03 - Smackdown Spoilers. - your WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 7/10/2003! - More...
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