Steiner berates the fans for completing his catchphrase.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
This match is nontitle, oh so who cares then.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Wolverine Boots and Shoes bring you the Stomp of the Night - a crappy run-in, another crappy run-in, and an announced main event of epic proportions
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Unfortunately (fortunately?) he doesn't have the glowsticks with him for this entrance, but he *does* have pullapart pants...which I'm sure pisses off Buff Bagwell.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Hmm, Hudson name drops his old Centre Stage (and r.s.p-w) cohort Steven Prazak, who has an NWA Wildside connection to Styles & Paris - interesting. Kevin Bacon fits into this somewhere as well.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
As Skipper hits *another* pescado onto Styles, we see CHAVO GUERRERO JNR checking it out from the top of the ramp - oh, good, we didn't have enough going on with highspot after highspot, right?
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
O'Haire doesn't sound as goofy as he normally does...is that a positive or a negative?
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Witchblade is coming this summer on TNT - at this rate, it will be on in this timeslot, if you catch my drift.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
I know better than to call this match, but I'm already super late, so let's draw it out and see what happens.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Luger is approaching the magic number of TEN BIG MOVES this match!
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
I'm sorry but that was, as we in the business describe it, tres lame. Bagwell *does* get a Buff Blockbuster on O'Haire after the bell, but it all seems so meaningless now. Okay, play his music, we're moving on.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Here's a Special Video Look at Clemson, where apparently *nothing* is happening - I mean, those parties cost MONEY, folks.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Outside, a black limousine pulls into the arena - dig that crazy pair of cameraman legs reflected in the front license plate.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Inside, Kanyon thanks Shawn Stasiak for the ride to the hospital - he's apparently going to visit Ms. Jones (what, she travels from hospital to hospital?)
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Meanwhile, Chavo Guerrero Jr. talks to....hell, I have no idea. Somebody just off camera who says nothing and could very well not exist. Or maybe they're propping up Okerlund's corpse but it's too grisly to put in the camera shot.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Tony tells us this is a big moment in Nitro, and surely he'd know, right?
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Of course, it's a man in Rhodes mask, black hat, and plenty of padding. "Fans, I apologise - I really do." What, there's no wolf, Tone?
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Hmmm, the "American Dream" ripoff *does* play - well here *is* ECW's DUSTY RHODES - three people are marking out - two are in Tennessee, and the other one is in Rhode Island.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Tony: "If there's a bigger news item in all of wrestling, I'd like to see it, Scott Hudson!" I guess he must have missed Paul Heyman on the other channel at roughly the same time. Oh well.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
This is a pay-per-view match, but since you wouldn't possibly be interested in paying to see it, here it is for free.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Helms decides it'd be a better idea to hit a tope onto Romeo & Skipper (You can almost see Skipper go "oh shit, better run up and catch that fool") than try for the pin.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Anyway, after copious interference that I'm too lazy to describe, mostly due to the infuriating performance by referee "Blind" Charles Robinson (who actually looks RIGHT AT Skipper in the ring at one point - OH COME ON), Guerrero sneaks in his brainbuster and scores the fall. Whoopee! (4:57)
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
LATER TONIGHT... DDP and Booker T. vs. the Steiner Brothers - hello? Anybody still out there?
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
RIKI RACHTMAN parties with ... Gran Turino? No, I don't care - in fact, I think I'm PURPOSELY misspelling it so *don't* bother to write me with a correction because I DON'T CARE and you need to GET A LIFE and and and
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Cat shows up at this point (he must always walk around shirtless)
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Then Cat...defibrulates his ass. Fortunately, although he's touching Jones, she feels no shock at all. Cat advances on the camerman demanding the tape...and we're mercifully out.
Damn, I mean if it's not even funny when it's *Austin and McMahon...*
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Tony: "I'm sorry you had to sit through (the previous segment)" - sure, he apologises for Kanyon in the hospital but not Rhodes in the ring. He apologises for Kanyon in the hospital but not Romeo & Skipper destroying a perfectly good match.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Remember when Scott Steiner had *four* women accompanying him to ringside? It's almost kinda *sad* to see him with zero women these days...well, not really.
WCW Nitro 5.3.2001
Rhodes is gonna pose to the crowd until somebody stops him from hitting this kick - well shut my mouth, all that stalling and he STILL hit it.
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Well, it turns out that Buff Bagwell has the Kidcam or something, since we go to a feed from his camera - have YOU ever found a camera that actually HAS that crosshairs, frame, and "RECORD" in the corner with a red light?
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Tony says we have a direct feed to Buff's camera and we'll watch segments of his "documentary" from time to time. It would just KILL these guys to just have plain ol' backstage interviews
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Rumours abound that the new owners of WCW will be here TONIGHT! HAAA HA HA HA HA HA - anyway, they show three empty seats and a secret serviceman nearby, waiting for someone to occupy them...
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's not a Primetime match without Stevie Ray saying "Primetime" three or four times a second.
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
This could be our only chance to have a decent match tonight - let's savour the moment.
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Given the chance to appreciate these moves, we could really be impressed, but everything has to happen in two seconds around here...
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Skipper & Romeo have a spontaneous "who can do a fruitier dance" contest - I gotta give it to Primetime.
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
HUGH MORRUS & KONNAN run to the ring to do some housecleaning. I didn't know it was possible for a guy in a red headband to get along with a guy in a blue headband!
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
WOW! TWELVE HOURS OF "DIRTY DANCING!" I'LL MISS *ALLLLL* OF THEM!!
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
First, let me say that it may not have been possible for her to read her lines any faster OR flatter. Now, let me say that that's a ripoff of Mr. Perfect's music playing...which can only mean that it's a match made in "can't deliver a promo" heaven as SHAWN STASIAK walks out.
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
So Bigelow challenges him to a match at Greed. Man, that's GOTTA be worth at least THREE buys!
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Back for another look through Buff's camera - they play the tape...and somehow we MAGICALLY shift from watching the TV through Buff's camera to getting *the feed from the monitor* on our screens! One by one, they all leave the room - they actually call Animal "Joe" - ooh, shooty!
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
NAPPY T. is out to tell us what not to hate and what to hate.
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Off the ropes with a wacky neckbreaker. Did I say "wacky?" I meant "innovative."
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Buff Bagwell carries the power of the WCW MasterCard - hurry up and get it while you still can - while there's still a WCW! You know what's weird? Your choices here are the WCW logo, Goldberg, Sting, Nash and Bagwell. We've seen ONE of them TONIGHT. That's right - the guy in the ad!
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Hudson tries to put over the Security Cameras. How can he SLEEP at night?
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Commentators seem intent on selling the kissing of Dusty's ass as a legit stipulation...brrr.
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Flair vows that HIS ass will be kissed. Could we maybe go the whole pay-per-view with NEITHER man's ass kissed?
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Smooth makes a big show out of limping - and making a pained face while removing his jacket. I'm thinking this'll be a short match. Check that - a LONG, LONG limp to the ring...*then* a short match.
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Kanyon pretends to show fear - man, you gotta feel for the guy to be forced to be scared of this doofus. He lurches back down the aisle...this segment lasted about THREE HOURS
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
UP NEXT... DDP and Rick Steiner - God help us all.
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
Who attacked Midajah? We don't know. Why didn't the new owners show up? (Because there AREN'T any.) No, we don't know.
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
RICK WOOF WOOF v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE HAS CRAPPY MUSIC - BUT AT LEAST WE'LL ONLY HAVE TO HEAR IT ANOTHER TWO AND A HALF WEEKS in a nontitle match -
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL breaks it up - coughbullshitcough - (relaxed DQ 5:58)
WCW Nitro 12.3.2001
RIDDLE: Q: What limps and quacks? A: A lame duck
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
Either way, I've been completely vindicated. Those of you who have felt compelled to write me over the past year *swearing* that I was WRONG about WCW and if only I'd actually *watched* it and given it a chance, I'd see how wrong I was - well, you can try to convince me for two more weeks if you're that deluded, but after that I want think I deserve some friggin' props already.
That's RIGHT - it's all about ME - ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME
Okay, let's blow this off 'cause it'll all be done next week
ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
A lone trumpet plays taps as a flag at half staff is shown - lest you be confused into thinking this salute is for WCW proper, a trailer park is superimposed on the picture (along with the TV-14-DL ratings box, closed captioned logo and a picture of Diamond Dallas Page)
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
"From seven hours of television to four," says I, "but I'll miss WOW more than WCW."
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
Last Night at Greed, Scott Steiner retained the gold - buy the encore Tuesday if you like, but skip the middle five matches if you want to stay awake
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
The cameraman, looking for Lex Luger, approaches a door "Yeah, this looks like Rick Steiner's room" - umm, he's looking for...oh, I'm confused. Anyway, it's Flair and Jarrett behind the door - who knows. "I don't need to be seeing this..." A CAMERAMAN WHO SPEAKS FOR ME!!!
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
Vertebraeker! Man, that looked VICIOUS. 1, 2, 3, of course. You don't get up from that - umm, will he get up from that?
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
Meanwhile, Bam Bam Bigelow talks to....somebody. Tonight he gets a rematch against Shawn Stasiak, and the woman won't be helping him *this* time. Geez, I didn't want to watch it LAST night.
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
STACY is out. "Next time I come out here, I deserve a bigger ovation from you people!" Next time you come out here, the show's OVER. She's like a Lana Star ripoff now, isn't she?
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
The rest of his speech gets relegated to the dustbin of history - as WCW itself soon will be...
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
NO MATTER HOW YOU SLICE IT, IT'S STILL MEAT v. TRIPPA B (with Let Us Take You Back to Greed) in a return bout - "What an ovation for Bam Bam Bigelow!" Patti Pizzazz tries to toss the hairspray to Lana Star, but Randi Rah Rah outsmarts him, then drops him with the *worst* version of Greetings from Asbury Park in recorded history for the 1, 2, 3 (1:44)
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
"All five titles on the line?" What happened to the hardcore title? What happened to the television title? What happened to the Women's cruiserweight title?
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
So if any former world heavyweight champions are invited, does that mean Chris Benoit is invited?
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
Remember last week when this was the semi-main? I don't think I'll bother with it *this* week, either.
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
So if any former world heavyweight champions are invited, does that mean Big Van Vader is invited?
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
Dusty says "stinkface." That reminds me, isn't some other show on?
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
RICK WOOF WOOF (with Let Us Take You Back to Greed) v. KONNAN - Come on, WCW - you aren't even TRYING.
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
At one point in this match, Steiner actually holds an armbar for *three straight hours*.
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
Holy smokes it's getting BAD, FAST. ("Getting?") Well, maybe I've been charitable with the visible light at the end of the tunnel.
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
So if any former world heavyweight champions are invited, does that mean Faarooq is invited?
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
Meanwhile, Storm & Awesome, being Canadian, talk to to the *left* of the cameraman as opposed to the *right.* Hmm, symbolic!
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
So if any former world heavyweight champions are invited, does that mean the Big Show is invited?
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
So if any former world heavyweight champions are invited, does that mean David Arquette is invited?
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
Sure enough, both men get run into the backside of the animal...and how fitting that that'll be the last thing we see this week. How WILL they top it next week?
WCW Nitro 19.3.2001
I GET LETTERS: Patrick wonders: ...if any former world heavyweight champions are invited...
...does that mean Vince Russo is invited?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "naw."
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
THE CEO takes the long walk to the ring - what could *he* be thinking about all this? Probably something along the lines of "why couldn't I be at the Oscars when they kept playing my music?"
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
How ECW-esque is it to have the champion jerking the curtain?
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
Referee "Blind" Nick Patrick (freshly shorn for the summer and/or getting a last freebie from the WCW barbershop) rings the bell and we're underway.
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
I hope YOU haven't been taking a drink every time Tony's said "fate of WCW is in his hands," 'cause you'd be DEAD by now.
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
That's a rather natty Hawaiian shirt worn by ring announcer DAVID PENZER, by the way.
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
I wonder if a Guerrero family reunion can be close behind - won't Hector be at WrestleMania?
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
Schiavone & Hudson wonder aloud about *their* job security - we can only hope!
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
Hey, didja notice they frontloaded this show with almost all of the title matches? Now it's okay for you to switch to RAW if you're a WWF fan, and if you're a WCW fan, you can stick around for the Flair/Sting match - feel it!
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
Bigelow's music interrupts Stasiak in mid-promo - thank heaven for small favours.
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
Ooh, it's getting REAL - Tony's voice actually *broke* there.
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
THE MAN (already in the ring) v. (THIS IS) STING...one last time... - No, this *isn't* the time to ask Sting where he's been and what's up with Scott Steiner taking him out, storyline wise. Steiner was gone after the opening match, and Sting might be gone after this one - just let it go, baby.
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
And the last moments of the final Nitro on TNT?
A WrestleMania spot.
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
It was a great three years for me, but I think I'm more relieved than anything else that it's over. Hope I didn't disappoint you.
WCW Nitro 26.3.2001
HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes city, family STICKERED to death!