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The W - Pro Wrestling - [WWF] SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT (06/27/02)
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PhilRippa
Chourico








Since: 4.1.02
From: Fairfax, VA

Since last post: 1890 days
Last activity: 495 days
#1 Posted on
Don’t panic. Dean will be back next week. Corporate America hates him and he is still at work (This can be traced back to Bill Gates somehow) so he called and asked me to write this week’s Smackdown Workrate Report. I was stunned to discover that Dean truly hates me. I haven’t watched the WWF in weeks. Do I even remember what station it is on? I am now convinced that all the Russo rumors are false and that he will show up and shave his pubs for two hours. Just keep reminding yourself that Dean will be back next week. This will be over shortly.

WHAT WORKED
So, Kurt Angle is going to start Smackdown every week with a challenge, right? Because Angle wasn’t afraid to do this perfectly. Bumps like there is no tomorrow, eats lots of offense and sells like Cena’s comical blows hurt – including barely raising the shoulder on two counts instead of doing a full-on kickout. Plus, Kurt embraces his baldness and I salute him.

A PPV consisting of Jamie Knoble, Nidia and the Hurricane in a rousing send up of something like H.M.S. Pinafore would get my money.

BILL KAZMAIER~! He teamed with Jushin Liger once. And he used to carry the world to the ring.

Mike Chioda does his Mark Curtis impression as his outbumps all the actual match participants. I miss Mark Curtis. And Randy Anderson. And Tommy Young. And Jamie Scarlet. Stupid lack of decent refs.

Kidman/Hurricane vs. Tajiri/Knoble makes it up here (especially since I need to fatten this side out.) Its especially good if you stopped paying attention to the announcers 90 minutes ago. If you did you missed Tony Schavoine punking out Cole and declaring everything the greatest thing in the history of Smackdown. Oh, that didn’t actually happen??? There are some days I am really down on Tajiri (like when he and Super Crazy ran the same match for 381 straight days) but he can still bring the wrestling when he isn’t booked to take the exploding implant shot. From a personal standpoint, I can watch Knoble and say “Hey, I saw him wrestling in Parish gym and it was great” or Hurricane and say “Hey, I watched him leap off a soda machine in front of 56 people in North Carolina all while getting to sit on a sofa and it was great”. That’s what can be so neat about professional wrestling – that personal connection. Kidman’s shooting star press also allows me to move onto this tangent.

Brock Lesnar’s Shooting Star Press is fine. It isn’t the greatest SSP ever but it might be the best of the guy’s with no necks. Lesnar’s has the “I am not sure I am going to be able to full rotate feel to it.” (Think Hector Garza torching his shoulder.) This is compared to say – Jodie Fleisch who has an “I’m not sure where I am going to land” SSP. (Think Kidman v. Regal). Personally, I prefer Shooting Star Presses that are tight in the corner. Lesnar is a man who should never try that. Stick to the halfway across the ring ones. The length SSPs have a lesser degree of difficulty as you are eliminating the corner ropes and you have more time to cover for an early mistake. All that being said, give Lesnar credit for being able to pull it off and it looking decent. It is by no means a Mo Moonsault. If he ever busts it out in the WWF, it better not be when he is squashing Scottie 2 Hottie in 75 seconds. Break it out on the PPV when you are going to win the title. (Remember how Vader debuted the moonsault on the PPV and everyone was like “FUCK, Vader did a moonsault. Maybe I should order the replay.”) Wow – I just did a big batch of fantasy dorking out. I need to shower.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK
Hey, look its Prototype and he looks like he’s trying to not take a dump in his pants. Looks like his time in the development territories has made him the same exact wrestler that I remember. God – those are some bad strikes. Maybe he should have been on Tough Enough. Because according to the Weeeeee, that’s what is going to save the company. I expect a Robert vs. the fat guy from the second TE feud any moment.

The overdubbing of the crowd noise make me thing of the Simpsons… “Mr. Black.”…. “Mr. Black”

Okay, Billy Gibbons appearing in a commercial sans the rest of his bandmates breaks some sort of ZZ Top kayfabe – right?

Tazz is wearing a suit. My mind races to try and think of a joke other than “He must be late for a court date”. I am going to have to come back to this.

The tag title match was all over the place. Billy and Chuck disgrace gay men everywhere by wearing pants that are far too big. They probably don’t consider mocha, champagne and eggplant to be colors either. Hardcore Holly and Val Venis are quite the “I need one more team to fill out a tournament I am running in TNM and I only have two other guys under contract” tag team.

Is Lance Storm breastfeeding? His areolas are huge.

Dear Lord, how many times do they play “Beautiful People” during this damn show? I feel like I am at a Caps game.

Speaking of Marilyn Manson, Triple H strikes me as a bloke who would remove his bottom rib so he could suck his own dick.

I’ve seen Eight Legged Freaks. It was called Them!

THE UNDERTAKER SHOOK HIS HAND! HE’S ELEVATING TALENT!

Tazz doesn’t actually announce this show right? He’s just of those seat filler guys they higher at the awards shows, right? Any minute Scott Hudson or Craig De George is going to come out. I firmly believe this.

Test and Rikishi have the most distaff version of the Chris Adams/Glacier Battle of the Super Kicks and it isn’t remotely as good.

Maybe if it was actually Cowboy Bob Orton, I would care. But Randy hasn’t done anything in all the time I have seen him. And the match was basically an excuse to show off how on the gas the man formerly known as Leviathan is.

Thank God Hogan doesn’t wear those sweat pants to wrestling. I was getting an “I better not miss my 5 pm reservation at the Red Lobster” vibe. In accordance to Mr. Jericho’s wishes I will not comment on his match. Which means I can stop watching this show early. WHOO-HOO!!!! Chris Jericho – number one and the best.

Phil



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Since: 2.1.02
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#2 Posted on
Hardcore Holly and Val Venis are quite the “I need one more team to fill out a tournament I am running in TNM and I only have two other guys under contract” tag team.

That's what I like about Phil & Dean- they look you right in the eye and feed you THE TRUTH.

Agreed, the Adams/Glacier battle of the superkicks was far superior to the Saturn/Glacier one.

I can't BELIEVE you mentioned the Regal/Kidman SSP. I was so convinced that Kidman had botched that on purpose, just to hurry up and get to the shitty finish and the mess with Bischoff that followed.

Good work Phil.

(edited by Ubermonkeys on 28.6.02 0920)

Go on... touch it.

pieman
As young as
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Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

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#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.21
Phil - wonderful job filling in for Dean. But Dean always tells us what he had for dinner and what he's drinking while watching. You missed that detail!

Sorry you had to watch Smackdown. I don't have to. And I thought Dean said he was never doing these again? Does that mean you're doing them forever now?



He's Rolie Polie Olie - and in his world of curves and curls, he's the swellest kid around.
PhilRippa
Chourico








Since: 4.1.02
From: Fairfax, VA

Since last post: 1890 days
Last activity: 495 days
#4 Posted on
Re: Having Holly and Venis in TNM. The thought that struck me after I wrote that was "Who actually would sign Holly and Venis to a contract?" Of course, I probably run a very different TNM fed than everyone else.

Re: The Kidman/Regal SSP. If that was a work, then Kidman has way more dedication towards his craft than I could ever dream off. "I have a great idea. Let me try and separate my body into three distinct pieces."

Re: Dean and the workrate reports. Going under the assumption that Russo will not be having anything to do with Smackdown, Dean is going to keep doing workrate reports. (At least, that is what he claimed last night).

And - while Smackdown wasn't great or anything, it didn't seem very Russo influenced. I mean the closest thing was probably the parade of fake titties and that can be blamed on anyone.

Phil



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Since: 9.12.01
From: Bay City, OR

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#5 Posted on
But what did you have for dinner?



Your a retarted looser.
PhilRippa
Chourico








Since: 4.1.02
From: Fairfax, VA

Since last post: 1890 days
Last activity: 495 days
#6 Posted on

    Originally posted by Guru Zim
    But what did you have for dinner?


The quite disappointing Dominios pizza (pepperoni with free cheesy bread).

We made up for it last night by having Brazilian Steakhose. Mmmm.... guys with giant slabs of beef on a stick.

Phil



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Since: 3.1.02
From: C-Bus, Ohio

Since last post: 4320 days
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#7 Posted on
Re: Having Holly and Venis in TNM. The thought that struck me after I wrote that was "Who actually would sign Holly and Venis to a contract?" Of course, I probably run a very different TNM fed than everyone else.


Actually, Hardcore Holly tended to be my WWF Champion.

Shocked huh?



Hardcore Holly and Val Venis-Next WWE Tag Team Champions.

After all they've wanted to team for YEARS! Billy and Chuck, they haven't even KNOWN each other for years.
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Outstanding. I got chills at the beginning remembering how much I still enjoyed wrestling at this point. Then when HHH ran in to break up the Walls, it was crazy to watch the rest of the match and think what he was going through.
- whatever, HHH/Austin vs Y2J/Benoit (2007)
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