The W
Views: 134178272
Main | FAQ | Search: Y! / G | Calendar | Color chart | Log in for more!
24.6.18 0821
The W - Guest Columns - WWE Wrestlemania 21
This thread has 42 referrals leading to it
Register and log in to post!
Thread rated: 5.36
Pages: 1
(52 newer) Next thread | Previous thread
Post (2 total)

Since: 2.1.02
From: Ottawa, Ontario

Since last post: 279 days
Last activity: 9 hours
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.38
I’m starting to wonder how much of a fan I am when I’ve watched about ZERO of the buildup to the biggest show of the year, because I’m always asleep when RAW is on. Oh well, as long as I’m buying the occasional PPV, I imagine that’s all they ultimately care about.

Kickin’ things off in traditional Wrestlemania style, LILLIAN GARCIA sings America The Beautiful.

Opening package pieces together all the sweet Hollywood promos we got leading up to the show, while playing Bigtime by The Soundtrack Of Our Lives as the bed.

And finally, our ninth and final promo is done by Steve Austin, spoofing Gladiator.

We are LIVE from the Staples Centre, in Los Angeles, California! The pyro is exploding over a Hollywood Star complete with red carpet entrance. By GAWD our hosts are JIM ROSS, JERRY LAWLER, HUGO SAVINOVICH, CARLOS CABRERA, MICHAEL COLE, and TAZZ! And with only four hours remaining, and 8 matches scheduled, we CANNOT waste any time...

EDDIE GUERRERO (with low rider) vs. REY MYSTERIO JR.

Michael Cole gets wet just thinking about tag-team partners fighting in a Wrestlemania match! Fans waste no time screaming for “EDDIE”, which makes me question why he’s not defending his title against John Cena instead of...I’m going to throw up just thinking about it. Eddie works an armbar, and tries a fireman’s carry - but Rey lands on his feet. Eddie goes to the armdrag, and puts an armbar back on. Rey manages to escapes with a sunset flip - but Eddie rolls through and catapults Rey to the floor. Eddie follows, but Rey dives back in quickly and fends him off with the 619. Back in, Rey hits a monkey flip, however Eddie holds on and applies a keylock. Rey escapes, takes Eddie down with a shoulderblock, and then launches him across the ring with a monkey flip. Rey charges, but Eddie dumps him over the top, and follows with a plancha! Back in, Eddie gets 2. Eddie works a surfboard, and when Rey tries to escape, he’s quickly nailed with a backdrop suplex for 2. To the deathlock, which is quickly rolled back into a surfboard...but Eddie nearly winds up pinning himself, releasing at 2! Eddie works an armbar, while Rey fights with keeping his mask on for some reason. Rey tries to do some flippity move to escape, but blows it and falls. He comes back with an armdrag, tossing Eddie out of the ring. Baseball slide dropkick keeps Eddie outside, and Rey then nails him with a corkscrew plancha! Back in, Rey hits a springboard Thesz press, but Eddie throws a back elbow to stop the momentum. Three Amigos suplex combo starts, but Rey escapes on the second, rolling Eddie up for 2! Eddie gives Rey a backbreaker for 2. Eddie again hits two “Amigos”, but on the third attempt, Rey gives Eddie a rana! He goes for 619, but Eddie moves, hits a backbreaker, and gets 2!!! Eddie hits the Three Amigos this time, goes up for the Froggie Splash...but Rey moves! Rey quickly puts on La Majistral for 2!! Some swinging dropkicks keep Eddie away, and a drop toe hold catches Eddie in the ropes! 619 connects - and Rey calls for the finish! West Coast Pop is BLOCKED with a powerbomb...and Eddie gets 2!!! He argues with the ref, which gives Rey time to recover...and he quickly hits a rana for the win at 12:40!! **3/4 The match was getting good towards the end, but another 5 minutes wouldn’t have done any harm. Eddie stays face, offering Rey a handshake after the match.

JOHN “BRADSHAW” LAYFIELD and THE CABINET walk around backstage...bumping into TRIPLE H and RIC FLAIR. “Look Naitch... It’s the wrestling God! What a joke!” JBL is greatly offended, stating he’s the only champion in WWE history who’s never lost a title match...unlike Mr. Helmsley who’s lost 9 of ‘em so far. Triple H figures we’ll wait until the end of the night to see who’s still standing as champion.

ADAM SANDLER and ROB SCHNEIDER have front row seats. Yup.

CHRIS JERICHO vs. CHRIS BENOIT vs. CHRISTIAN (with Tyson Tomko) vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. EDGE vs. KANE (in a money in the bank ladder match for a shot at the world heavyweight title)

In an awesome visual, a set of ladders on the stage catch fire during Kane’s entrance. Everyone attacks the big man on the ramp, making me wonder why one of them just doesn’t stay behind, climb the ladder, and win? Benjamin and Benoit hit Kane with a double suplex. Christian pulls a ladder into the ring, but Jericho catapults it into his face. Benjamin gets into it with Jericho, and takes a bulldog for his trouble. Edge and Benoit make their way in, but Jericho takes care of them with a springboard dropkick, and follows with a slingshot plancha onto Edge. Christian’s inspired to get into this, diving on to the 3 on the floor. Benjamin then hits a tope con hilo on to the 4. Even Kane of all people gets ideas, and dives into everyone! Okay, time to call out The Big Show to join THAT! Back in, Kane beats on Edge and Christian with the ladder, but a missile dropkick from Jericho stops that. Jericho grabs the ladder and slams it over Benjamin’s head, then launches it at Edge. While he gives us a smarmy grin, Benoit sneaks in and gives Jericho a German that launches the ladder out of the ring at the same time!!! Benoit sets it back up quickly, and starts to climb. Kane cuts him off, but Benoit counters a chokeslam into the Crossface! Edge gets involved, and winds up in the Crossface as well!!! Kane smacks the ladder in Benoit’s face - but when he turns around Edge spears him! Christian gets back in, and E&C reunite in style! Kane suffers a con-ladder-o! They celebrate...only to find themselves on the receiving end of a springboard double clothesline from Benjamin! Christian grabs a ladder, but Shelton superkicks it back in his face! Edge sets up the ladder in the corner and whips Benjamin into it. A spear is set up, but Edge winds up pancaked on the ladder! Stinger splash follows! Edge rolls out leaving Shelton all alone - so he goes for the briefcase. Unfortunately, Jericho gets back in at the last second, climbs the ladder on the other side, and they start duking it out. Christian sets up another ladder beside them and gets into it. Benoit climbs the other side of THAT - and now Edge has one up as well! Everyone throws punches...and the first ones down are Christian and Benoit, courtesy a flying armbar from Captain Charisma! Jericho also takes a tumble, and then Shelton just PLANTS Edge with a super t-bone off the ladder!!! Jericho revives himself first, clears some of the ladders out of the way, and starts to make his way up. Christian grabs a ladder, so Jericho climbs back down and fights with Christian. The ladder is propped up against the standing ladder...and Jericho starts to climb. Shelton fucking Benjamin proves to be THE MAN by running up the propped up ladder, and clotheslining Jericho!!! We are SO not worthy! Kane returns and starts to clean house. Shelton gets chokeslammed over the top, and finds his foot caught in the ropes. Christian’s disposed of...but Tomko gets involved and gives Kane a big boot! Tomko grabs Christian, props him up on his shoulders, and starts to climb with him! Kane stops that and quickly clotheslines Tomko to the floor. Christian continues to go for the case...but Kane shoves off the ladder, and Christian crashes to the floor on top of Tomko! Kane goes for the win, but Jericho’s on the ladder now. He pulls it to the side, and both guys fall on to the ropes! Benoit, fucked up arm and all, gets back in. He puts up a ladder, unable to use his left arm at all...and climbs up. Kane’s lying midring. Thumb to the throat...and Benoit hits the flying headbutt!!!! That opens Benoit’s stitches back up, which is gross and awesome. Now the ladder is mid-ring, and the fans are chanting Benoit’s name!!! Up he goes, but Kane does a zombie situp - and we all fear the worst. Kane catches Benoit on top of the ladder, and with no arms to use, Benoit starts headbutting Kane with all he’s got! Kane tumbles...and Benoit’s just an arm’s reach away. Edge sneaks in the ring now, SLAMS Benoit over the back with the chair, climbs the ladder, and wins the title shot at 15:18! ****1/4 That puppy had another 10 minutes of life in it EASILY! Still, fantastic stuff!

EUGENE wanders out, and JR gets really annoying with his condescending “little buddy” routine. Eugene calls this moment his second favorite Wrestlemania moment ever, behind King Kong Bundy squashing Little Beaver at Wrestlemania III. “Midgets are awesome!!!!” MUHAMMED HASSAN and SHAWN DAIVARI, who are OFFENDED by midgets interrupt! Why aren’t these two the tag-team champions yet? Hassan is pissed about having not been included in the biggest show of the year, and accuses the federation of being filled with prejudice and bigotry. “I HAVE NEVER BEEN PINNED IN MY CAREER!” I’ll bet I can find indy footage that contradicts that. Daivari takes over now, and luckily I’ve got a translator! “WHERE CAN I GET A HOT DOG?!? THE VENDOR’S APPEAR TO BE SOLD OUT!” Eugene can’t be sure, and makes confused faces. Hassan refuses to stand for this, and decides to create his own Wrestlemania moment. So we’ve got us a retard beating! Eugene finds himself locked in the camel clutch, and Daivari takes over again in Arabic. “MY PANTS ARE TIGHT, AND I’M CHAFFING! COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE FIND ME A COMFORTABLE PAIR OF SLACKS?” Everyone in the building knows what’s coming next... HULK HOGAN is out, and he’s POINTING! The Arabs go on the offensive, but Hogan hits them with a double noggin’ knocker. Hassan eats a big boot, and is tossed Royal Rumble style! Daivari grabs a chair and slams it over Hogan’s back. No-sell...punch, whip, big boot, toss over the ropes. An hour of posing! Hulkamania lives! Watch the crowd exhaust themselves in one shot! I wouldn’t want to be the match following THIS.

THE UNDERTAKER (with The Droids, including special guest R2D2) vs. RANDY ORTON

And true to my word, the fans respond to “the mystique that is simply The Undertaker” by sitting with a thumb up their asses. You cannot get a crowd back up after that Hogan segment without a massive shot of Viagra. Orton looks like he’s lost some of his physique, to the point he’s starting to resemble a Major League Baseball player if you catch my drift. I’d love to know when Orton defeated The Rock, to back up what Michael Cole is screaming about. Orton delivers a slap to start, and gets caught in a side headlock. Orton hits a dropkick for 1. A backdrop sends Taker across the ring, but he fires back with a soup bone! Orton gets in a small package for 2. The RKO is blocked with a dump over the top rope. Taker’s right behind him, albeit in a far less painful manner. Taker rolls Orton back in, and drops a leg across the apron. Taker goes Old School, but Orton doesn’t know how to sell it and fucks the move up. Great work Golden Boy. Blind running boot misses, and Taker crotches himself. They head outside, and Orton pounds away. Back in, Orton hits a clothesline for 2. Taker retaliates with a DDT for 2. Side slam gets 2. Cole brings back nightmares of Orton winning the World Title at SummerSlam...which I traveled 6 hours on a bus BOTH WAYS to choke on. Taker goes for snake eyes, but Orton blocks, hits an elbow, and gets 2! Orton works over Taker with a series of rights, but Taker does the zombie situp. “RANDY SUCKS!” More info than I needed! Taker hits a clothesline for 2. To the dragon sleeper...a move Taker once used to beat Big Show. Orton, in the eyes of the stupid management is apparently better than Big Show, and escapes with a DDT. Management can fuck themselves. PUSH BIG SHOW! Orton gets 2. Cole: “How many times over the years have we seen The Undertaker punch his way out of trouble?” Are they writing the jokes now for us? Orton applies a sleeper, but Taker backdrops his way out of it. Taker charges right into a powerslam from Orton for 2! 10-punch count-a-long spells trouble when Taker turns it into a Last Ride! Orton escapes at the last second from the move, and gets shoved into the referee! Taker goes for another Last Ride, and totally BOTCHES this spot by dropping Orton alley-oop style - but the fans don’t care because BOB ORTON is in the ring! And sweet Jesus, he’s broken his arm again! With a clothesline with the cast, Undertaker comes crashing down! He rolls Randy on top, wakes up the referee...and it gets 2!! That’s a page off the Flair/Taker match from 3 years ago, with Arn’s spinebuster. I love spots like that! Bob tries to get involved again, but takes a big boot from Taker. He goes to chokeslam Randy...but it’s countered in midair into a NASTY RKO!!!! Seriously, that’s the best he’s ever hit it!! It gets 2! Orton gets cocky, and decides he wants to end this match with a tombstone! It’s reversed by Taker into a tombstone of his own, and that ends the Legend Killer at 14:14! *** That ranks up there among Taker’s best Wrestlemania matches, and it has the added bonus of Randy Orton Losing! That’s my favorite kind of match!

CHRISTY HEMME (with Lita) vs. TRISH STRATUS (for the WWE women’s title)

Oh god, please be quick. Trish is so sickeningly above this crap. If she were a man...well, I’d want to have far less sex with her, but at least she’d be carrying this company on her back. Speaking of on her back, Trish immediately wins me over by doing the Jeff Jarrett “pin me” routine. Christy’s too stupid to bite, so Trish stands and beats her up. Christy attacks, misses by about 10 feet, and Trish dumps her out of the ring. Trish follows and whips Christy to the ringsteps. Back in, Trish chops away and skips around the ring. The Chick Kick is actually blocked by Christy, and she goes low. Swinging powerbomb off the ropes is followed by the SHITTIEST PIN EVER for 2. Seriously, when you’re blowing PINFALLS, we’ve got a problem. Sunset flip from the challenger gets 2. Trish retaliates with a spear and pats herself on the back. Outside, Trish boots Christy in the midsection, and shoves Lita into the security wall. Back in, this all gets a “BORING” chant! A small package from Christy gets 2. Christy starts to kick at Trish, who begs off. It fails, and Trish takes 10 face shots to the buckle. Twist Of Fate gets 2. They fight over a rollup, and Christy gets too close to a pinfall for my liking. Chick Kick finishes for Trish at 4:41. DUD I have little doubt that Christy was trained by Lita, considering she blew half her spots, and choked on a title shot.


Brian Hebner is refereeing, which almost scares me due to Angle’s claim of wanting to repeat ALL of Michaels’ career in a month. That Bret thing still lingers in the backdrop like a beer fart. And sure enough, the fans break into a “YOU SCREWED BRET” chant at Michaels. Shawn works a headlock while the fans chant for ANGLE. I swear to god! Angle hits a backdrop suplex, but Michaels refuses to release the headlock. Kurt gets away for a second, but Michaels takes him right back down in the hold. The fans now start with the dueling TNA style chants of “LET’S GO ANGLE” vs. “LET’S GO MICHAELS”. Angle finally gets away from the headlock after 4 minutes, and hits a shoulderblock to take down Michaels. Shawn comes back with a hiptoss, legdrop on the arm, and a short arm scissors. Angle rolls Michaels back into a package for 2, but Shawn rolls right back into the hold again. Angle finally has enough of this, and picks up Shawn with his one arm! Michaels sunset flips him for 2, and follows with a backslide for 2. Kurt yells “DAMMIT” when he winds up caught in a headlock again. The announcers are just floored that Michaels has opted to go for the mat - and figure that’s what’s throwing Angle off, because nobody could have prepared for that from Shawn. They fight back to the corner, and Angle shoves him off, catching Shawn in an anklelock to a HUGE pop! Michaels escapes, and takes Kurt to the outside with a Cactus clothesline! Michaels clears an announce table off, but Angle’s up and hitting uppercuts! Michaels chops away, but Angle picks him up in Olympic slam position...but stops short, and opts to run Shawn backwards into the ring post!!!!! Oi, THAT’S not pretty! Angle works over Michaels’ back and rolls him in. A suplex gets 2. Angle now goes to HIS mat game, applying a full body scissors. Just because he’s a dick, Angle grinds his forearm into Shawn’s face. Michaels escapes and chops Angle in the corner. Kurt fires back with a belly to belly overhead suplex, and he poses for the crowd. A second belly to belly gets 2. Angle puts on a camel clutch, with his knee driving deep into the small of Shawn’s back. Michaels gets away, and tries to go toe to toe with Angle. When he can’t, he bitchslaps Kurt - but THAT serves to piss Angle off, and Shawn takes a nasty clothesline. Kurt: “BITCH!” This is getting nasty! Michaels is put up top, but he fights Angle off. The flying elbow MISSES, and DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Angle goes for the Olympic slam, but it’s countered with an armdrag. Blind charge, and Michaels backdrops Kurt to the floor! Shawn is NOT far behind with a plancha off the top! They head back in, and Angle catches Michaels on the apron, and does the BUTTFUCK OF DOOM! Michaels squeals like a pig while Angle pulls and grinds with all he’s got. The announcers figure he’s going for a German suplex through the table, but we all know better. Michaels fights Kurt’s advances off, and goes low. Fans don’t care much for that tactic, and let Shawn hear it. Angle is put on the announce table, and Michaels hits a springboard splash onto him! The table doesn’t even BUDGE! It’s explained that the WWE is sick to death of guys crashing through tables, so they’ve been re-enforced with steel. Angle bleeds from the mouth while the ref starts a 10 count. Both guys get back in at 9. They meet in the middle, and the slugfest is on! Michaels actually wins this, and with Angle staggering, he hits the flying jalapeno! Nip up, and he’s met with a mixed reaction! Inverted atomic drop hits, and is follows with a bodyslam. Michaels heads up for the kill, and hits the flying elbow!!! Shawn warms up the band, but Angle blocks, and puts on the anklelock!!!!!! Michaels fights and fights, trying to find ways to roll closer to the ropes! After nearly a painful minute, he makes it, and Angle has to break. Angle complies, and preps to finish. Olympic slam is reversed into a monkey flip, but Angle grabs the ankle again!!! Michaels rolls, and catches Angle in a package for 2! Sweet Chin Music is blocked with an Olympic slam for 2!!!!!!!!!!! Angle has no idea what the hell he has to do, so he figure the only thing he hasn’t tried is a moonsault. It misses, and both guys play dead. Shawn rises again! Up he goes to the top, but Angle plays possum - and hits a super Olympic slam...for 2!!!!!!!! Unfreakingbelievable!!! Angle throws a shit fit, and screams at Michaels to tap out. Michaels responds with Sweet Chin Music!!!! Shawn takes forever to drape an arm, and when he finally gets around to it, it’s 2. Michaels slowly gets to his feet, but Angle was waiting, and puts him in the anklelock!!!! Michaels flops around like a fish out of water, but Angle is determined to NEVER let go this time, and grapevines the leg to catch him but good!!! Michaels fights for well over 2 minutes, but after so long he has absolutely no choice...and taps out at 27:27!!! ****1/2 Excellent match, and I was convinced that Michaels would rather pass out than actually tap to the hold. A rematch MUST happen.

MAE YOUNG and THE FABULOUS MOOLAH have seats here at Wrestlemania. And back at the hotel, they have pine boxes! Excitement is in the air!!!

RODDY PIPER makes his way out for Piper’s Pit. The gut has rapidly disappeared. Piper needs proof that the baddest man in the WWE is in fact the Rattlesnake, and calls out STEVE AUSTIN. He’s been gone for a year, but I still have no use for him. “So you’re the rebel huh? Welcome to Piper’s Pit!” Piper smacks Austin. “Thank you very much for having me you little son of a bitch!” Austin smacks Piper. “I kinda like ya!” “Would you like another?” “Now that we’ve got that out of the way son, I’ve got a lot of respect for ya. I’ve never met ya til now, but I’ve got a lot of respect for ya. I’ll tell you something else sir, I got a lot of respect for you sticking up for Vince McMahon, against him, for him, down on him, you be the man. But on one point I beg to differ.” “What point would that be?” “That would be this part sir... I was here when Wrestlemania didn’t have a number. I was pissing Vince McMahon off when the red on the back of your neck was diaper rash buddy. I may agree on all the other parts, but son, on the rebel part, you nor James Dean got nothing on me. TRUST ME!” “Well first of all ya meely mouth bastard, you outta know I don’t trust one single son of a bitch, much less you. You come out here talkin’ your trash in your little black jacket... your little white shirt... your little red dress... your little furry gimmicks... your little messed up boots... your little goatee... looks like your cat run off... am I supposed to be impressed by you? Are you supposed to intimidate me, am I supposed to be scared? Cause there’s something going on here that I’m just not understanding, because for some reason you don’t scare me one little bit. Do I make myself clear? No no, think about it a little longer.” “What we have here is failure to communicate.” Apparently CARLITO COOL isn’t much interested in this, and comes out. “What the hell is this?” “I thought we were going to fight!” “Guys, guys, guys, look at you! Arguing and slapping eachother like little girls. You guys shouldn’t be arguing. I mean, you guys have one thing in common. Neither of you two is... cool! You see, nobody wants to see you two anymore. Everybody wants to see Carlito.” “Well then climb your little nappy head in the ring!” “Who the hell are you? You look like Alphalfa!” “Relax, relax. You see, Carlito’s the new thing around here, and Carlito’s taking charge. And that? That’s cool! So I would appreciate it if you two would just walk on down to the back.” “You’re saying you want me to walk out of here?” ‘I want you and him to walk on out of here.” “Oh, you want me to follow him?” “I don’t care what you do, but I’ll tell you this... If you guys gotta problem with that...” Carlito starts fingering his apple, but Piper steals it. After getting himself quite the mouthful, it finds itself all over Carlito’s face. Carlito attacks, and Austin laughs his ass off. After a few seconds, he gets involved, and stomps a mudhole in Carlito. Piper pokes him in the eyes, Austin hits a Stunner, and Carlito is sent to the outside. Austin calls for the beer, and shares with Piper. This drags on, and on, and on...leading to the inevitable Stunner on Piper. Ugh.

AKEBONO vs. THE BIG SHOW (in a sumo wrestling match)

We see FAR too much of Big Show, although he looks to be in phenomenal shape compared to Akebono. After much stalling with ridding the ring of bad karma, and purifying it with salt, we FINALLY get under way and...they slap eachother around a whole lot. Show nearly gets tossed early, but hangs on to Akebono’s belt. Show winds up picking up Akebono, and going for the kill, but Akebono easily tosses him seconds later for the win at 1:02. And let us never speak of this again.


I may be sick if this doesn’t end the title run from hell. Bradshaw litters the arena with $100 bills...with his face on them. Cena has apparently changed his music, and it’s not HORRIBLE, but certainly not an improvement. JBL does his traditional French kissing of the title belt, and we’re off. Bradshaw works a headlock, but Cena shoves it off. A shoulderblock from Cena takes down the champion, but Bradshaw comes back with a big boot and shoulderblock of his own. JBL starts clubbering, because really, what else is he going to do? A pair of swinging neckbreakers get 2. Into the ropes, Bradshaw chokes out Cena. I was really hoping this was going to be a 10 second classic, but as usual, it was a pipedream. Cena gives Bradshaw a big boot, but the champ retaliates with a spinebuster for 2. Another neckbreaker gets 2. I think we’ve run through his entire arsenal of wrestling moves, so he’s going back to the start. Thumb to the eye, running clothesline, and Cena’s down. LA fans make me sick by starting a “JBL” chant. Short clothesline gets 2. They move into a sleeper, which Cena fights desperately. A backdrop suplex breaks the hold, and both men are down. A double clothesline spot allows for more resting. Cena starts to get some momentum, but JBL dumps him to the outside. A fourth neckbreaker is hit, this time on the floor. Back in, Bradshaw gets 2. To the top, JBL nails a superplex for 2. Now JBL heads up to the top himself, but whatever he’s trying for is blocked with a powerslam! Cena’s feeling alive now, and hits a pair of clotheslines. A backdrop sends Bradshaw across the ring. Three point stance... hiptoss... doctor bomb... and the fans are getting excited. Five knuckle shuffle hits the mark. JBL stands as Cena pumps it up, and goes for the Clothesline From Hell. It’s ducked, and an F-U FINALLY ends the misery known as John Bradshaw Layfield at 11:31!!! *3/4 The match blew goats, because the finish seemed to come completely from nowhere - but I cannot be more THRILLED that the title has finally changed hands. With any luck, Bradshaw now spends a year returning the jobs to every person he’s had put him over, and then makes his exit from the fed.

It must be the shank of the evening, because MEAN GENE is here! Tonight, he welcomes the newest members of the Hall Of Fame. Is there any reason Gene hasn’t been inducted yet? Anyway, NIKOLAI VOLKOFF, THE IRON SHEIK, PAUL ORNDORFF, BOB ORTON, JIMMY HART, RODDY PIPER, and HULK HOGAN are all escorted by very busty ladies (and Stacy Keibler), where they get a polite applause.

TRIPLE H (with Ric Flair and Motorhead) vs. BATISTA (for the world heavyweight title)

Hunter gets his usual Wrestlemania “Band Entrance” with Motorhead doing it once again. Batista blows the roof off during his entrance, and the fans are ready for the beatdown to end all beatdowns on Hunter’s ass. Batista grins down at Triple H. They fight over their lockup, and break evenly in the middle of the ring. Second lockup sees Batista shove Triple H right across the ring. A third one just sees Batista nail a shoulderblock to take the champ down. He’s not quite sure what to think now, but finds his comfort zone with a headlock. Batista shoves it off, but a shoulderblock from Hunter takes him down. Boot the midsection, early Pedigree attempt, but Batista powers out and gorilla presses Triple H!!! Back to the corner, Batista pounds away. A backdrop connects, but Hunter comes back with a running kneelift that sends Batista to the floor. Flair starts to stalk the challenger - but the referee tells him to fuck right off, and Dave’s back on his feet anyway. The distraction’s enough for Triple H to slam Batista’s face to the ringsteps. Back in, Triple H hits a guillotine elbowdrop, and stomps away. Batista gets choked out in the ropes, and when the ref forces a break, Flair starts choking with his coat!!! It’s so forceful, Dave is pulled to the floor. Hunter follows, and drives Batista back first into the apron. Back in, Triple H drops a series of elbows across the back. Fans start a “BATISTA” chant, but Triple H continues his assault. A vertical suplex gets 2. JR suggests that Batista’s back is so huge you can watch a movie on it. Skinemax baby, Skinemax. Flair starts choking out Batista behind the ref’s back again, because it’s much more fun when he does. Hunter hits a jawbreaker, and Batista falls out. Triple H is quick to pull him back into the ring, and hammers away. Suddenly, the referee finds himself OFFENDED that Triple H would DARE use a closed fist, and condemns him straight to hell. Batista retaliates with closed fists, and the referee jabs with him. BIAS! Triple H snaps off a spinebuster for 2! Flair starts doing his crazy old man routine about the slow count, but Triple H opts for a Pedigree instead. Batista simply backdrops his way out of it, so Hunter goes for a facebuster and gets 2. Triple H heads upstairs, but that’s been bad news for all the heels tonight - and our trends continue when Batista clotheslines him. Side slam gets 2! Batista tries to get back into this, charges the champ, but Hunter gets a foot up and takes him down. Dave responds by dumping Triple H over the top, and follows. Triple H whips Batista shoulder first to the ringsteps, and goes for a Pedigree on top of them!!! Batista escapes, and catapults Hunter face first to the ringpost!!! The blood starts pouring IMMEDIATELY, with a five alarm bladejob! I love it! Batista starts slamming Triple H face first to the steps, over and over!!! Back in, Triple H collapses with his equilibrium just shot to hell - and Batista pounds on the open wound, making it worse! The challenger starts laying in stiff corner clotheslines, and Triple H is fading fast! The final clothesline in the series nearly takes Triple H’s head off. A powerslam gets 2! Triple H heads outside, where Ric Flair starts distracting Batista. Hunter grabs a chair...but the referee is taking shit seriously tonight, diving off the apron to grab the chair away from Triple H!!! He knocks himself out in the process, but the damage is done. Back in, Batista plants Ric Flair with a spinebuster! That distraction though is enough for Triple H to grab the World Title and crack Dave over the head!!! It gets 2! Everyone in the arena thought that was it, and were NOT happy. Batista pops up, and hits a spinebuster! Demon bomb is set up...but Triple H goes low! Bloodied and punch drunk, Triple H has the wherewithal to go for a Pedigree...but it’s blocked with Batista’s power! He breaks the hold, and absolutely murders him with a double leg backdrop!!!! Batista now starts calling to his Little Warriors and shakes the ropes like a madman!!! I’m NOT making this up! Thumbs down, and here comes the Demon bomb to kick off the era of DAVE at 22:37!! ***3/4 Excellent match from both guys, and in a nice change, the fed listens to the fans on both RAW and Smackdown! May these title runs survive political gameplay...

And in the spirit of tradition, we end with a music video recapping the show, once again set to Bigtime.

That show was awesome! I find very little to complain about, because it had a segment for everyone. Nothing felt rushed except the JBL/Cena match, but honestly, I don’t give two shits about Bradshaw, and less of him can’t EVER be construed as a bad thing.

Pick it up on DVD the MINUTE this show is released!

Contact cfgb
Visit SHOOTING STAR PRESS, home of wrestling columns
Promote this thread!
Bob C

Since: 5.9.04
From: Downtown

Since last post: 1605 days
Last activity: 1472 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.34
    Originally posted by cfgb
    Fans waste no time screaming for “EDDIE”, which makes me question why he’s not defending his title against John Cena instead of...I’m going to throw up just thinking about it.

*sigh* It's been said a thousand times why: Eddie couldn't take the pressure of being champion. He said it himself. I am not saying that JBL was the perfect choice for champ but that's another discussion for another day.

Tiens mon copain!
Thread rated: 5.36
Pages: 1
Thread ahead: Lines: Rw - StC - 4Apr05
Next thread: Inside The Ropes - The Real Reason Rhino Was FIRED!!!
Previous thread: The New World Champion is Totally In Satire 4/5/05
(52 newer) Next thread | Previous thread
That was a fun Satire, Mr. Hocking. I give you my thanks.
The W - Guest Columns - WWE Wrestlemania 21Register and log in to post!

The W™ message board

©2001-2018 Brothers Zim

This old hunk of junk rendered your page in 0.122 seconds.