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The W - Pro Wrestling - WWE WORKRATE REPORT 10/17/2002!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1290 days
Last activity: 1287 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85


It`s 6:30 in the morning and if ya get up early enough, the massive dose of Steel Reserve won`t git ya and you don`t get the STEEL RESERVE IS THE BOOZEWHORE YOU SETTLED FOR hangover. I figured the theme of this report would spouting off random lyrics from my favorite songs about getting drunk. Meanwhile, my adorable six year old daughter made a halloween ghost out of elmers glue and buttons on wax paper yesterday and is kissing me on the cheek with it. Must... rehydrate....

WHAT WORKED-

- YOU LOOKED JUST LIKE AN ELVIS FROM HELL! My heart is broke so I`M GOIN TO HELL! Bury me way down deep in hell. I WAS TOO DRUNK MAN I WANNA GO TO HELL! The Edge/Rey Rey team worked really well with Ron Simmons. Ron went super powerful against Rey Rey and that made Edge`s Spear look actually powerful for once. D-Von was perfectly fine and I really dug the nine step finish. I have officially begun to despise the 619 MORRRRRRRRR-TALLLLLLLLLLL~! (Roll your Rs in your mind). Edge is the best wrestler in the world to own the shittiest offense. His dropkicks were nice.

- Red Hot MAMA! Velvet charmer, time for you to pay your dues! Eddy was absolutely motherfucking motherfucking AWESOME in the psychotic psuedo-rage yelling at Benoit. The Benoit segments where they remake BEING THERE with Peter Sellers- where Benoit just stands there and the world unfolds for him while he passively stands there- is fucking WRESTLING GOLD. Eddy cuts the PROMO~! of the year. Heyman is a genius.

- When I woke up this morning and turned my head there won`t a cotton picking thing on her side oif the bed. She put a little old note where her head belonged- it SAID DEAR JOHN HONEY BABY I`M LONG GONE! Funaki interveiwing Nidia was fucking beautiful just because you AUDIBLY HEAR Tajiri popping all kinds of wood as the plastic pants stretch out of shape in his groinular area while holding Nidia back from Noble. That`s entertainment. The match itself was a good testament to Fit Finlay the trainer and the carrying ability of Jamie Noble- who was motherfucking perfect in his selling and execution- making Nidia look really great in the ring and also telling a neat story with his selling in three minutes. Noble vs Tajiri will be fun, but I was hoping they would get more mileage out of having Tajiri dressed as preposterously as he was.

- DON`T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT THE CIVILIZED WORLD BABY- It`S JUST YOU AND ME! Chuck Palumbo looked motherfucking GREAT and Brock Lesnar (or if you go by the t-shirt- BROCK DANZIG!) is becoming a motherfucking GOD. Brock leans into the superkicks like a motherfucking KING! The duelling Kanemoto Belly-to-Belly Suplexes were absolutely SWANK. Lesnar does the fucking GREAT Johnny Valentine US Strong Style again with the non-roperunning ass-beat Into The Grounded Bearhug and I fucking party and freeak-out. Brock needs to go to Japan for a tour and conquer Japan also. He is getting sooooo good at this point. I want Brock vs Chuck best of 57 series.

- Undertaker is so hilarious as the tiny headed sad sack trying to convionce his wife that he isn`t porking leathery and squinty strippers. Me -n- mulDOOMSTONE make each other spit beer out of our mouths making Jerry Lewis sounds while UT rambles on about all the girls he`s fucked. HOYVIN GLAVINE! I`m SORRY, PRETTY LADY! OYV, I couldn`t control it and now... it`s getting little again... guuulllloyvin...

- Matt Hardy is the gentleman while my sangre Rikishi is taking swings at Dawn Marie- what kind of babyface is that? I TOLD YOU DAWN MARIE COULD SORTA WORK. Her kicks were actually good. And she has a MUCH finer ass than Torrie Wilson. Matt Hardy is fucking beautiful in this, working for seven and he also gets the Odd Wood as Torrie Bait`s and Switches her keister with Rikishi`s enoumous and beautiful Fleshy Mounds Of Poo Induction- it`s too late for Matt who has already gotten the mechanics of his boner in action and there is no way he can separate the pleasure of Rikishi`s ass before he realizes that he`s been tricked into loving the sweet touch of another man`s sweet embrace while thinking he was getting Torie`s pedestrian fat ass. It is a bittersweet feeling as Matt enters a new world of sensual feelings. Will he feel remorse or will he BE A MAN AND REVEL IN IT?

- BABY PLEASE~ I CAN`T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I`m TAKING WHISKEY TO THE PARTY TONIGHT AND I`M LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY TO SQUEEZE! You are Al Wilson. You are fucking Dawn Marie in the shower. You are a genius because the shower covers up the fact that lil benny threw up all over your pants at the first site of Dawn Marie`s naked shoulder. Torrie being upset by this is really stupid. Her dad is trying to get his feelings of manliness back after putting them aside to be a father and husband. Now he has to start nailing young chicks to FEEL ALIVE AGAIN! YOU GO AL! DON`T LISTEN TO TORRRIE! YOU ARE BORN ANEW! YOU ARE A SEMEN-SPEWING PHOENIX RISING FROM YOUR OWN SEXUAL ASHES! YOU ARE OUR ROLE-MODEL AND HERO!

- The Main Event was fucking BEAUTIFUL. Benoit and Angle are MAGIC and the crowd goes apeshit for Angle and Eddy feels it and goes completely Villano 3 rudo as a motherfucker. Benoit goes fucking crazy with the suplex-drenched ass-stomp and the Steel Reserve kicks completely in by the time the chair spots hit. Chavo- God bless him- gets soooooo smoked by everybody but is completely game about being beaten to death and getting out of the way of Eddy. This is wrestling you don`t get anywhere else on earth and you should thank your lucky motherfucking stars that it`s on your free TV. I know I do.

- Brock does a bladejob in comparable beauty to Hardy`s old school bladejob of last week. His speed and coverage was akin to someone twice his experience. He is a keeper.

WHAT DIDN`t WORK-
- We went on a beer run during the Cena and Kidman match. We caught the ending. Evil Cena is as uninspiring as non-evil Cena. There. It`s not fair but I don`t care.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.




YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
Spaceman Spiff
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: Philly Suburbs

Since last post: 7 days
Last activity: 2 hours
AIM:  
#2 Posted on

    YOU GO AL! DON`T LISTEN TO TORRRIE! YOU ARE BORN ANEW! YOU ARE A SEMEN-SPEWING PHOENIX RISING FROM YOUR OWN SEXUAL ASHES! YOU ARE OUR ROLE-MODEL AND HERO!

::tear streams down face::

That's beautiful, man. Beautiful...

::sniff::



Matthew: You would've loved it, David. A week in a foreign country, strange people, strange customs...
Dave: Oh, I know what you mean. I've been to Canada.
MARTYEWR
Kishke








Since: 15.10.02

Since last post: 291 days
Last activity: 291 days
#3 Posted on



WHAT DIDN`t WORK-
- We went on a beer run during the Cena and Kidman match. We caught the ending. Evil Cena is as uninspiring as non-evil Cena. There. It`s not fair but I don`t care.



I think Cena is one of those guys who got hurt by his instant mega-push upon joining the main roster. Some guys benefit from those things in the long run, others don't. I really don't know what you could blame in this case, but my guess is this: Do you really expect to see "John Cena" on a WWE t-shirt. That certainly doesn't help matters.

Awesome report, as always. And Al Wilson is EVERY GUY'S hero, young and old!






DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1290 days
Last activity: 1287 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
The bad thing is that I watched the Nitro title switch between Kidman and Juventud yesterday while making a tape and it made me dislike Kidman 02 even more in comparison. I forgot how good he could be when motivated (and in with a then-superworker like Juventud).

DEAN. Al Wilson Wannabe

(edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 18.10.02 0852)


YES, I AM DEAN.
vacheroi
Chorizo








Since: 29.5.02

Since last post: 3871 days
Last activity: 3867 days
#5 Posted on

    I think Cena is one of those guys who got hurt by his instant mega-push upon joining the main roster. Some guys benefit from those things in the long run, others don't.


I'm thinking that he was more hurt by his annoying promos("Test has bad teeth!!!Look!!!") and his fashion crimes involving the colors of his tights. Now that I think about it, maybe he would have been a better choice for Randy Orton's Rocky 2K2 push.
Scooter Trash
Blutwurst








Since: 23.7.02
From: Indiana

Since last post: 195 days
Last activity: 6 hours
Y!:
#6 Posted on
"The Benoit segments where they remake BEING THERE with Peter Sellers- where Benoit just stands there and the world unfolds for him while he passively stands there- is fucking WRESTLING GOLD."-Dean

Sweet baby Jesus that is so obscure I wonder how many people reading this report will get that. That was fucking WRESTLING RECAP GOLD!!!!



If thou continuest to take delight in idle argumentation thou mayest be qualified to combat with the sophists, but will never know how to live with men. -- Socrates


Dr Unlikely
Frankfurter








Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 9 hours
Last activity: 2 hours
AIM:  
#7 Posted on
I think, in their normal completely wrongheaded and inept way, they were trying a Being There thing back with ol' Perry Saturn. Only, instead of liking to watch, he liked to have sex with a mop (only question is, did he wait until it was dead?). But you know who could have pulled off a Chauncy Gardner gimmick? Dean Malenko.
evilwaldo
Lap cheong








Since: 7.2.02
From: New York, NY

Since last post: 3406 days
Last activity: 3186 days
AIM:  
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.00
WHY LORD WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PUT SURVIVOR ON THURSDAY NIGHTS. THEN YOU HAVE FLYERS HOME GAMES ON THURSDAY NIGHTS. WHEN WILL I EVER GET A CHANCE TO SEE SMACKDOWN AGAIN?

At least I have Dean's recaps to revel in. Thank you once again Dean.



These commercials are superfine because they pay for the production costs of putting CHRIS MOTHERFUCKING BENOIT on my GODDAMN TV SCREEN! I will GO GREYHOUND! I am thinking OUTSIDE THE BUN! Dean Rasmussen 8/1/2002 Smackdown Workrate Report
Torchslasher
Knackwurst








Since: 17.1.02
From: New F'n Jersey

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 2 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.44
I don't get it. DEAN liked almost everything this week, when in past weeks of Smackdown (and I believe better SD shows) he has plenty of stuff that "didn't work." And you dug the Brock/Palumbo match? Man, I thought it was boring with a capital B (outside of the admittedly cool belly to belly suplexes).



"Oh would you stop being all stealthy and just get in the truck"- Tom Servo
Jaguar
Knackwurst








Since: 23.1.02
From: Phoenix, AZ

Since last post: 197 days
Last activity: 197 days
#10 Posted on
WHAT? You didn't like the hanging upside down double kick to Brock? The two superkicks to the face? What was not to love about that match?

-Jag



With poison running through your veins, and death marching solemnly towards you, heroic acts become more of a necessity as you see your time dwindling.

Vanquishing your enemies, making amends to those you have wronged, and leaving words of love and kindness for those around you become second nature as your own mortality looms

However, true strength lies not in these last desperate acts, but in the actions of one who has to get out of bed the next day and face the consequences of doing that which you believe is right.
The Great Thomas
Sujuk








Since: 17.6.02
From: Miami, Florida

Since last post: 3374 days
Last activity: 3374 days
#11 Posted on

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    YOU LOOKED JUST LIKE AN ELVIS FROM HELL! My heart is broke so I`M GOIN TO HELL! Bury me way down deep in hell. I WAS TOO DRUNK MAN I WANNA GO TO HELL!
I'm still laughing at this. Hangover DEAN is hilarious.

Plus I think I'll try that Jerry Lewis thing on my friends to see if THEY'LL shoot beer outta their mouths, or, dare I say it... THEIR NOSES!





Please Support Chris Benoit!
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1290 days
Last activity: 1287 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
That's the first lines of my favorite Gun Club song- "For The Love Of Ivy" off the seminal punk record FIRE OF LOVE.

That record also has the great song "Sexbeat" which has the great passage:

"And everyday at three- you throw me down by the Christmas tree- watch my lights go off and on as you have your fun with me- I, I know your reasons and I, I know your goals- we can fuck forever but you will never get my soul."

FUCK YEAH! Drink up....

DEAN.




YES, I AM DEAN.
Torchslasher
Knackwurst








Since: 17.1.02
From: New F'n Jersey

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 2 days
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.44
    Originally posted by Jaguar
    WHAT? You didn't like the hanging upside down double kick to Brock? The two superkicks to the face? What was not to love about that match?

    -Jag



I was laughing at Brock's "Curt Hennig Oversell" during the match, but on the whole the match was mostly a punch and weird kick slo-mo bout. Chuck is so non-descript now it hurts and his wrestling (for the most part) proves that point.

(edited by Torchslasher on 18.10.02 1143)


"Oh would you stop being all stealthy and just get in the truck"- Tom Servo
Ike
Salami








Since: 14.2.02
From: Burlington, Ontario

Since last post: 4386 days
Last activity: 4371 days
ICQ:  
#14 Posted on
What do you want, every match to be Angle / Benoit vs. Eddy / Chavo? Well, okay, yeah, but come on. Brock vs. Chuck was a perfectly fine contest of power wrestlers. Brock selling that second kick like it killed him was great, and the ribbreaker to F5 heave left me gaping.

On an unrelated note, did Tazz try and claim Rey Mysterio was 260 lbs at one point during the first match? I didn't hear that right, I'm sure.

Ike



Karl: If you had a neck and I had hands I would squeeze your brain which is your body right out of the top of your head which does not exist!
Zorak: That's some great hair.
Karl: Thanks, it's not real.
BigDaddyLoco
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 28 min.
Last activity: 2 min.
#15 Posted on

    the massive dose of Steel Reserve won`t git ya and you don`t get the STEEL RESERVE IS THE BOOZEWHORE YOU SETTLED FOR hangover


Jesus, Dean. I thought you were a man that enjoyed the finer tastes in life. You might as well be drinking rocket fule mixed with goat piss and mad cow disease. I haven't touched that stuff since highschool, and if it came down to Steel Reserve or a crack rock I'd be hitting that mother fucking rock. I've ended up into to many strange situations on my Steel Reserve nights.



tomk
Goetta








Since: 30.7.02

Since last post: 2680 days
Last activity: 1030 days
#16 Posted on
DEAN SAYS:

- The Main Event was fucking BEAUTIFUL. Benoit and Angle are MAGIC and the crowd goes apeshit for Angle and Eddy feels it and goes completely Villano 3 rudo as a motherfucker. Benoit goes fucking crazy with the suplex-drenched ass-stomp and the Steel Reserve kicks completely in by the time the chair spots hit. Chavo- God bless him- gets soooooo smoked by everybody but is completely game about being beaten to death and getting out of the way of Eddy. This is wrestling you don`t get anywhere else on earth and you should thank your lucky motherfucking stars that it`s on your free TV. I know I do.

I COUNTED ALL MY BLESSINGS, AND I COUNTED ONLY ONE, ONE TINY LITTLE BLESSING AND NOW THAT BLESSINGS GONE. Maaan you need to rewatch this match. If this was on an Osaka pro show and youd never seen any of these guys before you'd say MAN O LIVE this Chavo guy's fucking amazing. Chavo really outperformed everyone in this match. He was on FIRE.

Rewatch the match.

Watch the kicks to the midsection in the match. Chavo's kick to midsection is KING-SIZED!!! Angel's is indy level (Angel does hit amazingly great hanging verticle suplex). Chavo also does a great clothesline over top rope spot that well noone does without being buissness exposing.

In this match Chavo isn't "smoked". Chavo IS this match.

Otherwise a good review, and I dig the alcohol song theme although I would have preffered if you hid the lyrics in the review instead of bolding them at begining.

When I was doing the TNA reviews I tried to amuse myself by trying to hide/incorporate a Steve Miller verse into each report. I eventually ran out of Steve Miller songs that I knew, and Phil only taped one hour of the show whith all the Macho City lyrics.

SO I ISSUE A CHALLENGE:

For every workrate report that you incorporate a Mcauley Schenkler Group lyric, I will restart the TNA reports incorporating a Stock Aitken Waterman lyric...

Excalibur05
Knackwurst








Since: 19.1.02
From: Minnesota

Since last post: 11 days
Last activity: 4 days
AIM:  
#17 Posted on

    Originally posted by Ike

    On an unrelated note, did Tazz try and claim Rey Mysterio was 260 lbs at one point during the first match? I didn't hear that right, I'm sure.

    Ike



He did, but I'm pretty sure he was joking.

Tazz was trying to build Rey up as a credible threat to Faarooq, to make the spinebuster seem more special, but in doing so he kind of went off on how "big" Rey was, Cole called him on it, and Tazz tried to stick with his little schtick about Rey being a monster, but couldn't bring himself to do it.



Since everyone else is doing it (ok, not EVERYONE, but...)

Vikings (1-4) - A win is a win.
Badgers (5-2) - Indiana? INDIANA?!?! *sigh*
Twins (OUT) - Oh well, if we're still around next year...
Buffy 7.4 earns a 6.123 Out of 10 for being contrived and rather stupid. But at least the characters are less annoying than last season. And next week: All Anya, All the Time.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1290 days
Last activity: 1287 days
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

    Originally posted by BigDaddyLoco

      the massive dose of Steel Reserve won`t git ya and you don`t get the STEEL RESERVE IS THE BOOZEWHORE YOU SETTLED FOR hangover


    Jesus, Dean. I thought you were a man that enjoyed the finer tastes in life. You might as well be drinking rocket fule mixed with goat piss and mad cow disease. I haven't touched that stuff since highschool, and if it came down to Steel Reserve or a crack rock I'd be hitting that mother fucking rock. I've ended up into to many strange situations on my Steel Reserve nights.


--------
DR: When I hang out with mulDOOMSTONE all taste and commonsense goes out the window. We blame ourselves. And Steel Reserve is the way to go if it's the end of the pay period and you want the effect more than the taste.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Skylaer
Linguica








Since: 1.7.02

Since last post: 4214 days
Last activity: 4213 days
#19 Posted on
What I want to know is, what the HELL are they doing with Cena/Orton? Why change them both as heels at the same time? They are too much alike, AGAIN. They better make them different types of heel... make Cena wear honky tonk's attire or something, since they like to bring out old gimmicks.
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