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The W - Guest Columns - WWE VELOCITY WORKRATE REPORT – 1/3/04
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PhilRippa
Chourico








Since: 4.1.02
From: Fairfax, VA

Since last post: 1953 days
Last activity: 558 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.37
For the 7 of you who watch this show. I will keep the meter running on how long I actually keep doing these things.
-------------

WWE VELOCITY WORKRATE REPORT – 1/3/04
by PHIL RIPPA

Now, thanks to the magical power of Tivo, I can actually watch this show and write about it. Of course, I am going to suffer through Heat too but I will worry about that later. What’s funny is that I enjoyed the show though this might not reflect that. Like you fucking care. Like I fucking care.

WHAT WORKED
Man Funaki looks to be in amazing shape. In much better shape than the dumpy Japan Junior who battles Motegi for the last spot into every junior tournament ever days. He also wrestled about the best possible 48 second match as none of us want to see A-Train in the ring longer than that.

If 10 minutes a week is going to be spent recapping a segment from Smackdown – I have no problems with it being Los Guerreros vs. WGTT - especially when the original match was just okay and the feuding Guerrero angle has been done 4000 times. At least Chavo isn’t crazy in this go around. This was all an illusion... or something.

And speaking of recapping, that is probably the only way I would watch the Hardcore Holly vs. Brock Lesnar match. But the production video was fine and dandy. That’s what they really need to start doing is just taping all the Holly matches as dark matches and then show the video highlights. And maybe next time they can edit off the shitty dropkick.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK
The shitty dropkick reminded me. Yeah – I still hate the Maximos. I like the Bashams – well to be honest, I really like Doug Basham; Danny has always been kinda there for me. But when the whole match is built around a Shaniqua kick, a blow rana and the most ridiculous charge into the corner ever. Along with Joel’s horrific dropkicks – this is going to stay right down here.

Brandon Groom had those preposterous lifts that Slykk Wagner Brown would look at and go “Well those are just gratuitous”.

There was that creepy enzyte commercial thingy and I was going through it thinking, “Man, this should probably be followed by a Final Fantasy X-2 spot”. And there it was. Yeah, I really didn’t need the thought of 1000s of midnight chokers hardening themselves up as they fantasized about Rikku sucking their cocks why Yuna took a crap on their chests.

The Mr. Ass hype spots are going to haunt me more than the non-jiggling pectoral graphic that the WWE chose to use for the Royal Rumble.

The main event would been a lot better if it was just Shannon Moore vs. Jimmy Yang (or whatever the fuck they are calling him – Akio, Keno, Lotto). Sakoda – eh but Orlando Jordan is really out of place here. But TC promises me he is the future so who am I to doubt. I guess the WWE figures that they gotta through him out there a couple of times but you know – maybe having him wrestle A-Train to much for them to grasp. I figure all of creative was too busy coming up with more ways of patting themselves on the back for the trip to Iraq.




Hate World, Revenge Soon
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pieman
As young as
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Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

Since last post: 6 hours
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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.21

So, since Flea put you so high on his list you're going to start writing more?

Excellent choice, Mr. Rippa, excellent.




Gabba Gabba Hey!


PhilRippa
Chourico








Since: 4.1.02
From: Fairfax, VA

Since last post: 1953 days
Last activity: 558 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.25
Ah, young pieman. If anything - writing more will cause my ratings to plummet.

Phil



Hate World, Revenge Soon
DVDVR.com
asteroidboy
Andouille








Since: 22.1.02
From: Texas

Since last post: 1429 days
Last activity: 337 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.95
    Originally posted by PhilRippa
    Yeah, I really didn’t need the thought of 1000s of midnight chokers hardening themselves up as they fantasized about Rikku sucking their cocks why Yuna took a crap on their chests.


Final Fantasy characters giving a Cleveland steamer? GOLD.



-- Asteroid Boy


Wiener of the day: 23.7.02

"My brother saw the Undertaker walking through an airport." - Rex
"Was he no-selling?" - Me


Spaceman Spiff
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: Philly Suburbs

Since last post: 9 days
Last activity: 4 hours
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#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.05

    I like the Bashams – well to be honest, I really like Doug Basham; Danny has always been kinda there for me.

Yep yep. I'd like to see a Kanyon/Doug Basham team, or a Kanyon/Doug feud. I'm pretty sure we'd get some sweet matches out of the deal.

Enjoyed the Knoble/Groom match. Groom looked a lot better against Knoble than he did on Heat.



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Thanks for the feedback guys. I’ve got an idea for another WCW column soon. Also, I’d like to do a Goldberg column, if he really does sign with the WWE. I’ll believe it when I see him on TV.
- skorpio17, WCW Ratings Analysis (2003)
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