I was going to include the episode # in the title but TV.com says it's Season 2: Episode 27 while the Dish Network programming guide claims it's Episode 306. Regardless of the official numbering it's the 65th episode.
We kick off the show with the Bella Twins coming down to the ring in matching referee costumes and pigtails. They're the special guest referees for the opening bout.
Replay of the issues that Jillian has had with the Bellas over the past couple of weeks.
Yoshi Tatsu & Gail Kim vs Primo & Jillian Hall
Primo and Jillian are out first and Primo actually has pyro in the form of spinning pinwheels. (Or maybe Jillian does but it was Primo's music.) As Tatsu and Kim head to the ring, Michael Cole comments that it's “Tokyo and Toronto teaming up” so I guess Gail Kim isn't from “Korea” anymore.
Cole explains that it's a mixed tag where divas battle divas and superstars battle superstars. It won't happen in the PG era but it would be nice to see an intergender tag match again at some point. I think these four could pull of an entertaining intergender match without it coming off as the men brutalizing the women.
We start off with Gail and Jillian as the commentators try to figure out which Bella is in the ring and which one is outside. Arm ringer into a wristlock by Gail which Jillian breaks up with a palm thrust to the face that puts Kim on her back. Jillian pulls Gail up by her hair and then uses it to throw her across the ring. Pin attempt by Jillian only gets one.
Jillian once against pulls Gail up by the hair and shoves her into the corner. Forearm by Jillian followed by a snapmare. Kick to Kim's back but then Jillian whips her into the ropes and is caught with a kick to the face when she goes for a backdrop, followed by a clothesline from Kim.
Jillian tags in Primo who has an evil look on his face as he stalks towards Kim but then charges toward Yoshi as he enters the ring, only to be caught with a deep Japanese arm drag. (Or maybe it's a Mexican arm drag, I forget which is which, but it's since it's being done by a Japanese guy, we'll go with Japanese.(And I think I had this same conversation with myself several years ago, on this very board, while recapping Velocity.)) Another arm drag and then a drop kick from Tatsu. Irish whip is reversed by Primo and Jillian grabs Yoshi's leg as he hits the ropes. Primo tries to charge Yoshi while Jillian has him tied up but catches a kick to the chest. Primo stumbles back only to catch a really nice flying head scissors from the top rope by Gail Kim as the Bella twins look on passively.
Tatsu with kicks to both sides of Primo's rib cage, followed by a spinning back kick to the chest. A succession of three knife edge chops from Tatsu ensures that Yoshi will be wished well in his future endeavors tomorrow morning. Irish whip into a double chop floors Primo and is good for a 2 count.
As they replay the head scissors in the split screen, Yoshi walks into a kick to the chest by Primo. Tatsu is whipped into the corner, immediately followed by a drop kick. Primo takes the full mount and begins pounding Tatsu with left hands. Referee Bella admonishes him to quit using the closed fist but doesn't bother to count.
Primo gets in the referee's face and, in a completely Bizarro turn of events, Lawler compliments the Bella on her refereeing skills while Cole makes sexist remarks. “Look at her admonish Primo. See there! Showing her authority!” says Lawler. “She was showing her pigtails!” replies Cole with his annoying laugh. Lawler rightfully points out that she was moving her pigtail out of the way of the WWE logo to point out that she's an official.
Primo demonstrates that he's one of the smartest heels in the entire wrestling industry by turning away from his argument with the referee to kick Tatsu in the ribs before he even has a chance to get up. Snapmare by Primo and then he jumps up and rakes Yoshi's eyes with both boots in sort of a miniature Warrior's Way. Rear chinlock by Primo doesn't last long as Yoshi breaks it up with punches and then a knife edge chop. Damn, this guy really is a rebel! He just doesn't give a damn what WWE management thinks! Could this be foreshadowing a jump to Nexus by Yoshi Tatsu?
Primo kills Yoshi's momentum with a kick to the gut followed by a corner whip and a diving shoulder to the midsection. Punches and kicks from Primo who then walks away to distract the referee as Jillian... grabs him by the hair and rubs his ear against the rope? Referee Bella catches Jillian in the act and threatens to eject her from the match if she keeps cheating. Well, I suppose that would be unique... rather than just disqualify a team, throw one member out of the arena and make it a handicap match. Except for the part where half of the other team isn't allowed to fight the remaining member.
European uppercut from Primo gets a slow two and Jillian announces that it's the slowest count she's ever seen. Bodyslam by Primo as Cole claims that the Bellas are more concerned about their hair than properly refereeing the match, which Lawler disputes. Two count for Primo, followed by a double foot stomp to Tatsu's ribs. (Has Primo been hanging out with Kaval?) Primo goes for a second rope fist drop but catches a foot to the face.
Both men crawl toward their corners with Primo making the tag first. Jillian rushes in and grabs Tatsu by the foot but he manages to leap and tag in Kim as the announcers point out the tag isn't even necessary. Top rope cross body from Kim followed by a clotheslines and a drop kick. Gail with her corner charge thingy (which apparently nobody knows the name of because it's not even listed amongst her signature moves on Wikipedia.) Gail goes up top but is met with a forearm from Jillian who climbs up for a superplex. Gail blocks that with elbows and forearms and then dives over for a sunset flip bomb but Jillian hangs on to the ropes. Repeated punches to the head stuns Gail long enough for Jillian to jump down while the Bella admonishes them to get out of the ropes.
Double clothesline puts both women on the mat, bringing in the men. Primo misses a clothesline and gets sent out of the ring by a spinning wheel kick from Tatsu. (Is there a stationary wheel kick?) Jillian grabs Yoshi Tatsu around the neck from behind but is physically pulled off by the referee. Referee Bella reads Jillian the riot act to a level that would make John Coan proud. Jillian has had enough and forearms the referee in the face. The other Bella twin jumps in the ring but eats a forearm before she has time to get a single word out. Gail sneaks in behind Jillian and catches her with a school boy roll up and the first Bella is perfectly positioned to execute one of the best fast counts I've seen in quite some time.
Jillian looks on in shock at being screwed by the Bellas for the third week running. The twins raise the victors arms, with one remembering to sell the forearm shot briefly while the other laughs at Jillian.
Winners:Yoshi Tatsu & Gail Kim at 5m31s. Entertaining match. Hard to properly tell a story in a mixed tag match but they kept a nice flow going.
After the replay, the faces celebrate with the referees while we learn that later tonight we'll see Kelly Kelly & Tiffany vs LayCool.
“Dear PSP: My older brother keeps stealing my PSP. How do I get it back?” blahblahblah Marcus says "If he's busy with your PSP, I'm sure his lady friend could use someone to talk to." Hopefully they're finished with guest host's on Raw but, if not, they couldn't do any better than putting Marcus in charge.
We're back from commercial with Long Island Iced Z himself, Zach Ryder! As Ryder makes his way to the ring to the tune of the best theme song in the WWE today, Cole laments that Ryder won't respond to him on Twitter. Lawler offers to give Cole some Twitter instructions. I was going to make fun of that since Lawler hadn't tweeted since losing the mayoral election but apparently he's started up again now that he has a new TV show to promote. Ryder's opponent is Goldust and I'm stoked, bro.
Goldust vs Zach Ryder
Lawler claims that Ryder's hair stylist also cuts his grass while Cole ponders how long it takes for Goldust to put on his makeup. On a related note, I only noticed last week that Goldust paints his ears as well and that seems like it would be annoyingly uncomfortable.
Collar-and-elbow tie up to starts things off. Goldust muscles Ryder into the corner and then launches him across the ring with a deep Californian arm drag. Ryder immediately leans outside of the ropes to catch his breath. Ryder shoves Goldust into the ropes to break a side headlock but is dropped by a shoulderblock. Ryder goes for a backdrop by is sidestepped by the gold one who grabs Ryder and whips him into the ropes and follows up with an arm drag takedown. Ryder is up and breaks the hold with a pair of forearms. He whips Goldust into the ropes but his leapfrog does him no good as his opponent holds onto the ropes. Clothesline from Goldust followed by the flying butt butt which sends Ryder out to the floor as we go to a commercial break. These guys sure are in the mood to run the ropes tonight.
A commercial for WWE Magazine's Best of WWE 2010 special edition includes George “The Animal” Steele, Harley Race, Mabel, Jake Roberts, Doink, The Mountie, Jamison & The Bushwackers and I wonder whether they know the definition of either “Best” or “2010”.
We come back from commercial to see Goldust floating over Ryder's attempt at a scoop slam. Double leg pick from Goldust and he hits his nifty backbreaker (which Wikipedia also has no mention of) where he catapults Ryder chest first into the ropes, sending him ricocheting back onto Goldust's raised knees. Ryder went far enough back that his head actually touched the mat in an absolutely picturesque spot. If something can be simultaneously picturesque and brutal.
Goldust takes his time climbing the ropes and allows Ryder to jump up, grab his head and pull him down in a modified hot shot. Goldust writhes in pain while Ryder stomps away. Punches in the corner bring Goldust to the mat, allowing Ryder to throw up the LI and hit him with the facewash kick. He didn't do it very well, though, because Goldust's face is still filthy. WOO WOO WOO from Ryder.
Pin attempt only gets two but Ryder immediately locks in a rear chinlock. Goldust fights back with punches only to be stopped by a forearm. Ryder off the ropes but gets dropped with a pair of clotheslines. Ryder reverses an Irish whip and goes for a backdrop but Goldust drops down and hits his trademark uppercut. Reverse atomic drop and a bulldog puts Ryder down for two. Goldust corners Ryder and climbs up to land three punches before being shoved off, hitting the mat hard. Ryder tries to follow up but runs right into a scoop slam and another two count.
Goldust gets Ryder in DDT position but Ryder immediately backs out of it and then suckers Goldust in, slamming him face first into the second turnbuckle. Long Island Iced Z hits the Ruff Ryder leg drop and gets the three count.
Winner: Zach Ryder at 3m50s shown. Another good match, though I'm admittedly a mark for both guys.
Ryder backs up the ramp, talking trash, while Goldust looks dejected center-ring.
Replay of the NXT Talk the Talk Challenge.
Up Next: The return of the Masterlock challenge! Footage of Masters putting the Masterlock on such luminaries as Chavo Guerrero, Santino Marella, Dolph Ziggler and.. Chavo yet again.
Back from commercial, Todd Grisham does a much better job than the video did in putting over the Masterlock by saying you can ask John Cena, Shawn Michaels and Rey Mysterio just how difficult it is to get out of the hold.
The participants in this week's challenge are... The Dudebusters. Caylen Croft is apparently the Dudebuster actually participating in the challenge, as Trent Baretta stays on the outside. Croft sits in the chair but then jumps up right as Masters is about to lock it in. Masters slaps the chair and tells Croft to hurry up and the crowd boos in agreement. “It takes a strong mentality to prepare for such a challenge,” Matt Striker informs us. “Or you could be just plain stupid,” replies Grisham.
Masters locks in the hold and lifts Croft completely over the back of the chair. Croft flails around for a bit but doesn't even make an attempt to break it before the referee signals and end to the challenge.
Baretta insists that it wasn't fair because Masters has too much oil on his body. Masters responds by challenging Baretta to break the hold. Baretta is game and asks the referee to hold the gum he's been chewing. Baretta takes the chair but as soon as Master's starts to lock in the hold, Croft attacks from behind and they beat down Masters before hitting their finisher. (Wikipedia doesn't have a name for this move either but at least there's a description Inverted atomic drop (Croft) followed by a running single leg high knee (Barreta) although for some reason, The Dudebusters redirects to Croft's personal page.)
Eh, not the worst Masterlock Challenge by any means. At least it's presumably setting up a match next week.
A hype video for Jack Swagger plays as we come out of commercial, followed by a replay of Nexus vs John Cena.
LayCool make their entrance as we go to commercial yet again.
A commercial for next week's Raw airs. Apparently John Cena has "disappointed" the Raw GM. How will he survive the 7-on-1 handicap match? My guess is by taking out as many Nexus members as possible before the match.
Back from commercial, Michelle McCool and Layla are... dancing... bouncing.... I'm not sure but I'll rewind it 3 or 4 more times in an attempt to figure it out. Kelly Kelly and Tiffany come to the ring as LayCool mock the hip check that they always do when they come out together. Tiffany strikes her signature pose on the apron by pulling her foot all the way up to her shoulder and I find myself growing jealous of Drew McIntyre.
Team LayCool vs The Blondetourage
We start off with Tiffany and Michelle McCool as Grisham asks Striker if he ever shared any of the titles he won. “Oh.. you.. uh... I forgot. You didn't win any.”
McCool muscles Tiffany into the corner but Tiffany reverses it. Clean break by Tiffany but Michelle slaps her across the face. Michelle dances around to celebrate but Tiffany gets her in a waistlock, followed by a side headlock and an arm ringer. Michelle reverses the arm ringer by pulling the hair as Striker explains that LayCool's offer of free makeovers for all of the divas is because LayCool are so “sweet, adorable and caring.” Irish whip by McCool is reversed into a short arm elbow by Tiffany. Tiffany sends Michelle face first into the mat with a drop toe hold, followed by a reverse atomic drop. Forearms by Tiffany followed by a corner whip and then she poses before hitting a monkey flip. Clothesline by Tiffany only gets a one count.
Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly tags in and hits a top rope sunset flip while Tiffany holds Michelle but McCool kicks out at two. Kelly catches a kick to the stomach and then a forearm before Michelle simply picks her up and carries her over to tag in Layla. Layla reaches over and slaps Kelly out of Michelle's arms before entering the ring and then kicks her in the head. Kelly does her signature back flip out of a caught kick, followed by a Thesz Press and then grabs Layla by the hair and repeatedly slams her head into the mat.
Grisham brings up Layla spraying Smelly Kelly with perfume last week which causes Striker (who once wrestled as Matt Martel and Wikipedia informs me I shouldn't get confused with Matt Stryker, causing me to do a quick Find & Replace) to suggest that perhaps it was Rick Martel's Arrogance perfume. Layla tries to make a tag but Kelly grabs her by the hair and drags her all the way to the face corner where she slams her head into the turnbuckle and tags in Tiffany. Kick to the gut by Kelly before exiting the ring. Kelly sure does cheat a lot.
Hair toss by Tiffany followed by a rather ungraceful drop kick (but one that looked like it would probably be effective in a real fight.) Layla rolls out to the floor but Tiffany follows her right out, kicks her in the gut and throws her back into the ring. Tiffany tries to climb the ropes but Layla kicks her legs out from under her, causing her to flip into the ring and land on her back. Layla repeatedly slams the back of Tiffany's head into the mat and then stomps on her ribs before picking her up to her knees and slamming her face first into the mat.
McCool tags in and kicks Tiffany in the guts as Layla holds her. McCool slaps Tiffany and then kicks her down to the mat before laying in with repeated knee drops. Michelle drags Tiffany over to the face corner and lets her get within inches of a tag before sending Kelly to the floor with a forearm. Michelle drags Tiffany over to the heel corner while the referee is checking on Kelly and Layla chokes the former ECW GM as Michelle kicks her repeatedly.
Tag to Layla who chokes Tiffany with her foot in the corner. Tiffany tries to crawl around Layla while the referee admonishes her for the choke but Layla catches her. Forearm from Layla and then Tiffany shoots between her legs and quickly crawls toward her partner but Layla dives on top of her to keep her from making the tag. Layla locks in a side headlock as Tiffany struggles to make a tag. Once again, they're only inches away but then Layla kicks Kelly's hand away. Kelly is incensed, drawing the attention of the ref as McCool comes in illegally and slams Tiffany back into the heel corner. Layla tags in McCool who hits Tiffany with a European uppercut and an elbow to the top of the skull before shoving her to the mat with a kick.
Michelle pushes Tiffany up against the ropes but then Tiffany slides out and once again scampers toward Kelly only to be dropped by a forearm by McCool. Michelle drags Tiffany back to the center of the ring and elbows her in the back of the neck before tagging in Layla. Snapmare by McCool followed by a dropkick to the back by Layla is only good for one. Layla slams Tiffany onto her back but then misses a legdrop and Tiffany is FINALLY able to crawl over to Kelly and make the tag. Tiffany didn't even attempt a single offensive move after she got in trouble, she just used every single opportunity she had to crawl over and try to make the tag and I'm highly amused.
Kelly runs in, ducks a clothesline attempt and then lands the shittiest clothesline I've ever seen. She follows it up with the second shittiest clothesline I've ever seen and then knocks Michelle McCool off of the apron to the floor. Irish whip reversed and Kelly reverses a Layla backdrop attempt into a sunset flip for two. X-Factor by Kelly gets two and Kelly is frustrated to the point of near tears. Does Kelly realize she's a face?
Layla recovers and drops Kelly with a spinning back kick to the gut but runs into a boot after a corner whip. Kelly then hits the third shittiest clothesline I've ever seen. (Give her credit, though, she's improving right before our very eyes!) Kelly is distracted by Michelle but avoid Layla's charge and rolls her up. Michelle comes into the ring to break up the pin, which draws Tiffany in and John Coan pauses too long after the two count before deciding to ignore Michelle and instead focus on getting Tiffany out of the ring which allows McCool to kick Kelly Kelly in the face behind the ref's back, allowing Layla to get the three count.
Winners: LayCool at 6m40s. Far better of a match than I would have expected, had you told me the Blondtourage were going to wrestle for nearly 7 minutes. They told a good story with Tiffany desperate to make a tag after getting in trouble.
Not a bad show at all. Three decent to good matches and an entertainment bit that didn't absolutely suck. I'm not sure that it would measure up against Velocity at it's peak but I certainly got my (non-existent) money's worth.
SCENARIO 1 Some minor booking tweaks over just the past few weeks, while still keeping all the injured and already booked people in place, and we could have had: CONTROLLED FRIENDSIES Dolph Ziggler Big E Kofi Kingston Xavier Woods Cesaro vs.