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The W - Pro Wrestling - WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 5/30/2002
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1259 days
Last activity: 1256 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85





Nobody has hipped me to any spoilers and nobody offered to bring me any Magnum or Steel Reserve so it's CLEAN AND SOBER review tonight- so I will probably not use the P word. Maybe I will. I'm feeling WYLDE~! First Off, SO HOWCOME I DOn'T GET BENOIT ON MY FUCKING SHITTY WWE FUCKING SHITTY SHOW ALL OF THE SUDDEN?!?! THAT WASN'T OUR DEAL, SCHNEIDER! THAT WASN'T OUR DEAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!

WHAT WORKED.

- ONE ON ONE looks like a show that I should watch- what with the fella with the daughter coming of age and the hijinx it would inspire. When does that come on? The Hughleys mom is superhot. When does that come on?

- I am torqued at Billy and Chuck fixin' to take it to Rikishi. Oddly, Billy takes a big bump which is what I thought shitty wrestlers didn't do. Chuck Pulumbo throws great punches. Punches as sweet as his hot powdered dimpled ass. Rikishi is far better this week but the match is pretty stupid. Why doesn't Rico just tag in and let Chuck pin him? Actually, it being being big time professional wrestling in the United States, it has to be thoroughly retarded- so I look at the full half of the glass and commend Rikishi and MALE ASS BUFFET for having a semi-clever match to set up Rico pinning one half of the team he manages. There.

- Jericho bumps like Psicosis on painkillers for Farooq- which is about what he had to do to get this match up here. Farooq actually held up his end, not getting lost and taking Jericho's SWANK elbow drops like a man. Farooq used his poor man's Road Warrior Hawk offense to good effect and made Jericho's sometimes questionable offense look really good. Jericho was pretty inspired for a five minute throwaway match.

- Lance gets the funniest heel heat of the last couple of months. D-Von was less annoying this week outside of the ring.

- That GIRLFRIENDS show looks like quality television hilarity. One of the gals is kinda portly, I'm figuring and they are all- sassy, maybe? Toss me a bone here.

- Randy Orton wrestles for the title and UT has a flashback to SOMETHING as he bumps like a fucking freak for the youngster and looks great on offense- with the full Budro Elbow Drop. The Psychology was great- UT takes the young punk too lightly- Orton gets some offense until UT cuts him off with a big move and toys with him some more. Forearm across the face? UT has been hanging out with Fit Finlay. The nearfalls were beautiful as UT actually did the "what do I have to do kill this little bastard" look after the second kick out- JUST LIKE MISAWA USED TO DO! Best UT match I've seen in forever. This was good, and I HATE the Undertaker. HERE! HERE! The HHH run-in needed somebody to bleed. UT looks like a slightly mentally retarded janitor when he makes that face of fear and surprise as he slinks off. He should avoid that face. My 2 cents.

- The Hurricane and Kidman take on Tajiri and Chavo. Hurricane is all fun with the lucha submission being whipped out. Kidman with the Rydeen Bomb before the Tarantula with a Dropkick by Chavo to get the advantage was a really neat sequence until Tajiri decides to try the first Powerbomb EVER in his entire career! Why would Tajiri decide to try this power move? Could it be the allure of seeing the heavyweights in All Japan use it as he was growing up? Could it be his idol is Jushin Thunder Lyger and his running Lygerbomb and- in a flight of fancy- Tajiri was swept up in need emulate his idol? Maybe Tajiri feared the Cruiserweight Glass Ceiling and thought a sudden use of a heavyweight powermove like the powerbomb would get him a couple cycles of HGH and a crack at the upper card as a Japanese Benoit? Could it be that Kidman has the most annoying counter spot in the entire world of wrestling? THAT'S IT! Tajiri was doing a powerbomb just so Kidman could turn it into a facebuster! That SUCKS! Anyway, Hurricane fucking rules it with the highflying because it inspires kidman to hit the toprope Shooting Star Press. Idiotic booking kicks in and Tajiri wins. The Tarantula thing puts iot up here. The fact that this was two minutes and simple a shitheaded vehicle to further a stupid angle should put it down yonder. This shit is booked by fucking morons.

- HHH was fun beating the crap out of Test- being suitably pissed off and what not. Test went the extra mile- making with the big bumps. HHH and Test upped the stiffness in the corner and I was digging it. HHH leans into Storm's Superkick like a champ- as HHH has the longest Smackdown hotstreak currently, though his Spinebuster sucked it till the mayonnaise flew out. The damn Unertaker undoes the work of Lance and Test to do a picture perfect Shemp and Moe impersonation- as HHH's misdirection makes Storm and Test beat the living fuck out of each other somehow. UT allows Test to get the big boot in for the pin. Micheal Cole needs to give me a call so I can teach him how to cuss effectively. He uses the word "damn" awkwardly about five times during the run-in by UT. The initial chairshot which was nice. Somehow, HHH didn't blade after all of this- disappointing the vampire inside me that likes the fact that HHH bleeds when he squints really hard at this point of his career.

- Edge and Angle keep it on the mat early in the cage match which is nice before they both go apeshit with bumps into the side of the cage. Edge hits the Kanemoto Running Suplex and shoulderblock before Angle makes with the Sakie Hasegawa Locomotion Suplexes and they go back to bashing their faces into the cage and I'm assuming that someone is gonna bleed. On cue, Edge hits a fricking gusher for your viewing pleasure. Angle takes the fucking CRAZY full rotation bump off the Toprope Dangerous Backdrop by Edge and this is becoming truly awesome free television programming. Edge takes the GIGANTIC Angle Slam off the toprope allowing Angle to climb out and win clean as a sheet. They do the stupid Hogan crap afterwards- which is fine. Oh wait, the ref bump is still in efffect so it's the World's Worst Dusty Finish- but I was digging this match so- what the fuck- thanks, Hulk, for restarting it. The restart is a batch of nearfalls until they set up the most elaborate plan for crushing of Angle's testicles that one could concoct. Edge hits the spear off the toprope and gets the pin and then Hogan comes in and doesn't get Angle's wig. Edge was fucking awesome in this. Angle was fucking AWESOME in this. This is whatchacall a fun wrestling match.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK.

- Tajiri skulking around the stairwell while Maven is fixin' to put the blast on his caulk-filled girley was spine-curdlingly retarded. Maven and Christian have a little match with lotsa bumps- including the horrendously bad Zipang-level Land-on-your-shoulder-all-wrong-for-my-pleasure indie Piscada. Christian needs Tajiri's help to Tommykazi a rookie? One would suspect the the Christian push has been delayed as he enters into the SPOT occupied by the Tito Santannas of a past WWF era.

- Dawn Marie is gonna get plied by Vince's pungent cottage-cheese textured love- which is his perogative, I guess- but it gets in the way of Dean finding out why he doesn't have Benoit on his motherfucking TV screen. Dawn Marie looks like one of those chicks on that Bang Bus porno site I read about, THAT I READ ABOUT!, with the grotesque tan and porn make-up- as opposed to a woman who was actually beginning to learn how to work a wrestling match pretty well. Maybe she will get to get some training by Fit Finlay and have one of those mythical good WWE Joshi matches that I keep reading about on non-Smackdown WWE shows. What we they need is the Chuck and Billy Bang Bus Cinemax special. They could pick up Juventud and... oh wait. AH FUDGE!

- Wolf Lake doesn't look like a UPN show I will watch. I am sorry, fair UPN...

- Hogan comes on my TV at 8:40 EST and I have a DEEP fear that this will be 28 minutes of him turning his head in different directions to react to the crowd of Canadians screeching his name and then 57 minutes of Hogan giving a SHOOT PROMO~! First you cry... Luckily, Kurt Angle is my favorite wrestler because I can mentally control him and I used our telekinetic BOND to have him come out and whack Hogan in the back of the head. The command I sent through my TV to Kurt (when I talk to him in my mind I call him "Kurt") was, "Kurt! This is GRANDMASTER DEAN! KICK HIM! KICK HIM LIKE A DOG!"

- Angle on the stick REFUSES to say the Baron Von Raschke line. Cole was quite Caudell-like in his wimpering. Angle should avoid these stupid comedy situations and become a badass like HHH and Beniot. He would be a lot more effective because of the hard ass style he wrestles.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.



YES, I AM DEAN.



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CRZ
Big Brother
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Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 9 hours
Last activity: 4 hours
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#2 Posted on
If it's UPN and it's black - it's MONDAY (although The Hughleys have been cancelled, enjoy them while you can)

I hear tell UPN is obligated to pick up "Dark Angel" now that it's cancelled as well

DEAN I love you but if you have grossly underestimated the time of the cruiserweight match AGAIN I may have to call you on it because this would be....like three times in a row.

You're not watching Tough Enough 2: the final? ;-)



©CRZ™
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1259 days
Last activity: 1256 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Was it like five minutes? I go into a writing frenzy where I become unencumbered by facts and reality!!

DEAN. Cableless.



YES, I AM DEAN.



BigDaddyLoco
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 7 hours
Last activity: 5 hours
#4 Posted on

    DEAN. Cableless.


That's a shame. You're really missing out on a lot of male ass.




DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1259 days
Last activity: 1256 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85

    Originally posted by BigDaddyLoco

      DEAN. Cableless.


    That's a shame. You're really missing out on a lot of male ass.


------
DR: I miss that and the History Channel the most...

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.



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That Sin Cara's old (and famous in Mexico) colors were white and gold; that was his Cult Of Personalty-ish Easter Egg.
- thecubsfan, SmackDown #625 8-12-11 (2011)
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