Smackdown this week opened with Randy Orton delivering a triumphant promo, talking about how he first beat John Cena at TLC to become the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, then followed it up by defeating the undeserving Daniel Bryan on Raw to put an end to any title aspirations he had. This was interrupted by John Cena, who gave Orton credit for beating him fair and square at TLC, manning up for one night only, but then broke the bad news to him. He didn't beat Bryan on Raw. Orton seemed befuddled by the concept of losing via disqualification. As Orton promised that the Authority would ensure that Daniel Bryan would never get a title shot, Bryan came out to interject. He claimed that Orton was both scared of him and inferior to him, going on to say that he looked forward to Cena winning back the title so that he could finally get a fair shot at it. The Shield took that moment to appear, allowing Orton to bail out of the ring and retreat, but CM Punk arrived to save the day before violence could break out. Leading to our six man tag main event.
Before the main event, Renee Young attempted to interview Bryan, but her Wyatt Senses tingled and she quickly fled, as Harper, Rowan and Wyatt showed up to attack Bryan. Harper and Rowan threw Bryan off a ledge in the shipping bay of the arena as Bray recited nursery rhymes for the camera. The injury to Bryan left him unable to compete in the main event, making it a handicap match, where Cena was the face in peril. He finally got the tag to Punk, who ran roughshod for a time over the Shield, but three on two was still too much and excessive triple-teaming by the Shield led to the DQ ending. Cena tried to rescue Punk, and they started to turn the tables, but a spear to Cena ended that, and a triple powerbomb put him out of his misery. Punk tried to fight on, but one on three wasn't going to work. As he was being prepared for a triple powerbomb of his own, Big E Langston ran in to save the day, clearing the ring of the Shield by himself. Roman Reigns looked like he wanted to go back and get Langston on his own, but the combination of Punk getting a steel chair to back him up and Rollins tugging on his leg led him to back down, as the show ended with Langston standing tall.
Well, if you're going to have only one world title, it makes sense to make the Intercontinental Champion look strong, does it not? That's the next best title now!
In other matches, Big E Langston defeated Jack Swagger with the Big Ending, with Mark Henry on the outside nullifying Antonio Cesaro's interference. Brie Bella beat Tamina by blocking the Superfly Splash with her knees, then piefaced AJ post-match. Sin Cara beat Drew McIntyre with the Swanton Bomb. Sweet T beat Brodus Clay after Xavier Woods did the Brodus Clay entrance with the Funkadactyls to cause a distraction. Goldust and Cody Rhodes, who now are calling themselves the Brotherhood, lost to the Wyatt Family thanks to interference from Bray Wyatt. As they were preparing Cody for a post-match beatdown, Daniel Bryan chased them off with a steel chair, setting up the later backstage attack against him. Damien Sandow defeated the Miz via rollup. Isn't Miz a heel? And finally, Fandango beat Kofi Kingston with the top rope legdrop.
In no f'n order! Magnum Tokyo's finishers/ signature moves: Viagra Driver (Pump handle into Michinoku Driver) Erect Smash (Cross Arm Rock Bottom) Milano Collection AT's finishers/ signature moves: STF (The F is for Fashion)