It's been a couple of weeks since I've gone for the full treatment, but we're now officially on the Road to Wrestlemania! How many more bumps will we hit on the way? Lets find out together!
The opening recap covers Del Rio making Big Show tap out, and Jack Swagger winning the Chamber match. Also, the Rock debuted a new championship belt, while CM Punk got a shot at John Cena's shot. That's not wise!
No opening credits, we cut straight to ALBERTO DEL RIO w/RICARDO RODRIGUEZ, the White Scarf of Purity and the Mexican Bucket of Fun. Del Rio is garbed in a white suit, and hands his scarf off to a young fan. Ricardo produces a microphone from the bucket, and here comes Del Rio. "Last Sunday, at the Elimination Chamber PPV, I retained my World Heavyweight Championship. So that means I, we, we are going to Wrestlemania!" Point to the sign! "I also found out who my opponent is going to be that night. I'm talking about the winner of the Elimination Chamber match, Jack Swagger. Jack Swagger has a new, a new mission, a new friend and a new attitude, and in this new attitude, Jack believes he is everything that is right with America, and I am everything that is wrong with America. Jack, I saw your state of union address last Monday on Raw, and I've seen all your videos on Youtube, and you say, the problem with this country is immigrants, you claim according to you, we the immigrants are taking jobs and opportunities from people like you. Jack, this country was built by immigrants, hardworking people chasing the American dream! Real people, hardworking people trying to provide their families with a better life. And that is, Jack, why this country why America is so great. Jack, this is a result of my hard work! This is a result of the American dream! And Jack, if you claim to be the real American, let me tell you something, for me you are nothing than a real jackass. *spanish*, and Jack, for you, we, the immigrants, want handouts, why don't you come out here so I can lay my hand out all across your face, perro!" But Jack Swagger does not show up, as we are instead treated to the arrival of RANDY ORTON. He raises a hand to ward off Del Rio's concerns as he marches down to the ring.
"Alberto, I am, I'm going.." Fans chant Randy. "Alberto, I'm going to do my absolute best to stay calm, cool and collected, but something was taken from me. This past Sunday at the Chamber, I was this close, man, this close to just having the chance, the opportunity to regain that World Title, against you in the main event of Wrestlemania. But that was taken from me, that chance that opportunity was taken from me, it was taken by Jack Swagger. Now part of me respects Swagger for what he did because I would have done the exact same thing, but an even bigger part of me, the part of me I tend to listen to me, wants me to take out all my rage and aggression on Jack Swagger right here tonight. Now Alberto, I know that it's you versus Swagger at Wrestlemania so this is what I'm asking. Step aside. Step aside just for tonight, because Swagger's mine, and Alberto, if we've gotta fight over it, so be it." Del Rio thinks it over, but before he can respond, BOOKER T makes his way out because that's the opening segment formula, isn't it? "Whoa. Wait one minute, guys. That's not quite the way I see Smackdown going tonight, I have a little plans, and my plans are this. A champions vs. champions match tonight, yeah, that's right. Alberto Del Rio, the world Heavyweight Champion, will go one on one with the Intercontinental Champion, Wade Barrett. And as far as Jack Swagger goes, yes he will be going one on one with the Viper, Randy Orton. Randy, you've got your wish tonight. Now can you dig that, sucka!?" Del Rio doesn't look too upset with the ruling, while Randy Orton is understandably happy. Up next, Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow!
SHEAMUS vs. YOUR INTELLECTUAL SAVIOUR DAMIEN SANDOW: The commentators talk about Sheamus' continuing feud with the Shield during his entrance. Sandow has the mic! "Silence the music, I am about to speak! Tonight, you will all bear witness to a monumental occasion, the destruction of your false idol, Sheamus. A man whose only purpose has been dragging you further into the bowels of your own ignorance. Tonight, Sheamus, your reign of terror comes to an end. You're welcome!" Sheamus does not seem too impressed. Sandow opens with a kick, but Sheamus fights back with punches and takes Sandow to the corner. Sandow fights out with forearm shots, but Sheamus catches a kick and takes him down. Short-arm clothesline by Sheamus. Sandow comes back with a kick and a headbutt. Whip off the ropes, Sandow's hiptoss is blocked, and Sheamus stares at him before clotheslining him down. Here's another clothesline over the top rope to the floor! Sheamus follows, and tosses Sandow into the barricade, then again! Back into the ring, Sheamus launches himself into Sandow with the Neidhart battering ram. Sheamus chokes him in the corner with an elbow, but Sandow kicks him in the knee, then clotheslines him down. The two trade blows in the middle of the ring. Sheamus whips him off the ropes, but Sandow stops him with a kick. Sheamus, nonplussed, grabs Sandow by the beard (not the beard!) and throws him over the top rope. Sandow catches himself on the apron, but that just means he eats the ten punch clubbering. Sheamus tries to suplex Sandow back into the ring, but Sandow shoves him off and bails to the floor, hiding behind JBL as we go to break.
When we return, Sandow has a chinlock applied. During the break, he took control by ramming Sheamus into the ringpost. Sandow hits a side-russian leg sweep, and follows up with the Cubito Aequet. "You're welcome!" Front flipping neckbreaker follows, but Sheamus kicks out at two. Sandow chokes him over the second rope, throwing some forearm shots across the face at the same time. Sheamus tries to fight back from the knees, but he gets taken back down and beaten down. Sandow takes a bow! He heads outside the ring and beats up Sheamus, who's down on the apron. Sheamus lands a kick but fails to turn the tide, and Sandow snapmares him and reapplies the chinlock. Next week is apparently Social Media Smackdown, and I'm not entirely sure how they plan to pull that off with a taped show. Sheamus headbutts his way free, but gets drop toe holded into the ropes, and Sandow follows with a Bossman straddle. Cover, but he only gets two. Back to the chinlock! Sheamus powers out and lands punches. Whip to the corner, shoulder tackle by Sheamus, followed by a kneelift and an Irish hammer! Another, and another! The corner charge is blocked by a Sandow boot, but Sheamus catches Sandow for a powerslam. Sandow slips down the back to escape, running Sheamus into the corner and then hitting.. okay, who did that move before? It's an X-Factor from behind, and I really should remember it. Help me out here! Anyway, it gets two. C'mon, I can call Orton's backbreaker the 3.0 because I remember Mike Sanders, but I can't remember this. Sandow lifts Sheamus back up and delivers some knees, before going for the Terminus, but Sheamus powers out and hoists Sandow for White Noise. Sandow elbows his way free, then ducks under a Brogue Kick, hitting a dropkick to the knees. Sandow goes for another flipping neckbreaker, but Sheamus dodges away and grabs him to hit White Noise! And we all know what that means. The Brogue Kick connects! 1, 2, 3, Sheamus wins. A recap of the Wrestlemania XXX announcement follows. Later tonight, Jack Swagger vs. Randy Orton, and Alberto Del Rio vs. Wade Barrett! Does hoping that it was going to be Del Rio vs. Cesaro make me a bad person?
The Edge-O-Matic! Sandow did the Edge-O-Matic. It shouldn't have taken me this long to remember that. I could go back and edit the last paragraph, I guess, but I know people want stream of consciousness Smackdown recaps. They don't want the botches editted out! Just ask Beth Phoenix!
Now a recap of the Shield! They won matches on both Sunday and Monday, you know.
KAITLYN and LAYLA vs. AKSANA and TAMINA: A recap from the WWE app shows during Kaitlyn's entrance, as she ran into Cody Rhodes backstage and complimented him on his mustache. Legitimately and without sarcasm. She had a thing for mustaches on NXT, didn't she? Continuity! Aksana and Layla start, and I'm left wondering how much effort to put into a Divas match given how little effort WWE has been taking in the division as a whole. As Aksana and Layla engage in a danceoff, my desire to put in effort fades. Butt-butt by Layla, and a tag to Kaitlyn who takes Aksana down. Kaitlyn applies a chinlock, turning Aksana's strength against her, but a distraction by Tamina lets Aksana dump her outside. Tamina illegally attacks outside, leaving Aksana to preen in the ring. Side slam by Aksana, for two. Whip to the hostile corner, and Aksana crawls over in sultry faction because that's better than actual offense. Slap by Aksana, then she cuts off Kaitlyn's comeback and stomps away. Headscissors applied, as Tamina looks on. Aksana rolls Kaitlyn over and rams her head into the mat, then lands a kick to the chest. Running splash misses! Kaitlyn crawls over to the tag. Layla and Tamina are both in now, and Layla takes Tamina down with a hairpull. Kick ot the chest, followed by a dropkick to the.. thigh? The LOL (Lots Of Layla) springboard crossbody is caught by Tamina and rolled through, and she hoists Layla up for the Samoan Drop, but Layla tags Kaitlyn from Tamina's shoulders. Spear by Kaitlyn on the unaware Tamina, and that'll do it! But Layla intercepts the title as it's brought into the ring. Kaitlyn grabs it away from her to pose. Up next, the Rock's championship celebration!
And that's as far as my recap goes for now, sorry! If I have free time tomorrow I might come back and finish it, but in short, Jack Swagger beats Randy Orton via cheating (thumb to eye plus feet on ropes), Miz makes Cody tap out to the Figure Forgot, and Alberto Del Rio beats Wade Barrett by submission despite the presence of Swagger and Colter. Apologies to the people who were looking forward to a full recap, hopefully next week I'll get back there!
Watching this show I couldn't help but think that Cody and Miz really should be in each other's places. Miz is kind of played out and there isn't much to do. He should be the one attempting a resurgence in a tag team or being a glorified jobber. Meanwhile, Cody is the one that should be getting wins against the US Champion, have an obvious feud for Wrestlemania, he could pull off a face turn so much better and adopting the Figure Four would at least KIND OF make sense with the Flair/Dusty connection. When you also throw in that Cody is the son of one of the biggest legends of all-time and The Miz is a reality show contestant and yet Miz is the one that has been World Champion and it all makes me wonder how in the world we got here.
Am I alone in thinking that Rhodes is right after Ziggler and Cesaro as far as people that really should get a chance as World Champ in 2013?
I believe Jungle Grrrl is now going by her real name of Erica Porter, and is now in UPW. Everyone else from WOW pretty much disappeared, and I'm sure the vast majority of them have returned to being models or actresses.