Buy the Network! Buy the Network! Only $9.99! Buy the Network! Buy the Network! Buy the Network! Only $9.99! Buy the Network! Buy the Network! Lather, rinse, repeat for three hours.
And how does this company try to sell you this Network that they won't stop blathering on about?
STEPHANIE MCMAHON AND BRIE BELLA IN A MAIN EVENT CONTRACT SIGNING!
Smell the subscriptions!!!
Other stuff happened on this show, but that should be the big takeaway. In the wake of freefalling subscription numbers, this company still feels the need to be the McMahon Family Wankfest. They just can't help themselves and it's just... sad.
EDIT: Thread title should be #1106, of course.
(edited by It's False on 4.8.14 2341)
"Playing guitars. It's hard to sing while playing...guitars."
I'm starting to notice (and believe I'm echoing some sentiment) that Raw fluctuates now between G, PG, and PG-13 style shows, and it's confounding. This one was distinctly PG, considering someone cleaned up Roman Reigns mid-match. Not that I actively think "man, I sure would pay to watch someone bleed", but really, it's a Last Man Standing Match, supposed to be super brutal. Kind of goofy that the WWE will have Stephanie get called a bitch only to bleep it out in every replay we've seen a bajillion times and also tone down the language in the contract signing (though the male-on-female violence still got loopholed into the mix). Again, confounding.
WWE has never been the entertainment my mother thought was wholesome or family friendly. The whole point of the show is to resolve your conflicts using violence. Even Cena is violent; throwing and punching people is violence. He's the champion because he's best at it and people want to see him in violent situations. You can call it prayers and vitamins, you can call it hustle, loyalty, and respect, but let's be honest; prayers, vitamins, hustle, loyalty, and respect can all be applied to equestrian, underwater basket weaving, non-contact GTA V Online racing, politics, or just about anything. It doesn't immediately translate to you waving your hand in your face before punching someone with it or putting someone in a firemans carry and chucking them through a table; that's violence. Now Lesnar is supposed to be viewed as villainous for just that; being violent. People react to burning tables, to kicks in the groin, to punches going beyond 10, to 7+ foot tall men slapping shaved chests, SLAPS, Codebreakers, Zigzags, Sister Abigails, piledrivers, and chairshots. I can hear people call each other names and look ridiculous at Wal-Mart, man. I watch for the big time!
So, on that note...
Heath Slater got the huge win while Dean Ambrose proved he can be more entertaining with a briefcase, some paper, a soda, some popcorn, and a hat than Seth Rollins with Heath Slater. This looked to be an instance of the announce booth having NO clue what was going on, with JBL looking legit pissed about losing his hat. Line of the night going to JBL, who, when noticing that Seth was upset over the plight of his MacGuffin, pointed out "my hat's in there", which is probably the most absurd thing I've heard in a while (sweet to see the 'E is competing with my PPV predictions; I couldn't have made that up).
On that note, Ambrose is awesome.
I already got the network. $9.99. Got it. Kinda looks like someone was having fun with all the ballyhoo about 'stocks' and 'shareholders' and 'market presence', or rather, that being the topic of choice in many of the finer message boards across the universe.
Totally thought Adam Rose was going to come out after the Fandango match. Oh look, Torito and Hornswaggle made nice, then Torito seemingly dry humped Layla (confounding!). Adam Rose showing up would have made too much sense.
Golddust and Stardust return to face Rybaxle for the 987th time this summer. Eh, just turn Ryback face again and let the people have fun chanting Goldberg.
Cena/Lesnar is so important that neither man shows up and we get the same video package twice.
I'd be more interested in Cesaro/Ziggler at the PPV. I'd love to see Cesaro just come out and help a random face, giving them a hug on the way to the ring, JUST like he did Heyman.
I like Rusev, I like Swagger as a face, I don't like the same promos each week. THIS is an angle that needs a touch of Vince Russo, if only to break up the monotony with a hook about someone's genitalia. Have Lana walk in on Swagger in the shower. Have Zeb walk in on Lana in the shower. Have Rusev tell a fart joke. I dunno, something to break up the monotony.
Did Jericho only come back with the stipulation that the Wyatt's stop getting cheap heat by announcing each town they're in?
(edited by Lexus on 5.8.14 0339) "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Frown and the world laughs at you." -Me.
Good for Heath Slater and that is about all you can say for this show. Jericho geatting beatdown by the Wyatts has gotten old quick and I kinda wish the piss in a tea cup Jericho would return to at least bring some mental edge to the feud. They are missing the boat on Ambrose or they are being very coy about it til Mania. I somehow doubt its coy.
Brock/Cena would be a great SummerSlam match if they already didn't face each other before. The other problem is if Brock wins, we get more Raws like this. Where the McMahons feel, they and they only can save Raw even though last week's main event Steph/Brie segment tanked in the ratings. Even if Bryan does come back to take out HHH, we are still stuck with seeing Steph wrestle. If Brock wins only for Rollins to cash it in, where does that leave Brock and Heyman?
You can look at Bryan's injury as the real reason of why we have such a lukewarm SummerSlam. Yet, the real problem and the problem since last fall is this Authority angle is noose around the company's neck. Yes, it lead to Bryan getting his big win, but how much of that was fan revolt at the Rumble. According Bryan, a lot. Even after Mania where it should have ended, it keeps going like a tornado destroying everything in its path from Batista to the Network to Shield to Summerslam. Fans don't give a shit about HHH and Steph even if they do get their just deserts we all know they will return to screw something else up.
Kind of goofy that the WWE will have Stephanie get called a bitch only to bleep it out in every replay we've seen a bajillion times and also tone down the language in the contract signing (though the male-on-female violence still got loopholed into the mix). Again, confounding.
I think the game is they went 'off script' caught up in the moment but WWE certainly would not condone such language. It probably wasn't by accident that Brie said it just off mic the first week - they're pushing the limits of what they can get away with and waiting to see when they get pushed back.
On that note, Ambrose is awesome.
That bit could've come off goofy done the wrong way, but he nailed it. Rollins freakout was good too.
Kinda looks like someone was having fun with all the ballyhoo about 'stocks' and 'shareholders' and 'market presence', or rather, that being the topic of choice in many of the finer message boards across the universe.
I'd be more willing to believe they were mocking everyone's concern if they weren't going all in on the hard sell at all other times. Lawler celebrating at the desk over when the UK would get the Network was a bit much. (And all the attempt to get #9.99 trending failed because someone didn't realize you can't put a period in a hash tag.)
Obviously it will get lost in the Heath Slater: Main Event Superstar pyro and ballyhoo, but Dean Ambrose literally dancing out of frame at the end Rollins/Slater was the greatest damn thing I've seen in the last two years of seeing damn things on wrestling. To echo what my esteemed colleague lotjx says, Ambrose is For Real and if they somehow don't see that - they may see it, but it's impossible to tell now when they're poorly booking guys for spite or poorly booking guys because they are genuinely incompetent - then this company deserves the approximately 700,000 fans it has worldwide.
You want to keep my $9.99 a month? Make the show about Dean Ambrose Doin' Stuff. It's that simple. Also stop screwing around with Cesaro and push Luke Harper. But mostly, Dean Abmrose Doin' Stuff. Ol' scumbag Dean Ambrose. Killin' hobos and cuttin' promos.
Brock is really, truly good at those pre-taped segments for big money matches. Like, Cena was good there, but Brock's time out in the world has granted him the killer instinct of knowing how to sell his matches as spectacles, and he has this great balance of knowing what he's saying while making it sound like he's saying something he shouldn't be saying. He needs to all but kill Cena at Summerslam now, though.
Is Reigns spearing Kane the worst Last Man Standing finish? Kane is effectively done now, and in a way that didn't really boost Reigns as much as it could have. Give The Hair and Mask of Kane to somebody else and let Kane do commentary or something, I guess. Let Zeb talk Jack Swagger into selling his soul to weild the The Power of The Demon Kane to beat Rusev, I don't care. In fact, let's do that: Jack Swagger, The Devil's Favorite American.
Originally posted by thecubsfan(And all the attempt to get #9.99 trending failed because someone didn't realize you can't put a period in a hash tag.)
That this is probably true and they didn't think something that obvious through makes me really, shamefully happy.
They should hire Steve Austin to come on and do ads for the Network. Just, right in the middle of a segment, have Austin appear saying "Lemme stop ya right there for a second, Stardust, and tell ya about the WWE Network! Me and Hershey the Wonder Dog just can't get enough-"
(Seriously, though, they have no idea how to market this thing even to their own fanbase. Austin, on his own podcast, is making weekly recommendations of old matches to watch. Why do they not have someone on salary doing this on every Raw and then hosting a roundtable about the match/event of the week on the Network? What would that possibly cost to produce?)
Originally posted by Dr UnlikelyGive The Hair and Mask of Kane to somebody else and let Kane do commentary or something, I guess. Let Zeb talk Jack Swagger into selling his soul to weild the The Power of The Demon Kane to beat Rusev, I don't care. In fact, let's do that: Jack Swagger, The Devil's Favorite American.
Complete with red, white, and blue turnbuckle flames!
"Playing guitars. It's hard to sing while playing...guitars."
I'm still stymied by the "Oculus" shilling without also seeing some "Road to Paloma" shilling.
If you happened to watch the WrestleMania hour on NBC, first of all, that was YOU? and second of all, it's truly startling to hear a WWEN plug-free show to the point where it must have been an NBC rule that they couldn't plug ANYTHING - hell, they couldn't even explicitly plug SummerSlam although their choices to aire the matches of the two main SS ME'ers Cena and Lesnar were merely a canny coincidence, I'm sure (Daniel who? Nope, never happened)
The whole Beat the Clock segments were really rather genius, from making us think/dread for practically the entire show that RVD would be called upon to go at least 15:41 in 2014, to his replacement, to Rollins giving Slater a chance to exit the ring and keep his dignity via COR, via Ambrose NOT annoying me being a lunatic for probably the first time in both our lives to the aforementioned groovin' on the 3MB theme after the victory. All that was missing was ONE good shot of Slater celebrating his victory - not easy, given our hyperkinetic director's ability to cut to five different shots in two seconds.
Ambrose was my least favorite in The Shield, but is my favorite outside the group. That whole set up was pretty awesome. KUDOS to JBL for going along with that. It did seem that he was looking for a different hat or something under the table.
Plus, does this mean they might give Slater some more wins?
Steph and Brie were brutal in the main event slot. That's first hour material.
Ziggler getting the win was great. But they've pretty much buried Cesaro.
YOUR 2012 NCCA Tournament Bracket Challenge Winner
Originally posted by lotjx Brock/Cena would be a great SummerSlam match if they already didn't face each other before.
I don't think the fact that they had a match more than two years ago will disqualify their Summerslam match from being great.
The thing that struck me about the WWE Network plugs is this: I don't think fans are NOT buying the Network because they aren't aware of what's offered on it or the price point. Yet, WWE seemed to be going into the show with the idea that, "hey, the reason we only have 700,000 subscriptions is because not enough people know about the Network!" I can't imagine that to be true. But it's just another notch in the belt of WWE's inability to market this product.
(edited by geemoney on 5.8.14 1333) @gregmparks - live Tweeting of Raw and Impact, wrestling thoughts and other slices of life.
Originally posted by Dr Unlikelyit's impossible to tell now when they're poorly booking guys for spite or poorly booking guys because they are genuinely incompetent
To that, sir, I say poppycock.
1. There is zero reason for the WWE to 'punish' talent by making them look bad on purpose. The whole point is to make money with the likeness and character, not teach (insert unpushed guy you like a whole lot) a lesson in humility.
2. As for incompetence, I feel that they're only incompetent as long as (insert unpushed guy you like a whole lot) doesn't get a push. I mean, if at SummerSlam we had Cena/Lesnar in a bra and panties pudding match, Cesaro hosting a cocktail party outside of where WWF New York used to be in Times Square (and being shocked to find out it's closed), an hour long "special" in the same vein of "How It's Made" about the Money In The Bank Briefcase and Lawler's T-Shirts, and then a triple threat between Damien Sandow, R-Truth, and Heath Slater for a pound of ground beef, I would definitely call that incompetent. Pushing (insert unpushed guy you like a whole lot) to the stars, then having nothing for them to do but flounder about in space is also incompetent.
Actually, a "How It's Made" about setting up an arena for a WWE show would hold my interest.
I also really, REALLY liked it when HHH did the 'lip take' after kissing Stephanie at the end of the show. Ever get a kiss from your spouse/significant other, then immediately start moving your lips against each other because of the lip gloss/balm they were wearing? Yeah, he did that, and my girlfriend totally noticed. I liked that a ton.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Frown and the world laughs at you." -Me.
Originally posted by Lexus 1. There is zero reason for the WWE to 'punish' talent by making them look bad on purpose. The whole point is to make money with the likeness and character, not teach (insert unpushed guy you like a whole lot) a lesson in humility.
I don't disagree with you, but there's the little manner of them once intentionally booking a guy to completely humiliate him to the point that he went from being slated to win King of the Ring to competing in a hog pen match. Considering how that worked out for him, I could very easily see Vince McMahon believing that anyone who loses their popularity because they're booked poorly wasn't very good to begin with.
I get your point but think your math may be a bit off. The Hog Pen match (which HHH won) happened before the "Curtain Call" thing so likely wasn't punishment. I guess the squash match with Ultimate Warrior and having a diminished role throughout most of 1996 would be the punishment you alluded to.
Originally posted by It's FalseBuy the Network! Buy the Network! Only $9.99! Buy the Network! Buy the Network! Buy the Network! Only $9.99! Buy the Network! Buy the Network! Lather, rinse, repeat for three hours. (edited by It's False on 4.8.14 2341)
You missed a few:
YOUR 2012 NCCA Tournament Bracket Challenge Winner
I'd be pretty shocked if that ludicrous shilling of the Network for 9.99 sold even one additional subscription. They've been pushing the damn thing since Wrestlemania, unless this was the first RAW you've tuned into in a half-year or so, you knew about the freaking Network already. If anything, it would make me LESS inclined to subscribe simply out of spite (which is my reaction to most stupid/annoying advertisment schemes). If I had a subscription I'd probably cancel the card it was on just to get out of it at this point.
I'm not sure whether to be happy that Ziggler won another match, or be pissed that Cesaro had to job again. When I clicked back to RAW and saw Cesaro in the corner I even wondered to myself who he'd be jobbing to this week ...
Still not buying Swagger as a face. I'm rooting for Lana's boobs in this feud.
I might be alone in this one but I rather enjoyed Rollins/Kane Last Man Standing. It would've been nice if there was some visible juicing, of course, but WWE is lame these days. Apparently Kane decided to retire after that match? Or go back to his business attire? Who the hell knows, with 'creative' you never can tell what you're going to get.
I enjoyed the swerve with the Beat the Clock challenge, setting Ambrose's time at 15 minutes and change and then switching Rollins' opponent from RVD to Slater. That gave Ambrose all the excuse he needed to come out and cause mischief for Mr. MITB, and such delightful mischief it was. JBL really needs to stop pretending the police are at all interested in a wrestling angle, it's one of his most annoying traits as an announcer. I'm glad he lost his hat, fuck that guy. Anyway, Slater actually gets to pick up a victory over a guy who hasn't been pinned or submitted since he joined HHH, which would have been shocking if it wasn't obvious that's what Ambrose was planning with his antics. I didn't think he'd be able to keep that up for 15 minutes, so the only other option was to distract Rollins enough for a roll-up.
How much you wanna bet that Ambrose's stipulation for Rollins will be a 1-on-1 ladder match for the MitB briefcase?
The Cena/Lesnar promotional video was pretty sweet ... the first time we saw it. Then they aired it again to kill time. I bet we'll see it again on Smackdown. This is what happens when neither the champ nor the challenger can be bothered to show.
No comment on the midgets. Sorry Lexus, but if any angle proves the incompetence of the booking team, it's this one. Oh yeah, and making a contract signing between Steph and Bree the 'main event'. No way you can tell me that's competent booking.
Speaking of, I didn't watch so much as a second of the 'main event'. Thanks for making my decision of whether to watch the start of the Daily Show or the end of RAW such an easy one, Trips.
Originally posted by Dr UnlikelyYou want to keep my $9.99 a month? Make the show about Dean Ambrose Doin' Stuff. It's that simple. Also stop screwing around with Cesaro and push Luke Harper. But mostly, Dean Abmrose Doin' Stuff. Ol' scumbag Dean Ambrose. Killin' hobos and cuttin' promos.
Yes, to all of this. It's so obvious that Ambrose is the guy out of The Shield with the most talent. The other two are both talented in their own ways, especially Rollins, but Ambrose is The Man.
I think it's okay for Reigns to get his year while Ambrose spends more time on the undercard to develop a little more. Give Ambrose an Austin-Bret level feud with someone for a year and build him up while Reigns treads water. It's basically what they did with Bryan after losing to Sheamus. By the time Ambrose is ready for the belt, he'll be mega-over unless something catastrophic happens to him.
He's proven he can make chicken salad out of WWE writing every time they've written something for him.
If you take out all of the $9.99 references and keep RAW solely on the Beat the Clock, Reigns/Orton and Steph/Brie build, you'd have a really good two-hour RAW.
I wonder if we'll go another RAW with either Cena or Lesnar missing, or if they're both scheduled to appear for some sort of final face off. I actually have enjoyed the build so far. It's different from the paint-by-numbers build WWE usually does and almost feels old school with each main eventer taking his turns with jabs at the other. I've had no problems with keeping them apart so far.
I would throw in the Shocker/Wagner match from April, which I voted MOTY for 2002. other candidates of "not so recent" variety: Konnan vs. Cien Caras (loser must retire match) Perro vs. Caras (hair/mask match)