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The W - Pro Wrestling - WWE Great American Bash 2005
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Lap cheong

Since: 18.6.02
From: North Cacalacky

Since last post: 3219 days
Last activity: 825 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.21
On Sunday Night Heat, they played the Undertaker/Hassan promo package, and in it they show THE angle. I can only imagine what they hell they're thinking.

Okay, the Mexicools just rode their lawn mower through the concourse of the arena and took over Heat. I predict that that added an extra 1,000 buys to the PPV.

Paul London d. Nunzio to retain the Cruiserweight Title -- Good for what it was. But the match was only 2 minutes long, so.... Seriously, they couldn't have skipped one segment of Grisham/Josh and gave these guys an extra 5 minutes? London won the the London Star Press. Billy Kidman WISHES he could do it that good~!

Heidenreich & Animal d. MNM to win the Tag Titles (6:52) -- What an odd choice for an opener. Good lord, Animal & Heidenreich won the titles. Match was better than expected, but still not good. Mainly consisted of Heidenreich selling the knee. At least the crowd was into the chants. Why they jobbed MNM out to these two is beyond me.

Eddie Guerrero said that Dominick will now be forced to watch the match from ringside and then Eddie will tell him the secret. God bless both these men, but this angle is horrible.

Booker T d. Christian (11:38) -- Good match. Crowd was very pro-Christian, to the point that they were booing a lot of Booker's comebacks. Christian grabbed Sharmell, but she slapped him, and he turned into a book-end for a great near-fall. Booker hit a middle-rope axe-kick for the win.

Melina called Torrie a hag which probably means Torrie's getting fired soon.

Orlando Jordan d. Chris Benoit to retain the United States Title (14:23) -- Time to see how good Benoit really is. Okay match. Not great, but probably the best match Jordan will have in his life. Match was designed to show that Jordan could go toe-to-toe with the best, and they did a good job of it. However, the US Title is DYING on Jordan, and the time to change it was now. Jordan won by ramming Benoit in an exposed turnbuckle.

So far the match quality tonight is okay, but the WRONG people are going over.

Undertaker d. Muhammad Hassan (8:05) -- The masked terrorists are bringing Hassan down on a prayer rug. Yes, they are using the terrorists.... er, sympathizers. Hassan cut the same promo that he's cut for the past 9 months. The "sympathizers" kept interfering, including one using the piano wire in a charming bit. Undertaker fought them off, and beat Hassan with a chokeslam. Afterwards, he fought off the masked-men and threw Daivari through the side of the announce table. He then ripped off a piece of the flooring of the stage, and powerbombed Hassan into the hole, thus killing the character. Bad match, but the aftermath was pretty good.

They did an injury angle with Hassan, saying he landed on concrete.

Mexicools d. Blue World Order (5:00 - estimate, as my clock fucked up) -- Short match. The guys tried hard, but the crowd wasn't into this, except for a small portion of ECW fans. Psicosis won the guillotine leg-drop.

Rey told Dominic backstage that he loved him. Okay, I don't know if Dominic is even 10 years old yet, and this kid did a better acting job than 3/4 of the roster could ever do. HIRE THAT CHILD NOW~!

Rey Mysterio d. Eddie Guerrero (15:40) -- Okay, Eddie just did the GREATEST SELLJOB EVER~! He got crotched on the turnbuckle, sat there for a second, and let out this huge primal scream. VIVA EDDIE~! Eddie had the match won after a frogsplash, but Rey rolled him up for a suprise win. Really good match, but it really could have used an extra 5 minutes in the end.

JBL, dressed like Uncle Sam, said he's be the first to win the World Title while dressed in red, white, & blue. He even had a red, white, & blue cowboy hat, which was tremendous.

Melina d. Torrie Wilson in a bra & panties match (about 4:00) -- Melina won, then Torrie stripped Melina, then the referee stripped herself. Was what you'd expect. Melina is hot, but that's not really a newsflash.

John Bradshaw Layfield d. Batista via DQ in the World Title match (about 19 minutes). JBL got a motorcade entrance with confetti. He then threw MINIATURE AMERICAN FLAGS (~!) out to the crowd. I love this man. Bad match. Slow and boring. Finish saw Orlando Jordan come down. He grabbed a chair, which Batista got from him and used on OJ and JBL. The ref, who was down, got up and saw this and DQed Batista. Batista beat OJ & JBL with the chair again and then hit both with the Demon Bomb.

Overall, a middling show. Better than the bad No Way Out and the "words cannot describe how horrendously horrendous this show was" New Year's Revolution. But, not on par with WWE's recent PPV shows.

Not a bad PPV, but certainly not worth going out of your way to see.

The answer to WWE's financial problems...

Never 'Wiener of the Day', and is actually quite bitter about it.
Promote this thread!

Since: 27.4.04
From: Atlanta

Since last post: 1911 days
Last activity: 1910 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.43
Ehh, I didn't pay 35 dollars to see the "big match" get ended in a DQ. Which is exactly why I didn't pay 35 dollars...

Boy were my predictions wrong...
Fat old guy wins the tag titles?

*Edit* And I don't mean disrespect towards Animal, but c'mon WWE. MNM is really the only "real tag-team" the WWE has going and you're going to hand the titles to an overweight man in his 40's and a some guy who swings his arm around like a nut. C'mon WWE...

(edited by Juggalo101 on 24.7.05 2008)

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Rise, my lord. Rise.

Since: 8.6.02
From: Canada

Since last post: 375 days
Last activity: 375 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.78
I didn't even get my buddy to tape this one and let me see it for free, mostly because of the animal thing.

But what the fuck are they doing to Eddie? He loses the sixth match in a row to Rey? Seriously, what the fuck are they doing to him? He was used better in WCW. So now he's going to tell the secret anyway, well whoop-de-do. He could not look like a bigger bitch. Yes, he's a heel, but I give you Triple H and Randy Orton, neither of whom are within a million light years of being as good as Eddie. They're really wrecking his career.

Hot Virgins-The World's Most Steadily Shrinking Commodity

Since: 17.3.02

Since last post: 3653 days
Last activity: 3630 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.60
I picked two matches right: The Mexicools and Melina vs. Torrie. The rest, I was dead wrong about.
Texas Kelly
Lap cheong

Since: 3.1.02

Since last post: 202 days
Last activity: 20 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.15
The bookers were on drugs tonight. It's like they made a list of what the sensible results were, and then booked the exact opposite in terms of finishes.

-- What is the point in feeding your only tag team to a patchwork team of a green guy in his second year and a washed-up has-been?

-- What is the point of jobbing a good heel that you need to step up with the way the Hassan angle turned out?

-- Seriously, job Chris Benoit to fucking ORLANDO JORDAN? He of the "I got the US title only as an angle advancement for a feud between two guys, one of whom isn't even on the show any more"?

-- If you're dropping the Hassan character, WHY THE FUCK bring up the very situation that caused you to drop it in the first place? Sensitivity, my ass...

-- Why build up all this suspense about the so-called secret if you're just going to have Eddie job again? Seriously, I get the nature of the feud, but it's getting a little ridiculous now!

-- Look, guys, it's Batista we're talking about here. The guy you're stating is the future of this brand. If I'm Trips, I'm pissed that they're starting to piss away all the work I did to get Batista over in jobbing to him three times.

This looked so promising... but the bookers went and turned it to shit. I can't believe that the Hassan thing screwed them over that much... I'm starting to agree with whoever said that David Lagana is a hack.

e-mail me at texas (dot) kelly (at) gmailread a bunch of incoherent nonsense
smark/net attack Advisory System is Elevatedsmark/net attack Advisory System Status is: Elevated
(Holds; July 5, 2005)
It's good to see that the WWE isn't backing away from Batista or Cena. There's still some questions lingering over a few of the draft moves they either made or didn't make (Jericho being a prime example), but the stage is set for a solid run to Summerslam that may send the indicator down. The longer Triple H stays away is also a plus...
Stablewars Championship Wrestling Presents: Battle of the Warriors - Choose Your Weapon Well
Monday, July 11 2005 - Toronto, Ontario
Pickled pork

Since: 22.11.03
From: Blackpool, England

Since last post: 3086 days
Last activity: 432 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.16
Not a bad show. I give it 7 / 10.

Dominic is apparantly 8, though he looks older, and many times seemed to be trying to avoid crying. Stupid angle I must agree. A paternity suit must be on the cards on Smackdown.

Aaaggghhh, Michael Cole trying to sound like all the facts and figures are coming off the top of his head. It's 280 days, not 277 for JBL's title reign. Mind you it was closer that the figure he used to give.

I don't know if JR writes down his facts, but at least he sounds like he's quoting them from memory.

Best line from Tazz. (to the effect of) 'How do you know George Washington didn't wear a blue wig, it was all black and white in those days'. Made me giggle anyway !

Goodbye Mr Hassan and to another anti-American angle, until the next one. Isn't it about time the US and Canada had another feud !

Who is 'team captain' of Heidenreich and Animal ?
Trivial, but I'd like to know who to put first for my title records. Surprised, but happy that they won.

More surprised Chris Benoit didn't beat Orlando Jordan's afro. Sad when I notice his hair more than his in-ring abilities now.

Sounded strange that Christian got a lot of verbal support, obviously from Canadian fans, but surprisingly a lot more vocal than Booker T's supporrt.

Bra and panties - a big WHY ?

Mexicools and bWo - a smaller why ?

(edited by mikebuk on 25.7.05 0416)

(edited by mikebuk on 25.7.05 0417)

(edited by mikebuk on 25.7.05 0418)

(deleted by mikebuk on 25.7.05 0418)

(resurrected by mikebuk on 25.7.05 0418)

Mike Brailsford

Quiz champion & Web Ring Master

Since: 16.5.05

Since last post: 4479 days
Last activity: 4457 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.00
God awful PPV. I was suprised by the endings. I was enraged by the Benoit match. The crowd was beyond belief dead for pretty much everything. The order the matches went in was extremely confusing. Eddie/Rey was good, but seemed to run hot/cold in terms of flow. First ppv in a long time where I didn't watch 2 matches because I couldn't stand watching them any longer (UT/Hassan and Dave/JBL) -- read a book instead.

Oh and what the hell was on the back of Benoit's neck????? There was some uber creepy looking gash there, any ideas where that came from?

"I know cool, ok? I'm *Canadian*"
Pickled pork

Since: 22.11.03
From: Blackpool, England

Since last post: 3086 days
Last activity: 432 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.16
    Originally posted by Jahnkekong
    God awful PPV. I was suprised by the endings. I was enraged by the Benoit match. The crowd was beyond belief dead for pretty much everything. The order the matches went in was extremely confusing. Eddie/Rey was good, but seemed to run hot/cold in terms of flow. First ppv in a long time where I didn't watch 2 matches because I couldn't stand watching them any longer (UT/Hassan and Dave/JBL) -- read a book instead.

    Oh and what the hell was on the back of Benoit's neck????? There was some uber creepy looking gash there, any ideas where that came from?

They said the wound from his next surgery had opened up during a match, and it was covered up.

Mike Brailsford

Quiz champion & Web Ring Master
Kane Is Ugly

Since: 14.7.03
From: Uglyville

Since last post: 3702 days
Last activity: 3688 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.24
That was by far the worst PPV I have ever seen. I mean, just about every match ended the exact WRONG way. Melina winning was the only good thing to happen all night, and even that sucked cause it doesnt mean anything when her tag team lost in the opener.

The give the tag team titles to Animal because they want to sell a few more DVDs? FUCK WWE!

Christian jobs again to not only Booker T but his gutterslut wife? Fuck WWE!

The job out Chris Benoit to a guy no one cares about? Fuck WWE!

The kill off Hassan because UPN are uptight douchbags? Fuck WWE!

The dont give bWo vs Mexicools more than 5 minutes? Fuck WWE!

They make Rey vs Eddie the most boring crap ever with no advancement in the storyline? Fuck WWE!

The have their MAIN EVENT title match end in a shitty DQ? Fuck WWE!

Seriously, what a horribely booked PPV. So, is Orton gonna screw over UT during Summerslam now? Smackdown is so fucked right now. Thank god RAW aint shit, although all the Hogan/Michaels crap aint helping.

I really want my $35 back.

I miss the GWF.

Since: 15.6.03
From: Eire

Since last post: 4543 days
Last activity: 4521 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.00
Line of the night: Tazz-''This Eddie Guerrero, he's a friggen asshole''. Oh I laughed my ass off when he said that.

Overall a average show, i didn't mind it too much. Tag match, Book/Christian, World title were solid matches. US title was pretty boring. Eddie/Rey was very well done and I marked out when Rey got the quick pin, very well done finish. Eddie played heel awesome as did Rey in his face, almost superhero role in his mask and protecting his kid. I can't believe Vince let the terrorists out again. I wonder what all th troops watching around the world were thinking. Match wasent much but the squash post match was good.


Since: 23.7.04
From: Baltimore, MD

Since last post: 4119 days
Last activity: 3847 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.86
Didn't watch the show, but given the finish to the main event, can I assume that we'll have Batista vs. JBL II at Summerslam instead of Batista vs. Hassan? Look I love the JBL character about as much as anyone that still bothers to watch Smackdown, but twelve PPV title matches in a row (including three in a row as a challenger) is a bit fucking much. It almost makes me believe that Triple H doesn't use his political power to keep the top heel spot on Raw, but rather that the bookers can't be bothered to build up another top heel. This is why I've soured on the brand split -- there just aren't enough guys to fill out the cards sometimes.

Anyways, I predicted two out of eight matches right, so that's some screwy booking on WWE's part. Can't imagine why MNM and Benoit lost. I guess Eddie will blow the fued off with the big win at Summerslam, but it would have made sense for Eddie to get his win tonight and reveal the secret, giving Rey the big revenge win at Summerslam.

I'm surprised Orton didn't come back to attack Taker. I wonder if they'll even bother rushing to build up that rematch for Summerslam.

Edit: It occurred to me that Taker is now currently the number one contender, but I can't imagine that they'll do a face vs. face, Taker-Batista match. I'm sort of assuming that they'll never mention that stip, or perhaps they'll have a match Tuesday and that will be when Orton returns (to cause a screwjob ending).

(edited by BigSteve on 24.7.05 2332)

SportsBlog (
Shem the Penman

Since: 16.1.02
From: The Off-Center of the Universe (aka Philadelphia)

Since last post: 1542 days
Last activity: 1340 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.10
Lame PPV, aside from Booker/Christian, which was much better than expected. At least there wasn't anything as horrible as last year's Concrete Crypt Match, but there's nothing I'll remember in a few months either.

I want a MNM/bWo match, just to see how the bWo parody MNM's entrance. With Meanie playing Melina, of course.

Is it wrong of me to wish that they'd set up a few flashing red and orange lights and firepots under the stage, and had Cole solemnly inform the audience that Undertaker had, indeed, powerbombed Hassan straight to hell?

Well, at least I was one of the few people to predict a JBL win, although I was wrong as to the means. I was actually hoping for a Brock Lesnar run-in during the main event. Now that would have been cool and unexpected, as opposed to the feeble finish they used. I guess they're going to shoot for a three-way at Summerslam -- "I won, I want a rematch!" "Nuh-uh, I'm #1 contender!"

Ling-Ling into battle go
Fulfill destiny of the soul
Sever skull of adversary
Shove it in the poo-poo hole

All the children sing:
Kill kill kill kill die die die
Kill kill kill kill die die die....

Since: 11.5.02

Since last post: 490 days
Last activity: 1 day
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.17
I always read reviews on the net after an average PPV and people go OTT with the usual "WORST PPV EVER!" comments, but for the first time ever I can honestly say I see where they're coming from. I won't go as far as to say it was the worst ever, but it was damn close and easily the worst PPV I've seen in years.

Almost every match ended the totally wrong way and managed to be utterly boring at the same time. You had MNM jobbing, Christian jobbing, Orlando retaining, Hassan getting killed off and the downright terrible main event.

Speaking of which, I can't remember the last time a PPV main event was that bad. Whoever booked them to use no shortcuts whatsoever surely must have known it would fail. Neither guy can carry a straight one-on-one PPV match, but both are very capable of having entertaining brawls and gimmick matches. Why in the hell would you put them out there to just die on live PPV?

More than anything I'm just glad we got the PPV for free. I wouldn't have ordered it anyway, but I feel for those who forked out for it and ended up with that pile of crap.
Lap cheong

Since: 18.6.02
From: North Cacalacky

Since last post: 3219 days
Last activity: 825 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.21
    Originally posted by BigSteve
    Didn't watch the show, but given the finish to the main event, can I assume that we'll have Batista vs. JBL II at Summerslam instead of Batista vs. Hassan?

I figure their going with a triple-threat with Batista v. JBL v. Undertaker (who won the #1 contendership match tonight). That way, they have a heel in there instead of doing face v. face.

I'm suprised to see all of the "worst PPV ever" talk. I didn't even think it was worst of the year, with New Year's Revolution easily beating it out (great main-event, but the first two hours was the worst two hours of a PPV I've ever seen). Hell, last year's Great American Bash was much worse, in my opinion.

Far from a good PPV, but I didn't think it was close to worst ever.

(edited by OMEGA on 24.7.05 2344)

The answer to WWE's financial problems...

Never 'Wiener of the Day', and is actually quite bitter about it.

Since: 17.3.02

Since last post: 3653 days
Last activity: 3630 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.60
    Originally posted by Texas Kelly
    -- What is the point in feeding your only tag team to a patchwork team of a green guy in his second year and a washed-up has-been?
1) I'm not sure how many accusations you can levy at Heidenreich for being green, considering that MNM aren't exactly seasoned vets themselves.

2) It's a cheap ploy to sell more copies of the Road Warriors DVD. It'll probably be reversed in a week or two, with the titles going back to MNM as though nothing had happened.

Since: 12.12.01
From: Pittsburgh, PA

Since last post: 13 days
Last activity: 3 days
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.46

    I'm not sure how many accusations you can levy at Heidenreich for being green, considering that MNM aren't exactly seasoned vets themselves.

Joey Matthews has been wrestling for almost 10 years.

This was one the worst shows I've ever bought. New Year's Revolution and No Way Out were significantly better than this because they each had one match to save the show. Eddie/Rey was tonight's best match at *** since they were handcuffed by working around an 8 years old boy. The only good part was when Hassan died~~~ never to return.

(edited by JustinShapiro on 25.7.05 0000)

Since: 2.7.02
From: Bloomington, Indiana

Since last post: 4350 days
Last activity: 3866 days
#17 Posted on
Not a good night to be new draft lottery pick for Smackdown; all of them (except for the injured Orton)lost tonight.

The match results somewhat change up the predictions for the Summerslam card. Rey-Eddie may be done, Benoit is not U.S. champ and Bradshaw is likely to be in the main event for Smackdown. Except for the likely triple-threat (Batista, Taker, JBL) it'll be hard to predict the rest.

World Wrestling Entertainment: for over 50 years the worldwide leader in pissing smart fans off
Deputy Marshall

Since: 28.6.04
From: Troy, NY

Since last post: 1285 days
Last activity: 806 days
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.56
I had said in the predictions thread that the card on paper looked no worse than the previous Smackdown PPV. I stand by that, but man was I wrong on my expectations of this not being awful.

I won't bother going through the entire card, since others who replied to this thread already have. I will, however, echo the sentiments of those who said that this PPV seemed to book almost every match (with the exception of the Mexicools and the bra & panties) against the logical and better finishes.

Orlando Jordan retaining the United States title is such a mistake. It's not that he's an over heel, it's that people want the belt off Jordan NOW so we don't have the see the guy wrestle on a PPV. His whole character is as a guy who is first and foremost JBL's interference during title matches...which wouldn't be necessarily a bad thing if he was able to work a decent match and/or wasn't awful on the mic.

It's ridiculously obvious that there are no plans to elevate Booker T at this point, so having him go over Christian is idiotic. They could've had Christian win here, have Benoit go over Jordan, and done a VERY entertaining feud between the two over the US title. Instead, we have Booker T's wife once again getting involved in a match with no fan support behind her or her husband (and they wonder why the crowd was more into Christian), and a continuation of a feud that no fan wanted to see in the first place beyond getting the title off Jordan. BRILLIANT!

Eddy loses to Rey for the sixth time, which makes Eddy look more like a loser than a legitimate threat to Rey Mysterio. Also, Eddy's obviously going to reveal the secret anyway, which renders the entire point of having the match in the first place completely moot. GENIUS!

Batista loses by disqualification after a slow and plodding match, which will inevitably lead to yet ANOTHER JBL main event. Once again, a feud is continued just for the Hell of it despite the fact that nobody really seems to care and/or is hot for it. FANTASTIC!

It's large missteps like this, and the fact that they didn't understand the Hassan character enough to NOT make him a terrorist, that has me wondering how the writing staff on the Smackdown side manages to keep their jobs. I hate that this is sounding so smarkish, but it's almost as if there isn't a single drop of common sense on the entire staff, coupled with a complete inability to understand even the most basic and fundamental concepts of writing decent wrestling shows. Obviously there have been worse shows in the history of professional wrestling PPVs, but I can't recall any single show in recent memory that had myself and those I was watching it with so consistently frustrated after almost every finish. I came out of the show with less interest in the Smackdown brand and its storylines than when I went in, which for the last PPV before Summerslam is not good.

If there was ever a time to start re-building Orton and bring back Lesnar, that time is right now.

Edit - I would just like to point out that for me personally, what it really comes down to is that for the first Smackdown-only PPV after the draft, the show really needed to accentuate the positives of Smackdown and instead seemed to magnify everything that's wrong with the brand.

(edited by Deputy Marshall on 25.7.05 0034)


Since: 12.1.02
From: Indianapolis, IN; now residing in Suffolk, VA

Since last post: 17 days
Last activity: 3 days
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.52
Well, the matches themselves ranged from OK to pretty good (with the exception of the bra and panties match, naturally), but the booking was, indeed, pretty atrocious. And the wrong person won in just about every instance.

WWE Tag Team Title Match
MNM vs. Heidenreich and Animal

Well, the one positive thing I can say about this match is "Thank God they didn't do what everyone expected and use this opportunity to debut Hawkenreich." The Doomsday Device is still pretty cool after all these years, but the wrong team went over, big-time. On the other hand, in the new prevailing WWE Logic, Bret Hart will probably beat Shawn Michaels at Survivor Series, because his new DVD's coming out around November, just in time for the ninth-year anniversary of the Montreal Screwjob.

My prediction: "MNM retains." Oops. 0-for-1. And the answer to my question as to whether the New Road Warriors were gonna run mild for a little while has also been answered. I'm tempted to say that makes me 0-for-1,000, but I think my percentage tonight's gonna be bad enough as it is.

Match in Which Booker T's Wife is Contractually Obligated to Intervene
Booker "I swear to God I'm not whipped!" T vs. Christian (Still the Owner of WWE's Best Theme Music)

Well, um, OK. The match was pretty good considering the fact that these two don't really click together in the ring very well. But we always have to get Booker T's wife involved, don't we? Well, if we didn't, whose face would we pan over to every five seconds for a reaction shot?

Booker T wins in a match with very little buildup and very little energy, and I remember a time I was absolutely convinced he was gonna beat Triple H for the World Title at WrestleMania XIX.

My prediction: "In the darkness, Christian will take Booker to the other side." Well, he didn't exactly do that. 0-for-2. But the match would have been almost as good if I'd just closed my eyes.

NWA/WCW/WWE United States Heavyweight Championship
Orlando "Owner of the world's most boring movest" Jordan vs. Chris "I can't believe I'm jobbing to this guy" Benoit

Not a bad match, exactly, but not very exciting-- not at all. Orlando, I'll give him credit, is a better technical wrestler than a lot of people give him credit for. But great technical wrestlers bring the amateur stuff while still allowing for the crowd to get excited. Chris Benoit, Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle can do that. Orlando Jordan can not.

And where has the career of Chris Benoit gone? He was the first man to enter the ring at the 2004 Royal Rumble, and eliminated at least five or six guys that outweighed him by 100 pounds or more on the way to winning the match and setting a new Rumble endurance record. He got superkicked, superplexed, bloodied, and double-suplexed through a table at WrestleMania XX, yet still managed to reverse the Pedigree into a Crippler Crossface that won him the World Heavyweight Title despite his status as a huge underdog going in.

He was involved in a spectacular, brutal six-man ladder match at WrestleMania 21 and yet remained in contention throughout the entire contest. Later, he proceeded to beat Triple H for the seventy-seventh time in the Gold Rush tournament.

And now he's jobbing to a guy who's got less natural charisma than most stuffed animals I know, and who's got one of the most boring movesets ever. And he does it by getting slammed into an exposed turnbuckle-- what is this, 1984?

Prediction: "Benoit wins, and we start to see the U.S. Title put in a more prominent position on SmackDown." I should've known better than to hope for the best in this instance. 0-for-3. Now the question is, will Jordan go another three months without defending the U.S. Title, or will this match mean that they remember he still has it, and take steps to rectify that situation?

Hell, even David Flair defended the U.S. Title a few times, retaining through various devious means, and made crowds hate him because they saw him as an undeserving champion. I don't think Jordan's even succeeded in doing that-- I'd venture to guess most people couldn't care less about him.

Hit The Road, Jack (and Don't You Come Back No More, No More, No More, No More) Match
The Undertaker vs. Muhammad "Shit, what am I gonna do now?" Hassan

Well, congratulations, WWE, you managed to destroy the career of someone you were giving a big push to, just because you felt the need to carry on with a completely unnecessary and extremely offensive storyline. Why the hell you couldn't have done that with Randy Orton or Chris Masters, I'll never know.

They maybe could have salvaged this by revealing the identities of some of Hassan's "I swear to God they're not terrorists" sympathizers, providing 'Taker with a reason to get 'em later on. After all, UPN's banned Hassan but they haven't actually banned the terrorists, right? Maybe WWE didn't want to push their luck by having them ban, I don't know, Val Venis as well. (Not that anyone would actually notice except for us.)

Hassan loses, Al-Qaeda is destroyed, and the career of Mark Magnus ends with a Last Ride onto two feet of padding which was no doubt removed a few seconds after impact. At least it improves my winning percentage. 1 for 4. Maybe next time I'll have better luck by predicting the least logical outcomes of every match.

Six-Man Comedy Match from Hell
Big "I almost killed myself in a tricycle accident, but wasn't that funnier than hell?" Stevie Cool, Hollywood "YOU!" Nova and Da Blue "I can't believe that tricycle didn't break when I got on it" Guy vs. Juventud "At least I didn't kill anyone with the 450 Splash this time" Guerrera, "Hey, cool, my finishing move actually won the match this time" Psicosis, and Super Crazy (clap clap CLAP CLAP CLAP)

Entertaining little match. The Baker Street Cafe loved the tricycles, and we even got a brief "bWo!" chant, which just means that we here in Virginia must have excellent taste.

No reason to protect the bWo here with a win, so they didn't. But here's hoping they can continue mocking people for years to come. 2 for 5. I knew there was a reason I kept Psychosis on my EWR 4.2 roster. (Just kidding, he's great, and in fact is in the upper midcard.)

Secret Match (I mean, a match about a secret, not a match that is a secret.)

Eddie "Well, at least I can say I beat Rey for the Cruiserweight Title back in '97" Guerrero vs. Rey "Now can I feud with someone else for a change?" Mysterio

Huh. Surprised that Rey won this match. I wouldn't be surprised if Eddie revealed the secret anyway, though, thus making the last month of WrestleCrap between these two even more pointless and stupid than it was in the first place. Decent enough match, though it would have been a lot better if Eddie hadn't paused every few seconds so that the camera could pan to Rey Mysterio III. And another logic point that gripes my ass-- there's no way a thinking man in this situation allows his son anywhere close to the ticking time bomb that is Guerrero-- let alone sit him down in the actual ringside area. At least be intelligent and seat him in the front row, for crying out loud. But then, we're supposed to switch our brains to the "off" position in these instances, anyway.

What might have been cool would have been to have Dominic deliberately cause Rey to lose because he doesn't want there to be secrets between him and his father. Instead, Rey-Rey wins, and hugs his son, all the while thinking, "Whew, that very bad thing I did awhile ago, I'll never have to tell my son about." Wait until he's older, Rey-- he'll want some answers, so you'd better start thinking of an explanation now. (Right, right, brain to the "off" position.)

Prediction: "Eddie wins this match via heel chicanery." Nope, although there was definitely chicanery involved, as well as offbeat shenanigans. 2 for 6. Though I wouldn't be surprised, again, if Eddie finishes his little bedtime story to Dominic anyway.

WWE-Provided Piss Break Match (Or: I Feel Like a Sexist Pig Watching This Crap)
Torrie "Not that I've got anything you haven't already seen" Wilson vs. Melina (but you can call her One Hot Chick)

They gave way too much time to this match-- yet for the life of me, I can't think of another match on the card that could have benefitted from the extra two minutes. Waaaay too many people in the BSC cheered for this contest for my liking. I was doing my best to roll my eyes and not watch-- and I'm straight. It just feels kind of sleazy watching a bra and panties match in the presense of nice-looking, Real Life women. (Not that I actually talked to anyone except for the bartender.)

My prediction: "Winner: the fans, naturally! But it'll still be a horrible match." Bing, I guess. 3 for 7.

World Heavyweight Title Match
Batista vs. John Bradshaw "Don't call me Apollo Creed" Layfield

I'm still a fan of Batista, but he's lost a lot of his charm ever since The Idiots in the Back Writing The Crap started trying to write comedy for him. Batista's ten times as funny when he's understated and not trying to be funny.

And a disqualification ending for the main event of a pay-per-view? What the hell? I guess this means we have another Batista/JBL match to "look forward to" before we have an equally bad Batista/Undertaker match at SummerSlam.

My prediction: "Batista retains." A-HA! I never said he'd win. I'll take it, I guess. ekedolphin's final score-- 4 for 8.

I was halfway expecting Brock Lesnar to make an appearance post-match and attack Batista, setting up Batista/Lesnar for the title at SummerSlam. And during the match, the thought occurred to me that Randy Orton (still mad about his injury, and having sworn revenge against Batista) could take the opportunity to screw Batista out of the title and set up JBL/Undertaker for the World Title and Batista/Orton at SummerSlam. Neither happened, bah.

Pretty good PPV for match quality, but WWE displayed a nearly complete lack of ability to tell any good stories here.

[Edit: HTML tag fix]

(edited by ekedolphin on 25.7.05 0100)

“Great. He spends skill points on Perform (Kazoo), and now I have to make a Knowledge (Limits of My Own Sanity) skill check."
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The Vile1
Lap cheong

Since: 4.9.02
From: California

Since last post: 3291 days
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#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.88
With all the complaints I see here, all I can tell people is to stop spending your money on WWE and start spending it on TNA, ROH, and PWG. Especially monthly TNA PPV's which have delivered on a consistent basis far higher than WWE.

"Don't compare my your cheap arm!"
-Edward Elric
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Jeez TNA removed the wedding video.
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