I've seen WWF Valentine's Day cards in years past, and with the holiday rushing fast upon us, I think we should all write our own wrestling Valentine's Day cards in order to combine the warmth, love and affection expressed on Feb. 14th with the sleaze, brutality and dorkiness inbred into Our Great Sport.
Remember kids, let's do this the corny Elementary School style, with an opening line for the front cover and a 'punch-line' for the inside.
CHRIS JERICHO
"You may be a dirty, slimey, bottom-feeding trashbag ho...
...But will you Be My Valentine?"
TRIPLE H
"Are you PREPARED-uh, to play the GAME-uh...
...of LOVE-uh?"
BUBBA RAY
"D-Von!...
...Get the very special Valentine!"
CHRIS BENOIT
"Prove Me Wrong...
...and be my Valentine!"
VINCE MCMAHON
"Destroying lives GETS ME OFF...
...and so does being your Valentine!"
LINDA MCMAHON
"On this day, I am proud to announce, that in this very special engagement, and for all the fans watching around the world to see...
...Happy Valentine's Day!"
CHYNA
"I want work...
...as your Valentine!"
THE BIG SHOW
"WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...
...it's a very big Valentine's Day!"
LANCE STORM
"If I may be serious for a minute...
...Jubilations to you and yours on Valentine's Day."
TEST
"Wouldn't you just love to be with a body like this...
...for Valentine's Day?"
TAZZ
"Beat me if you can...
...Be my Valentine because I want you to!"
SCOTTY 2 HOTTY
"L-O-V-E...
...WOOO! WOOO! WOOO! Happy Valentine's Day."
ACOLYTES
"Happy Valentine's Day...
...Damn!"
KANYON
"Who bedda than Kanyon?!...
...To be your Valentine!"
RAVEN
"What about me??...
...What about my Valentine's Day??"
STEVE AUSTIN
"Will you be my...
...WHAT?"
JIM ROSS
"FER GAWD'S SAKE...
...be my Valentine!"
KAIENTAI
"Be my Valentine...
...INDEED!"
STEVE AUSTIN
"If you wanna be my Valentine...
...Gimme a HELL YEAH!"
Now you guys finish it...
Please credit myself and Slashwrestling when posting this news elsewhere.
I enjoyed the PPV, and I always get a perverse thrill when everyone who claimed HHH v. Nash in the Cell would be the worst match in the history of the business BEFORE it even happened, get proven wrong and can't be found with a search warrant.