Q'n'D -Sheamus d. Daniel Bryan to win the World Heavyweight Championship with the Brogue Kick. Blink and you'll miss it. -Kane d. Randy Orton with the chokeslam. -The Big Show d. Cody Rhodes to win the Intercontinental Championship with the Mayweather Sucker Punch. -Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounous d. "The Glamazon" Beth Phoenix & Eve Torres with a roll-up. -The Undertaker d. Triple H with the Tombstone. -Team Johnny d. Team Teddy after The Miz pins Zack Ryder with the Skull-Crushing Finale. -CM Punk d. Chris Jericho to retain the WWE Championship with the Anaconda Vise. -The Rock d. John Cena with the Rock Bottom.
LIVE from my house! Yeah, like I wasn't getting this show.
WWE - The Champ Is Here!
LILIAN GARCIA gives us her beautiful rendition of America the Beautiful.
We are OUTDOORS and we are in Miami, FL! Your hosts are Micheal Cole and Jerry Lawler!
SHEAMUS v. DANIEL BRYAN (w/AJ): WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH I love that The E's been seeing the "Sheamus won the Royal Rumble, so that means he's jerking the curtain at Wrestlemania" jokes for MONTHS and they STILL went ahead and had him do it anyway! Seriously, would it have killed them to put Kane and Orton in this slot? For Wrestlemania, Daniel Bryan gives us OVER TEN YES'S! It's a special occasion, you know!
We start off with a HUGE "YES! YES! YES!" chant from the crowd! Bryan and AJ share a good luck kiss to start, so Sheamus IMMEDIATELY Brogue Kicks him and...um...what? We have...a new World Heavyweight Champion? Uh...take it away, Krusty!
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Sheamus - Seriously, what the hell was THAT???
Jesus Christ, it's a FOUR-HOUR SHOW, guys! Were you running low on time or something? Lawler notes that it's a record 18-second title victory for Sheamus. What a joke. And what a joke this turns the Rumble match into. Remember this moment when next year's Rumble comes around. Main event Wrestlemania, my ass! We are NOT off to a good start here.
Here's a drinking game for you guys! Take a drink every time I recap a segment and mention that it went longer than Sheamus/Bryan! Let's hope you don't get alcohol poisoning! (Please drink responsibly!)
Let's go backstage to Team Johnny. Miz tries to rally the troops and reels off his Wrestlemania credentials. The rest of the team is not impressed and brushes him off. David Otunga enters the picture and...good lord, at least PRETEND you're not a walking Wellness Policy violation, will you, Otunga? Super Dave Laurinaitis enters the picture looking like Colonel Sanders and pumps up his team. And yes, this backstage segment lasted longer than the World Heavyweight Championship match. DRINK!
WWE is giving away tickets to Wrestlemania 29. Enter online at WWE.com/WINMANIA or text 5-9-9-0-7 to MANIA29.
KANEv. "THE APEX PREDATOR" RANDY ORTON So here's Kane and Orton, which I'm sure someone behind the scenes considers the REAL opening match. They'd better have something good to wash the sour taste of that last match out of my mouth.
Orton hammers away on Kane to start and hits a series of corner clotheslines. Whip is reversed and Kane hits a corner lariat. The crowd is so enthralled by this that they start chanting "Daniel Bryan." Is ANYONE back there paying attention? ANYONE AT ALL? Kane catches Orton coming into the ring with a boot. Kane takes down Orton with a big clothesline and generally moves around slowly. Seated dropkick gets 2. Let's hit the chinlock! Both men exchange blows and impress no one, before the crowd grudingly goes with the "Boo/Yay" spot. Big uppercut knocks Orton down and gets 2 for Kane. Orton catches a corner charge with a boot, but walks into a side slam for 2. Back to the chinlock. Man, they deflated this crowd QUICKLY, didn't they? Kane telegraphs a backdrop and gets hit with a swinging neckbreaker. Kane bashes Orton's head on the turnbuckle. Vertical suplex gets 2. Back to the chinlock again! Orton comes back with his backbreaker and both guys are down. Orton hits the snap powerslam and chucks Kane into the steel post. Orton hits the Hanging DDT (Cole: "Orton looking for that bulldog!" God, he's such an idiot...)! VIPER COIL~! RKO is countered with a big boot for 2. Kane tries for the top-rope clothesline and Orton catches him coming in with a dropkick! Orton goes for the Punt of Plot Convenience, but it isn't convenient to the plot, so Kane catches him with the chokeslam! It only gets 2! Kane showers Orton with rights in the corner. Orton tries for the RKO, but can't get it, so he dropkicks Kane low. Orton charges in, but eats a back elbow. Kane climbs the ropes and gets caught by Orton, who peppers him with rights. Orton climbs up, but gets caught with the GOOZLE! Second-rope chokeslam hits and that'll put an end to Orton!
WINNER: Kane - That was a slow-paced brawl and it showed, based on the crowd reaction. The finish was nice, but not much else to see here.
Backstage, Santino Marella talks to Captain Keith from Deadliest Catch. We pan over to see Mick Foley. The three guys shill Deadliest Catch and they all have crabs. Yup. Ron Simmons enters the picture. CATCHPHRASE! This lasted about as long as the Sheamus/Bryan match. DRINK!
National Guard/WWE promo. Various National Guard members are shown in attendance.
CODY RHODES v. THE BIG SHOW: INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Cody debuts a new sleveless robe for his entrance. We have lots of time to kill, so we get a lenghthy video package for the Rhodes/Show feud. Cole notes that Show's 3-8 at Wrestlemania and never factored into any of the tag team wins. Um...didn't he get the pin on Heath Slater in that 8-man? Well, I can't expect Michael Cole to remember something that happened LAST YEAR!
Rhodes is wearing new tights that look like they're sponsored by Fruit of the Loom. Rhodes outruns Rhodes to start and hits a baseball slide. He tries a pescado and gets caught. Show tosses Rhodes back in and we go into your standard Big Show match. Show hits a big corner chop and Cody slumps down. My bum is on your lips! My bum is on your lips! Rhodes comes back with low dropkicks to take control. We hit the leglock! It's a lengthy one, too. Show shoves Rhodes off and make a quick babyface comeback. Corner charge is caught and Rhodes goes to the top-rope. Show grabs the goozle, so Rhodes hangs Show's arm. Rhodes hits the Disaster Kick and sends Show teetering! A second one is caught with a spear! Man, that did NOT look like a good landing! Show finishes with the Mayweather Sucker Punch for the win and the title!
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: The Big Show - That's a pretty anticlimactic way to end Cody's lengthy title reign.
Here's a K-Mart commercial, because we have more time to waste. And because we have even MORE time to blow, so we look at a video package on the Divas. It's almost like they're DETERMINED to open with two shitty hours, just because they know the main events will save this show anyway.
"THE GLAMAZON" BETH PHOENIX & EVE TORRES v. MARIA MENOUNOUS & KELLY KELLY And then we get ANOTHER video package on this specific Divas feud! What the hell is going on? And shouldn't they be saving this match for the death slot between the two main events?
Kelly and Eve start off and don't embarrass themselves, so that's always a plus. Kelly's shitty handspring elbow is countered. Eve gets crotched on a moonsault attempt. Here's a tag to Maria Menounous to ZERO reaction. It's a double My bum is on your lips! Double My bum is on your lips! Beth gets a cheap shot on Maria and...they're really doing a heat segment on Maria Menounous. Crowd is so amazed by this that they're chanting "Daniel Bryan" again! Beth tags in and goes to the bear hug. She nails Kelly for fun. Eve tags in and we get a double wishbone. Eve tries for the standing stripper moonsault and gets booted out. Kelly gets the hot tag and she makes the babyface comeback, impressing no one. AAAAAAAAAH swinging headscissors sends Beth to the corner...who stops BEFORE hitting her head on the turnbuckle. Good lord. Kelly tries to win over the crowd with a SECOND-ROPE SOMERSAULT SENTON for 2! Beth tries to finish with the Glam Slam and it's countered with a bulldog. The idea is for Kelly to make the hot tag, but Maria looks like she can barely stand. Maria gingerly climbs the turnbuckle. Holy hell, this looks awful. Beth grabs a military press, but Kelly helps Maria down. The faces shove Beth into Eve and Maria rolls up Beth for the pin.
WINNER: Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounous - Why the flying FUCK did this match get over 5 minutes while Sheamus/Bryan went 18 seconds? (DRINK!) You'd think that if there was one match they'd want to keep short, it'd be this one! Especially since your celebrity is WORKING INJURED!
We're one hour in and MAN, has this show been wretched so far.
Let's go to the demoted Matt Striker standing backstage with Shawn Michaels. End of an era, blah blah blah. Shawn asks again "Isn't it ironic?" and I'm tempted to break out some Alanis Morissette.
Justin Roberts tells the crowd that they've broken an attendence record with 78,363 people in attendence. And their reward so far is a REALLY crappy show. The E shoot off pyro, just to pat themselves on the back.
Justin Roberts introduces JIM ROSS (w/GOATEE) and that's a pretty good start if they want to get this show back on the right track. Hell, they're even keeping Cole quiet! Cole offers a grudging handshake. See, I could live with THIS Cole! Someone taught this guy SUBTLETY! Isn't SUBTLETY just the best?
SHAWN MICHAELS comes out for our next match and...wow, we're doing this already, eh?
TRIPLE H v. THE UNDERTAKER: HELL IN A CELL MATCH (SPECIAL REFEREE: SHAWN MICHAELS) Would it be REALLY cynical for me to think that these two are going to put on a 40-minute classic and then send out Punk and Jericho to die slowly and painfully in the death slot immediately after? No...they wouldn't be THAT callous...would they?
In a nice effect, UT's pyro shoots off around the perimeter of the stadium. In another nice effect, UT removes his hood to the sound of thunder! In a not-so-nice effect, UT looks pretty old, sporting a faux-hawk. Yeah, there's a reason he kept the hood on for the entirety of the buildup.
Both guys fight around the Cell and use it to their advantage. UT takes control and tosses H around. UT chucks H at the steel steps. H tries to make the comeback, but the knee smash is no-sold and UT hits the clothesline. Old-school ropewalk hits and UT tosses out H. UT bashes H with the steel steps before sliding them into the ring and keeping H down with an apron legdrop. H quickly pops up with a DDT and starts bashing UT on the steps. Pedigree on the steps is countered with a backdrop. H comes back with a spinebuster on the steel steps! UT suddenly pulls H into the Hell's Gate, but H counters with a powerbomb! It's time for some plundah! H reaches under the ring and grabs a chair! He bashes UT on the head with it! H sets up the steel steps in the corner and chucks UT into them before sending the steps to the outside. H grabs the chair again and bashes UT good! Michaels checks on UT, but H shoves Michaels down and continues to bash UT! H tells Michaels to stop the match. UT tells Michaels defiantly NOT to stop the match! H yells at UT to stay down! UT gets up, so H bashes UT again! Cover only gets 2! This has gotten very dramatic, but I can't help that this match has turned one-dimensional. H goes under the ring and grabs his trusty sledgehammer. Michaels tries to stop H, but H won't back down. Michaels pleads with UT to let him ring the bell. UT says no and walks into a sledgehammer shot! It only gets 2! H tries to SMASH UT'S SKULL WITH THE SLEDGEHAMMER, so Michaels takes it away and tosses it out! H demands Shawn ring the bell! Michaels checks on UT and goes to ring the bell...and stops himself. Michaels checks on UT again and looks genuinely conflicted. Michaels checks on UT, but UT's so punch-drunk that he pulls Michaels into the Hell's Gate! H swoops in and nails UT with the sledgehammer, but now he has to wake up Michaels! UT comes back with a kick in the nuts and pulls H into the Hell's Gate! But we have no referee! In a callback to last year, H grabs the sledgehammer, but drops it! H tries for the powerbomb counter again, but can't lift UT this time! H is fading, but we STILL have no ref! Finally, UT releases the hold and EVERYONE is down! Charles Robinson runs down, but the Cell is locked! He manages to get in, just as UT hits the chokeslam...for a VERY close 2! UT can't believe it, so HE CHOKESLAMS CHARLES ROBINSON! Well, there's Lil' Naitch's Wrestlemania moment! Michaels finally gets up, just as UT goes for the Tombstone! H slips out and shoves UT INTO SWEET CHIN MUSIC!!! IT ONLY GETS 2!!! H grabs the sledgehammer and shoves out Michaels! ZOMBIE SITUP! UT makes the adrenaline-fueled comeback! Snake eyes and big boot hit! Hulk legdrop! Tombstone hits! IT ONLY GETS 2!!! Michaels looks like he's about to cry in the corner! UT and H get to their knees and exchange blows. On their feet, still exchanging blows! Tombstone is countered with a Pedigree! IT ONLY GETS 2!!! UT sits up first, as H reaches for the sledgehammer. UT grabs the chair and steps on the sledgehammer! UT goes to town with the chair! Michaels tries to stop UT, but ultimately thinks better of it and lets UT beat H into ooze. The chair barrage only gets 2! H defiantly reaches for the sledgehammer, but can't get up! H tries for a shot, but UT catches it and takes it away. H shoves UT! Knowing he has nothing left, H offers one final crotch chop before UT bashes H with the sledgehammer! H tries to pull himself up, but UT gives the throat slash and one final Tombstone means it's finally Game Over at about 40 minutes to put The Streak at 20-0! Hot damn!
WINNER: The Undertaker - It was insanity to assume that this could live up to last year, but both guys still put on a pretty damn good match. And everyone made up for their age with some fine psychology and storytelling. Well-done!
Post-match, both guys are down, as Michaels breaks down. And in a reverse of last year's big story, this time it's The Undertaker who gets to his feet first. Shawn Michaels pulls UT to his feet, while Triple H remains on the ground. Here's some "A WINNER IS YOU!" pyro for UT, as Michaels kneels over the corpse of his fallen friend! And to tie up the storyline, once and for all, both Micheals and Undertaker lift Hunter to his feet and carry him out together. And once at the top of the ramp, the three gladiators embrace after a hard-fought battle. It ain't Shakespeare, folks, but that's as close as professional wrestling can get. No soap opera required. Just two guys that want to win.
Rey Mysterio, Eve Torres, and The Big Show shill Slim Jims!
To give the crowd a chance to catch their breath, we get the Hall of Fame recap. Cole and Lawler (JR has, unfortunately, exited stage left for the rest of the show) shoot it off to Howard Finkel, who reels off the Hall of Famers, who are standing atop the ramp. And yes, ALL FOUR HORSEMEN (including Ric Flair) and J.J. Dillon are there! Mike Tyson does some crotch chops for fun. And finally, Edge's music hits for his introduction! Dig Edge's new haircut! And hey, here's Christian for the warm hug! Awesome!
Another promo for the Wrestlemania 29 trip giveaway.
Josh Matthews is backstage ready to interview Flo-Rida. Heath Slater enters the picture and wants Matthews to interview him, instead. And yeah, this segment goes nowhere, fast! Flo-Rida shoves Slater to the ground, right next to "Big Pimpin" Curt Hawkins and Acclaimed Animator Tyler Reks, who start laughing at Slater. Well, thanks for showing up, guys! At least you got a longer Wrestlemania moment than Sheamus and Daniel Bryan! DRINK!
BRIE BELLA introduces Team Johnny, while NIKKI BELLA introduces Team Teddy. Hey, they didn't put Punk/Jericho in the death slot, after all! I owe someone a Coke, although I do wonder why they devoted so much airtime to building up this feud if they were just going to use it as the bathroom break match?
TEAM JOHNNY v. TEAM TEDDY Santino doesn't even bring the United States Championship with him. Come on, guys! At least PRETEND that belt means something!
Dolph starts off with Kofi and...yeah, I'm burned out by that last match, so I'm grabbing a snack.
With snackery successful, let's fast-forward to the finish! Things break down with everyone jumping and taking various moves to almost no heat. Kofi and Truth launch Hornswoggle at the heels, but he gets caught. So Kofi and Truth nail Team Johnny with stereo topes con hilo! We get the requisite Aksana/Vickie/Bellas catfight on the outside. There's no reaction to ANY of this from the crowd, as they're still burnt out from the Cell match. Santino gets the hot tag and Santino makes the babyface comeback and climbs to the top. Top-rope saluting headbutt! Santino nails The Miz with THE COBRA~! and Dolph makes the save at 2! Ryder gets the tag and is a house of fire himself! Ryder tries to hit Miz with the Rough Ryder, but Miz launches him so that he lands on Dolph! Eve Torres suddenly comes in and offers the distraction and Miz finishes with the Skull-Crushing Finale!
WINNERS: Team Johnny - Remember what I said about Ryder being added to this match just so he could do the job and look like an idiot? Screw you, The E! And lucky me, I get to recap a John Laurinaitis-run show. Somebody up there hates me.
Post-match, Eve kicks Ryder in the nuts, because Ryder JUST DIDN'T LOOK LIKE ENOUGH OF AN IDIOT! Seriously, are they just getting off on humiliating Ryder at this point?
Extreme Rules promo! Check out all those rules that scroll across the screen.
Here's a shot of Alex Rodriguez and...TORRIE WILSON? Good lord! A-Rod's dating Torrie? I really do hate that bastard.
Here's a video package on all of Wrestlemania's coverage in the media. Why yes, it does go longer than the Sheamus/Bryan match, why do you ask? DRINK!
Backstage, the celebrating Team Johnny walks by CM Punk. Laurinaitis gloats to Punk. Laurinaitis says he wants a wrestling match. Well, don't we all? He throws in a stipulation that if Punk gets DQ'd, he'll lose the title. Oh God, we're not going to have one of THOSE endings, are we? Really? For Wrestlemania?
CHRIS JERICHO v. CM PUNK: WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH The sounds of Living Colour bring out CM Punk. Literally. Living Colour plays Punk out with a live rendition of Cult of Personality.
We start with a lock-up that circles the ring before moving into a wrestling sequence. Punk catches Jericho coming in with a knee. Jericho slaps Punk in the face to try and provoke a reaction and, yeah, the storyline's already taking over. Jericho slaps Punk again, so Punk hammers on him in the corner to the 4 count. Jericho asks Punk how his father is, so Punk starts elbowing the hell out of Jericho. Jericho rolls out before Punk can hit the Savage Elbow, so Punk comes off the top and nails Jericho with a top-rope clothesline to the outside. Jericho asks Punk how his sister is, so Punk grabs a chair! And it's time for me to grab another snack!
Punk tries for the running knee/bulldog combo, but Jericho shoves him off. Lionsault is seemingly caught, but Jericho grabs the knees and tries for the Walls of Jericho! Punk counters and nails the kick in the head for 2! Savage Elbow hits knees and Jericho nails the Codebreaker, but Punk rolls out! Jericho rolls Punk back in, but gets caught with the GTS! It gets 2, as Jericho gets his foot on the ropes! Roundhouse is dodged, but Punk hits a powerslam for 2! We move into a reversal sequence ending with a slingshot and Lionsault for 2! Punk tries for a top-rope 'rana, but Jericho turns it into the Walls! It's the crab version, so Punk's able to make the ropes. A frustrated Jericho charges in and gets backdropped over the top rope! Punk follows with a suicide dive! Punk hits a running knee against the steel post and rolls Jericho back in. Springboard clothesline is caught with the Codebreaker! It only gets 2! Punk teases the GTS, but Jericho elbows out of it. Jericho climbs the turnbuckles and eats an enziguiri! GTS (with "BEST IN THE WORLD!") looks to finish, but Jericho counters into the Walls and it's a full-on Liontamer, this time! Punk manages to slip it into a crab, so that he can try for the ropes! Jericho pulls Punk into the center, but Punk counters with a cradle! We get a cradle reversal sequence, which Punk turns into the Anaconda Vise! Jericho breaks it with a few knee strikes and tries to turn the Vise into the Walls! Punk elbows Jericho and locks the Vise in again! Jericho tries to knee his way out, but Punk won't let go and Jericho grudingly taps out!
WINNER: CM Punk - After teasing awfulness in the last segment, the storyline thankfully does not engulf the entire match and we wind up with a great match and a fantastic finishing sequence! I'm up for Round 2 at Extreme Rules!
A Blink-182 song plays over a Wrestlemania 29 promo.
We need another breather after that one, so HERE'S BRODUS CLAY! Brodus takes the mic and tells the crowd to take out their phones and call their mommas! So Brodus literally calls his momma! Turns out Brodus's momma is here, so Brodus brings her out. And Brodus's momma dances! Now SUDDENLY, MOMMAS! DOZENS OF THEM! And that's your segment! As a breather segment, I approve of this awesomeness! Although it's funny that a segment featuring the Dancing Mommas went longer than Sheamus/Bryan. DRINK!
Here's a trailer for the G.I. Joe: Retribution sequel, as the collective rape of our childhood continues.
Here's one final video package for Rock/Cena.
Justin Roberts brings out DIDDY, who introduces MACHINE GUN KELLY to perform the Wrestlemania theme song. MGK talks up John Cena, to some major heel heat. Did anyone tell this dope that they're in Miami? JOHN CENA comes out to NUCLEAR heel heat in a brand-new lime green Cenation T-shirt.
Justin Roberts brings out FLO-RIDA to perform the other Wrestlemania theme song. THE ROCK gets a thunderous hometown babyface pop that has me thinking they'd be insane to put Cena over clean here (unless they turn him heel, of course).
And for one last time...the musical performances each lasted longer than Sheamus/Bryan. DRINK ONE MORE TIME!
JOHN CENA v. THE ROCK And so, a full year of buildup...has led to this. Justin Roberts give us the championship intros. The heel heat for Cena and face heat for Rock are off the charts! We start with the epic face-off. Pause for crowd reactions and chants and the bell rings to a huge pop!
We begin with the epic lock-up! Cena shoves Rock down to win that exchange. Next lock-up is won by Rock. Rock grabs a side headlock and we move into a reversal sequence. Rock hits armdrags to send Cena down. Cena takes control off a running the ropes sequence and grabs the headlock. Rock tries for a quick Sharpshooter, but Cena bails to major heat! Cena takes control and hits some corner shoulder thrusts. Cena measures Rock and nails him with a clothesline for 1. Cena grabs a bear hug on a prone Rock. Rock tries to come back, but Cena lowbridges the charging Rock to send him out. Cena drops Rock on the barricade and then drops him on the announce table. Cena rolls in and takes a quick breather, as the pace of this match starts to feel a little funky. Back in the ring, Cena methodically works over Rock. Belly-to-belly suplex gets 2. Rock tries to come back, but runs into another bear hug. Match of the Century, this ain't, so far. Rock comes back with rights and hits the quick DDT for 2. Cena quickly peppers Rock with rights, but Rock returns in kind. Rock comes in with a flying clothesline and spinebuster! Rock tries to set up for the People's Elbow, but Cena takes him down and attempts the shitty STF. He can't get it, so Cena takes Rock down with The Usual to some major heat. Attitude Adjustment is dodged and we get a double KO spot. Both men are up and exchanging blows. Rock wins that exchange, but the Smackdown right hand is cut off by the Attitude Adjustment...for 2! Cena picks up Rock...and gets dropped with the Rock Bottom...for 2! Cole's "ROCK DID IT! ROCK DID IT!" made that kick-out so obvious. Rock works over Cena in the corner before Cena drops Rock with a side slam for 2. Cena climbs to the top turnbuckle and nails the Sicilian Slice for 2! Cena tries for the Attitude Adjustment, but Rock grabs the ropes. Rock nails Cena with the spinebuster and applies his awful Sharpshooter! Cena makes the ropes, so Rock goes to the mounted punches and re-applies the Sharpshooter. Cena makes the ropes again, so Rock pounds on him from the outside. Rock pulls Cena out and chucks him into the steel steps. Back in the ring, Cena comes back with a sunset flip into the shitty STF! Rock reaches for the ropes, so Cena pulls him to the center of the ring! Ref tries to count Rock out, but Rock gets his arm up at 2 and grabs the ropes! Rock nails a Samoan drop and both guys are down. Both men are up at 8 and exchanging blows. Cena tries for the Attitude Adjustment, but Rock shoves him off and hits the spinebuster! People's Elbow gets 2! Rock picks up Cena and gets caught in a small package for 2! Cena hits Rock with a catapult and gets the schoolboy for 2! Cena props Rock on the top turnbuckle, but Rock fights him off and shoves him down. Rock gathers his bearings and positions himself on the top! Top-rope crossbody (!) hits, but Cena rolls through and powers Rock into the Attitude Adjustment...FOR 2!!! That had "finish" written all over it! Running out of options, Cena decides to set up for the People's Elbow to major heat! But Rock pops up and catches Cena coming in with the Rock Bottom for the pin!
WINNER: The Rock - Not the Match of the Century (not even Match of the Night), but certainly very good.
Rock celebrates to end the night. And we are out!
The top three matches delivered, even if Cena/Rock was a little underwhelming. The rest of the card was honestly pretty terrible and you could tell The E was on cruise control for most of the night.
A good Wrestlemania, but not a GREAT Wrestlemania like I was hoping for.
The first half was total hot garbage. After HITC, it was one of the best Manias in years. I hugged my friend so hard after Rock won that I think I broke a rib. The fans wanted Rock to win and they got what they wanted and it was the right thing to do.
The Wee Baby Sheamus.
Twitter: @realjoecarfley its a bit more toned down there. A bit.
This WrestleMania couldn't live up to the hype or expectations.
The time wasted throughout this show for 'entertainment' was just maddening, especially when you go back and think about the Bryan/Sheamus match. I have no idea who was out for Cena's entrance, but they looked like they were hanging out at Jesse Pinkman's house party's.
Surprised to see go Kane go over, but why the hell not?
Big Show had that win coming, so I have no problem with that either.
Taker vs HHH had it's moments, but wasn't as good as last year's version. There was a good story, but these are feeling less and less like wrestling matches. I also don't like big lovefests at the end of matches like that, although having JR call the match was a nice touch.
Teddy vs Johnny was about what you'd expect wit Dolph taking the best monkey flip ever and Mark Henry tossed aside a midget like I toss aside a trash bag.
Punk vs Jericho was good, but the crowd wasn't into most of it and I have a feeling that was because of the goofy storytelling going into it.
Rock vs Cena was what it was. If this were the end of it I would be really happy, but it probably isn't. I'd say it was almost boring until the end which is really the way the night should end. Cena will probably get his win back at some point, but until then he actually has to deal with failure.
This show had some good moments, but was far from a great show. Their use of the four hours was curious at best and I would have been pissed if I was there live and had to sit behind a massive palm tree.
So glad Bryan and Ryder are getting just rewards for getting majorly over with the fans. Shit, even Sheamus gets a raw deal and he won the match and the title. Your reward for winning the Rumble, ladies and gentlemen! A three second appearance at WrestleMania!
Thought the show was pretty much garbage with the exception of the three marquee matches. Even then, the crowd weren't all that into Punk/Jericho. When they finally did get into it they were chanting for Jericho, so naturally he trolls them all by losing.
The biggest surprise of the night for me was Kane beating Orton, but that actually seems like the right call here. Kane needed the win and Orton can afford to lose. This match did a lot more than just "giving Orton something to do."
Sheamus going over like he did was a fun way to open the show. Bryan's better than that, obviously, but his heel character had it coming. I expect him to get the belt back sooner rather than later.
Undertaker vs HHH was great and really felt like it brought closure to... whatever their issue was. Let's never do this match again. Not because it wasn't awesome, but because everything that needs to be said has been said now and Undertaker needs a fresh non-DX opponent. If he even wants to come out for another go-around. When UT stood up and HHH couldn't, that was an awesome bookend to last year.
Punk going over was surprising, but hey, I'll take it. His current reign has been the really nice, long run he's deserved and going over at WrestleMania cements him as "The Guy" right now. As HHH and UT clear out, and even Jericho for that matter, it's time to affirm that Punk is at their level.
Rock-Cena was one of those matches where, no matter who won, all that really mattered was that it was decisive. Still, this match felt weird. From the beginning of the story, The Rock was the "heelish" one. Interfering at last year's WrestleMania, talking all the trash that he did, dominating the Survivor Series match, etc. Then, we get to the actual match and Cena's playing the in-ring "heel" and dominating the action from the beginning.
It makes sense with the crowd reaction, but not really with the characters, and I thought it tipped the hat very early on in the match that The Rock was going to win. Which makes sense given that they were in Miami, but still, I was expecting a little more 50-50 action.
In the big picture, though, The Rock has never won a WrestleMania main event until now (what I mean by that is, Last Match on the Card Main Event and not Main Event in the Middle of the Card Main Event) and he's always deserved one.
I thought it was a great show. Better than last year's by a mile and the right guys wound up on top. It had the right amount of closure to storylines while leaving a clean slate for new ones to start up tomorrow.
EDIT: And oh yeah, the ring entrances for Rock-Cena were ridiculous. Really distracting and complete nonsense. I miss Cena's big "Theme" entrances and things like HHH's Conan entrance. Either have something big and theatrical or just bring 'em out to their music. This isn't the Grammys.
The three big matches delivered and the rest of the show ranged from mediocre to bad to downright insulting (Bryan/Sheamus getting just a few seconds). All in it all it adds up for a pretty mid-tier Wrestlemania but a fun show overall, definitely a marked improvement from WM27.
Looked like Rock was starting to blow up early but he caught a second wind. The second half of the main event was tremendous --- that crossbody-into-an-AA spot I thought for sure was the finish. That spot is impressive enough when Cena does it to a cruiserweight, but against the Rock?! Damn.
Undertaker/HHH was much better than last year's instalment. A lot less laying around and more activity from both men, as opposed to last year when it was HHH dominating and inexplicably hesitant about it. And now, with 20-0, all bets are off to see if the Streak will continue past next year's Mania.
Jericho and Punk had a strong match and I'm glad the 'title changes on a DQ' didn't factor past the first few minutes. Fantastic finishing sequences with the counters, pinfall reversals and sub attempts. Great to see Punk put over big as 'the champ' in the company and now a top-caliber main eventer.
"It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone." --- Bart Giamatti, on baseball
Streaks! Miz is now 3-0, Swagger is 2-0, Otunga is 1-0, Maria Menounos is 1-0. Maria vs. Taker next year!
Slump-busters! Dolph Ziggler, Drew McIntyre and Mark Henry all get their first Mania victories. In Henry's case, it comes an incredible 14 years after his first WM appearance at Mania 14, and 16 years after his debut in WWE.
Streak-busters! The unbeaten streaks of Santino (2-0) and Khali (1-0) are no more. Truth has still not picked up a Manis victory after all his years in the business, dropping to 0-3.
"It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone." --- Bart Giamatti, on baseball
It's hard for me to rectify my feelings of how sad/mad I was at the beginning with how much I liked the big 3 matches.
Bryan/Sheamus was bullshit, I don't think we need to explain ourselves here, we all know the score. They fucking. arg. I won't give you the satisfaction. Yeah it's comeuppance for what he did to Big Show. But. Geez. Make your show better instead of worse. DB's excuses should be precious though. He wasn't ready!
Big Show knocking Cody out in three seconds would've been a Wrestlemania moment for the world's largest athlete.
HHH/Taker was a special match. Group hug and the formation of their best friends' club was LOL. I was pleasantly surprised they used JR. If anything I thought Rock would've made Ross part of his rider.
GM finish wouldn't have been so bad if Ryder told off Eve at the end. The Ryder Revolution has been used to build Kane and Eve, splendid. Super Rough Ryder was sweet though.
Jericho/Punk had great work, great finish, their match next month will backfill the heat.
Rock/Cena was the right finish. Makes Cena interesting as he fails at something for the first time. Will he be exploring these newfound emotions against Lord Tensai?
Replace the first hour with the match Bryan and Sheamus will have at Extreme Rules and you have an upper echelon Mania. As it was, really good show, but bittersweet for this internet man.
This is the first time I saw a PPV outdoors, not including the month-long stay at the then-MGM Studios for Monday Night Raw. It was a much different atmosphere, especially seeing the sky on a lot of the shots.
I was at the monthly get-together at the sports bar near me. There were so many people, that the main room had it on, too. The audio was also piped-in in the bathrooms, too. Everyone was into it from the get-go.
0) Yes, I did put 0 down. I actually saw the triple threat tag title match through WWE.com through my iPod. Couldn't hear it that much due to the speakers having the traditional PPV preview on. Just typical with E & P coming through.
1) Sheamus/Bryan - Actually missed that match trying to get my iPod to camera. Very surprised about how fast it was.
2) Kane/Orton - Pretty good match. Surprised Kane went over.
3) Show/Rhodes - Had a feeling that Cody was in trouble with the 2nd Disaster kick was caught.
4) Divas Tag - Surprised Maria was used more than I thought. And what was Beth wearing on the way to the ring?
5) UT/HHH - Unbelievable match, had everything like I thought. Taker did look old without his hair. Nice touch with the conflicted HBK throughout the match. And a better touch with all three leaving at the same time at the end. And with JR there, it was even better.
6) 12 man tag - way too cluttered...in and out of the ring. Is this a record for a non-lumberjack match for the number of people outside of the ring? And like I predicted, Miz got the pin. Not going to be too thrilled about Cole tomorrow, especially when Miz comes out.
7) Punk/Jericho - I thought that Punk was going to lose it during the match when the DQ rule went into effect. Really, I thought Jericho was going to win, get a quick run as champ, and then lose in Chicago at Extreme Rules.
8) Cena/Rock - Great match. Rock wasn't that bad in his first singles match in so long. So many close calls either way.
Santino/Foley/Deadliest Catch guy - I think once Socko & Cobra came out, I knew how it was going to end up. My brain when Simmons came out, "Paycheck!!!"
Slater/Flo Rida - How did he get some dialogue???
Brodus Clay - Went to the bathroom, should have stayed there.
Overall: I was 5-3 (getting Sheamus/KK & MM/UT/Johnny/Rock correct and missed on Punk/Show/Kane).
What a cool first time Wrestlemania experience. Makes me want to go to NY/NJ but its gonna be cold on April 7. The pyro went off and John Cena was still sitting on the ramp tru all the smoke. Rock went around high fiving the front row, signed a program book and held a "If Cena wins we riot" sign up. Walked up the ramp signed a football jersey. Someone threw a shirt at him, flipped it around to reveal "Boots 2 Asses" and threw it back.
Kind of surreal to see the wrestlers act emotional or whatever and there's all these cameramen right in front of them.
Daniel Bryan was so over at the Hall of Fame and Wrestlemania and they just job him out like that :(
In the same boat as Justin. Give Bryan/Sheamus any time, Hell, ten minutes, and this would probably be up there as one of the greatest shows. But that opening really put me on a downer. Still, Rock/Cena was TREMENDOUS, entertainment-writ-large stuff, and I don't see how anyone can walk away from a show with, by my count, three ****+ matches and say it wasn't worth it.
When UT finally took the hood off, I wanted HHH to go all DX on him and start laughing at the haircut.
I didn't mind Cole during Punk/Jericho and Cena/Rock. Is it really that hard to do that all the time? Except for the GM match. That was terrible.
Bryan/Sheamus. Next WM they will finally have a full (and fully televised) match. It's the slow burn, people! The amount of things that got more time than that match...well, actually, EVERYTHING got more time than that match. Including Heath Slater, Jericho's blinky jacket, Ron Simmons saying "damn". It boggles the mind.
I give Cena credit for feeding into that schadenfreude-filled finish. But would it kill him to just stay on the mat for a few more seconds after getting pinned?
Had the musical acts interacted a bit more (or in Cena's case, at all) with the entrances it wouldn't have seen like a waste of time. Neither act knew what to do when their song finished.
The thinking with Bryan/Sheamus is obvious. You either give it ten minutes-plus, or you do the non-match fluke win for Sheamus to preserve a rematch. Saying Heath Slater/Brodus' mama/Santino eating crab each got more time is missing the point - going two or three minutes would be worse for Bryan than losing like he did last night. I don't LIKE the fact that they went that route, but I'd prefer they do this than a five-minute first-hour-of-Raw match if that was the other option.
EDIT: I'm also baffled by the "oh Cena/Rock wasn't that good but the crowd covered for them" sentiment floating around. It was GREAT. Spoiled internet fans are spoiled.
Overlooked in all the discussion is the fact that the spanish announce table was out and remained in one piece the entire show - now that has to be some sort of feat in itself.
As for the show, I liked it - I missed the first half hour because I thought it started at 8 but the rest was good.
Triple H vs. Undertaker was just absolutely amazing as Punk vs. Jericho - both matches I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. I loved Undertakers outfit.
Loved Rock vs. Cena too, though I had no idea who the two musical acts were (and I'm absolutely proud of that). They were dreadful.
The match was great, though. It told a nice story and everyone went home happy. I thought for sure they were going to have some sort of interference at the end to set off some sort of a "new era" - a surprise star or something but I'm glad it ended without it.
The entertainment bits were what they were - I don't think that taking them out and giving them to Bryan/Shaemus would have done anything (nor do I think the feud is over).
It fits with Bryan's character, too. He got cocky. He overestimated his opponent. He'll come back with excuses. Having him go over Shaemus would have done nothing, in the long run, either.
I still can't believe it's been a year since Edge has retired too - seeing him at Wrestlemania was bittersweet.
A few thoughts now that I am rested and calm. This Wrestelmania crowd should get some award for their ability to see through a lot bullshit. They chanted for Bryan for the first hour which you would hope Vince would get the hint at this point. They had to deal with those ridiculous palm trees and I guess some of them according to Cena were above the Titantron or behind, that has got to be a terrible seat. They rejected Steph's 50/50 plan and turned into Game 7 of the NBA finals with Cena as the Mavs and Rock as the Heat. They also were pretty good for being up after a ton of commercials and I mean a ton. 45 minutes to an hour was devoted to some way to advertising something else. One of the better crowds Mania has had.
Taker/HHH is a lock for MOTYC. However, I really liked the stories told in Jericho/Punk and Rock/Cena better. Shawn's back and forth was too much near the end. Either pick a side and stick with it or stay out of the way and quit turning your back every second. Jesus, Shawn. Jericho egging Punk on and Punk out thinking Jericho by moving up on the Anaconda Vice so, Chris couldn't kick him to get out of it was genius. Cena disrespecting Rock and overestimating him at the end while he walked into the Rock Bottom was great. It was so nice to see some actually story telling tonight in a lot of these matches instead of finisher, kick out, counter, finisher, 1,2,3. A lot of credit goes to those six guys for making what could have been the worst Mania of all time into something special.
As for Ryder, Bryan and Cody. Well, I have no idea. I would suspect Bryan/Sheamus will be a better match tonight or Smackdown or at Extreme Rules either way it needs to be on the DVD or Blu Ray to make up for that cluster fuck. Ryder can't hit Eve and having KK fight his battles for him makes him look weak. He needs to just humiliate her or she needs to align herself with another guy and have Ryder take them both out. Cody, you would suspect is off to the world title spot if Sheamus holds on. Again, you would hope this would happen, but now that a certain MMA maybe back, I see a lot of this getting thrown into the background. Especially if it leads to Cena's heel turn which needs to happen tonight. Cena looked like Tom Brady last night at the end which was perfect.
(edited by lotjx on 2.4.12 0740) The Wee Baby Sheamus.
Twitter: @realjoecarfley its a bit more toned down there. A bit.
So how great does Bending the Rules look guys? Edge could of sold more copies had he got his haircut like that before doing the movie.
Cm Punk vs. Jericho. I had no idea how much I missed a submission counters ending until last night, so thank you. Also, holy shinola Living Colour actually performed live at WM! I was just thinking it would be neat if they performed Cult of Personality at WM seeing as that song is a Superstars actual intro, and they have been around for years, and Stain was also a good album........I marked out a bit for them.
Taker vs. HHH was WAY more fun to watch than last year. I actually hated the match last year and did not look forward to watching it again. I also liked at the end the reversal image of Taker still standing over a broken Triple H. It gave a feeling of completion and coming full circle that many angles never have nowadays. It was probably the BFF group hug but I liked that part the best.
Maria Menounos get the fuck outta the ring!
God I hate current hip hop for one major reason: Way too many "Studio thugs" who are really just bad actors that pose like wannabe thugs I see at school and around my neighborhood. Flo Rida's horrible attempt at being hostile toward Heath Slater felt like he was doin a shitty imitation of angry twelve year old doing a shitty imitation of an angry monkey. Then the shit-bastard along with Sheamus' cracked-adled little bro (introduced by fucking Sean Puffy Diddy Combs) and his shitty band perform their horrible uninspired pop club songs. Flo Rida you are not a wrestler, noone came to see you. Put your shirt back on and stay out of Randy Orton's tub o grease.
I'll say nothing about the rest of the show including the D-Bry vs. Sheamus. The less said the better, plus I've done enough ranting.
The Lovely Mrs. Tracker spotted a great little moment: After Jericho's submission, the camera cuts to the crowd and then back to Punk and Jericho still on the mat. You can see Jericho's left hand give Punk's head a little congratulatory head scratch. I like that better then the HitC three-way hug on the ramp because we weren't supposed to see it.
Glad to hear the Daniel Bryan chants for a few matches after that nothing match. Bryan has to have a shorter title loss than Chavo. Bryan and Cody had on matching colors. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Congrats to Cena for adjusting his style with a heelish tinge. Good to see.
I LOVED Mama Clay and the Bridge Club.
"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker