My vote has to go to the "Skateboard Kid."
Nothing says Box Office sensation like a Skateboard who comes to life to save a kid from gangs. Did I mention the voice of the skateboard was Dom Delouise? Sadly they made a sequel which I have not seen. The sequel could be worse, but I still vomit thinking about the orginal.
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
You have 100 million dollars to make a movie. You have Nicholas Cage, John Malkovich, Ving Rhames, Steve Buscemi, and John Cusack. You have a pretty good concept for an action movie. How badly can you screw it up?
The answer ... Simon Fucking West screwed it up like no other screw up in the history of Hollywood. This no talent director (who was also responsible for the awful Tomb Raider) has no clue how to structure an action movie. It's pretty simple -- rising action leading to a big climax. It's worked for thousands of stories in the past, but it's not good enough for Simon West. He just threw action sequence after action sequence after action sequence onto the screen, without building to anything. I remember one critic called it "action movie pornography ... climax after climax after climax after climax." After an hour and a half of this crap even explosions and shootings and knifings are boring.
Why is Con Air worse than Skateboard Kid? It doesn't sound like Skateboard Kid had a chance of being any good. But this could have been an awesome, terrific movie with a competent director.
Whew, I feel better now.
Past hills of chambermaids' dark bare arms and fields of muscles quilted to the bone, Right now I'm flying over, yeah right now I'm flying home.
Most obsecure low budget awful movies are seen late night on some local channel or at the 50 cent rental bins. The worst thing as a movie goer, is to pay premium first run price for a God awful movie. Not only did you waste hours that you will regret losing while on your deathbed, but you just spent 7 to 20 dollars depending on if you treated a date and bought expensive ass popcorn. So thats why this movie is the worst to me.
Originally posted by GavintzuHe just threw action sequence after action sequence after action sequence onto the screen, without building to anything. I remember one critic called it "action movie pornography ... climax after climax after climax after climax." After an hour and a half of this crap even explosions and shootings and knifings are boring.
This is actually symptomatic of every action film Jerry Bruckheimer has EVER produced -- Simon West and Michael Bay are Bruckheimer's two "favorite" directors because they use this technique the most -- since TOP GUN and the main reason I won't see any of his films. And that includes Black Hawk Down.
It could be the world's greastest cast and Kevin Smith could write and direct it, but there's no way I'll see it.
"The 'Burbs" with Tom Hanks. Awful, awful, awful movie that wasn't even on one of our college $#!t movie nights (where we purposely tried to rent the worst movie possible). The worst $#!t movie night movie was "Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid." Avoid this one at all costs too. It's just not worth the time you won't get back.
As you could probably guess from my sig, I have to say that Starship Troopers holds that title. The movie is so bad in so many ways that it absolutely amazes me that it got released. You've got a great plot readymade with the book. You've got a director, Paul Verhoeven, who has made some wonderful movies. You've got one of the best special effects groups in the business to make sure that the effects are great. And, you've got something in the neighborhood of 115 million dollars to make this movie. What do you get from all these positives?
An absolutely unwatchably trite piece of incoherent shit whose effects aren't even that good!
I'll never forget seeing the movie for the first time in some masochistic frenzy and realizing that you can see the effects blue screen in about 12 of the first 20 shots with the bugs. After that, things went downhill. And don't even get me started on the plot holes that you can drive your average solar system through or the casting or the mutilation of the plot or how badly directed it was or ... I'll stop now since I strongly suspect that none of us actually want to read a 29 page paper on the subject of Starship Troopers and why it is a truly abysmal movie.
Tim [edited for spelling]
(edited by bash91 on 6.3.02 1058)
A wife with a copy of CIV III and her third different bar exam in as many years is a bad combination.
"Verhoeven's _Starship Troopers_: Based on the back cover of the book by Robert Heinlein."
I'm going to vote for 'A Boy and his Dog' here.. the joyous adventure of an Adult labeled 'A Boy' through a post-apocalyptic wasteland and the underground settlement of Topeka, Kansas.. with his talking dog!
The movie has only one redeeming quality, and that is that it ends with canibalism.
A Boy and his Dog is one of the best movies ever made. Regardless, I recently saw Queen of the Damned. That was easily the worst movie ever made, and I've seen Pitch Black. It had no plot, despite not having a plot, it had plot incongruities, and it just plain sucked. Worst movie ever.
and speaking of bad movies and dogs....don't forget "Walk Like A Man" (1987) starring Howie Mandel as a boy raised by wolves who is reunited with his family.......could a remake of this flick be in the works for Rob Schneider ???
Stylin' and Profilin' - Custom Made from Head to Toe.....courtesy of Michael's of Kansas City
You'll have to work very hard to name a worse movie than SUPERSTAR.
(IT'S PAT: THE MOVIE may also be in that circle of hell, but I haven't had the misfortune of sitting through all of it.)
To this date, I've only had one occasion where I've rented a movie, sat through fifteen minutes of it, and returned it to the video store that night for a refund. ERNEST GOES TO CAMP gets that dubious honor.
HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes city, family STICKERED to death!
After weeks of getting begged by my girlfriend, I bit the bullet and treated her to Evolution last spring.
GOOD GAWD what were they thinking? The tickets were $12.50 a piece, then came the $5 popcorn, $3 drink, etc. and by the end of the night I must have been out $40. FOURTY FREAKIN' DOLLARS. If you've seen it - you KNOW what I'm talking about. At least SHE loved it - so I guess that makes one of us.
Like the person above said, it was probably the cost that got me more than anything. I've seen some stinkers - but I doubt I've ever spent anywhere NEAR that amount.
We rented one for $1 last spring that starred John Ritter stuck in a TV that was pretty god awful. Most John Ritter movies fall into that category though.
I'm sure I could name worse - but I'd have to think about it for awhile.
Originally posted by eviljonhunt81A Boy and his Dog is one of the best movies ever made. Regardless, I recently saw Queen of the Damned. That was easily the worst movie ever made, and I've seen Pitch Black. It had no plot, despite not having a plot, it had plot incongruities, and it just plain sucked. Worst movie ever.
You must have meant "My life as a dog" which was pretty good.
On the subject of bad movies, I will beat anyone up who says that Stalker - The Russian one, in case there are two, is anything but a bad movie.
Yes, I get the whole point of the movie. It wasn't over my head. It wasn't too artsy.
But still, did you need TWO FUCKING TAPES WORTH OF MOVIE TO GET A 5 minute concept over?
Being that this is a Wrestling board, I figured that someone would have mentioned No Holds Barred, Mr. Nanny, Santa with Muscles, and Ready to Rumble. Unless of course most people are like me and have smartly skipped over those movies.
EVERYBODY POLKA!! [Jimmy Sturr] "Oh, I don't know why she's leaving/Or where she's gonna go/ I guess she's got her reasons/But I just don't wanna know/ But for 24 hours CRZ's got mail from Alex..." [/Jimmy Sturr]