You may have heard that scientists recently created the world's funniest joke (see story at http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/10/03/joke.funniest/ among many other places) What got lost in the mix was that they have also created the World's Greatest Wrestling Match, a five-star extravaganza in the minds of marks, smarks, and smarts of all nations. Since I can't find the article online to link to, here's a writeup of that world's greatest match:
The Rock vs Keiji Muto:
The Rock enters the ring first, hitting his catch phrases for five whole minutes. Muto makes his entrance, tells The Rock to "Just Bring It" Both men collide in the ring. Both men reverse hammerlocks. Muto misses an early attempt at the Shining Wizard, then blocks a Rock Bottom. Contrived spot sees Rock, Muto and ref collide in the center of the ring. Triple H attempts a run in, but tears a quad muscle and collapses in the aisle way.
Rock kips up, hits a recovering Muto with the Shining Wizard, but ref unable to count. Kevin Nash attempts a run in, but tears a quad muscle and collapses in the aisle way. Muto recovers, hits The Rock with a Rock Bottom, but ref unable to count. Jeff Hardy attempts a run in, but tears a quad muscle and collapses in the aisle way, losing his shirt in the process.
Ref recovers. The Rock blocks the Shining Wizard and hits the Rock Bottom for a two count. Trish Stratus attempts a run in, but tears a quad muscle and collapses in the aisle way, losing her shirt in the process. The Rock blocks another Shining Wizard and hits Muto with one of his own, knocking him out of the ring.
Vince Russo does a "walk in", carefully circumnavigating the writhing bodies in the aisle way, and smears facepaint on Muto, turning him into The Great Muta. Rock comes out and punches Russo, who trips over the fallen Kevin Nash and tears his quad. Muta throws Rock in the ring, hits a backbreaker, then goes up and hits his Moonsault. Then he hits a second one. But as he attempts a third moonsault, he is tripped up by Triple H, who has bravely fought through the pain to hit his spot in the match.
Rock kips up, and hits Muta with the People's Elbow. He then goes to the top rope and hits the People's Moonsault for the first time in his career, and goes for the pin, only to be informed by the referee that he counted them both out five minutes ago. The Rock hits the Rock Bottom on the ref while Muta moonsaults him. Rock shakes hands with Muta, then hits him with a Rock Bottom.
The world's funniest joke? The joke so funny that no one could read it without dying of laughter? The joke that had to be translated into German one word at a time so that no one would see enough of the joke? I don't have any way to finish this paragraph, I just wanted to make a reference to the Monty Python sketch about the world's funniest joke. Anyway, now for something completely different.
The funniest thing about that CNN article was the last line. "Many jokes submitted contained references to animals. Jokes mentioning ducks were considered particularly funny." What is it about ducks that makes them so funny? The world may never know.
Originally posted by Mr. BoffoThe funniest thing about that CNN article was the last line. "Many jokes submitted contained references to animals. Jokes mentioning ducks were considered particularly funny." What is it about ducks that makes them so funny? The world may never know.
I believe that may have something to do with the mysterious fact that duck quacks do not echo. That or their feet. Their god damned duck feet.
Ducks are marvels of biological engineering - what makes you think they can't also be funny??? Webbed feet, oily feathers, non-echoing quacks...c'mon, a sense of humor is a hill o' beans compared to that stuff.
(Apparently some people aren't up on their Python. Oh, and I guess it loses something in the translation if you haven't died from laughter yet.)
Are you sure? I remember them showing that as the joke that the German's tried to use instead, but I don't think that's what the phrase squiz posted translated into.
That was the original attempt by Hitler himself, which failed miserably.
An intermdiate attempt by the Germans (pre-translation) was: "Die ist ein Kinnerhunder und zwei Mackel uber und der bitte schon ist den Wunderhaus sprechensie. "Nein' sprecht der Herren 'Ist aufern borger mit zveitingen'."
However, the ultimate German V-Joke (broadcast in December '44) was "Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der strasse, and von vas ... assaulted!"
(The actual joke, accurately reported by squiz, doesn't actually translate to anything real. But I'm sure if I'd taken more german in school, I could make some sort of Joycean sense of it! :-) )
Oh, and what makes ducks so funny? Because they weigh the same as witches, of course.
Originally posted by Pool-BoyLady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm- The bartender says "HEY! Get that big out of here!" The lady replies "Its not a pig, its a duck!" The bartender says- "I was talking to the duck!"
Looks like someone was watching "Point of no return" a little too often.......
No chance. The gore factor is a bit to much even for Vince. The real problem is that the guys that would most likely be in the match (Dreamer, Al Snow, etc.) may let the moment get to them and take the match a little bit to far.