It is with great pride and utter humility that I accept today's Wiener of the Day award.
First off, I'd like to thank my agent. When he originally told me that there was a chance that I could get this award, I brushed it off, but he was amazingly right on all accounts. I only wish he were alive to see this day.
I'd also like to thank my enemies. For, if not for my scornful rage towards them, this moment wouldn't feel nearly as good. In my great moment of triumph, may their lives be full of misery and heartbreak.
Finally, I'd like to thank CRZ. Mainly, I guess, to kiss his ass, but also because he is the reason I am here today. If not for him, I'd probably be stuck in some godforsaken IRC channel.
We are all going to die.
Oh, but at least I will have held this honor once, maybe even again someday. Maybe even a couple more times after that. Then, I'll die just like anyone else, but this award shall immortalize me. Especially since it means a lot more than certain "undisputed" titles.
From this week's Observer: "Michael Cole was hilarious when he mentioned that Jamal and Rosey grew up in the hood in Sunnyvale, CA (very near where I live, which is just as funny as the mean streets of Greenwich, CT)."