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22.10.14 1647
The W - Pro Wrestling - Why not just hire Mongo's dog pepe for analysis on HEAT?
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redsoxnation
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Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 478 days
Last activity: 478 days
#1 Posted on
So, Lita is the new voice of Heat. Could someone break the news to the decision makers in the WWE that it would be nice if the analyst could speak semi-coherant English. I guess Lee Marshall's spot as worst analyst ever will now be challenged.



Thank you Mr. Wanz for the check, now you get an AWA World Title Reign. But be careful, my boy Greg is a heat machine.
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Since: 10.1.02
From: Somerville, MA

Since last post: 2820 days
Last activity: 2218 days
#2 Posted on
It could be worse. They could have chosen Miss Jacqueline. If that's not a thought to freeze the blood...
Look, I like Jackie in the ring; but that one episode of "Heat" was, well, it was painful.
Lita I think could be competent at least passable) with some practice. Whether it will be worth the wait, well, I guess we'll wait & see.
Don't know why they don't just use DDP. Isn't he still under contract though retired from competition?



"Come to the Dark Side... You Know You Want To!"
The Evil Buddha, spreading Alcoholism, Bad Humor and Chaos since 1971
dMp
Banger








Since: 4.1.02
From: The Hague, Netherlands (Europe)

Since last post: 10 days
Last activity: 5 hours
#3 Posted on
Perhaps they gave her the job to actually work on her skills?
Why you don't let her practice for about a year or so off screen before putting her on is beyond me..

Edit: Just realised the title of the threat...AAARHGHGHRGH!!
I got SO sick when I saw Mongo stroke that dog each week.
Sorry, but wtf was he thinking? I preferred Mongo the wrestler over Mongo the dog stroker.


(edited by dMp on 1.10.02 1804)


The only person who is capable of carrying a broom to a five star outing is none other than....
Torri Welles
Santa Sangre
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Since: 21.6.02
From: Germany

Since last post: 470 days
Last activity: 358 days
#4 Posted on

Having Lita as a commentator might make me stop watching, or at least hit the mute button. I guess I'll give her a chance but I'm thinking she's gone in a week.

DDP would be a great choice, but I'd really like to see a heel in that position. Now heel DDP might be good. Umm, who else...Regal would be great if he wasn't wrestling anymore as would Flair. HEY YEAH, when Flair does hang up the boots for good he should take over for Lawler.

edit: Oh man, I forgot all about those road reports with Lee Marshall, ahh bad memories.

(edited by Santa Sangre on 1.10.02 0905)

(edited by Santa Sangre on 1.10.02 0908)

This weeks Picks:


(6-3 overall)
Mr Heel II
Lap cheong








Since: 25.2.02

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 11 min.
#5 Posted on
Lita did color on a "Velocity" around a month ago. It was awful. She couldn't even feign emotion and you could hardly hear her half the time because it was done in-studio and she didn't compensate her voice for the crowd noise.

I have to wonder why D'Lo's off. I haven't seen anything about him reportedly not wanting to do it (save for the in-ring work promo). The team of D'Lo and Coach were pretty good.
Divakind
Mettwurst








Since: 19.2.02
From: Charleston, WV

Since last post: 2494 days
Last activity: 2433 days
#6 Posted on
Why, why, why, why, WHY does the WWE creative team have such a hard-on to shit all over Sunday Night Heat?

Would it "spoil some vast eternal plan" to have a color commentator who actually knows what the f&*! is going on and can do a decent job of selling it for the audience at home? Sure, they've had two of them this year, but they wanted to focus on in-ring work and God knows I can't fault them for that decision.

It would have made PERFECT sense for Bischoff to fire Lita's ass on the spot for her comments about SmackDown, then let Steph take pity on her (that whole sisterhood thing and all)and bring her to SD so she can sit ringside and moon all over f'ing stupid Mattitude while the fans look on and go "awww.........."

But NOOOOOOOO. That's using DRAMATIC LOGIC AND WE JUST DON'T DO THAT HERE AT THE DUBBYA-DUBBYA-EEEEEEEE!!!!! Gawd forbid we have Rosey and Jamal splash our precious little announcer because she's recovering from neck surgery (But it's ok to splash Mae friggin' Young, who's older and could've sustained damage that would've been just as bad or worse? Guess we know where she is in the pecking order.)

Since we all seem to be in agreement that this is one of the stupidest f****** decisions they've made in recent memory, isn't there some way we could get a petition together and submit it to WWE? I know there's a feedback section on their website and a friend of mine has submitted e-mails before.

I'm with Santa Sangre on this one, only I'm leaning more towards the "stop watching" option.





"And you won't hate me because I'm just a little, teeny, weeny, wee bit bloodthirsty, will you?" (Katisha/"The Mikado")
Santa Sangre
Bockwurst








Since: 21.6.02
From: Germany

Since last post: 470 days
Last activity: 358 days
#7 Posted on
Diva, the best we can hope for is the Jackie factor to come in play. When Lita does suck and suck she will, the higher ups will realize what a shity decision they've made and will replace her.



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3-0 last week

(3-3 overall)
Ubermonkeys
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Since: 2.1.02
From: Michigan

Since last post: 3517 days
Last activity: 3391 days
AIM:  
#8 Posted on
Hi. In case anybody missed it, Coach and D-Lo were bad, VERY BAD.

Imagine Carlton had a twin, and they sat around doing their best impressions of the White People Co-Opting Black Culture Network from Mr. Show and that's basically what HeAT has been for a while now. It doesn't help that everyone who wrestles on the show not named Dreamer, Molly, and halves of Shelton Benjamin and D-Lo absolutely sucks the stick of shit, whereas Cole's useless berating of Mmaarrcc Loyd can be easily ignored during a Noble/Moore match... or Albert vs. Holly. Yeah.

Anyway, Coach and D-Lo are horrible. Coach and Lita will also be horrible. I'm just confused as to why people are throwing such a fit over a different kind of horrible, that is to say a boring single-Carlton-meets-trashy-road-slut horrible vs. MUST-ELIMINATE-FAKE-BLACK-PEOPLE type horrible. And a pre-"fuck you" for anybody who bothers using the word "racism" to reply, you know exactly what I mean.



Cole says Raye is “A buck sixty-five.” Dat one cheap ho!

asteroidboy
Andouille








Since: 22.1.02
From: Texas

Since last post: 1428 days
Last activity: 337 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.95
Racist.

Just kidding, Uber. If they're ripping off Mr. Show, do you think they could get David Cross to do Ronnie Dobbs? That would make for some sweet 'rasslin commentary!

I liked Coach and D'Lo. They weren't the blackest and I could've done with a few less "dogs," but it seemed like they were having fun, and they kept it light.

By all means, give Lita a chance to improve her speaking ability. But that's a pretty big stage to practice on. (She looked great on RAW, by the way). If we're gonna go full-out with shitty mic workers on commentary, for god's sakes, someone give Jim Hellwig a call! I'd watch Heat every fucking Sunday just to hear that verbal trainwreck.

(edited by asteroidboy on 1.10.02 1118)


"My brother saw the Undertaker walking through an airport." - Rex

"Was he no-selling?" - Me
VK Wallstreet
Goetta








Since: 18.6.02
From: New York, NY, USA

Since last post: 4338 days
Last activity: 4336 days
#10 Posted on
By the way, does anybody know Coach's ethnic background? I know he's black, but he doesn't appear to be all black. Maybe he's half Samoan, like Rocky.



¡Azúcar, flores y muchos colores! Estos fueron los ingredientes elegidos para crear a la niñita perfecta. Pero el profesor Utonio agrego accidentalmente otro ingrediente a la formula: ¡la sustancia X! Y así nacieron, ¡las Chicas Superpoderosas! ¡Con sus ultra súper poderes, Bombón, Burbuja y Bellota dedican su vida a combatir el crimen y las fuerzas del mal!
asteroidboy
Andouille








Since: 22.1.02
From: Texas

Since last post: 1428 days
Last activity: 337 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.95

    Originally posted by VK Wallstreet
    By the way, does anybody know Coach's ethnic background? I know he's black, but he doesn't appear to be all black. Maybe he's half Samoan, like Rocky.



He's black like Don Cheadle, shoutin power to the people!



"My brother saw the Undertaker walking through an airport." - Rex

"Was he no-selling?" - Me
ICEMAN
Landjager








Since: 23.5.02
From: Nashville,TN

Since last post: 1875 days
Last activity: 1563 days
#12 Posted on
I can see it now Pepe sitting on the announce table in a little vest and beret being voiced by.........Bruce Pritchard with french accent.



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Ubermonkeys
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Since: 2.1.02
From: Michigan

Since last post: 3517 days
Last activity: 3391 days
AIM:  
#13 Posted on
A-boy, you wanker. Heh.

"He's brutalizin' him!" And when Ronnie meets Noble- SHIT YEAH.

Part of the problem, to me anyway, of Coach and D-Lo seeming to have fun, is that they WERE having fun. A little TOO much fun. I mean, I'm all for TEH FUNNAY in wrestling, but Jesus, when "the classic comeback" becomes your trademark line in calling EVERY SINGLE MATCH it makes them (the matches) seem so goofy and unimportant... much like the guys saying it. To me, Heat and Velocity should be giving off an important, exciting feeling, that stuff that happens there actually matters. For the casual viewer, they could see up-and-coming guys tearing it up, not has-beens doing nothing. They should strive to deliver the same "see the guys now before they make it big" type atmosphere that I'd been reading about in the OVW/HWA reports that Drew and a few others have done. Velocity has been half-assing it, putting guys like Dinsmore, Conway, and Basham out there, but they've been limited to such vanilla matches that it gives them nowhere to go. Heat's been pretty much limited to O'Haire and Benjamin, but they've seemingly disappeared.

I know I've stumbled off into why Heat (and to a lesser extent, Velocity) itself needs improving, but the announcing crews (past and present) just seem to be another example of nobody in charge really giving half a shit about the B-level shows. But they should.

Racist In The Year 3000, signing off.



Cole says Raye is “A buck sixty-five.” Dat one cheap ho!

cactuspete
Blutwurst








Since: 22.9.02
From: Parts Unknown

Since last post: 4131 days
Last activity: 4131 days
#14 Posted on
this just in: Heat and Velocity suck.

They serve as a purgatory for those who arent good enough to get on the "real" shows, but who don't suck enough to be released or sent to OVW.

And for my money, Scott Levy was the best comic heel announcer since Jesse Ventura. Its a shame to see him wasted.



"What do you mean 'Parts Unknown'? Are you telling me he doesn't have a social security number so we can track him down? How does he get a paycheck?" - G. Monsoon
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Of course, their interpretation of the poll could be that Undertaker should be in the main event picture of SD as WWE champion.
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