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|#1 Posted on 26.2.03 1457.32 | Instant Rating: 2.74|
|As a joke, one of my roommates bought this HORRIBLE book called "HAMLET II: OPHELIA'S REVENGE' this shit is SO bad, you have NO IDEA; here's the back cover blurb for you to get a whiff of it's stench...|
BARD'S BLOOD #1
The classic tales of William Shakespeare are often as packed with gore and corpses as the scariest clasher flick - and can spawn equally gruesome sequels....
HAMLET II: Ophelia's Revenge
Football star Cameron Dean is genuine campus royalty at Globe University, but his life is more of a nightmare than a dream. Not only was his dad murdered under mysterious circumstances, but Cameron suspects that his mom and aunt may have had something to do with it!
When he unexpectedly inherits a creepy old castle in Denmark, Cameron tries to put his worries behind him, inviting his girlfriend and college buddies along on an overseas trip to check out the gloomy fortress. The plan is to get some serious partying done. To bad nobody counte on the ghost of a drowned girl rising from her watery grave with vengence on her mind!
Now the only question is: to die or not to die?
...YES! this truely IS worse then it sounds. What's the worst book YOU'VE ever seen or read?
Cerebus: Barbarian, Prime Minister, Pope, Perfect House Guest.
"Graft is as necessary as throwing up when you drink too much."
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|#2 Posted on 26.2.03 1507.21 |
|Probably "Venus" by Ben Bova.|
I like sci-fi, but most of it is tired, derivative crap. I also looked at this Terry Goodkind book called "Quest for the Fallen Star" once...it was about the cheesiest junk in the world. It was exactly like every other fantasy book: "diverse" party of characters from difference races and classes, all of whom are from humble beginnings, meet in a venerable old inn and then go on a quest blahblahblahblahblah...
"Also, don't incur the wrath of P.U. It can only lead to trouble." - Torchslasher
From: Hamden, CT
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|#3 Posted on 26.2.03 1511.46 |
|Pride and Prejudice|
The Druid of Shanara
The Secret of NIMH
The last was the novelization of the film. It was the first book I ever remember hating. It probably wasn't a novel at all, but a picture book. I was a huge fan of the book the movie was based upon (Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH) and of the animated film, but the book based on the film really pissed me off... even in elementary school.
I have to admit, I was a fan of the first Shanara series when I read it, but the second series was god-awful. Probably, if I went back to the first series I'd dislike that too (since I can't remember a damn thing that happened or even one of the characters).
Of course, I've agreed to read one of my girlfriend's romance novels if she reads the book of my choice, so I may have some new winners to add to this list soon enough.
(edited by The Sham on 26.2.03 1612)
"Cram it with walnuts, ugly!"- Mr. Homer Simpson
"Nothing says 'bad ass' like beating up Randy Orton."- Matt Hocking, RAW SATIRE- January 21, 2003
Ten Millionth Hit
From: Ontario, Canada
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|AIM: || ||#4 Posted on 26.2.03 1549.22 |
|Great Expectations. To paraphrase Al Bundy, I'd rather have a proctologist named Dr. Hook., than read anything else by Dickens. If he wasn't paid by the word, he does a great impression of someone who was.|
Find out which Buffy villain you are most like!
From: Loveland, OH
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|AIM: || ||#5 Posted on 26.2.03 1652.47 |
|Tess of the D'urbervilles|
I don't care if I spelled it wrong. I don't believe in hell, but I wish their was one so Thomas Hardy would have to read his boring ass fucking book for all of eternity. The first 50 or so pages describe the countryside, and that's the action-packed part.
Ph-nglui mgwl'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
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|#6 Posted on 26.2.03 1752.13 | Instant Rating: 4.95|
As for SciFi/Fantasy, I hated everything by Piers Anthony and most everthing by Terry Brooks after the first few Sword of Shannarrah. Both of these guys fell into the worst kind of adventure novel cliches. Jordan's Wheel of Time was good, but I got bored and stopped reading by the seventh book. He really should have gotten to the point. |
Couldn't finish "Tale of Two Cities" either. booooring. Or anything like Jane Eyre that we had to read in high school.
But this topic got me thinking about my favorite Sci Fi books as a kid: the Photon adventure novels by David Peters and the "Last Legionary Quartet" by Douglas Hill. Keill Randor kicked some motherfucking ass.
-- Asteroid Boy
"My brother saw the Undertaker walking through an airport." - Rex
"Was he no-selling?" - Me
"...release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?"
-- Homer Simpson
From: Louisville KY
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|#7 Posted on 26.2.03 1838.09 |
|Worst book EVER: the novelization of "Superman IV." Top that!|
Mmmm... Ashley Judd. The perfect woman. 1) Absolutely gorgeous. 2) Loves UK basketball. 3) Was on Star Trek. What more can you ask for?
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|#8 Posted on 26.2.03 2037.11 |
|Okay, Teapot. Although I haven't read it, I'm tempted to order Great American Parade. From the interview linked above:|
From "Below The Beltway"
Me: You have people speaking in paragraphs, using words like "indeed" in casual conversation. After your protagonist, Joan Milton, watches the planes hitting the World Trade Center, she turns away in horror and says to her friends: "What an almost unbelievable tragedy! It will take a great resolve to overcome this terrible blow." My question is, have you ever heard real human beings speak?
Burrows: This is the way I speak. In my circle, I am regarded as a fascinating conversationalist. I have a dinner group that has been meeting for maybe 30 years. I admit that may be a little limiting.
Me: Your only black character, who is named Jesse Jackson Jones, expresses his concurrence by saying, "Right on!"
Check and mate.
Today's Out-Of-Context Quote, Courtesy of Bullitt:
"NOTHING'S funnier than midget porn."
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|#9 Posted on 26.2.03 2142.07 | Instant Rating: 0.00|
|Breakfast of Champions, by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Like a modern Tristram Shandy, the book ceases to be writing and becomes meta-writing about halfway through, and it was barely readable BEFORE that point. |
At his best (Cat's Cradle, Sirens of Titan, especially Mother Night), Vonnegut is quite a writer. At his worst (BoC, Galapagos), he's atrocious.
"...Also, living in NYC, to stop any terrorists from braking into my home I've crammed pickles in the gap between the front door and the floor - try and brake past my juicy green wall of defense." -- commenter on FARK
From: Junction City OR.
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|#10 Posted on 26.2.03 2146.20 |
|Worst book I ever read was Interview With A Vampire. It was boring and I don't understand why the series is so popular. I suffered through it to see if I was missing something. Yes, 6 hours of my life. |
Marge I am just trying to get into heaven not run for Jesus.
From: Houston, TX
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|AIM: || ||#11 Posted on 26.2.03 2150.46 | Instant Rating: 10.00|
|Someone I know read Breakfast of Champions recently and gave me all the info. I was rather turned off when he told me about Vonnegut's description of various penises. I sincerely hope he made that part up.|
Pearl Jam - Live in Little Rock: 104 Days & Counting
From: Manor Farm
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|#12 Posted on 27.2.03 0017.25 |
|Hound of the Baskervilles (Arthur Conan Doyle)|
I was forced to read that in 9th grade. My mother, thinking I was just being a little snot and refusing to read, picked up the copy. She apologized profusely.
Great Expectations, which I also had to read in 9th grade, ranks high on the list as well.
all animals are equal
but some are more equal than others
-- George Orwell
Thirty Millionth Hit
From: The Silver Spring in the Land of Mary.
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|#13 Posted on 27.2.03 0050.52 | Instant Rating: 4.05|
|"How to learn French" translated into French|
I think there are crocs in the sewers. Great big honking ones...
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|#14 Posted on 27.2.03 0154.03 |
|Anything in the Dragonlance series after Summer Flame. I loved the series, but the new writers really fucked up and then they brought in the old writers who sliced and diced most of what the new writers did. In the ned though, the old writers made an even bigger mess. The lead character was a new female warrior who was basically brainwashed by an evil Goddess and becomes all powerful. In the end, you figure the girl would get killed or turn on the God, but no. She still loves that Evil Goddess even though she tried to destroy the world and was stopped by the whinnest character in the book. At the end, I was hoping the world would be destroyed just to end the maddnes, but no. It is sad when Fantasy books have to use Time Travel to set things right. Only Star Trek should have that power. |
The worst literature book, I read was in 12th Grade. I forgot the name of the book it was that bad, but I remember the first two chapters were about the ground. I got the cliff notes right away after that and I was the A student in the class. I pity the bastard who said he had to read a book with tweleve chapters about the setting, I cannot imagine that hell.
A Fan- I enjoy reading the new Star Wars: New Jedi Order however some of it reads like bad fan fiction.
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|AIM: || ||#15 Posted on 27.2.03 0222.02 |
|Almost everything I read in English courses. Why I became an English major I'll never know (actually, I'm more into the writing than the reading...)|
Other than that? I read a GOD AWFUL novelization of NES Classic "Master Blaster" one time. Though, I remember liking the Mega Man, Ninja Guiden and CastleVania ones (there were several others).
As a rule, however, books based off videogames suck (though, I thought the King's Quest ones were pretty good, if generic, fiction).
Terry Brooks has been one of my favorite authors, but I agree that he can put out some really bad stuff (though I actually really enjoyed his adaptation of Phantom Menace).
As for the New Jedi Order stuff. I haven't really read a bad on once, though I hold hold a deep hatred for Timothy Zahn for bringing Mara Jade into the continuum (a discussion for another day, perhaps). I like the fact that they're readily killing characters off and putting them in actual danger, but they might be going a little overboard with it.
(edited by Excalibur05 on 27.2.03 0222)
Satire 2/24 (I promise to learn the new coding by next week)
Buffy 7.15 gets a 8 The Kennedy tweener turn happened out of nowhere, but whatever. Mostly good stuff though.
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|#16 Posted on 27.2.03 0633.09 | Instant Rating: 7.29|
|Again, most of these books revolve around the "bad shit I read in Enlgish class" genre.|
Sula by Toni Morrison: Here are the two things I remember about this: 1) Somebody shoves lard up a baby's ass to get a rock out; and 2) All of the black people in the town drown. Awful book.
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte: Pure crap, and too many Katherines.
Everything You Think You Know About Politics...and Why You're Wrong by Kathleen Hall Jamieson: A book that is so ridiculous that you can't even get her point through the failed premise.
There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism.
- Theodore Roosevelt, Ocotber 12, 1915
From: Louisville, KY
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|AIM: || |
|Y!: ||#17 Posted on 27.2.03 0643.05 |
|Bad is, again, pretty subjective. I find the Harry Potter books to be dreadfully boring. I have tried three of them (My kids have read them all) and haven't made it past a few chapters.|
Books or Authors I have put down without finishing:
Steven King - it was called the Dreamcatchers or something like that. It was my first try at a Steven King - and Lord, was it boring - for me.
Richard North Patterson - I tried one of his books, but I couldn't figure out the story, so I gave up
Ed McBain - too darn dirty - and the plot was boring.
The worst books by good authors might be a good catagory here:
Tom Clancy - only counting his Ryan books - I'd say it's Executive Orders - a little formulaic for me. I read it though.
Twain - Prince and the Pauper - but it's still better than most things not written by Twain.
We'll be back as soon as order is restored.....
|Shem the Penman
From: The Off-Center of the Universe (aka Philadelphia)
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|#18 Posted on 27.2.03 0747.24 |
|Justine by Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade. When I finished, I really wished he was still alive so I could find him and hit him with a brick.|
Close runner-up: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. A big heavy book that might be useful for hammering in tacks, but is otherwise useless.
"next to of course god america i
love you land of the pilgrims' and so forth oh
say can you see by the dawn's early my
country tis of centuries come and go
and are no more what of it we should worry
in every language even deafanddumb
thy sons acclaim your glorious name by gorry
by jingo by gee by gosh by gum
why talk of beauty what could be more beaut-
iful than these heroic happy dead
who rushed like lions to the roaring slaughter
they did not stop to think they died instead
then shall the voice of liberty be mute?"
He spoke. And drank rapidly a glass of water
|Mild Mannered Madman
From: Westminster, CA
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|#19 Posted on 27.2.03 0844.08 |
|Memnoch The Devil by Anne Rice|
-- Once, I was a fan of Rice's LeStat series. This book washed it right out of me.
All Quiet on the Western Front
Was forced to read this book in High School. Sped through it as much as possible so I could spite the teacher and read Johnny Got His Gun instead.
I have a special friend. He's the baby Jesus and I love him and...and...he don't give me no s**t and he don't f**k around and he's just the f**king coolest guy and I wanna say I love the baby Jesus.I can't say enough.I love the baby Jesus and I think...he's the best thing and he's really great when he shares his love for everbody.You know what I mean?I can't even see a manger without thinkin' about him,eh?I just love the Jesus.I've only been into him for a couple of hours though,but I'm really into him.
From: Sioux Falls, SD
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|#20 Posted on 27.2.03 0904.58 |
Originally posted by asteroidboy
Jordan's Wheel of Time was good, but I got bored and stopped reading by the seventh book. He really should have gotten to the point.
You quit just in time. Jordan's Book 8, Path of Daggers, was the most pointless 1000 pages I've ever bothered to read. Book 9 got a little more focused, and now 10 is out, but I'll be damned if I wait another 8 to 10 years for the 3 more it'll take to finish this cursed series.
Back in school, I recall "Giants in the Earth" to be a ponderous read.
"Why Johnny Ringo, you look like someone just walked over your grave."
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