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23.11.14 0625
The W - Pro Wrestling - What if God booked RAW?
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Rudy
Polska kielbasa








Since: 3.1.02

Since last post: 4412 days
Last activity: 4402 days
#1 Posted on
Let's see.

If God booked RAW....

No one would get injured.
Every match would be a five-star match.
"What!" would be replaced with "Hallelujah!".
Sting would come back to TV.
So would Ted DiBiase.
"D Von, here's your push!"
Owen would still be with us.
The whole Hart family would catch a break.
Molly vs Mary in a Virgin vs Virgin match.
Imagine no Bischoff or Russo or Stephanie, and Vince would just announce.
Ratings would be up.
Things would be good.

You don't really believe that, do you?

Nobody could pitch any ideas to him. "Oh, you're going to tell GOD how to do it?"
No one would want to be a heel, because they'd go straight to Hell.
God never wrestled, what does he know about it?
God thinks Bossman is really entertaining. How else do you explain him still being around?
Guess who would win all the "Walk on water" matches?
Instead of "Austin 3:16" all the T Shirts would have real Bible chapters on them.
Instead of Dusty Finishes, we'd get acts of God reversing decisions.
You know he'd make his son the top babyface.
And Jesus jobs for nobody (well, except for doing the big job for our sins, but they have to save that for a PPV)
And even then he'd no-sell the crucifixion. Coming back three days later, who's he think he is, HHH?

Maybe that's not such a hot idea anyway.

Just a little levity to try and brighten the deathwatch mood in here.

later, Rudy

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Big Bad
Scrapple








Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 11 hours
#2 Posted on
You mean Vince isn't God?....oh wait, I meant Satan. Never mind.



I was born in a manger, like that other guy. You know, he wore a hat?
deadbeater
Morcilla








Since: 12.2.02
From: Parts unknown

Since last post: 4402 days
Last activity: 4402 days
#3 Posted on
Is Molly vs Mary two out of three falls, falls count anywhere in the universe?? Yes!! Er...

Seriously, God can be talked to.
And sometimes he lets evil win, if it teaches us a lesson.
And Michael and Gabriel will be a hot tag team.



"Business has just picked up" says JR. Then right on cue, Molly enters the arena! Never was JR any better in introducing someone. --Raw 7/15
A-MOL
Frankfurter








Since: 26.6.02
From: York, England

Since last post: 3904 days
Last activity: 3846 days
#4 Posted on
Spike beats the Big Show by use of a catapult behind the refs back.
WyldeWolf1
Boerewors








Since: 20.6.02
From: Florida

Since last post: 4463 days
Last activity: 4462 days
#5 Posted on
When JR says that Undertaker "chokeslammed him straight to Hell" he'll actually mean it!



WyldeWolf1
The Man of 1,007 holds, making him 3 holds better than Chris Jericho!
OlFuzzyBastard
Knackwurst








Since: 28.4.02
From: Pittsburgh, PA

Since last post: 27 days
Last activity: 1 day
AIM:  
#6 Posted on
Of course, there's really isn't much of a chance of God booking RAW. He retired to write some more novels and spend time with his kids.



"The only difference between lilies and turds are those humankind have agreed upon, and I don't always agree."
---George Carlin

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music."
---Anon.
Mr. AF
Medisterpoelse








Since: 16.7.02

Since last post: 4511 days
Last activity: 4457 days
#7 Posted on

God DID indeed wrestle. You wanna talk workrate the match went several hours, and Jacob wrestled with a dislocated thigh...take that Benoit.

Gen 32:24 And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.

25 And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.

26 And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.

27 And he said unto him, What [is] thy name? And he said, Jacob.

28 And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.

29 And Jacob asked [him], and said, Tell [me], I pray thee, thy name. And he said, Wherefore [is] it [that] thou dost ask after my name? And he blessed him there.

Gen 32:30 And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.
A-MOL
Frankfurter








Since: 26.6.02
From: York, England

Since last post: 3904 days
Last activity: 3846 days
#8 Posted on
Is that a face turn and a gimmick change? Man, I'm getting onto some tape dealers to look for that one.

I'm off to read the Wrestling Jesus AAT's.
TheBucsFan
TheChiefsFan








Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 103 days
Last activity: 103 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.42
Please. He couldn't even wrestle a week without applying a resthold.



Mean Gene: "You know, I don't think it's a question - Goldberg, I don't think it's a question of who's next, I think it's a question of who's left?"
Goldberg: "No, see, that's where you're wrong. It ain't who's left, it's - WHO'S NEXT?"

"Just how hardcore am I? Well this morning, I drank milk that was two days past the expiration!"
-Norman Smiley

"She is one of them! She's CANADIAN!"
-Stevie Ray
Divakind
Mettwurst








Since: 19.2.02
From: Charleston, WV

Since last post: 2526 days
Last activity: 2465 days
#10 Posted on
Long as we don't see any "loaves and fishes on a pole" matches, works for me!





"My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time
To make the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime"
---W.S. Gilbert "The Mikado"
DirkLurker
Cotechino








Since: 2.1.02
From: Syracuse, NY

Since last post: 4498 days
Last activity: 4415 days
#11 Posted on
Wasn't Mary a prostitute? I don't know much about religion but I think I heard that before.

If she is, you'd have to find a replacement for her in that "virgin vs. virgin" match

Dirk
deadbeater
Morcilla








Since: 12.2.02
From: Parts unknown

Since last post: 4402 days
Last activity: 4402 days
#12 Posted on
That was Mary Magdeline who was the prostitute.



"Business has just picked up" says JR. Then right on cue, Molly enters the arena! Never was JR any better in introducing someone. --Raw 7/15
Fantomas
Polska kielbasa








Since: 23.2.02
From: New York

Since last post: 4424 days
Last activity: 3020 days
#13 Posted on
Lessee... Raw GM: Satan
Smackdown GM: God

I say Raw is evil because it's live and 'anything can happen'.

The undisputed champ would be Samson? Or Achilles? Am I mixing up Bible stories and Greek myths?

Jesus would be the top draw, obviously! And I guess the anti-christ would be the top heel. The sets for the shows would kick ass!



(edited by Fantomas on 17.7.02 2145)
drjayphd
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 22.4.02
From: Long Island

Since last post: 17 days
Last activity: 14 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#14 Posted on

    Originally posted by Fantomas
    Lessee... Raw GM: Satan
    Smackdown GM: God

    I say Raw is evil because it's live and 'anything can happen'.

    The undisputed champ would be Samson? Or Achilles? Am I mixing up Bible stories and Greek myths?

    Jesus would be the top draw, obviously! And I guess the anti-christ would be the top heel. The sets for the shows would kick ass!



    (edited by Fantomas on 17.7.02 2145)



Samson = Bible
Achilles = Greek (specifically, the Iliad)
LordOfTheSmarks
Chipolata








Since: 18.3.02
From: THE ohio state university

Since last post: 4511 days
Last activity: 4404 days
#15 Posted on

Persephone would be the steffie of it all. Yeah, Greek mythology is rearing its ugly head, but Hades is a god, if not with a big G.

If we're going straight from the Bible, then Azrael would be God's version of the Stooges.



"somewhere down in suburbia it ain't right"
Fuzzy Logic
Summer sausage








Since: 31.3.02
From: Happy Valley - Goose Bay, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada

Since last post: 3248 days
Last activity: 2972 days
ICQ:  
#16 Posted on
At some point, one of the most offensive match ever would take place... that being, the Jesus on a Pole match.

Oh, and of course there'd be the "Forbidden Fruit on a Pole" match, but that'd be boring.
dMp
Banger








Since: 4.1.02
From: The Hague, Netherlands (Europe)

Since last post: 8 days
Last activity: 2 hours
#17 Posted on

    Originally posted by Fuzzy Logic
    At some point, one of the most offensive match ever would take place... that being, the Jesus on a Pole match.

    Oh, and of course there'd be the "Forbidden Fruit on a Pole" match, but that'd be boring.



JR: "My GAWD! That Jezebel! SHe made..she made Adam EAT the apple?! That harlot!"
Lawler: "She is wearing only a leaf, JR! WOOHOO...Divine puppiesss!!!"
And lightning struck him down.

Jesus would probably be a heel in this time and age, as he wuold stand in the ring and look at the crowd and go "You have all sinned but I forgive you, I will still be your Champion"
Hmm..sounds like a Kurt Angle gimmick.

And John the Baptist actually sounds like a gimmick from the WWF in the early 90s.

And ugh..think of the hardcore match they could book: The Christians vs The Lions.



"...And I use that to fuck them some place fairly uncomfortable."
"What, like the back of a volkswagen ?"
-Mallrats
deadbeater
Morcilla








Since: 12.2.02
From: Parts unknown

Since last post: 4402 days
Last activity: 4402 days
#18 Posted on
Someone turns around at the wrong time and gets covered in salt for it.

Mick Foley gets completely healed and demands a Hell in a Cell rematch against Undertaker.




"Business has just picked up" says JR. Then right on cue, Molly enters the arena! Never was JR any better in introducing someone. --Raw 7/15
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Another good bet is Honor Invades Boston...three 4 star plus matches on the same card, and some lucha spotfests in the beginning (if thats your thing). American Dragon vs. Donovan Morgan is an EXCELLENT technical wrestling match (minus the cop-out ending)...
- Venom, ROH Suggestions (2003)
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